4. Bridget

FOUR

Bridget

Stepping inside my mom's house is beyond strange, a swirling mixture of nostalgia and anxiety. I know I'm here because she isn't doing well; there's no escaping that.

And still, the place smells like home, flooding me with memories of simpler times.

Worse, as I look around at the subtle—and not-so-subtle—changes to the place, I know I've missed things.

New curtains dress the windows, a fresh coat of paint covers the walls in the hall by the door, and an array of photos have been added to my mother's collection near the stairs.

I can see Hudson with his wife and son, and my chest pinches at all the family events I clearly missed.

Goddamn it. This was a terrible idea.

Guilt flares, and I try to tell myself what I always do—that I video-chatted as much as I could. That I sent cards when possible and answered texts.

But I know it wasn't enough.

My mother and Hudson would always hit me with the same questions.

"Are you okay?" "What happened with Jai?" "Are you safe?" "Can you please come home?"

It was too much, and avoiding them was easier than explaining to my family why I didn't want to talk.

I couldn't tell them why I hadn't come back, why I ran, or why I'm still running. Because then…they'd know.

They'd know that I'm a failure and a coward. They'd know that I'm not safe and that my being here put them at risk.

Jai still has friends and family who live here or visit regularly. Red Lodge is the last place I should be.

But Mom is sick. So I came.

Still, I can't stop my mind from churning as I take my bag to my old room. The place has been redecorated a bit, but the pictures and trophies from teenage years still litter the walls and shelves.

My legs and ass ache from the drive as I hoist the suitcase up onto the bed, and it occurs to me that the car accident may have done a bit more damage than I realized.

Whiplash, thy name is Bridget.

I kick off my shoes and leave them at the foot of my old bed, padding around in my socks as I unpack the few things I'll need for the evening.

Tension prickles down my spine, however, and I hear that nagging voice in the back of my head.

This is stupid. Someone could tell Jai that you're here. He could come looking for you. Hurt your mom. Hurt Hudson .

My pulse ticks up, and I sit on the edge of the bed, trying to regulate my breathing.

"I always promised to come back one day." I sigh, my eyes stinging. "But this is not what I expected."

Jai told you. He said if you ever ran, he wouldn't stop until he found you. You know he's out there. Hunting you down until he can ? —

"Bridget, come on out for a glass of tea and talk with your mother!"

She calls out from down the hall, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. I can't stay cooped up in the room forever, so with a sigh, I stand up and go to meet her in the kitchen.

Walking into the kitchen, I remember why this was always the center of the house.

Something smells good—wafting through the air from a pot on the stove—and the light from the long wall of windows beams inside.

The house isn't new by any stretch of the imagination, but I love the place. It's so stuffed full of happy memories that my heart aches all the harder to be back inside it.

The ceiling and walls are made from long wood panels, white-washed in a warm white.

The mismatched light fixtures still hang from the ceiling all down the center of the narrow length of the kitchen, one wall holding the back door and a few shelves while the other houses the sink, wood-topped counter, stove, and another bit of floating counter at the very end.

My steps creak on the uneven floorboards, purposefully chosen for their knotted imperfect appearance, and I see my mother sitting at the small round table that's placed in the open space just a few feet away from the stove on the opposite side.

"Hey."

Mom looks up at me, an easy grin smoothing over her features.

"Hey there, honey. Have a seat. I made some iced tea yesterday. I'll get you a glass."

Shaking my head, I try to keep her from getting up. "Mom, you don't have to do that. I'll get it."

"Nonsense. This is my house and my kitchen. I'll be running it until I'm six feet under."

"Mother!" Hudson calls out as he joins me at the table.

"Oh, relax." Mom rolls her eyes, getting the iced tea from the stout old fridge on the other side of the backdoor. "Just a bit of gallows humor."

I know there's no fighting her on it, so I just sigh as she reaches inside for a large glass pitcher and hauls it to the counter behind her.

Narrow kitchens aren't usually a blessing, but right now, I'm glad that she doesn't have to lug the thing far.

As I watch her pour the tea, my eyes roam over the counter and ledges in front of the window above the sink.

They're still covered in potted plants, the pots themselves completely different from one another in varying rustic patterns and warm terracotta colors.

The farmhouse sink with its small dark bronze faucet is speckled with water like Mom just rinsed it out, and Mom has sourdough batter resting on the counter nearby to rise.

God, it's like I never left.

My eyes burn as I hold back the tears, raking my stare over every nook and cranny.

From the classic metal stool tucked under the counter at the far end of the room to the dark specs and marks in the wood floor, from the thick shelves mounted to the wall above the stove that hold all my mom's crockery and jars of spices to the plants growing everywhere bringing in life and color, I admire it all.

"Here you go, sweetheart. Now," my mom sits down between Hudson and me, the radiator whining in the corner, "would you please tell your poor sick mother what's been keeping you away for so long?"

My shoulders slump. I knew this was coming, of course, but now that I'm here, telling my family the dirty details of my failed relationship with Jai is just as daunting as it ever was.

Sighing, I take a sip of the tea before I start. They both eye me, and I have to assume they know this has something to do with my ex.

I can't tell them everything. They'll freak out. Mom's illness needs to be the focus.

"Well," I set the glass down, buying myself another few seconds, "the LA thing didn't work out. I wanted to try singing, but…yeah. Things with Jai got…complicated. Needless to say, it didn't work out. But I tried for a long time to make it happen. I'm…I'm sorry for being gone for so long."

Mom reaches out and takes my hand, patting it gently. "Oh, honey. What happened?"

I shake my head. "He just wasn't the man I thought he was. It was better for us to be done."

Hudson clears his throat, and I glance over at him as he raises his brows at me. "If it didn't work, you could have come back. There's always a place here for you."

I hang my head. I know he's right, but I couldn't come home. Jai is…bringing him into their lives is a terrible idea.

The only reason I'm here now is because of Mom's illness. Still, I know I can't tell them about all that. Keeping them in the dark is the right thing to do.

"I know. I do. I just…I wanted to figure out who I am, what I wanted. I decided to travel around, see the sights, see if I could get to every state I could. It was okay. I worked odd jobs, I traveled to so many interesting places, and I've seen more of this country than most of the people who live here."

"Well," Mom says, squeezing my hand as she locks eyes with me, "I'm glad you're here now. And you're staying put for a while. Understood? I won't have you up and leaving again now that you're back home."

I smile, but it's weak. "Okay, Mom. Whatever you say."

But nausea burns in my gut, and my pulse kicks up again. Staying here longer than a few days is a risk. I thought two weeks was bad, but if Mom wants me around for good…

That's too risky.

Part of me wants to say that it's been three years, so there's no way Jai is still looking for me. But I just can't believe that.

He's been relentless, and somehow, I can always feel his eyes on me—watching.

I can see the other questions burning across my mother and brother's features, but I'm done with this conversation.

"So, Hudson managed to land me a job already. I'll be around at least for that."

My mom sits up straighter in her chair, eyeing Hudson as she cocks her head. "Oh, did you now?"

Unable to stop the grin, I laugh lightly as Mom glares over at Hudson. Her familiar blue eyes lock onto his, and she tucks one of her graying curls behind her ear.

Hudson narrows his eyes at both of us, smiling even as the corners of his mouth turn down.

"It's with Mason. He needs a nanny, and Bridget is great with kids."

Just like that Mom perks up, smiling over at me. "Oh, well, that's excellent then."

"Oh sure," I grumble, still a bit on edge about how I'm supposed to work for the guy. "But yeah, I'm grateful. There are still bills and stuff to pay for, so now I actually have a way of doing that. So, thank you, Hudson."

He waves me off. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm surprised you didn't jump more at the chance. I mean, it's Mason. Working for him will be way better than doing it for some stranger. He's practically family."

That insufferable pound of my heart flares, and I have to take another drink of the tea to settle my nerves. Mom looks over at me questioningly, but I just smile and yawn, pretending like I'm just tired.

"I'm a bit distracted, is all. It's been a long drive to get here, and my brain is still spinning, thanks to the fender-bender."

"Fender-bender?" Mom's brows pinch together as she looks over at me.

"Yes. But it's nothing. I just got rear-ended by a drunk. I'm fine. The car is toast, but with the job, I'll actually be able to fix it or get a new one."

Mom slaps a hand down on the table. "It was that damn Boone, wasn't it. He's such a menace."

Hudson and I laugh, confirming her suspicion.

"But what about you, bro? How's the family?"

With a smile, Hudson leans back in his chair, taking my tea and having a sip.

"They're good. I can't wait for you to meet Meredith and Juniper."

"Me too," I reply, smiling genuinely this time. "When can I see them?"

He puts his hand to his chin, brushing over his stubble. "Hmm, what about next weekend? You'll have time to get settled tonight and start working for Mason during the week."

I nod. "Sounds like a plan. I've been wanting to see that trouble-maker in person for a while."

Mom and Hudson laugh, both knowing Juniper's reputation for being a little shit. I love watching him on the video calls terrorizing the house.

"Ha! Well good. Maybe you can take him off our hands for an evening. I'm not sure what it's like to have a date night with my wife anymore."

We all chuckle, but there's a thread of pain that zings behind it. Mom watched Juniper for the longest time, but she hasn't been able to recently.

I know that kills her, and Hudson probably really does need a break.

Before I can say anything, though, Hudson stands up from the table and leans over to give me a hug.

"I'm glad you're finally back home, B. We all missed you."

My eyes glass over with tears again, and it's a terrible mixture of relief and terror and nostalgia and heartache.

"Me too," I whisper, hugging Hudson just a hair longer than usual.

I know he can sense it, but Hudson doesn't pull away. He lets me have this thing I need so damn much, and again, I'm grateful to have him as my brother.

When we finally separate, Hudson kisses Mom goodbye, and he takes off for his house. I sit with Mom at the table, talking about dumb local news for a while before she gets tired.

"Go get some rest, Mom. I'm not going anywhere."

She smiles at that. "Damn skippy."

And then she's off down the short hallway to her bedroom. I can see how much slower she's moving, the obvious pain she's in, and my heart breaks all over again.

Sighing, I lay my head down on the table, unwilling to get up and go to my room just yet. I'm so happy to see them again, but it's all tarnished with the fear I have over being here.

Jai took me away from my family. At first, I wanted it. I wanted to be in LA, pursuing my singing career.

But he never let me visit them. I rarely called or answered the phone when they did, and he was constantly checking my texts and telling me what to say.

I was a stranger in my own life, and even after getting away from him, I haven't been able to settle into any one place for long.

It's been like traveling the world as a ghost, and I longed to be back with my family every step of the way.

They matter more to me than anything else, and every moment I was gone killed me just a little more.

Now that I'm back, I want those parts of me to come alive again. But Jai is still out there, and there is no telling when he might show up.

Please. Please don't show up. Let this be done. Let me have my life again.

After another moment, I haul myself up from the table, deciding that it's an excellent time to take a shower and get to bed.

I apparently have a job waiting for me on Monday—with the man I should have chosen five years ago.