21. Ayla

21

AYLA

I smile as I peer into Piper’s room, watching her little chest rise and fall in peaceful slumber. The house is quiet, save for the soft snoring of Kip and Clay down the hall. Teller is nowhere to be seen…usual.

I head back to the guest room, changing into my pajamas, just as my phone buzzes. Frowning, I pull it out and glance at the screen. Lila. My sister’s name glows in the darkness.

Don’t answer. I don’t want to. But I can’t ignore her forever.

With a sigh, I swipe to answer the call and lift the phone to my ear. “Hey, Lila.”

There’s a beat of silence on the other end, as if she’s surprised I actually picked up. “Ayla. I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”

I sit down on the bed. “Well, I did. What’s up?”

Lila clears her throat, and I can practically feel her choosing her words carefully. “I just...wanted to check in. See how you’re doing.”

I snort softly. “Since when do you care about that?”

“I’m your sister, Ayla. Of course, I care.” Her voice is tight with tension.

I close my eyes, fighting the urge to snap back at her. If she cared at all about me, she wouldn’t have slept with my boyfriend. “Right. Well, I’m fine. Just busy with work and stuff.”

“Well Mom’s engaged to Kyle.”

I take a deep breath and settle into my bed, Shadow curling up at my feet. The baby monitor sits silent on the nightstand.

How could Mom be so blind? So desperate for love that she’d willingly tie herself to a man like that?

“She’s an idiot for marrying that monster.” My hands clench into fists at my side.

“Ayla, how can you say that?” Lila’s voice cracks through the speaker, disbelief coloring her tone. “Mom loves Kyle. She wouldn’t stay with him if she didn’t.”

I grip the phone tighter, my knuckles turning white. “Love? You think that’s love?” The words taste bitter on my tongue. “He’s manipulating her, Lila. Just like he always has.”

“You don’t know that.” Lila’s defensive response only fuels my frustration. “He’s changed. Things are different now.”

A humorless laugh escapes me. “People like Kyle don’t change. He’s a monster, and he’s got Mom wrapped around his finger.”

The silence that follows is heavy, broken only by the sound of Lila’s breath on the other end of the line. I can practically feel the tension crackling between us, the weight of unspoken words and buried resentments threatening to crush me.

“What about you?” Lila asks finally, her voice taking on a sharp edge. “Where have you been, Ayla? You can’t just disappear and then act like you have the right to judge Mom’s choices.”

I flinch, the accusation hitting home. She’s right, of course. I did disappear. I ran away from the toxicity, the abuse, the suffocating darkness that had become my life. But I never meant to abandon my family, not really.

“I’m working,” I say, the words feeling inadequate even as they leave my mouth. “I’m a live-in nanny for three men.”

The moment the words are out, I regret them. I can almost hear Lila’s jaw dropping, the gears turning in her head as she tries to process this new information.

“Three men?” she repeats, her voice rising in pitch. “Ayla, what the hell are you thinking? Do you have any idea how that looks?”

I bristle at the implication, my defenses slamming into place. “It’s not like that,” I snap, my words coming out harsher than I intend. “They’re good people, Lila. They’re giving me a chance to start over, to build a life for myself. I don’t expect you to understand,” I say finally, my voice softening. “But this is my life, Lila. My choice. And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”

The words hang in the air between us, a fragile bridge spanning the chasm of our fractured relationship. I hold my breath, waiting for Lila’s response, wondering if this will be the moment that finally breaks us beyond repair.

“You’re throwing your life away, Ayla and for what?” Lila’s voice rises, her words sharp and biting. “You talk about mom being blind and looks at what you’re doing? Living with three men, playing house like some kind of-”

“Don’t.” I cut her off, my voice low and dangerous. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”

Anger surges through me, hot and fierce, burning away the last vestiges of my patience. I grip the phone tighter, my knuckles turning white with the force of my emotions.

“You have no right to judge me,” I hiss, my words laced with venom. “You have no idea what I’ve been through. You left and you have no idea what I’ve had to do to survive.”

I think of the countless nights spent huddled in the corner of my room, listening to the sounds of my mother’s cries and begging for Kyle to calm down, Kyle screaming at her, calling her useless and worthless. I think of the suffocating weight of expectation, the constant pressure to be perfect, to never make a mistake.

“I won’t go back to that,” I say, my voice trembling with the force of my conviction. “I can’t. I won’t let myself be trapped in that toxic cycle again.”

“You’re unbelievable,” Lila spits out, her voice dripping with disdain. “Whoring yourself out to three men for money? That’s worse than anything Mom has ever done.”

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of me. I grip the phone tighter, my knuckles turning white. “I told you it wasn’t like that,” I hiss through gritted teeth, my anger rising to match hers. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” Lila scoffs. “I know exactly what kind of person you are, Ayla. You play the victim. Always running away from your problems, always taking the easy way out.”

“Easy?” I let out a harsh laugh, the sound grating against my own ears. “You think any of this has been easy for me? Leaving home, trying to start a new life on my own?”

“Oh, spare me the sob story,” Lila snaps. “You abandoned us, Ayla. You left Mom and me to deal with the fallout while you went off to playhouse with a bunch of strangers.”

Her words strike a nerve, and I feel my temper flare. “I didn’t abandon anyone,” I snarl, my voice shaking with barely controlled rage. “And you’re one to talk about abandoning family, or should we bring up Tyler?”

The words hang heavy between us, a truth I’ve been running from for too long. I think back to all the times I sacrificed my own happiness, my own dreams, for the sake of others. I put up with the broken promises, with my belongings being stolen for the next quick hit. From Lila, from our mother, from a family that never quite felt like home.

“And what about Tyler?” Lila asks suddenly, her voice barely above a whisper.

I freeze, my heart skipping a beat at the mention of his name. Tyler. My first love, my biggest regret. The boy who promised me forever, only to find comfort in my sister’s arms…who’d used me just to get to my sister and she’d welcomed him so easily.

“You slept with the boy I loved.”

“It was a mistake,” Lila insists, but I can hear the guilt in her voice. “We were both hurting, Ayla. We both needed someone.”

“And it just had to be him?” I scoff, shaking my head in disbelief. “Do you have any idea how much that hurt me, Lila? How much it still hurts?”

Silence stretches between us, heavy with the weight of unspoken apologies and unresolved pain. I close my eyes, feeling the sting of tears threatening to fall.

“I’m sorry,” Lila says finally, her voice barely audible over the static of the phone line. “I never meant to hurt you, Ayla. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

But it did happen, I think bitterly. And no amount of apologies can change that now.

“I know,” I say instead, my voice thin and strained. “But it doesn’t change anything, Lila. It doesn’t change the fact that the damage is done…”

I hear her inhale sharply, as if my words have physically struck her. “Ayla, please,” she begs, her voice cracking with emotion. “Can’t we find a way to move past this? Can’t we try to be sisters again?”

I laugh humorlessly, the sound harsh and grating in the silence of the room. “Sisters?” I repeat, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “How can we be sisters when you judge me for every decision I make because you don’t have the capability to look in the mirror at yourself.”

The words pour out of me in a torrent of anger and hurt, each one a dagger aimed at the heart of our fractured relationship. I can feel the hot tears streaming down my face, but I make no move to wipe them away.

“Ayla, please,” Lila pleads, her voice thick with tears of her own. “I know I’ve made mistakes, and maybe you’re right…”

“It’s too late,” I whisper, my voice trembling with the force of my emotions. “You can’t just waltz back into my life and expect everything to be okay. You can’t erase the past with a few pretty words and empty promises.”

I take a shuddering breath, feeling the weight of years of unspoken pain and resentment pressing down on my chest. “I can’t do this anymore, Lila,” I say finally, my voice barely audible over the pounding of my own heart.

With a sudden burst of anger, I pull the phone away from my ear and press the “end call” button, watching as Lila’s name disappears from the screen. I sit there in silence, my chest heaving with the force of my sobs, as the loneliness of the room wraps around me like a suffocating blanket.

I know I should feel relieved, having finally expressed the feelings I’ve kept bottled up for so long. But all I feel is a deep, aching hurt, the kind that comes from realizing that the person you once trusted most in the world has become a stranger.

Shadow whines softly beside me, sensing my distress, and I reach out to bury my fingers in his soft fur. “It’s just you and me now, buddy,” I whisper, my voice hoarse and raw. “Just you and me against the world.”