Chapter 15Emir

Chapter 15 Emir

I stifled a groan because my willpower was hanging by a hair. But if I admitted that to her, I’d lose my only advantage. I had to at least pretend I was under control, until I could get out of here and give my junk an ice bath or something. But I couldn’t leave, not while her fingers were working their magic on my head, chasing away the pain. I needed Janie. Even if I managed to keep my hands off her, I was already in for a world of hurt. I didn’t want to leave this house. I didn’t want to be away from her.

“I think I have to go back,” she finally said, stroking my hair to smooth the tangles she’d created. “I’m happy to massage you again later. As much as you want.”

“Except when you’re out with that guy.” My voice took on a dark tone that betrayed me. “But that’s okay.”

“Okay.” Her voice sounded strained as she stepped away to check her makeup at the bathroom mirror, then left the room.

I followed a few steps behind, watching from the living room doorway as she directed the beardy and blondie and did another take. I stared in awe as she pulled back her shoulders, faced the lens and delivered her passionate, heartfelt piece to the camera. Janie was a professional. My admiration for her grew every moment I spent in her house, but it wasn’t her skill and charisma that drew me closer. It was the vulnerability. Right now, she was essentially faking it for the camera, her entire being brimming with friendly confidence. But I’d seen behind the curtain, and I found the real Janie even more fascinating.

What were the chances I’d find someone like her back home? Someone so captivating, yet local and thus acceptable to my family. I’d sworn to myself I’d stay away from actresses, but how could I? There was a reason I’d been drawn to one in the first place—the deep admiration, even jealousy I felt when I watched someone like Janie. She was so connected. So attuned. She sensed my pain and immediately put her hands on it, easing the tightness that gripped my whole being.

I’d never be like that, but she’d looked at me like she was riveted by my very being. Was it real? She was experiencing major upheaval and feeling down on herself. She wanted to feel seen and loved. Didn’t we all? And I was conveniently in her house and attracted to her. I couldn’t hide it. But what if something deeper was growing between us? Something I couldn’t control.

Taking a step back, I could usually analyze anything—reduce the reality into cause and effect, predictable chess moves. This time, I could see the unavoidable hurt down the line, but the details remained hazy. I couldn’t tell how this would play out. I couldn’t even tell how I was going to behave. Would my willpower hold?

Janie ran her lines one more time, and we all watched the playback of the final take. I edged closer, pulled in by the radiant image on the screen. I wasn’t a big fan of the white backdrop, but at least the lighting now worked. Her skin looked peachy, and her eyes sparkled.

“Looks great!” The blond guy enthused, earning a glare from his bearded mentor.

“Thank you so much, Gus. If you could send me the footage sometime this week, that’d be amazing.” Janie smiled at him.

Gus smiled back, his gaze roaming her chest, and my hands flexed from an overwhelming desire to escort him out of the house. “I can stay back and upload them now if you want? It’ll take a while, but—”

Janie cast him an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry but I need to wrap up right now. I have a date tonight and I need to get ready.”

“A date?” Gus glanced at me.

“Not with me. I’m just here to fix the fencing,” I grumbled.

He relaxed a little. “Well, okay. We’ll call it a day. How about those aerial shots in Esk Valley you talked about? Let me know what time suits.”

Janie blushed, glancing at me. “Thank you. Emir offered to do those shots for me, so I won’t need more of your time at this stage. You’ve been very helpful, though.”

Something on Gus’s face shifted in a way that alerted my body to danger. He kept a smile on his face, tilting his head at Janie. “I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with relinquishing creative control in the middle of a shoot like this. I was under the impression that I’d get to shoot and edit the entire piece, as well as add it to my showreel.”

Janie rubbed her forehead, eyes flashing with desperation. “We would credit you for the camera work, obviously. But there’s very little editing. I can take care of that.”

Gus folded his arms, lips pursed. “Fine. But I must put my foot down with the filming, Janie. Either you want to work with me, or you don’t. Do I need to remind you of everything I bring to the table, free of charge?” He nodded at the impressive pile of gear his assistant was currently packing away. “Don’t you think some high-quality drone shots would be useful for showing the devastation of the floods?”

The knot in my stomach wound tighter. I didn’t have this kind of filming gear. All I had was my trusted camera. I’d do anything for Janie, but I couldn’t turn into a drone.

“He’s right,” I said through gritted teeth. “If you want aerial shots like that, you’ll need his help. I have a decent camera but no drone.”

Gus straightened his back, vindicated. What a dick. The guy was so into his gear he’d probably upgraded his actual dick with some sort of high-tech equipment.

Janie’s voice rose. “Okay, then. If it’s not too much trouble. I’ll call you about the time.”

“I can do tomorrow,” he informed us. “It’s easier on the weekend.”

She walked the men to the door, and we watched them load up their banged-up Hyundai with the camera gear. The younger guy waved us goodbye before hopping onto the passenger side.

“I don’t like this,” I blurted as their car disappeared.

Janie didn’t miss a beat, her eyes boring into mine. “You suggested it.”

“Well, if you want free drone footage…”

She shrugged. “We need something to show the devastation. Aerial shots might not even be the best choice. Maybe what we need is to zero in on one of the collapsed houses, bring the subject closer and more personal.”

I stared at her mouth, holding my breath. I could hear the hurt behind her words. I hadn’t fought to take over her project and replace those guys. I hadn’t done what I’d promised, and I wanted to kick myself. Why hadn’t I told the guy I had a drone and told him to leave? There was something fishy about him and I wanted him out of Janie’s life, for good.

“Call him and cancel,” I told her. “I’ll do those shots. I’m sorry. I thought you wanted the drone shots. I didn’t want to mess up your plans.”

She crossed her arms across her chest and pinned me with a look I couldn’t interpret. “Maybe it’s best you stay away. That way, nobody gets hurt. I can’t offer you any guarantees. I like you, Emir. I’d risk my heart for you. I’d take the hurt. But if you don’t want to risk it, don’t. Stay away and let me live my life.” She glanced at the door. “I need to get ready for my date.”

Her eyes flashing with fury, she traipsed back into the house, leaving the front door open. My arms flung out to catch her, too late. She was right. I was a coward. I wasn’t protecting her. I was protecting myself. My chest aching, I returned inside and retreated to the guest room, throwing myself on the bed.

I must have left the doors open since Gru followed me, jumping on the bed. He curled next to me, burrowing under the blanket, and I stroked his scraggly fur, grateful for the company.

“Gru, listen. You’re Janie’s dog. You should be with her,” I finally told him, patting him on the back.

The dog seemed to understand me since he jumped off the bed and zoomed away. I wished I could have sent a message with him. I just wasn’t sure what to say. Apologize? Ask her to cancel the date? Now that I thought about it, the date bothered me even more than the useless film crew. But I couldn’t ask her to cancel. What could I give her in return? A few short days of passion, followed by a grueling breakup? Because breaking up with Janie would be too painful. Being ten thousand miles away from her would be even worse.

I rubbed my forehead, groaning from pain. Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn’t I be like my brother, throwing myself headfirst into whatever took my fancy. Cem went all in, ignoring red flags, disregarding consequences. And somehow, things worked out for him.

I’d always been the dependable, sensible one. I thought before I acted. Where had my approach taken me? I was currently without steady income, an overqualified, 35-year-old farmhand trying to keep my hands off my beautiful hostess.

Who was off to date another guy.

Fuck.

Outside, the afternoon light had turned warm and low—a sign of evening approaching. Janie would be out the door and away all evening. How could I keep sane, waiting for her to return? What if the date went well and she ended up staying with him? Did she sleep with guys on the first date? She’d kissed me back without reservations, melting into my every move, as far as I was willing to take her. I imagined laying her down on the bed. How would she have reacted? It wasn’t like we could have done anything, with her film crew out there, waiting. But it didn’t stop me from imagining it.

There was nothing coy about Janie. She’d told me what she wanted, plain and simple. She was willing to risk it.

I’d made my choice and I’d given her my answer.

Why couldn’t I stop obsessing over this?

Desperate for distraction, I got up, threw on a jacket and headed out the side door to the deck. I spent some time fixing the awning which had partially collapsed. I was waiting on a shipment of materials for fixing the deck and the rest of the fencing. On my way, I noted that Janie’s car was still parked in front. She hadn’t left yet. I walked down the driveway towards the stables. On the way, I checked on the chickens, pocketing two eggs I found. The veggie garden behind the chicken coop looked dry, so I watered it. I’d already learned Janie’s daily schedule—when she fed the pigs, chickens and the horse, and the haphazard way she tended to her garden. The local climate seemed to help her out with daily bursts of rain, so most of the plants thrived regardless.

I walked around and pulled some weeds and searched online for a way to get rid of the white butterflies eating her kale.

Finally, I made it to the stables. I examined Molly’s eye, which looked a lot better, and gave her the drops. She barely reacted this time, already used to my presence. The late afternoon sun was still warm and gorgeous, so I let her out.

I was watching her gallop up the hill when I heard the engine. Janie’s car. She was leaving for her date. Everything in me tightened at the thought, and the headache returned like an internal hammer pounding my skull. What if they hit it off? Most people didn’t get that far on the first date, but Janie would. She was in a vulnerable place, and brave enough to bypass the usual pretense. She’d done it with me. What if she turned to this other guy and confided in him? What if she fell in love with him? I would lose my chance with her if I ever had one.

I’d made all my decisions carefully, to avoid pain. But right now, my whole body ached. I rubbed my temples, trying to relax my shoulders, but it seemed to do nothing. What if this pain was even worse? What if Janie’s new man wanted me out of the house and I’d lose her massages as well? I couldn’t help the niggling realization that time was running out. There was an offer on the table, and it was about to expire.

I rushed towards the driveway, waving my arms to get her attention, but her Lexus sped past me, leaving me in a cloud of dust. Had she not noticed me, or deliberately ignored my signal?