Chapter 14 Janie

I hadn’t felt such a surge of nerves since my first time on live TV. My heart pounded in my ears and face burned like I was peering into a hot oven, trying to see if the scones had risen or utterly failed. The moment of truth.

His brown eyes narrowed at me, then flicked to the side as if searching for an answer and came up empty, desperate. Bested.

He lifted my chin and held my gaze for one intense moment before his mouth claimed mine. I’d never been kissed like that, plucked like a flower, admired, and then devoured. As his tongue swept in to meet mine, my knees wobbled, wet heat surged between my thighs and a multi-syllable gasp erupted from my mouth into his. This was better than anything I’d imagined. Like blowing a lid off a pressurized bottle, watching the contents spill out. I was equally scared and desperate to find out what it held inside.

Emir’s hand rested on my waist, flattening me against the wall. It felt hot and hard, like every part of him. I knew he was holding back. I could see it in his eyes as he pulled away, studying my face, before he trailed his mouth across my cheek, his stubble teasing the tiny nerve endings on my skin.

“Janie.” His rough whisper landed in the crook of my neck, then his mouth landed on my skin. I rested my head against the wall, offering myself to him like I was feeding a vampire. I wanted to offer him everything.

The sheer force of the kiss tensed every muscle in my body. His hands slipped on my lower back, pulling our hips together, confirming what I’d suspected. Those dress pants were hiding serious weaponry. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I feared he would jump. So, I slid my hands down his backside, tracing his buttocks. Tight as a drum. Just like every other part of him. Hard and demanding.

With each passing second, my excitement built, yet I became more aware of the situation. This wasn’t our moment. I couldn’t stay here. I had a film crew in my living room and a piece to camera I had to record.

“Emir.”

He pulled back, his stubble grazing the skin on my neck, and looked at me with dazed, glossy eyes. “I apologize.”

“Don’t you dare.” I took his face in my hands and placed one more kiss on his lips. Slow, soft and savoring. “I needed that. But I have to deal with the camera guys. I have to redo my lines. I’m not done with you, though.”

His brow knitted and he stepped backwards, running his hands through his hair. “I never should have…”

I gave him an apologetic smile. “I know, but the way you kiss, Emir. I’m going to need more.”

He shook his head, eyes dark and troubled. “If you want to date that other guy, you need to stay away from me. I mean it.” His front teeth clamped over his bottom lip, and he hissed a breath.

“Why?” I raised an eyebrow, risking a subtle smile. “You jealous?”

He launched at me, again trapping me against the wall. His mouth stopped a breath away from mine and his low growl caressed my lips. “Yes, Janie. Very jealous. I can’t stand the idea. But you shouldn’t let that stop you.” I winced as his fingers tightened around my arms. I would never stop him. No part of me contained a shred of will to push him away. I only wanted to see how far I could take him. If I could make him give up the fight.

“Right now, I can’t even remember his name.” Sliding my arm between us, I brushed my thumb across the corner of his mouth, hoping he’d smile back, even a little. “I’m having an acute memory lapse. It has something to do with your mouth.”

His lips tugged a little and I felt it in my belly. What was that odd connection? Why was it so satisfying to tease tiny smiles out of this man? I’d happily cancel the date and spend all evening chasing one smile, or even a smirk. But from the resolute darkness that fell over his gaze, I knew that option wasn’t on the table.

He stepped back, adjusting the crotch of his pants. “I apologize. I won’t touch you again. I don’t want to complicate your life. If you want to date this other man, date him. Go, Janie.”

What was the other guy’s name? Lester? Link?

“I’d rather date you,” I said boldly.

He looked at me with regret. “It’s not a good idea.”

His hands twitched, and for a moment, I thought he might touch me again, but he folded his arms tightly. Securely. Moments ago, I’d felt his desire, and I didn’t doubt it. He wanted me, but his mind had overruled his body, again.

“Maybe we don’t have much of a future, but we’re both single, right?”

He nodded.

“And I don’t know about you, but I’m lonely.”

He nodded again.

“So, I don’t see why we couldn’t be right for each other, right now.”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I’m already hurt.”

“It’ll hurt more later if we get more attached.”

His logic was flawless, but the pain behind his eyes radiated across the space between us. I could almost touch it.

“Someone hurt you, didn’t they? Something happened.”

He looked out the window, his jaw stiff, giving me no answer. I didn’t need one.

“And you’re hellbent on avoiding the pain.”

His eyes were hard when they returned to me. “Why manufacture more of it? There are much better options, for both of us. You can date this local man and I can find someone in Istanbul. We can both build something long-term and secure.”

Long-term and secure. Like a treasury bond.

“That’s logical,” I conceded. “But you can’t avoid pain. It’s part of life. It’ll find you.”

He rubbed his forehead, the evidence of pain right there. I guided him to the bedroom chair and began massaging his shoulders. As I pulled his head against the back rest to work on his scalp, he closed his eyes and exhaled so heavily my chest tightened.

“I hate to see you in pain, Emir. And I admire your willpower. Thank you for kissing me. You made me feel alive. Attractive. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable—” I placed a finger over his lips to shush his protests— “I don’t want to cause you pain, even if I feel like I could take it myself. Even if I feel like it doesn’t matter, because I’m already in pain. I’m glad you have more willpower than I do. Maybe it’s enough for both of us.”