Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

LANDON

" H e just doesn't understand me," Rosita Rubberton, the English heiress who apparently has a one-way crush on me, says. I can feel Ethan glaring at me, silently telling me to focus, flirt, and invest time in this business relationship.

I can't because I'm distracted. I keep waiting for my cell phone to ring or vibrate. Maybe I shouldn't have told Vivian about the "kiss," but lying to Lily's mom would've felt wrong. If we're going to have a … a what? A relationship? Months, not years .

"Excuse me," I say, standing up, my chair making a scraping noise on the floor.

"Uh, all right," Rosita mutters, narrowing her eyes at me.

I go into the hallway, take out my phone, and scroll to Lily's name. I want to call her so damn badly. I don't like how we left things at all, but how can I pursue a woman after her mom warned me away? Then, there's last night. It was too … hell, hot and steamy, but it wasn't as romantic as she deserved.

"What are you doing?" Ethan snaps, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"I was going to make a call."

Ethan grits his teeth, then sighs. "It better be goddamn important."

I can't take the impatience in his voice or the disappointment. Deep down, I know I'm causing him so much hassle. Somehow, all this seems less important now. "I was calling the oncologist to schedule that appointment."

"Oh." He nods, relaxing a bit. "Okay. Good. Sorry, bro …"

I press down on the number on the recent calls list. I need to face this anyway. I need to know just how long or short I've got. I can't keep running. Maybe I'll find out I've got even less time than I thought, making me realize I should leave Lily alone. What can I offer her?

"Hi, I'm calling to book an appointment …"

After some back and forth, the receptionist says, "Our notes tell us you were waiting for Doctor Coleman?"

"No, that's fine. I can see anybody."

"Oh, let me see then …" She taps some keys. "It looks like our next appointment is—I'm sorry—the day after tomorrow at five p.m."

"No, that's good for me," I say, trying to hide my relief. It's another day of putting off the inevitable and not facing it honestly. It turns out I'm not as brave as I felt moments ago. "Thank you."

"Good, brother," Ethan says. "I'm happy you did that. Now …" He gestures at the office door. "Can we?"

I sigh, nodding. "Sure."

I have to remember all Ethan has done for me. When we started this business, he was upfront about what I'd have to sacrifice. "If you don't think you can give this your all, tell me now, no hard feelings. When we do this, we need to be all in. Let's be honest. It's about cash. It's the opposite of your other life."

My "other life" was the pro bono work. Ethan was right. In the beginning, this business took everything from us.

Rosita huffs when we return, giving me a look I don't like at all. "Have you handled your business, pretty boy, hmm?" She giggles.

"Pretty boy," Ethan smirks. "I've never heard him called that before."

"Really?" Rosita looks me up and down in an over-the-top way. "That is very surprising to me, I have to say."

"Shall we get on with it?" I snap.

"All right … no fun. As I was saying, he didn't understand me. He didn't care about me. He didn't listen to me. He was thoroughly selfish, and the fact is, if he wants anything, he'll have a better chance getting on his knees and begging than trying to go the legal route."

"Then maybe you should let him," I grunt without meaning to. It's her tone, the self-entitlement, the pointlessness of this all, like it's weighing down on me.

"Pardon?"

"If begging will help, make him beg. Save yourself the time and money, and it'll save me from having to listen to this crap."

Stop, stop, stop , a voice roars, but I can't. I keep thinking about the unfair disgust on Vivian's face, then the confusion on Lily's. I keep feeling her lips against mine and tasting the other parts of her. I keep thinking of The Bear, those kids, and I'm here , doing this .

"I beg your pardon!" Rosita screeches.

"He's going through a tough time, Rosita," Ethan says. "You got to tell her, Landon. Now." Ethan glares at me.

I force out a laugh. "I'm dying. Please …" When I drop to my knees, Ethan groans. "Forgive me. I fucking beg you."

Standing, I turn and walk away, hands balled into fists. I can already hear Ethan apologizing for me as I storm out. In the street, I walk, not even thinking where I'm going. My head is cloudy. What am I thinking, pulling a stunt like that? Ethan doesn't deserve to have to deal with this mess.

I find my way into a park, sitting down and watching as an elderly man throws a ball for his dog. I'm not sure how long I sit here. I only snap back to reality when I get a text.

It's Ethan. This is my fault. It was unfair of me to expect you to work after getting news like this. That was a lousy friend move on my part. Take some time, Landon.

That will kill you with our workload.

With all due respect, you could've just killed our most lucrative contract of the year. Luckily, I salvaged this, but you know me. I'm going to have to put the business first. Take a week.

I'll see you in a week .

I stuff my phone in my pocket. I won't argue with him about this. Neither of us has ever acted as unprofessionally as I just did. I don't have any space to explain, and I don't want to. I didn't tell a lie in there. This shit feels meaningless, which says a lot about me and how I've sleepwalked through life, taking the logical route.

Another text. I grab my phone, expecting Ethan. When I see Lily's name, I almost drop the phone, a shudder moving up my arm. We need to talk. Meet me after work?

Sure, I can meet you outside. I text back immediately.

No, let's meet somewhere else. Somewhere more private.

She doesn't want to be seen with me. I wonder if she's had issues at work.

We can meet at my apartment.

Okay, but no funny business?

I'll be good if you are, I reply.

She sends back a smiling face emoji. Despite everything that's happened, I'm smiling down at my phone. Maybe I'm putting a stupid amount of importance on that emoji, but it's like we've got some hope, which should be laughable. Months, not years …

What can I offer? If I were the mature one, I'd back out of this before it's too late. When Vivian questioned me, she was right. I've only met with Lily a few times. What if this illness is making me crazy?

Yet I can't accept that. There's this certainty scorching through me every time I think about her.

With nothing else to do, I spend the rest of the afternoon in my home gym. Moving and sweating is sometimes the only way to block out everything else. I soak the gym floor, sweat running down my bare chest. Despite the slight silver in my hair, I look healthy and strong in the mirror. I don't look like a man who's going to drop dead in a few months.

After a shower, I wait for my phone to go off. When it does, I jump and hurry to the elevator. Lily is waiting for me in the lobby, still wearing her work clothes, the white shirt untucked now, loose around her hips.

"Remember what I said," she murmurs, walking into the elevator.

She looks up at me, lips pursed, cheeks that tempting, attractive shade of red.

"Are you reminding me … or yourself?"

When the doors close behind her, she lets out a small moan and collapses against me. It's easily the hottest thing I've ever experienced, which maybe isn't saying much since everything is the most with Lily. We kiss passionately, but then she presses her hand against my chest and pushes me away.

"That was it, okay? My one moment of weakness."

"This is mine," I growl, grabbing her hips and pulling her into another kiss. We keep going until the elevator door opens.

She moves away from me, taking a breath and smoothing her shirt. "This is about The Row," she says. "About The Bear."

"I thought you were done with that?" I snap.

" I am. That's why I'm here. I need your help."