Chapter 18

Helga

I wake up to Fox telling me something incomprehensible. I've almost become accustomed to his grey skin and long black hair and the sound of his language. He kisses me and then gets out of bed. I watch as he enters the bathroom naked. His backside is strong and muscular. The door closes behind him and I wait, just watching the door like a dog waiting for its owner. When he reemerges a few minutes later, I watch him walk toward me. His masculine front is more impressive than his back. Not an ounce of fat and a striking line of tattoos that extend from his shoulder to his mid-calf. I noticed it before but it's only now that I'm really wondering what it means. It looks like it could be writing. But more than anything it's a physical reminder that there's so much about Fox that's a mystery and I wonder if I'll ever know what the tattoos or anything else about him really means.

I continue to watch him as he puts on his silver jewelry and then his black uniform. The dagger he has in a concealed part of his uniform doesn't go unnoticed by me either. This scene is so intimate and yet normal at the same time. There's a small part of me that hopes to see this every day for the rest of my life.

Before leaving me, Fox comes over and runs his hands through my hair. He kisses me again. He tastes fresh now, and then he says something in his language I can't comprehend. Then he says, "Anna," and points to the floor.

"I understand," I reply. I assume Anna is going to come here so I won't be alone.

With one last chaste kiss, he leaves me, and walks out the door.

I want to go back to sleep but I can't. Instead I get up and realize my period has started. I run to the bathroom and slam myself onto the toilet. Well this is inconvenient. I look in the bare silver basin, and there's a lot of blood. I press some buttons on the toilet but nothing happens. Just when I'm ready to abandon all hope, the toilet makes my waste disappear and then washes and dries me. I have no idea how it happened. Someone always worked this for me before.

I stand and decide to get into the shower. Again, there are some buttons, but they all have alien writing on them. I press some of them randomly, hoping for the best. Nothing happens. I press more, a few simultaneously. Nothing. It's frustrating because I can feel the blood beginning to run down my thighs.

Giving up, I go back into the bedroom and sit on the bed. There are no towels, only the bedsheets, Fox's uniform, or Anna's clothing to absorb this with. I have no idea how to contact anyone, and I don't want to walk out looking for anyone all bloody.

I try to distract myself with planning my future while I wait for Anna.

Thankfully, I only get as far as thinking about whether or not I'll return to my old job in Berlin before the door chimes. I say, "Enter," but nothing happens. I'm sure that's how they do it here. I try again, nothing happens.

Finally I get up and I stand in front of the door, holding Fox's tunic around my legs so it doesn't look as bad as it feels.

I expect to see Anna, so I was very surprised to see the young doctor first and then Anna right behind him.

"Good morning. The doctor picked me up on his way here. He says your period has started."

I hold Fox's tunic around my legs a little closer. "How does he know?" I try to push away any embarrassment I might have.

"The toilet. It monitors everyone's health. Don't worry, he's here to help you."

"I don't need help, I just need a tampon or something," I say to Anna, my eyes pleading at her to send this young alien doctor away.

Anna gives me a comforting smile. "He can give you something better than a tampon. Those things should be left in the Dark Ages."

The doctor says something to Anna, and I can tell he's irritated.

I stand aside for both of them to come in. I wonder if they can smell the scent of sexual desire in the room and what they must think of Fox and me. If they're wondering whether or not we've done something illegal. If either of them is thinking it, they politely say nothing.

"The doctor wants you to lie down on the bed. He's going to give you a mini exam, you won't feel much at all, and then insert the proper tab for you." When I don't move, Anna explains, "It's a small device that redistributes the blood to disperse when you pee and lessens any cramps. It's a very clever device, and one the Empire has had for centuries, but I suppose this is the kind of technology you get when women are the dominant gender. Men take birth control too, just for your information."

"And the doctor knows about women's bodies?"

"Good question," Anna says.

The doctor says something to her and gives me a serious look.

"He wants me to tell you he's a very competent doctor, and while he might not be as knowledgeable about women's bodies as men's, he does know how to do the basic exams and meet the basic medical needs of women." She adds as a side-note, "I know he looks young, but Alliance people age differently. Their life spans are much longer than ours. He's been practicing as a doctor for longer than you've been alive."

I look over at the doctor and he nods.

"He looks so young. What's the lifespan of Alliance people?"

"A few hundred years, maybe more," she says. "I don't really know exactly."

"How old is Fox?"

"Coming up on fifty."

This hits me hard. "Fifty! Fifty, he's twice as old as I am. So they weren't lying. The people who took me. I thought they had it all wrong."

"And that's imperial years," Anna adds. "That's even more."

The doctor says something.

"He's losing his patience," Anna informs me.

I acquiesce and lie back on the bed. Anna stands to my side, and the doctor positions my legs so the bottoms of my feet are together and my knees are bent and flat against the bed. It's a weird position, but more comfortable than having my legs up in stirrups.

He speaks and Anna translates, "You might feel a slight tingling."

"Is this going to hurt?" I ask.

"No. If it does, there's something very wrong."

As Anna said, I hardly feel anything.

"The doctor is now going to insert the tab. You will only feel it go in and then nothing. You don't have to do anything with it. After your period finishes, it will detach itself, the toilet will collect it, clean it, and return it to you."

"Seriously?"

"These people can fly across the galaxy and you're surprised they have good technology to deal with women's periods?"

"I'm surprised that women are still having their periods," I say.

The doctor says something, and Anna doesn't translate. This annoys me. "What did he say?"

"Women still have their periods because of the goddesses' will. Alliance culture is a mix of religion and science. Religion is used to cement a belief system in the science that makes sense for a civilization to thrive."

"I don't understand."

Anna looks like she's in her element now and explains the culture to me, ending with, "Basically, anything they tried and failed exponentially at is now against the goddesses. Anything that's been a long-term success has become a part of the religion."

"Can you give me an example?"

"Artificial wombs. Everything was fine until the children grew up to be emotionally and mentally unstable adults. Now those go against the goddesses. Unlimited lifespans. Great-great-great-great grandmothers were still controlling Houses and not able to adjust to the changing society. Now it goes against the goddesses to prolong your life beyond reason or to bring someone back from the dead. Things like that. It all sounds good in science fiction books, but the truth is that changing the structure or the natural experience of life too much with technology rattles the foundations of their society, which has stood for millions of years, so they use religion to regulate themselves. But mind you, it's so ingrained they don't see it like that."

"Do you believe in their religion?" I ask as the doctor finishes and motions for me to stand.

"No. But if Fox hasn't mentioned it to you, be prepared, he will. He will want you to at least go through the motions of believing."

The doctor excuses himself, and I thank him. He nods his acknowledgment and then leaves Anna and I alone. I sit back down on the bed, still only wearing Fox's large tunic, and Anna is still on a chair across from me.

"Fox has mentioned religion, but that's before I knew all of this," I say. "But why are you so sure it's important to him I believe?"

"He's the Commander of the base. He has to set an example for everyone else. And his best friend, Axl, is a very devout man. He often tortures himself in the name of the goddesses and even used to serve the Empress, and although I've never been to the Empire, from what I can gather, it's like the Holy Roman Empire where religion and government are intertwined so intricately one wouldn't survive without the other."

"I see. There's an empress?" I ask, impressed and fascinated all at the same time.

"Yes. It's all very complex. There are imperial families, which both Fox and Axl belonged to before they volunteered to join the Alliance Force. And their mission to protect Earth is seen as a holy one. I think of them like eleventh century crusaders, but much more well-informed and civilized… sometimes more civilized."

"What do you mean, sometimes?" I ask, intrigued.

"Despite all their technology and complex social structure, their judicial system never evolved. They still solve personal conflicts with duels to the death and the government simply records the outcome."

"What?" As a lawyer, I find this barbaric.

"I know. Every one of these men has been in at least one duel to the death. Even my Lev, and he's an academic, not a military man."

"That's terrible."

"Right? I really struggle with this aspect of their culture. Men always have it in the back of their minds that they may be challenged to a duel at any time, so they train with their swords daily. I understand that, in the Empire's ancient past, it would have been advantageous to have armies at the ready, but now that they're a spacefaring civilization, it doesn't make sense. But everything else in their culture is pretty logical and well thought out, so I told myself that my love for Lev outweighed my disgust at their lack of a justice system."

A message comes into the room, interrupting our conversation. I don't know how to access it, but Anna does and presses something on the desk. I hear Fox's voice over the communication device.

Anna replies and then looks over at me. "The Ge is here and they're fixing our engines. Then it shouldn't take us long to get back to the base."

"Do we need to do something?"

"No. He's telling us because he wants to keep us informed. It's amazing how quickly I've become accustomed to living in a matriarchy," Anna reflects. "Although Alliance men cherish their women, they do so in a reverent way. Like a medieval knight to his queen, not a knight to his submissive wife."

"I see. And this doesn't take away any of the sex appeal?"

"No. Doesn't Fox appeal to you?"

"Of course he does. Even if he actually has grey skin. It's just that I've…" I stop short. I don't want to tell her about any of my ex-boyfriends. "May I ask you a personal question?"

"Anything."

"How is sex with an Alliance man? I noticed Fox's penis looks different."

"Ah, the ridges. Centuries ago, when genetic alterations were in vogue in the Empire, men's bodies were altered to have larger penises in terms of width and ridges along the top for women's pleasure. Their tongues are also longer than human males'."

"Purposely genetically altered for sex?"

"Yes. You need to remember, they come from a matriarchy. Imagine if humanity had reached a level of technological sophistication where we could easily manipulate our genes. But also imagine that level of technology came at the same time women were still the property of men. What do you think human men would have wished on us? Bigger breasts?"

"Hairless," I add, and then say, "Ridiculously small vaginas ribbed for his pleasure."

"You get the idea. We'd look like sex dolls. In some ways it shows the level of submission Alliance women demanded that they only made those small changes on men."

"But these men seem to be equal now or…?"

"Equality isn't a word I would use to describe any citizen's status in the Empire. They're all obsessed with rank, which is why they wear so much jewelry. It lets everyone know where they stand in society. However, between the sexes, men are more equal than they ever have been in the past, but they still aren't equal to women in their society. If I had to make a comparison on Earth, they are about as equal as Swiss women are to men."

"How is that possible, if all I have seen are males in the galaxy except for a few human women on the other ship?"

"Females in the galaxy rarely leave the safety of their homes. They send their males out. It's the most basic instinct of the galaxy, except for humanity. We are the outlier."

"Why are we so different?"

"I don't know," Anna says. "Maybe because Earth didn't develop as a matriarchy. And because of that, human women are unnaturally being forced to be submissive."

"Isn't that the same with men in the galaxy being forced to be compliant to women?"

"It's commonly believed across the galaxy that males are too impulsive and violent to rule themselves."

"I'm not going to argue with that," I say. "But Fox is anything but submissive to me."

"No, he wouldn't be. That's the strange element. I think humans assumed all wrong that a man who listens to a woman would somehow not be strong or possessive of his own desires. From what I've seen, alien men are even more masculine than most human men. I think this is because they don't have to compete with women. They're only competing against each other. Having a wife is seen as a gift in most galactic civilizations, and they act in a completely different way when women are around. It's as if they have a men's culture and then a mixed-company culture which they adhere to."

"Do you think this is true for Alliance women?"

"Yes. But I've never met an Alliance woman, so I can't say for sure. But it's on my list of things I want to do in the galaxy."

"What else is on your list?" I ask curiously.

"So many things…"Just as she begins, a chime goes off. "That's the sound for the midday meal. If you're hungry, we could go eat. But it's probably best if you get dressed first."

I look in the corner where Fox threw Anna's clothing yesterday. I get off the bed and put on the t-shirt, embarrassed that it's all wrinkly around my nipples from last night's activities. Anna takes off her sweater and hands it to me without explanation. I thank her as I take it. Then I put on the jeans, socks, and clogs. Her feet are bigger than mine, but that's better than smaller.

We walk into the corridor and make our way to the same dining hall we ate at yesterday. Today we are the only ones here.

"Where is everyone?"

"Fixing the engine."

"Shouldn't we be trying to help? Or at least make it look like we care?"

"Do you know anything about engineering or space travel?"

"No," I answer.

"Me neither. I think in this case, it's better to stay out of their way. Plus, Fox is already distracted enough that you're on the ship. If you're standing in the same room, he can't concentrate on anything, he's so enamored with you."

I smile and look down at my plate.

"It's nice to see two people so in love," she comments as we begin to eat the plain food.

I ask Anna practical questions about life on the base with her husband to get an idea of what to expect if things progress the way I want them to with Fox.