14. Carrie

14

CARRIE

“ E xplain to me why you don’t like this guy again. Because you’re moping around like a lovesick teenager.” Suzie slides a cup of earl grey tea in front of me. I add a large teaspoon of sugar and a generous pour of milk in and stir it slowly.

“He’s just not a nice guy.” I think about Cole’s smile and the way he chuckles and Kyra falling asleep on his lap. “Sometimes he’s nice…” I think about Cole angry with me because I baked the girls cupcakes. “But sometimes he’s an asshole. He doesn’t let his daughters eat sugar.”

I expect Suzie to be shocked by this, but she sips her non-sugary tea thoughtfully.

“I should try that with George. He’ll probably sleep better.”

“No. You cannot deprive my nephew the pleasure of licking the bowl after I’ve been baking. ”

Suzie shrugs. “You’re right. I could never be that disciplined. He must really love those girls.”

I sigh mournfully, thinking about the big mountain man with the soft heart when it comes to his daughters. He may be overprotective, but there’s no denying his love for them.

Ethan, the head of Search and Rescue, wanders into the staff room just as I let out a big sigh. He raises his eyebrows at me. “You still moping about that internet dude?”

I’ve known Ethan and all the team at Wild Heart Mountain Search and Rescue since Suzie started working here four years ago. They’re a tight group, and they were supportive of Suzie when she was a single mom. The guys have become like family.

“I’m not moping.” I sit up straight in the chair and try to pretend my heart isn’t aching. I don’t know what I expected Cole to do when I left, but I thought we shared something special. Turns out I know nothing about men.

Ethan brings over a packet of chocolate cookies and offers me one. “Your problem right there was going out and looking for love. Love is a waste of time, Carrie.”

I glance up at the big man with the scruffy beard and kind eyes and wonder what’s got him so down on love. Maybe he went chasing it once and got burned too.

“Life is better on your own, believe me.”

I grab two cookies from the packet and stuff one in my mouth as Ethan tries to convince me of the benefits of being single.

“You can do what you like when you like, you don’t have to share your cookies if you don’t want to, you can watch whatever you want to watch on the TV, and you don’t waste days moping around like you are.”

“Geez, Ethan, I just got back from my honeymoon,” says Suzie. “Don’t bring me down.”

He saunters back to the kitchen counter. “It might work out differently for you, Suzie, but you won’t catch me getting caught up with a woman. No way. Too much hassle.”

He pops a cookie in his mouth and leans back on the counter. He devours the entire thing in a few chews with his large square jaw.

The irony is that Ethan would be a catch for any girl. But it’s not the first time he’s professed to have sworn off love.

Mathias, who mans the phones with Suzie, appears at the door and his gaze finds mine.

“There’s a big guy here looking for you, Carrie. Said he doesn’t have your address but knows your sister works here.”

My heart flutters in my chest, and I stand up quickly. “Cole?”

“Yeah, that’s what he said his name is. Obviously I told him I didn’t know a Carrie…”

“It’s okay.” I smooth down my hair and glance at Suzie. She’s got a frown on her face.

“One day you’ll tell me what really went down in Montana, Carrie, because I don’t believe a single word you’ve said.”

I move to the door, and Suzie and Ethan follow. Ethan goes from amiable friend to growly big brother protector in a second.

“You want me to deal with him, Carrie?” He cracks his knuckles, and my eyes go wide in alarm.

“No.” I put a hand over his fist. “Thank you. I’ll talk to him.”

“Carrie…” Suzie puts a hand on my shoulder and I turn to her, expecting disapproval. “You’ve got crumbs around your mouth.”

I brush cookie crumbs from my lips, and Suzie smiles at me. Then her look turns serious. “Make him grovel for whatever he did.”

They go to follow me out the door, and I hold my hands up. “Where are you guys going?”

“I’m not missing this,” Suzie says.

Ethan, despite being sworn off women, grins like a schoolgirl. “Me neither.”

Cole looks too big for the Search and Rescue headquarters. His bulk fills the space, and seeing him again takes my breath away.

His hair is wild, and there are dark smudges under his eyes. When he sees me his face lights up and a smile creeps across it, only to falter when I cross my arms. Suzie’s right. Whatever he’s come here for, I’m not going to run to him like he didn’t hurt me.

“Why are you here, Cole?” It comes out colder than I intended, and he winces. It’s been four days since I left his place, four days with a sore heart.

“I fucked up.” He swallows and looks around the room. Suzie, Ethan, and Mathias stand watching us, not even pretending not to be listening in.

“Can we go somewhere to talk?”

It takes all my restraint not to run into his arms. I don’t need to talk. I just need him to hold me and tell me he wants me. But instead I nod my head once. “We can go to my place.”

Cole has a rental car, and I slide into the passenger seat and direct him to my place.

I sneak glances at his profile. It doesn’t look like he’s slept in a few days, and I long to run my hands through his hair to smooth it down.

We pull up outside my house, and I take him through to the living room. I sit on the sofa, but Cole paces the room.

His hands run through his hair, and he takes a long shuddery breath.

“I’ve been a fucking idiot.” Hope flares inside me at his words. “I miss you, Carrie. I didn’t mean to catch feelings for you, but I did. I lied when I said you don’t deserve a man like me. I thought I was the problem, but I realized something. I’m scared to risk my heart because it’s not just my heart I risk. It’s the girls’ hearts too.”

He stops pacing and stares out the window at the mountain that looms over the town.

“When they lost their mother, they were heartbroken. They didn’t know what was happening or why she wasn’t coming home. Her passing broke their little hearts. ”

My chest tightens at the thought of Kyra and Olivia, and I understand why Cole’s so protective of them.

“It’s not that I’m scared of letting you down. I’m scared of what will happen if this doesn’t work out. That’s why I pushed you away.”

He runs his hand through his hair. “But then you left. And I’ve never felt so desolate.”

“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love, Cole. It terrifies me too. But I also know we have no promise of a tomorrow, so you’ve got to enjoy the time you have.”

He crouches next to me and takes my hands in his. “I love you, Carrie. I didn’t want to, but ever since I saw you in your Guns N Roses t-shirt and green skirt, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I love the way you sing while you’re baking, I love the way you keep smiling even when you find out I’m an asshole, and I love that you sent a picture of your boobs to my Gran. I love that you put a positive spin on everything.

“I’m terrified I’ll lose you, but I’m more terrified I’ll go the rest of my life and never feel the way I feel when I’m with you. You make my heart beat stronger, Carrie, you make my smile bigger and my laugh deeper.” He squeezes my hand. “Not to mention what you do to other parts of me.”

I giggle, and at my smile he relaxes. “Please say you’ll come back with me and give this a chance? I can’t promise you it will always be easy, because love isn’t always. But it will be the adventure of a lifetime.”

I look into his intense eyes, eager and hopeful, and I know without a doubt that for as long as I walk this earth, I’ll be with this man.

“You don’t have to be afraid, Cole. I was yours the moment I stepped out of the Jeep. You’re my adventure, Cole. I already know I’ll never leave you or the girls.”

He pulls me to him, and I sink onto the floor as his huge arms embrace me in a hug.

“I’ve been so fucking miserable without you. Kyra sent me to the naughty step for swearing too much.”

I smile thinking about the girls, my girls now, as much a part of Cole as the thick arms around me. I went looking for a man and I found a family.

Cole lowers me to the floor, and his hard body presses against me. His lips crash onto mine, and my body zings to life under him.

Ever since he made love to me by the river I’ve craved his touch, and now I kiss him hungrily. Cole’s hands slide under my top, and his warm callused palms glide over my skin. He unhooks my bra, and the straps fall loose under my top.