Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

D arcy shoved aside his writing box. He wanted to write to L, but that would not be wise. Besides, today was February 14. She could misconstrue his intentions on a day when the post was filled with romantic epistles from would-be lovers. He had to let that connexion fade, and a little distance from both L and Elizabeth felt necessary, especially after the ball yesterday.

Elizabeth had talked with him more than was typical for her at the beginning of the evening. She smiled at him often, even challenging him to argue with her. She was unfailingly polite, and not provoking. Then, after he had danced the supper set with Mrs Sullivan, Elizabeth had not spoken with him for the rest of the night. It was as though she had done her duty to apologise and be civil, and then suddenly her friendliness shuttered and she scarcely looked at him. Not even Mrs Sullivan's candidness could get much more than a smile from her.

Darcy sighed and changed into his riding clothes to meet his friends. L had liked him, but not enough to pursue a relationship that might lead to marriage. Maybe Elizabeth respected him, but not enough to match the feelings he held for her. He had never had any entanglements and his cousin Fitzwilliam flirted with every woman he saw; and now, while Darcy nursed two disappointments, Fitzwilliam was engaged.

It was quiet in the house since Bingley had left early for Cheapside. He had not said he was going to ask Jane Bennet to marry him today, but Bingley's grin and anxious pacing while he awaited his carriage told Darcy his intentions. Similar good fortune would come to Fitzwilliam, aside from his family's lack of support in the beginning.

Bingley would marry, and Fitzwilliam would marry. Darcy tugged off his cravat in frustration and tried to tie it again. Dwelling on his feelings of solitude and his longing for companionship would solve nothing. He had to get over his feelings for Elizabeth and L. Neither one liked him enough, so there was no reason to be melancholy over it.

His dressing room door burst open, and his cousin came in. "Do you need help with that? Should I call your man?"

Darcy was tempted to crumple the linen into a ball and throw it at him. "Of course not." He turned back to the mirror and forced himself to breathe calmly. "Did you talk with your father?"

Fitzwilliam threw himself into a chair. "Hours," he said, running a hand over his face. "He talked at me for two hours, and I expect a letter with his displeasure to follow."

Darcy heard the distress in his voice. He finished tying his cravat and sat across from his cousin. "Did he refuse to give his blessing?"

"He refused to supplement my income if I marry so far beneath me—his words," he added. Darcy felt the sting of shame for once thinking that way about Elizabeth. "He called her ambitious. How dare the daughter of a banker think she could marry a son of an earl? He said I have to marry money, but I might have got someone younger, never married, and of a higher rank for the price. That I am settling for a mere fifteen thousand pounds when I could have someone with twice that. At the end of our conference, he consented—since he cannot stop me—but he wants me to wait until the end of the season to announce it."

Darcy looked at him for a long moment. Who would have thought that this matchmaking scheme would have led to his cousin finding a life partner? "Congratulations."

Fitzwilliam actually blushed before murmuring, "Thank you." He shifted in his seat and seemed to push all sentiment from his face. "Despite the promise of your support, his lordship hopes I will change my mind, and he exacted my promise not to elope in the meantime. Will you come with me this week to talk with him, to tell him I am not throwing myself away and that I am marrying a respectable woman?"

"Of course, if you think it will help. Will Mrs Sullivan mind waiting, or mind the secrecy?"

"She is more distressed at my family's disapproval, but Clara won't mind, not when she has my word."

"She is a sensible woman, and she knows how fortunate she is. I think I could even like her for her own sake rather than just for yours," Darcy said with a teasing smile.

"Don't put yourself out by throwing around all those compliments about my intended," he said drily.

"She has pleasing manners. And, for some reason, she likes you a great deal, but I won't assume her taste is entirely questionable. How is that?"

His cousin crossed his arms over his chest and gave him a mock glare. "You could do better. If that is the best you can do to compliment a woman, it is no wonder you are not engaged."

Darcy looked away, feeling the unintended blow more than he wanted to admit. Fitzwilliam swiftly apologised and said, "Miss Elizabeth did not seem to hate you as much as you feared."

He stood and busied himself with choosing a riding coat. "She was polite. No one could fault her civility, but after I danced with her, she wanted nothing to do with me."

Fitzwilliam pursed his lips in thought. "Do you suppose she could be jealous of Clara?"

Darcy spun round, his heart pounding with a wild jealousy. "You think she admires you? She only met you on Tuesday."

"What?" he asked, his face crinkled in confusion. "No, jealous of Clara. You danced with Clara twice and talked with her all night."

"For your sake, to demonstrate to everyone that she is respectable and that your family approves."

"I know that," Fitzwilliam said quickly. "But Miss Elizabeth would not."

Darcy hid his smile as he buttoned his coat. He allowed himself a moment to indulge in the prospect that Elizabeth liked him so much she would be jealous of him dancing with another woman. It was a lovely thought that he would be a complete fool to humour. And only one sunk in selfish pride would consider it, and he was determined not to be such a man.

"No," he said, turning around and readying to leave. "Please do not say such things."

"Why? You said Miss Elizabeth does not like you, but?—"

"She has reason not to. I separated her sister and my friend, and I was selfish and proud."

"That is the past, and I still say she was impatient to talk with you last night. It could have saddened her that you danced the supper set with Clara because she wanted to spend that time with you."

"Fitzwilliam, do not raise my hopes," Darcy said, cringing a little at his own pleading tone. "I am already disappointed enough that writing to L came to nothing. I cannot tolerate more disappointed hopes about a woman I actually met and loved."

His cousin lowered his head and nodded, muttering a promise to say nothing more. To change the subject, he asked, "Are you going to the theatre tomorrow?"

Darcy shook his head, eager to talk of anything else. "I am going to the Surrey Institution lecture."

"Do you want company?" Fitzwilliam asked as they went down the stairs. "I am a subscriber because you made me, although I never go. Clara can be my guest."

"I am perfectly capable of attending an evening on my own. Besides, there will be plenty of people I know in attendance, regardless of the lecture topic."

"Of course you can go anywhere alone," Fitzwilliam said with an exaggerated lift of his eyes. "When have you not gone somewhere because you did not have a companion? Your favourite cousin is offering to go to your dull lecture on chemistry or philosophy or literature or whatever to sit in a room next to Clara—and to keep you company so you do not look as though you have no friends."

Darcy laughed and agreed, and parted ways as his cousin went to call on his future bride and Darcy mounted his horse. As he rode toward Hyde Park, he was torn between wanting to hope there was a kernel of truth in Elizabeth having some interest in him, and knowing rationally that she had no attachment to him whatsoever.

"Do you suppose we have given them enough time to themselves?" Mrs Gardiner asked Elizabeth as they stood on the landing outside the drawing room.

"You were generous enough to leave them alone in the first half an hour Bingley was here," Elizabeth said. "He already proposed to her, and we have all congratulated and hugged and shaken hands, yet he remains with us all these hours later."

Mrs Gardiner gave a knowing smile. "Well, I thought they might like a quarter of an hour to themselves now that everything is settled."

Bingley had proposed to Jane this morning by handing her a valentine and, although she could not read his writing in its entirety, the pertinent question was legible enough, and they settled all between them before Elizabeth and Mrs Gardiner had returned. Elizabeth suspected that kissing and cuddling on the sofa would be how they spent this brief interlude alone.

"Do you think once he has had a few kisses, Bingley will return home?" Elizabeth asked. Bingley was an amiable man, but he had been with them since eleven this morning.

Her aunt shook her head. "At this late hour, I will have to invite him to dinner."

Mrs Gardiner was about to enter the drawing room when there was a knock at the front door and Mrs Sullivan was shown in. Elizabeth felt startled to see her and was grateful that she was on a floor above her and had a moment to compose her features before Mrs Sullivan looked up.

She truly liked Mrs Sullivan, but after watching her dance and talk with Darcy, it would be difficult to speak as amiably as she had spoken with her at the ball. Darcy had seemed interested in everything Mrs Sullivan had to say, and her disappointment still felt raw.

"I hope you will forgive me for being abominably rude and calling so late in the afternoon," she called up the stairs without waiting for the footman to even close the door behind her. Mrs Sullivan gave her a smile that reached her eyes. "I can leave my card and pretend I do not see you if it is not a convenient time, Miss Bennet."

Elizabeth saw Mrs Sullivan's smiling expression and remembered her eagerness to make friends in this new stage of her life. She could not allow jealousy to prevent her from befriending a respectable woman, especially one who was eager to know her.

Sending her away would transgress the duty of woman to woman. Did not the sisterhood of women come before any affectionate feelings for a man? Female friendships must always come first and be valued above a man, even a man who might be as perfect for her as Darcy.

But that did not make it easier.

Elizabeth put on a bright smile and told her it was no trouble. She gestured for her to come up the stairs and introduced her to her aunt. "We are about to interrupt my sister, who is recently engaged, so I think it best if you follow behind us," she added with a wink.

"How lovely! I do not know Mr Bingley well, but he is acquainted with people I know intimately."

Elizabeth turned to hide a sigh as everyone was greeted and Mrs Sullivan offered her congratulations to the couple.

"I am very happy for you both," she added before sitting by Elizabeth. "I will stay just a quarter of an hour; you must not think I am about to trouble your aunt for an invitation to dinner. It is only that I was occupied all morning and did not want to put off a call for another day."

"I am glad that you came," Elizabeth said honestly, knowing it would hurt dreadfully if Mrs Sullivan became attached to Darcy. "I am not as much at liberty as you, so you must forgive me if I cannot call in your side of town as soon as I would like."

Mrs Sullivan waved a hand. "Send me a note, and I will drive my phaeton here myself. Friends cannot stand on ceremony, and I would like to pass some time together before you leave town next month."

Her aunt and Bingley and Jane were in the room, so the conversation stayed on general topics and included everyone. While they talked about public places and amusements in town, Elizabeth wondered what Mrs Sullivan had wanted to tell her at the ball before Darcy asked her to dance. She seemed enthusiastic about something, but in case she did not want it to be publicly known, Elizabeth held her tongue on the subject and asked her instead about her phaeton.

"Perhaps when you return to town in May and the weather is fair, we could drive to Hampstead," Mrs Sullivan added after she had described it. "You do not ride, correct?" Elizabeth shook her head, and Mrs Sullivan looked disappointed. Her being an avid horsewoman was something Mrs Sullivan would have in common with Darcy. "That is all very well, because I can drive us or we can hire a coach. It is only four miles, and a pleasant retreat in the summer months."

"I would have no trouble walking the distance."

Mrs Sullivan laughed. "Well, you are younger and fitter than I am. I might make it to Hampstead, but you would have to carry me back!"

Elizabeth smiled, and in the pause Bingley asked her what her plans were for the evening. Mrs Sullivan said, "Nothing of note tonight, dinner with friends, but tomorrow I am attending the Surrey Institution lecture with Colonel Fitzwilliam and Mr Darcy."

Bingley laughed. "Darcy must have convinced you both to go. He is always asking me since he is a subscriber and can bring a guest, but I have no interest."

Elizabeth felt the disappointment hit her heart that Mrs Sullivan was seeing Darcy so soon.

"I have no interest either." Mrs Sullivan laughed. "I could not even tell you who the lecturer is or what is his topic. But Colonel Fitzwilliam invited me, and I had no reason to decline."

Darcy had not invited Mrs Sullivan as his guest. Perhaps he had not definitely decided that Mrs Sullivan could supplant L in his heart. Elizabeth wondered if there was any chance that she could still earn Darcy's affections. With no understanding between Mrs Sullivan and Darcy, she could befriend one while she tried to show the other all the affection she was capable of without betraying her conscience.

"I would like to attend one of the Surrey Institution lectures," she announced.

As she hoped, Mrs Sullivan smiled. "We could bring you tomorrow if you like. Each subscriber can bring a guest, and I cannot imagine Mr Darcy would mind bringing you if he knew you wanted to attend."

"He would enjoy having someone there who actually cares," Bingley added with a laugh.

"I would not want to impose," Elizabeth said, although she very much did.

"I will see Colonel Fitzwilliam at dinner this evening and will tell him to ask his cousin." Elizabeth thought she was rather confident in Colonel Fitzwilliam's ability to be persuaded, but it would be to her benefit if it meant she could see Darcy tomorrow.

"Thank you very much," she said. "You are generous to include me."

"Would you entrust Miss Elizabeth to the three of us, ma'am?" Mrs Sullivan asked Mrs Gardiner. "It is off Blackfriars Road on the other side of the Thames, you know, and we will collect her and return her to you in good time."

"Are there many ladies in attendance? I would not want Lizzy to feel out of place in an audience full of gentlemen."

"I have only been once, but I would say half the audience was ladies. I do not scruple to add, however, that I am always glad to have a female friend with me."

Elizabeth lowered her head as her aunt agreed she could go. Regardless of what happened with Darcy, if he became attached to Mrs Sullivan or not, she must safeguard her growing friendship with Mrs Sullivan.

Mrs Sullivan rose and said to Mrs Gardiner, "Thank you for receiving me so late. I wanted to show Miss Elizabeth my determination to befriend her, and the day got away from me." She then turned to Elizabeth as she put on her gloves and said in a quieter tone with a smile, "I will tell you all about my day another time when we are alone."

She wondered what this meant, and her stomach sank to think that it had anything to do with an attachment to Darcy. "I look forward to seeing you tomorrow evening," she said. As Mrs Sullivan turned to leave, Elizabeth felt guilty for arranging a meeting through Mrs Sullivan's kindness and eagerness for friendship. She followed her to the door and added, "I am pleased that you came today, and I promise we will be good friends."

Mrs Sullivan looked a little surprised, but she grinned and held out her hand, and Elizabeth grasped it. "As am I," she said warmly. "I shall see you tomorrow evening at seven."

When she was gone, Mrs Gardiner asked Bingley to stay to dinner, and Jane and Elizabeth went to dress. Jane followed her to her room and sat on her bed. Elizabeth felt her attention as she selected a gown. After a few moments of silence while she put it on, she asked, "What is it?"

"Why were you eager to attend the lecture? I have never once heard you mention it."

"Because it is not absolutely certain that Darcy and Mrs Sullivan love one another. What if I can still show Darcy how much I like him? I have to try."

"But why force yourself onto his notice tomorrow?" Jane asked, throwing up her hands in confusion. "Your paths will cross often now that Bingley and I are to marry."

"I retreated too early last evening, Jane. Mrs Sullivan might not have fixed upon Darcy as her object, and he might not have decided on her. I have a chance to earn his affections after all. I need to try a little harder."

"Most respectable men would find a woman's interest unseemly."

"Darcy subscribed to the matchmaking service and had no ill will toward L for putting herself forward."

"All I am saying is that it might be unbecoming in person," Jane said gently.

Although there was no reason for a young woman to be ashamed of an honest attachment to a deserving man, a woman's delicate nature was allegedly supposed to make her ashamed of it. A woman of true delicacy should not even acknowledge to herself that she loved a man until he confessed his feelings first. It was all so foolish to pretend that women had no feelings, no passions at all.

That was what made the matchmaking subscription thrilling. She could show her interest, state that she wanted to marry and announce what sort of partner she was looking for.

Why could she not apply a little of that agency in person?

"I am pursuing what I want," she said firmly. "And I would not go tomorrow if I did not think that I have a chance with him."

Jane nodded and left, wishing her luck in a tone that said she did not agree with her decision.

How would Darcy feel to be coerced into spending an evening in her company? Would he ever consider her as his wife, as a woman he could love and spend his life with? He did look at her a great deal, and she could now remember a certain smile that he often wore when he did. He considered L knowing how little her fortune was, so that should be no hindrance.

She had to pursue Darcy, and she had to make him forget L and Mrs Sullivan. And she had to do it without being like all the other women who flattered and deferred to him.