Chapter 38

*Elena*

Really Ryder? Really? Just how much of a raging lunatic are you trying to be? Just when I thought my life was getting back on track, you have to go pull a stunt like this. The first song was bad enough, especially when the internet's new favorite denizen had deciphered the code, something I still don't understand since the code was a secret between him and me, but this second song is going too far.

Thank heaven this MengeLiNi person hadn't revealed the secrets in this one, or who knows what would happen. Then again, it's only been a few hours since it dropped; they might be taking their time before dropping the bomb.

The first song was all about missing me and what we had together, but this one would put the Police's every breath you take to shame. It was a stalker's daydream if you ask me, and an outright threat. In short, this beast who had left me at the altar and moved on with his decrepit life was now threatening anyone I went out with on a date, as well as letting me know that he'd be coming for me.

That bit about my ghost wasn't lost on me, seeing as how he was blatantly telling me that if he couldn't have me, no one else could. In the past, when Ryder got on my nerves, I could just march over to his house and give him a piece of my mind behind closed doors.

Back then, before the drugs and all that mess that had eventually taken him away from me, he'd make sure to take me out somewhere in public before telling me something he knew would piss me off because he knew that I wouldn't make a scene. I hate being the center of attention, and he knows that.

But now, I don't have any recourse; there's no way for me to get to him that wouldn't bring attention to myself, and I won't be caught dead calling or texting him. I paced back and forth, biting my nails down to the quick feeling like a trapped mouse. As if he didn't disrupt my life enough, he had to go and pull this shit.

I mean, who does he think he is to threaten me? Where does he get off after all this time? I've heard people whispering about the change in him, about how he seems like a new man, and from what little I've seen when he ventures out in public, I can see the truth in it, but that doesn't mean that he has any place in my life.

I don't know what gave him the idea that just because he'd got his shit together, that meant that I would even give him the time of day. After everything he'd done, he's lucky I didn't let Sydney loose on his stupid ass or let my fans go in on him the way they wanted to.

So why are you so tickled? Why do you have butterflies in your stomach? Because the heart wants what it wants, and I can't control the stupid thing no more than I can control my tongue when I get riled. There was a knock on the door, and I turned to see Rachel walk in after giving the order for her to come in.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Fine, why?" I did a good job of hiding my hands because my chewed-off nails would be a good giveaway that I was anything but fine.

"Oh, nothing; I heard about the song."

"What song?" Don't tell me that people already know the meaning behind it.

"What do you mean what song? Ryder's new song, of course. Don't tell me you haven't heard it." She looked very disbelieving, and it was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that I hadn't, but I hate lying to anyone, no matter how small because I detest being lied to. "I heard it. But why should that make me feel any way at all?"

She doesn't know how to break the code because no one knows about it but him and me, oh, and this MengeLiNi person. "You haven't seen it." She walked further into the room and unlocked her phone. Oh boy!

"Look, this person broke it down again, just like they did the last one." How are they doing this? There's no way these… unless they'd somehow got their hands on our old text messages and were able to piece it together. But that would mean….

I looked at my phone and shuddered. Could they? No way. I have amazing security on all my devices, and there's no way I could be hacked that easily. Besides, why would they go through our old conversations unless it was to prove that I hadn't deleted them? Which would mean that Ryder hadn't deleted his as well.

"What is it?" I wiped the look off my face and put a smile on for her benefit. I'm not in the mood for one of her lectures, so I won't be telling her where my thoughts have taken me. "Nothing, I'm just wondering why this person believes that crap. It's obvious who Ryder is in love with, isn't it? He married someone else, after all. I think everyone needs to get over this idea that he and I are still in love with each other."

I had to look away because saying those words brought me close to tears. "You can't blame people for wanting to see you two back together again. I mean, you were together for years. Your fans loved you, and everyone thought you were the perfect couple."

"Rachel, you, of all people, should know better. You saw me; you saw what he did to me. How can you say that?"

"I'm not saying anything. I'm just trying to explain where the fans are coming from." She walked over to the bed and sat down, which was the last thing I wanted. I wanted to be alone so I could think and listen to that stupid song again because the lyrics were the first thing to give my poor heart some life in a while.

Just because I have no plans on ever speaking to that person again didn't mean that I couldn't enjoy the song or the fact that it sounded like he was dying for want of me. I know what Sydney would say if she were here, what she'd want me to do, but I don't think I have the strength to make him eat his heart out right now.

All the guys I'd been out with knew that we weren't going anywhere, not even a one-night stand, so though some were still hanging around after accepting being friend-zoned, most were in the wind, which was fine by me. I prefer letting people know upfront that my heart would never be in the game again, and if that sent them running in the opposite direction, then so be it.

I wish more than anyone that I was able to love again, but as much as I wish for it, the mere thought makes me out of breath, and I feel like I'm dying just imagining going through this again. If only there was some kind of serum I could take to make me forget the past, but alas, no such thing exists, so for the rest of my life, I'm going to be lugging around this tattered heart of mine.

"So, has he tried contacting you?"

"Who? Ryder? Of course not; why would you think he would?"

"I don't know. Since everyone thinks that you two have been sending messages to each other through your music…."

"What? Since when did anyone say that I was sending him messages? I thought it was only him who was being accused of that?"

"Nope, now they're saying that both of you are doing it. I can't imagine how his wife feels having to hear that every day; it must be hell." She snickered, but that didn't sit right with me.

"It's not funny. No matter what we think of her, she did not do this alone. Ryder had a choice, and he made it. We're not going to tear her down because she fell in love with someone who was already taken."

"Why are you like this? Why can't you just get upset like everyone else and call her out for her bullshit?"

"Because it's pointless." And because I've come to understand how my silence makes my enemies feel. I won't ever call her out of her name, but that doesn't mean I'm not angry at her for what she played a part in.

So, if my silence gets under her skin, then so be it. Count it as just me getting some of my own back. Besides, me keeping my silence has benefited me as well. I've been able to move on with my life by pretending she doesn't exist. She was never a part of my life, and I won't let her become a part of it now.

"I just think it's crap letting her get away with all that she's done, and I'm not just talking about stealing your boyfriend. What about all that stuff she did when they first got married? All those times, she took shots at you. You can't tell me you don't want to get some of your own back. What better time than now, when everyone is saying that you two are…."

"We aren't anything, okay? That part of my life has been long over, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. You should go; I've got some stuff to do." She didn't seem offended as she left, but she did leave me feeling antsy. Is that what everyone thinks? That I should get some of my own back by going to war with that woman?

I'll never give anyone the satisfaction. She'd tried to make the world think I was crazy. She shamed me for the shape of my body when I was too sick to care about anything but surviving, and she's gone out of her way to make me suffer. Sure, I'd love to hit back at her. But when you've faced death the way I had, you learn to choose your battles.

I know I bear no ill will towards her, something it had taken me a lot of time and hard work to achieve, and I don't want to go back. I don't want to get dragged back into anything having to do with her, him, or any of the people they surround themselves with.

When is this going to end? When will it go away? I think I know the answer, and it scares me. As long as I still harbor feelings for him in my heart, the rollercoaster ride will never end. My phone alerted me, taking my mind off of it, and I rushed to see what new thing had been posted from MengeLiNi.

I'd gotten into the habit of following their threads just to see what they were up to. The fact that they were going after my enemies didn't hurt either though I won't be admitting that to anyone ever. I opened the latest post and had to sit down before I fell. "Oh, dear! Oh, dear."

***

*Janie*

"How dare she? How dare this little bitch?" She'd gone too far this time. "Why haven't you found this person yet?" I turned to my assistant in a fury. I thought after Ryder and I had had that talk a week or so ago that things would start to look up, but so far, nothing had changed.

He's still been locked away in his studio with those men, and the house felt more and more like a prison every day since the new staff didn't take orders from anyone but he and no one was allowed past the gate without their say-so.

I had no one to talk to because all the people I knew here were afraid to talk on the phone because someway somehow, everything we discussed was ending up in the gossip column by the next day.

Ryder was right about Mom not telling me anything. Each time I asked in a roundabout way, she claimed she didn't know what I was talking about, so I had no choice but to leave it alone. Right now, that house is the only thing I have to look forward to. I probably shouldn't have, but I told Nicole and Noel about it along with their mother.

Dad had even stopped hounding me once I told him about it, even though I hadn't found an opportunity to ask Ryder for help with his problem, and Mary was cautiously hopeful, or so she said when I told her.

It didn't matter, though, how skeptical anyone was; I knew that Ryder would never leave me now. We'd bought a home together, after all. He wouldn't have done that if he wasn't planning to stay with me. I know he means it because when I drove by the new house a time or two, I saw men working on the place.

It was helping me ignore the things that were being said online, but now this. "Which delusional wannabe person of interest is claiming that the songs her stolen husband sang for his ex are all about her?" They even had a clip of me claiming with my whole chest that it was hard being the muse for Ryder's latest music.

Of course, Elena's fans were quick to jump on the bandwagon, and there were hundreds if not thousands of comments verifying that sentiment. That's not what was giving me a migraine, though; no, it was the fact that this person had somehow found out the fact that I'd had some work done, something I'd kept hidden from the public.

Since everyone was always going on and on about how natural Elena's beauty was, I never wanted anyone to know about the little snips I'd had done on my lips and nose and maybe my cheeks, but someone had talked, and I'm going to sue. There's no way she could've known that unless the doctor who had been paid handsomely to keep his mouth shut had talked.

That was just the beginning for today, though, because the day had barely made it into the afternoon when the little shit was back with more attacks. My every move was being dissected, but the thing that put real fear in my heart was when she went back into the past and made the connection. "How?"

I can't let the world see this. No one must know how Ryder and I really came to be. Ryder, if he sees this, everything will change. I have to get to him; I have to keep him from seeing this and start asking questions. My phone alerted again before I could leave the room, and I dreaded what I would find next.

At first, I didn't recognize the picture, but then it clicked, and I felt the blood leave my face. This picture was taken the night Mary had tricked Elena into staying longer at the after-party, the night I met Ryder for the first time after Mary had set it up. It was all there, but no words were captioned, not yet. Please don't know the truth about that night. This would unravel everything.

My phone rang with Mary's tone, and I wiped away the tears that fell before answering her. "I've seen it. What are you going to do?" She had as much to lose as I did if this should come out. If anyone should put the pieces of the puzzle together or worse if this MengeLiNi person talked. I was no longer under the illusion that she didn't know, she had to, and she was taunting me, taunting all of us with the pictures.

Those images on their own could be seen as nothing, but if the truth behind that night comes to light, it could mean the end of my marriage or my life period. Because what use was living if I couldn't be here in this town where I've always wanted to be?

"You've got to do something, Mary, or we're all going to lose and lose big."

"That's why I'm calling; I have an idea of how to get the heat off of us."

"Yeah? What?"

"You're going to tell the world that you're pregnant. You said you and Ryder were getting along much better these days, so you should be able to convince even him for a little while until it becomes a reality."

She hung up before I could ask her what the hell she was talking about.

I couldn't hold back the scream this time. Stupid woman, how the hell can I convince Ryder that I'm carrying his child when he hasn't touched me in five years?