Chapter 18

*Ryder*

"Ryder, where are you? Everyone has been looking for you. They say you just disappeared, and you never called me back to let me know that you were okay. You didn't tell them where you were going? I thought you'd at least tell Scott."

"I'm fine, mom. I'm staying at a hotel, and no one needs to know. Scott is my business manager; she's private. From now on, I'll be keeping the two separate."

"Oh, Okay. What hotel are you staying at? You know what, never mind, I'm guessing you went to see Elena. Well, did you see her? How is she? How is our girl? Is she alright?" That's odd; mom still talks about her the way she used to when we were together like she was one of her own. She's never done that with Janie.

"I saw her, yes, but she was asleep. According to the guy I talked to, she's doing better; she just needs to rest."

"Oh, that's good then; the news reports were freaking me out. Those bitches started a rumor that she was in rehab for drugs, but I knew that couldn't be it because she was never like that. Thankfully, one of her PR people told the truth, and that's starting to die down."

"I see!" I was trying hard to hold onto my anger because that never gets me anywhere, but the picture that's been starting to form in my mind since the last time I went to see my mom is making it hard not to go the fuck off. "Are you still working on what I asked you to?"

"Yeah, I found someone to help, someone we can trust. It's taking some time because he doesn't just do surface stuff, you know. He's one of those old-school guys who like to get to the heart of the matter. I can get him to speed things along if you'd like."

"No, don't do that. Tell him to look into everything and everyone. Go as far back as he can. I want to know everything. Do you have enough money to pay him?"

"More than enough, Ryder; you gave me way too much."

"That's okay; I'm gonna send some extra money to your account for you to cover any more costs."

"That account's been closed for more than three years."

"What're you talking about?"

"Wait, you didn't know?"

"Of course not; why would I close the account I set up for you and my sisters?"

"How the fuck out of it have you been, Ryder? You haven't sent us any money in years. Which is fine, don't get me wrong. I work and make enough; I just thought that you grew tired of always looking out for us, and you know…."

"Mom, none of what you're saying is making any sense. I understand that you believed them when they said it was better for me to cut ties with everyone from my past for a while to get my head straight, but you're my mother. Didn't you find it odd that so many years went by, and you didn't hear from me?"

"I did; I even tried to call. I was starting to get worried; I was going to come out to LA, and I even told Janie that the last time we spoke, but then you started texting the girls, so I thought everything was okay and that maybe you were still mad at me for telling you not to marry her."

"Texting the girls? What do you mean? I haven't talked to the girls in a while; in fact, the only people I've talked to on the phone for quite some time are Scott and Matt." Wait, now that I think about it, that is a bit odd. How come I never realized before just how isolated I've become?

"I don't know what's going on; this is a mess. Do you need me to come out there?"

"No, mom, just keep doing what I asked. I'll take care of things here." What the fuck is going on? And why am I only now hearing about this? More importantly, why did they cut my mother off?

"Mom, I'm going to reopen your account sometime today. I need you to do something else for me."

"Anything, son; what do you need?"

"I might disappear for a while; keep an eye on her for me. On, and one more thing, I'm gonna ditch this phone soon. I don't trust it. I'll call you when I get a new number."

"Sure, no problem, be careful."

"I will don't worry." We hung up, and I went back to brainstorming. I'd spent the night lying awake, putting my plan into action. If I go back to LA, there's bound to be interference, plus I need to go somewhere to get clean.

I don't like this feeling of being watched, being handled. I know my absence is going to cause an uproar, but right now, I don't really care about that. I have this nagging feeling in my more lucid moments that there's something I'm missing, something I either locked out of my mind or some other psychological drama; whatever it is, though, I'm almost certain it's back there in LA. I don't think I trust anyone there.

I'd already turned off the location and everything else on my phone, but I still wasn't taking any chances. I'd rented the room using my alias, but there was no guarantee that it wouldn't be found out before long, so I couldn't stay here much longer.

I'd only planned to stay for long as she was in the hospital since it was within walking distance, but I'll have to find somewhere else to stay in a day or two, if not sooner. I didn't fool myself that my disguise would hold out for too long, especially if the paparazzi had followed her here, but it was the best I could do on such short notice.

All the next day, I was the main topic on the social media circuit. Everyone wanted to know where I was, and there was more than enough speculation to go around. Apparently, I was in South America on a yacht with my darling wife. I wonder who came up with that one.

I'd turned my phone off after talking to mom because there wasn't anyone else I wanted to talk to. Selfish, yes, but the way I was feeling, it was the lesser of two evils. I bet Scott had already told Janie and her family where he thought I was, and it would only be a matter of time before they came looking for me.

They wouldn't make too much of a fuss because they wouldn't want the world to know that I'd run to her side, so they'd have to move slowly, which should buy me some time. It was best for all concerned that we do not meet right now anyway, though they may not know that. It's amazing what becomes clear once you ease up off the drugs.

My head was hot enough to do some damage to certain people, and that would only take me away from her when she needed me, something I'd made up my mind never to do again. There was something niggling at the back of my mind whenever I had that thought, but no matter how I tried, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was.

There was something about protecting Elena that kept slipping my mind, and when I tried to remember what that could possibly be, my head only hurt more. It appears that the drugs I'd drowned myself in to escape the pain of losing her had done a bang-up job, and I'd lost more than time.

I had a lot of work to do on myself, but all of that needed to be put on the back burner until she was okay. The hardest part was the drugs. I had to settle for oxy and whatever pills I'd had in my bag on me, and when it got so bad that I wanted to hit the streets to look for something a bit stronger, I just kept reminding myself that I was doing this for her. But fuck, it was hard.

My mind hadn't allowed me to go beyond her getting out of the hospital. Like I didn't fool myself into thinking that I could just walk back into her life like nothing happened, but there's no way that I could not be here for her now.

I wanted to go see her during the daytime while she was awake, but even that I knew would've been nothing short of selfish and would only be for me, not to mention the cameras that were bound to be staking out the place as well as her family who hates my guts and with good reason.

It's fucked being shut away in a room that you can't leave with nothing but your own company and not enough drugs to numb you. With all that time on my hands, there was nothing left to do but think. I'm not sure what good that did me because my thoughts were still a bit jumbled; I wasn't clear enough to separate truth from fiction and knew that I wouldn't be until I got clean.

I pushed it until as late as I could before stepping out of the hotel and going to the nearest cellphone store. It was a bitch finding anything other than a little mom-and-pop place, which, all things considered, fit into my plans perfectly since the couple who ran the place looked to be about a hundred. They are not fans.

They didn't seem interested in anything more than selling me a phone and some other stuff that I needed. I found a place not too far away to buy some clothes and looked on Google for a dealership nearby. Shit, I don't have enough cash on me to buy a car, not even a used one, since I'd given mom most of the cash I carried on me.

If I use my card, even with the alias, Scott will know, and I have no doubt that he's trying to track me. I decided to hold off on the car until I really needed it since everything I needed was within walking distance.

I'm pretty sure that they'd send someone after me, maybe someone from the church, so it's probably not good to stay in the same place for too long. Damn!

I started looking for another hotel in the area as soon as I got back to my room. I ordered some lunch which tasted like ashes in my mouth, but I forced it down because if I was not well, I wouldn't be able to look out for her. I was avoiding something I knew I had to do, and when I turned on the new phone, things were even worse than the last time I'd checked.

There was talk about calling the cops, and mom had said they'd even hit her up, which was a reach because I hadn't been back to my hometown in years, not that anyone knew of anyway. I bypassed all of that, though, and did a deep dive into what mom had said about the posts that had sent Elena into the depression the guy at the hospital had mentioned, and it was bad.

I felt sick to my stomach reading most of it and wondered how much of that filth was my fault. I wanted to scream and maybe throw myself off a bridge while I was at it, but she was keeping me here. If I leave now, who will protect her from this shit storm? A storm that I had apparently caused.

Now that my mind was somewhat clearer as I went through the older posts and read about how hard she'd had it in those first days, weeks, and months after the split, I felt immense guilt. She was the one who'd helped me clean up my own messed-up image.

When I look back at my life, the only time I was truly happy was the days spent with her. I think I might have lost my humanity without her by my side. And I'd repaid her by putting her in the midst of what for her could've only been hell. But who was behind this?

As much as I dislike and distrust Janie, I found it hard to believe that she had any part in this. Noel and Nicole, yes, this is what they're known for, and their mother is a grandmaster at it. But Janie was supposed to be a sweet Christian girl with morals and shit. She never came across as the type to do this kind of shit.

It was obvious that the unflattering pictures were photoshopped, well, at least to me, someone who knew her body better than anyone else. But the comments and the constant attacks and ridicule would send anyone over the edge.

And I know better than anyone how sensitive Elena is. She's one of those people who think that all it takes is being kind and that kindness would come back to you. It's one of her many virtues I wish I had. That, and her penchant for seeing only the good in people, even the ones who hurt her.

For someone like her, someone with that kind of heart, this has got to be hell. They didn't only attack her body, but they'd gone hard on getting their fans to tear her down with lies and insinuations. They'd dredged up the wedding again, and there was even more speculation about what went down there, which I know must be a very sore spot for Elena.

For the first time, I went even further back into the old posts to see everything that I'd missed, and it was just as bad or worse than what was going on now. I felt ashamed of myself that I didn't know any of this had been going on. Is this why Janie and her dad had suggested that I stay off of social media?

I'd only given in because, back then, the backlash from the public had been brutal. If I had any doubts about how much she was loved, I learned really fast. But someone's PR firm had been working overtime because she took a beating. I'll make whoever was behind this pay a very steep price. In fact, I wanted to do some smearing of my own, but I knew she wouldn't want that. She'd be even more disappointed in me if I stooped to their level.

It was obvious that there was nothing coming from her end, not a peep. Class all the way. And I felt like even more of a fuck up seeing it. How the fuck did I convince myself that Janie was better than Elena? They're not even in the same league. What's that saying? You can't compete where you don't compare. Even a comatose, deaf, and blind man could see that. I fucked up!

I saw my name on a lot of posts and scratched my head as I wondered when I had made them. Some of which were used to hurt her, and others were just filled with taunts and jabs. I don't recall any of it, but there it was on the screen, sent from my accounts for all the world to see. Did people really believe this shit? Even some of my own fans, names that I recognized because they'd been following me since the beginning of my career, had piled on her because of things I supposedly said.

Shouldn't these people know me better? I guess that's a good way to remind myself that fans aren't necessarily my friends. A friend, a true friend, would know me and know that there's no way I could turn off my love for her. But here they were, divided, being used like tools to tear down the better part of my life.

Just on a hunch, I created a few dummy accounts, which was pretty easy, and went scouring not only their pages but mine. It took me hours to wade through the shit that had been attributed to me, things I never would've said no matter how high I was. The shit about my marriage being the love story of the century, I could overlook; who the fuck cares?

But the shit they'd said and done to her using my name was a whole different story. The longer I sat there, the more upset I became because the more I read, the more disgusted I became. Not just with them but with myself. How had I let it come to this?

It breaks my heart to think that she'd gone through that shit alone. Sure, I knew her girls would've been with her. If there's one thing I know, it's that that Sydney chick always has my girl's back. But even there, it appeared that I'd been used as well.

There was some kind of fight between Sydney and me that I knew nothing about. Someone else had once again used my accounts to attack her, and if I knew anything about her, she was not one to back down from a fight. Though I was sure she must hate me right now, I was doubly certain that with her in my girl's corner, she was going to be alright.

But who had used my accounts in this way? And what was their purpose? If only I could remember everything that had gone down, but I don't, and I'm not sure if I'll ever get those memories back. I have to do something, though; things can't go on like this. But first, I have to make sure she gets out of that hospital bed in one piece. Then I'm going to war.