Chapter 91
* Elena *
“What are you thinking about?” I was sprawled across Ryder’s sweaty chest, trailing my fingertip around his nipple lazily as we both tried to catch our breath. As expected, the one thing I needed to turn my very shitty day into sunshine was him, always him.
He’d taken me down as soon as we walked through the door, and just like magic, I forgot about everything else for those moments spent in his arms. It’s amazing how I’d spent the last five years convincing myself that I could live without him, without this, only to realize in the last few days that I had been merely existing, just going through the motions of showing myself and everyone else around me that I was fine. Now, I know that I was anything but.
I lifted my head to look at him when he didn’t answer and realized that the panic was gone. In the past, his silence would’ve made me nervous, and I would’ve found ways to fill the void, always terrified of the silences that seemed to stretch between us at the worst of times.
I felt more confident now as a sick, mentally challenged woman than that young girl who had given her heart and all so blindly. That fear that always seemed to nip at my heels was no longer there because I had already lived through my worst nightmare. Not that I would wish that hell on anyone, not even my worst enemy, but there’s something to be said for putting down that baggage.
“Did you know I called you that day?” I didn’t have to ask what day he was speaking about.
“No, you did?”
“Yeah, about twenty-thirty times. Even as pissed off as I was at you and as high, when the time came, I couldn’t go through with it, not without talking to you. I had a moment of clarity, I think, and locked myself in the bathroom to call, but you never picked up.”
“I didn’t…. Rachel had my phone. She never said a word to me. Of course, I know why now.”
“I left you messages. I don’t remember what I said, but I’m sure I spoke each time I called. I remember the desperation I felt that day.”
“What would you have done if I had answered?”
“I don’t think I would’ve gone through with it. I think even then, I needed you to save me. The way you always did.”
I wasn’t sure how to feel about this new revelation and didn’t want to take myself down a road of what-ifs. I was trying so hard not to look back, though I knew it was going to take some time for me to get there. This betrayal from my so-called friend was just another knife wound to the kidney to add to all the rest.
I still hadn’t decided yet what I wanted to do with her going forward. As far as I knew, she was still with the FEDs, but I hadn’t heard from her, not once. It’s as if she was never an integral part of my life. The one constant besides Sydney, the one I had trusted to get me through the tough days.
I wasn’t sure if to see myself as stupid, too trusting, or na?ve; the verdict was still out on that. I think I was still having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that someone had hated me enough to go to those lengths to hurt me. Because I’d never hurt a soul in my life, I never imagined that anyone could hate me enough to go this far.
“Why do you think this happened to us? I mean, everything happens for a reason, why us? Why this whole fiasco? Other than the fact that your wife is nuts, I mean.”
“Don’t call her that.” He rolled, putting me beneath him on the soft carpet, and my heart tripped in my chest as he leaned over me, looking down at me with that hint of lust and need that I know so well in his eyes.
How is it possible to still love him so much after all the pain and ugliness? I didn’t realize that I’d said the words out loud until he turned his lips into the palm of the hand I’d raised to his cheek and kissed it.
“I don’t know the answer to that, but if it’s anything like I feel, the feeling has never left. It’s just always been there, buried beneath the hell of the last five years. It kills me that we lost so much, and it’s taking everything in me not to go find her and wring her neck. Every time I think about her, I see red, all of them.”
“The anger I feel, not just for myself but for what they put you through, is almost uncontrollable. That’s why I don’t want you to waste another second feeling sorry for her. If the tables were turned, she wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire. I know your heart is soft and beautiful, and I won’t ask you not to feel, but I’m telling you you’re wasting your time on someone who doesn’t deserve it.”
“I know that, but… what’s going to happen to her? What are people going to say about you? About us? She’s a mess, and trust me, I dislike her as much as you do, more even, but she can’t be well mentally. After battling my own demons in that way for so long, I kinda know what she’s going through, how scary it is to be in that dark place with no one around, no one that you want to be anyway.”
“So what do you suggest? Should I go find her and lend her a helping hand?”
“I’m not saying that. I just think that maybe….” I ran my finger down his chest to distract him.
“No, whatever it is, the answer is no. Look at me, stay away from her, don’t think about her, forget she even exists, I will.”
“But she has no money and no one.”
“And whose fault is that? Have you forgotten what she caused us? I haven’t, and I never will. She got off easy because there were days when I gave serious thought to putting a hit out on her and the rest of them.”
“Ryder, don’t say that not even in jest.”
“Who’s joking?”
I slapped his chest, and the mood changed that quick. There was a sudden charge in the air as he pushed my hips apart with his and lowered himself down on top of me. Our lips came together softly as he slid into me, and it felt like coming home.
I forgot about Janie and whatever else we had on the table as he started moving inside me again. Nothing feels better than going back for seconds when I’m still wet and hot from the first. My body was still inflamed, a simmer burning just beneath the surface that ignited with the slightest touch of his hands on my breasts as he fondled them into hard peaks.
I felt wild and abandoned as he thrust into me deeper and deeper, as if his hunger for me knew no end. Part of me still couldn’t believe that we were here like this again in this lifetime, and I wondered how long it would take before I let myself fully believe.
Part of me wanted to hold back, and the heart of me wanted to let go and live again the way I haven’t in a very long time. Each time we come together like this, I’m reminded once again of how empty I was without him. Call me selfish, but when we’re together, with him buried inside me, I don’t care about anything else.
***
*Janie*
I seem to be losing time again. I remember walking from the car or being carried after those two guys closed the garage doors behind us, and that’s it. Now I woke in a room upstairs in the house where I never made it the night before. Someone had brought a bed, one that I’d never seen before, and there were curtains at the window.
Wait, was that whole thing just a dream? I shook my head as I sat up and placed my feet on the floor. My head was spinning, and my mouth tasted foul like something had died in it. I knew it was the after-effects of whatever drug I’d taken and reached for my bag to look for more. None!
My clothes were a mess, and it was only then that I remembered I had no clothes. I’d left L.A. with everything I had on me at the time, which wasn’t much. The thought hit me that right now, I had even less than I went into my marriage with. That wasn’t right, it couldn’t be.
I tried shaking my head to erase the cobwebs, but for some insane reason, everything seemed super clear. On the one hand, I could feel the lingering effects of the drugs in the lethargy in my limbs, but my mind had chosen now to be clear as a bell.
Fear, fear mixed with nausea, climbed up my throat and threatened to choke me. I tried to rush from the bed as the need to throw up hit me hard in the gut, but my legs refused to take direction from my brain and moved at a snail’s pace, causing me to puke all over myself.
By the time I made it to the bathroom, there was nothing left to throw up because there wasn’t much in my stomach to begin with. It was only after I’d splashed some water on my face that I realized two things: the lights and the water were still on; at least, that was something. I have no idea what happens with foreclosures, but I was pretty sure those were two of the first things to go.
When I made my way back to the bedroom, I noticed the bags in the corner. Someone had left me clothes. I snarled at the cheap plastic bags they were in and suffered the indignity of pulling out the sweats and tees from Walmart, of all places. Of all the injustices I’d faced in the last few days, this had to be the worst.
There was no one here, that’s what I told myself as I dragged off my soiled clothing and exchanged them for the less-than-stellar offerings. A nice hot shower would be good right about now, but I don’t think I had the strength to stand that long, and with the way my life was going these days, I was afraid I might drown.
As I pulled the oversized shirt over my head, I thought I heard a noise coming from downstairs. My heart started thudding like a drum against my chest as I tried moving as quietly as possible towards the already open door. I swear, I never have a rational thought unless I’m two sheets to the wind.
Of course, one of the floorboards creaked as soon as I made it out to the landing at the top of the stairs looking down. I almost yelped out loud when I saw the back of someone’s head moving toward the kitchen. The way the person was moving, they either didn’t know that I was there or didn’t care.
I’m not sure how I knew, but I was almost certain they weren’t here to murder me. It could be the hint of expensive perfume, or the custom-fitted dress and silk stockings worn with killer red bottom heels. At least my fashion sense didn’t take a hit; I can still spot couture from a mile away. Just the thought almost made me throw up in my mouth. There were too many questions about what my future held and whether or not I’d ever get my hands on all the designer wear I’d left behind again.
“So you’re up.” She didn’t even turn around when she spoke as if she owned the place.
“Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my house?” Too late, I had the thought that maybe this was the new owner.
“Your house? Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t your family lose everything, including this house?” She finally turned to look at me, and something about her face and voice struck a chord.
“Don’t I know you? Who are you?” I made my way down the stairs, no longer feeling fear.
“Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten me already.”
“Kill the bullshit, who are you? Why do you look so familiar?”
“I should; you tormented me every day for four years.”
“Four…. Oh, right, you’re that Jessica girl, the reject the school took in as one of their yearly tokens.” Even now, I sneered with disgust at the memory. The prestigious private school my parents, had paid out the ass for me to attend had given up to some sort of outside pressure and started letting in society’s rejects to please some blowhard.
I remember Dad and some of the other parents blowing a gasket at the fact that they had to pay out the armpit for their kids to attend, only to be saddled with welfare babies and crackhead spawns. “You can’t be her, she was….”
“Fat? Ugly? Unwanted?”
She carried on into the kitchen, and I followed. There were loads of grocery bags on the counter, and she rifled through one to grab a carton of eggs. “Yes, you were.” It’s not like I made it up. She always looked like her hair never met a comb it liked, and her clothes were always from the low end of a thrift store rack.
She wasn’t the only reject at the school, but she’d stood out like a sore thumb because of her scruffy black skin. Most, if not all, of the others over the years had looked more like me and were given a past, but this one….
She looks so completely different. Gone was the nappy mess she called hair, and in its place was a well-ordered coif full of health and bounce as she moved around the room. She must’ve lost a good fifty pounds or more between high school and now because there wasn’t an ounce of fat on her svelte body encased in the form-fitting designer dress.
“Well, I’m not anymore.” Her face? What happened to her face? Where are all the pockmarks from poor hygiene and acne scars that had plagued her as a teen? This woman looked and sounded like that Jessica person, but there was no way this could be here. It had only been a little more than a decade since we’d last seen each other, and I know she didn’t have the money back then to do all this.
Her presence, her very existence, pissed me off. “What the hell are you doing in my house?”
“Like I said, it’s not yours any longer, and to answer your question, I’m your new roommate.”
“Roommate? What the hell are you talking about?” She walked to the table where the Hermes Kelly sat and opened it to remove an envelope.
“Read it and weep. Actually, you live with me, not the other way around. In case you don’t know what that means, I’m in charge here.” I looked at the piece of paper through blurry eyes, trying to make sense of it all. That little bitch again, I’d almost forgotten her. How the hell did she get ownership of my house?
“Is this some kind of joke? I’m going to call my dad and have you kicked out of here right now.”
“I don’t think that’s going to be possible for the next twenty-five years or so.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“You didn’t know. Oh, well then, let me do the honors.” This time, she pulled out her phone from the overly expensive bag and turned it on before turning the screen to me.
“Your dear old dad has been arrested for the murder of one Mary Hudson. You people seem to be reaping what you sewed at the same time, like a family discount. Where’s your hag of a mother? I haven’t seen her around.”
What the hell is going on. Dad killed Mary? But how, why? Oh shit, a bow and arrow. Dad’s favorite hunting weapon. My mind cleared completely when I remembered the article he’d done a few years ago, one of the last ones that he’d been so proud of. It was now plastered on the front page once again; well, not exactly, it hadn’t even made page six last time. “Oh fuck!