Chapter 81

* Janie *

I fell asleep sometime during the early morning hours, too exhausted from the long drive and everything else in my life to keep my eyes open. I awoke with a start just a few short hours later.

Everything from the last few days came rushing back to memory as the dregs of sleep and whatever dreams I’d had dissipated, leaving me alone and afraid once again. Last night had been brutal, all those people judging me, calling me names, exposing things about me I never wanted the world to know.

Someone had made a timeline of my life with pictures. From the first time I met Ryder to the day of our wedding. It caused a great stir in the comments; people were laughing at me, calling me pathetic as a light was shone on the truth that I’d gone to such lengths to keep hidden from the public.

There were things mentioned that even I had forgotten, but because of that shit, I was made to face ridicule, and now everyone was singing the same tune, and I was being painted as the villain while their precious Elena was the victim of my machinations.

No one seemed to care that I was in love with him, that I only wanted my piece of the pie. Why was that so wrong? I still don’t understand, and I guess I never will. I’m not some monster who set out to come between them; in fact, I never gave much thought to her or her stupid feelings once it became clear that I stood a chance.

Which one of them would give up their own happiness for someone else’s? But the way they were making it seem as if I’d done it all on my own was sticking in my craw. Ryder was there, too, wasn’t he? He could’ve said no at any time, couldn’t he?

But wait, they knew the truth about that now as well. They knew about the schemes his own people had set into play, the drugs he’d been fed to keep him in line; they knew it all. I rubbed the sudden chill from my arms as I recalled the vicious things that had been said to me.

Why are these people still so obsessed with a dead love story anyway? It’s been more than five years at this point, and like a rabid dog with a bone, they’re still hankering for those two to get back together. But what does that say about me and my love story, my life with him?

Was the past five years nothing in their eyes? Didn’t I deserve my own happiness? Why had everyone turned on me so easily? Why was I seen as so much different from her? I don’t get it. Why is it always her?

And Ryder, how could he so easily throw me to the wolves? It was as if he never had any feelings for me whatsoever, something I knew after spending the last five years waiting for him to acknowledge me. But did he have to tell the whole world how much he disliked me?

I never expected him to be so brutally honest about the whole situation; what the hell was his PR team thinking to let him expose everything that way? He’d left me no face, nowhere to hide; it was as if he was trying to destroy me. How had it all come to this? In the blink of an eye, almost everything had crumbled.

The worst part was the way the fans who had once been on my side had so easily jumped ship. In the past, when something like this happened, when Elena’s faction of sycophants got on their soapbox to start shit, all it would take was a few thousand dollars spent on bots to turn the tide, but now I didn’t even have that option since I was low on funds and that little bitch had cut off all avenues to the money I once had.

I told myself it was time to get up; I had things to do, and laying here in this empty room in an abandoned house wasn’t going to get me any closer to a solution. I had no one to rely on; everyone was gone, so it was up to me to pull myself together.

But I was tired, hungry, and afraid. My body ached all over when I tried to move, and worst of all, I was out of drugs. I could already feel the withdrawals coming on, so first things first, I needed to find something to take the edge off. I knew from experience that I wouldn’t be of any use to myself or anyone else until I got my fix, so there was no point in beating myself up for not being motivated enough.

I almost wish I’d been left in that hospital room. At least there, I’d been shut away from the rest of the world, and no one knew where I was, presumably. Had it only been a couple of days since I’d left? Why did it feel like all of that happened a lifetime ago? So much had happened, too much, in fact, and I couldn’t seem to find my bearings.

My stomach rumbled, reminding me that I hadn’t eaten in a while, and if this wasn’t my life, I would find it laughable. Here I was, married to one of the wealthiest entertainers in the business, and I didn’t have enough money to buy a loaf of bread.

I looked around the shabby room of my childhood home, which looked even shabbier in the daylight, and tried hard not to feel sorry for myself.

This was all that bitch’s fault. If she had died or gone completely insane like I wanted and tried my damnedest to make a reality, none of this would be happening to me now. Ryder would’ve forgotten her, and with only me by his side, our lives would’ve become the fairytale I always imagined. Now I was left with nothing while they were having candlelit dinners and holding hands across tables.

Instead of giving in to the feeling of defeat that kept nipping at my heels, I fought it back somehow with the last bit of strength I had left and found my resolve. It’s time to put my plan into action. If my life was going to shit, I’d make sure she never gets the happily ever after she wants, either. Even if it kills me, I’m going to destroy her.

I picked up my phone to go pain-diving into those comments from the night before. Not that I need anything to feed my anger, but seeing them again will surely help me keep that fire burning. There were a million alerts on my phone which I planned to ignore until something caught my eye that left me cold.

Mary and Scott? Why those two? Why now? Was this somehow connected to their part in getting Ryder and me together? If so, who was behind their deaths? My body started to shake, and I jumped up to go check around the house, suddenly more afraid than I had ever been before.

I only breathed easy once I reassured myself that no one else was in the house with me. Silly me, no one knew I was here. My car was well hidden, so even the nosy neighbors wouldn’t know that anyone was here. I was safe, at least for the time being. But what if that person was looking for me now? What’s going to happen with my life, and where the hell is my dad?

He was partly responsible for all of this, and now that I needed him most, he was nowhere to be found. My own mother was dodging me as well, and there was no one left to call. I have no friends. I have no one. How did this happen? Where were all the people who once clamored to be part of my inner circle?

Sure, I always knew they were only there because of Ryder, but surely they’d come to like me for myself at some point over the years. A nagging voice in my head whispered that I should stop fooling myself, that it was time to give up the dream.

All I ever wanted was to be like them. Like Ryder and Elena. Their love story was plastered all over the world for years, everyone loved them, and they were on their way to being the new Hollywood ‘it’ couple before I came along and put an end to it. At least that made me smile.

I still find some semblance of joy in the fact that I had hurt her as much as I had. Don’t get me wrong; I have no personal vendetta against her; at least, I didn’t use to. I just wanted so much to be her, to be loved like that by someone as beautiful as Ryder was when he was with her.

That voice nagged again, reminding me that he was never like that with me. He’d been less than a shell of himself when we were together. The beautiful boy with the golden voice had become little more than a drugged-out wreck during our years of marriage.

But he’d cleaned himself up for her, obviously, because the pictures of him these days looked nothing like he had the past five years with me. It hurt; it hurt so much that my heart felt as if it was being drowned in acid.

Why couldn’t he have loved me like that? My stomach hurt now from more than hunger as the pain the drugs had kept at bay found free rein. I felt it all crashing down on me, everything that I had lost, and now with this, Mary’s death, I knew there was no coming back.

As much as I hated her guts, I always knew that she was the glue holding Ryder and me together. She always had the answers and was always ready with a suggestion, and it had always worked. But now, two of the people who had facilitated my entire relationship with Ryder, part of the team who had made my marriage possible, were gone, and it hit home just how alone and friendless I truly was.

Noel and Nicole might be able to help, but they were the last people I wanted to talk to right now, and besides, they were probably busy dealing with their mother’s death. As bad as my situation was, I still found a little joy in her demise; I hope the bitch suffered.

Whoever it was should take care of them next and make my life a lot better. I wonder how arrogant they would be now that their backer was gone. It didn’t say much about how she died, but it was obvious from the article that it hadn’t been from natural causes.

There was an outpouring of support for the family, which rubbed me the wrong way. Don’t these people know what that family was really like? The woman they were mourning was a demon from the pits of hell. She’d destroyed my life, fanned the flames of my innocent obsession instead of being the friend she pretended to be, and told me to leave it alone.

If she or my dad at any point had taken the blinders off for me, none of this would be happening, and I wouldn’t find myself in the predicament I’m in. Why hadn’t anyone told me? Why had they all fed my hunger to get close to him?

I know why. It was to serve their own purpose. They all used me, and I’m glad the bitch is dead. I started laughing hysterically and couldn’t stop even as tears of fear and dread rolled down my face. “I’m glad you’re dead, you evil bitch. If I live to see it, I’ll piss on your grave.”

Before I could think better of it, I used one of my alias accounts to post the most inflammatory message I could think of, exposing the fact that Mary Hudson and her daughters were little more than a madam with her prostituting puppets. I laughed as I imagined the feeding frenzy, and it wasn’t long before the questions started coming.

For the next half an hour, I enjoyed myself dishing all I knew about them and reveling in the comments from people who shared their own experiences with that family and some who had always suspected that there was something more to them than was shown on their stupid TV show.

Good, I shouldn’t be the only one suffering behind this mess. They played just as big a part in all this. But wait a minute; there was something else that the public didn’t know that Elena didn’t know, something that was sure to eat away at her and maybe send the bitch over the edge. Now was the perfect time to reveal that little nugget since every second that she suffered was life to me.

It wouldn’t be wise to use this account, though, so I switched to another. I lost my train of thought just as I was about to start typing. No doubt, it happened because of the reminder that I could no longer get into Ryder’s accounts the way I used to, which was a shame. I had some of my best days using his name to drag her ass online, and the fans used to eat it up.

It was a souring reminder that those same fans were now singing her praise, some of them even going so far as to apologize for not supporting her over the years. Once again, she was the little princess in everyone’s eyes when only a month ago, she was seen as nothing but a dried-up half-crazy bitch who hadn’t gotten over her lost love.

No one wanted her because she’d shown the world with her behavior that her heart already belonged to someone else, so who would be dumb enough to go there? I was living my dream, well, sort of. At least the public didn’t know how desperate my existence was with a husband who detested me and a father who saw me as nothing more than a cash cow.

Even my modeling career, sparse as it had been, was all thanks to Ryder, but now that he had exposed me, there was no hope for that either. No one was breaking down my door to offer me projects. In fact, that hadn’t happened in quite some time.

Meanwhile, that Nicole bitch was making bank all on the back of her family name, a name that wouldn’t be worth anything if the world knew the truth about who and what they really were.

I thought about their brother again, the only male in their family, the one who knew just as much as I did about them, but I think I had lost the chance to use him against them. I didn’t have any leverage there anyway, not unless he was in the mood to out his monster of a mother for the scheming bitch she was.

It didn’t matter now anyway since she was dead, but I could still fan the flames as I was sure everyone Mary had stepped on, on her way up would be coming out of the woodwork to get their pound of flesh. Besides, right now, it was the only thing I had keeping me from losing it, and I was looking forward to getting my hands on Elena.

When I started the drive here, it seemed very plausible to just grab her off the streets and take her somewhere where I could spend some time dealing with her, but now that the drugs had worn off, I was beginning to see how flawed those plans were.

Speaking of drugs, my skin was starting to itch in the worst way, and my mouth was dry. If I didn’t get something to take the edge off, I’m afraid I would start climbing the walls soon. My eyes felt like they were widening as I sat there, and I could feel my fingers starting to tingle, sure signs that I needed a fix.

This was never a problem before since I always had something on hand. There was never any fear of running out because there was more than enough money in my control, but now it was all gone. I won’t go back to a life of drudgery and poverty; I can’t.

I have no skills to fall back on. I’d spent the last years of school focused on one thing and one thing only, and with the assurance of my father and Mary that I would one day be Ryder’s wife, I’d not put too much effort into my studies. Even if I had, what kind of life would I have if I had to go back to being a nobody?

Everyone knew me by now, and everyone would point and stare no doubt if I even attempted to have a life. It was over, all gone, with nothing to show for it. All my hard work had crumbled in less than one night, something it had taken me years to build.

Was it even worth it to relive those days? Days when I still had hope. Things had seemed so promising in the beginning. I’d forgotten in no time that the only reason Ryder was even with me was because of the hill of lies he’d been led to believe. By my wedding day, I’d convinced myself that it was real, that he truly loved me, and if our love wasn’t as strong as theirs, that it would one day get there.

I’d failed to see the signs, too caught up in the dreams I’d woven around the two of us to see the truth that was right in front of my eyes. It hadn’t taken long for the veil to be ripped from my eyes, though. My wedding night, when my new husband turned away from me in disgust, the night he spent sitting on the bathroom floor crying over his lost love, that’s when I first realized that things were not going to be what I’d imagined.

It was then I was tasked by Mary and Scott to feed him the drugs that would keep him by my side, and even then, I’d somehow convinced myself that he was mine. I’d overlooked the drugs and the fact that without them, he’d probably have gone running back to her within days of our getting married.

I couldn’t have that, and neither could the others, so they were more than willing to help me do whatever it took to keep him with me. But to what end? He was still back with her, and I was left out in the cold with nothing and no one. He’d never given me a chance, and now the whole world knows. How, then, can I face life after this?

He’d left nothing to the imagination last night with his posts. If anyone had any doubts before, they were all gone now, and they’d heard it straight from the horse’s mouth, so there was no denying the truth of what had been said.

He’d even divulged the fact that I had been the one using his accounts over the years to spread rumors and hate against Elena. He’d left me no dignity as he showed no mercy. Knowing him, he was probably doing it all for her, always for her. He was trying to make me hurt as much as I’d hurt her.

Now the whole world knows that I’d lied and schemed my way into his life from the very first time we met. The story I’d told in interviews about us only getting together once the two of them were over was now destroyed by his own hand. When the hell did he become Mr. Honesty?

For her, for her, he’d seen no problem with destroying me. Did he even give me a thought? Did he have even an ounce of compassion for me? It was obvious that he didn’t; he’d made it more than plain that I was nothing to him. Others may not realize it because he didn’t come right out and say it, but I knew he hated me.

Without drugs clouding his mind, he now saw me as an evil monster who’d disrupted his perfect life. Now everyone was blaming me not only for the demise of their precious relationship, oh barf, but also for the fact that he’d become nothing more than a junkie while with me.

They’d made comparisons between his time with me and his time with her, and of course, I lost once again. Whatever, to the victor goes the spoils. She’d won; she’d beaten me even after the hell that I had put her through. I hate her for that most of all. The fact that I had taken everything from her had broken her to the point that she could barely function those first few years after our marriage, only for her to now come back stronger than ever.

It’s not fair; I haven’t done anything wrong, nothing to deserve losing like this. I’d done nothing to have the world see me as this monster they were now painting me as. I was just a girl who’d fallen in love with an ideal. I’d just wanted a little bit of what she had. Her life was so perfect from the outside looking in, and I’d just wanted a taste of it. Was that so wrong?

She had everything; even now, when she should be broken and desperate, she once again was the one to shine while I was stuck here in this piece of shit house with nothing to my name. He couldn’t even give me that.

I’d come to accept that the divorce was real; I had no choice once I realized how he’d tricked me into signing those papers that day. That MengeLiNi person had said that he’d put everything in Elena’s name years ago and had shown proof.

Why had he done that? From the documents she’d sent, it had happened while we were together, within the first year. That meant that he’d distrusted me even then. All the times I’d been trying and hoping, he’d already checked out.

I let the tears fall without fighting them back this time because if I couldn’t feel sorry for myself, who the hell would? I’d really and truly lost this game and had nothing to come back with. It wasn’t even that I hadn’t planned for any and all contingencies; I had. I had money stashed away just in case; I’d started once it became obvious that Ryder was never going to love me the way I wanted.

Even though I knew that keeping him drugged and under my control could last a lifetime, I hadn’t wanted to take any chances, plus I was never too comfortable with the people around him that could change my life in one second if they chose to. So I had been squirreling away money here and there over the years that had grown into a pretty decent nest egg.

But it was all gone now, thanks to that MengeLiNi bitch, and I still don’t understand how she even knew about the money or where to find it. The doorbell rang, making me almost jump out of my skin, and I crept toward the peephole to see who was out there, terrified that whoever had murdered Mary and Scott had found my hiding place.

My feet felt like they were laden with lead with each step I took, and it was hard being quiet as much as I was shaking, but I made myself go to the door instead of sitting there like a sitting duck.

There was no one there, but a small box had been left on the top step. Maybe it was a delivery for my dad from someone who didn’t know that he’d lost the house. That’s another thing, with all the money he’d begged from Ryder to pay off the mortgage, how had he lost the house anyway in the end?

What had he done with the millions of dollars Ryder had given him over the years? I looked around and didn’t see anyone. I picked up the package and saw my name. How did someone know I was here? I slammed the door and ran back to the room, sitting with my back to the corner, out of sight of the window from anyone looking in.

The box fell from my hand twice before I was able to get it open. I was surprised at what I found there, pills. I looked for the name of the sender and found none. I know I shouldn’t, but I need something, anything, to take me away from this hell for a while.

I swallowed three of them, not even caring what they were at this point. It wasn’t long before I felt the effects, and I was relieved to see that there was no harm done. In fact, I felt more at peace than I had in days. There was a feeling of lightness, and all the worries of the last hour just seemed to disappear.

I smiled as my eyes began to drift closed, and a shadow crossed the wall.