Chapter 13

"Okay, last call, ladies and gentlemen," I call out as I turn the music down. "And I use the word gentleman very, very loosely."

My announcement is met with loud groans and grumbles of protest. It's the same routine we go through every night, but there's something comforting about the familiar. About the routine. I like knowing what to expect. Although I've never enjoyed surprises, I have to admit the biggest surprise in my life has turned out to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. And as I watch her hustle across the bar, talking and laughing with all the regulars as she drops off their drinks, all I can do is shake my head and smile.

Cassie is amazing in every sense of the word. She's brought a joy to my life I never believed could be had, let alone something I could ever have for myself. She's opened me up in ways I never expected and has made me feel things I've never experienced before. There's just something about her that's compelled me to open the gates and tear down the walls I built around myself when I was young and have maintained my whole life. And it's seemed so effortless. She swept into my life, showed me there are better things, and gave me a love that hardly seemed real to me.

I've been content to live my life alone, focusing on the things that are important to me—like my bar—and never giving thought to emotions or things like being in love. But just as she has with everything else in my life, when Cassie swept in with the force of a hurricane, she tore down every barrier and upended every notion I had about life. And about myself. She's turned my life and my entire world upside down in the best way possible.

The one dark cloud that continues to hover over this sudden sea of love and tranquility I'm floating in though is, of course, my son. I didn't know about him for the first twenty years of his life, and when he found me, we were walking a rocky path toward building a relationship. There were some false starts and some missteps, but at least we were doing it together. But when Cassie left his world and stepped into mine, the mask slipped, and I saw him for who he really was. And I didn't like what I saw. I still don't.

Part of me is being choked by a profound guilt. Part of me thinks if I'd known about Zane and had helped raise him, I could have taught him to be a good person. I could have taught him that you treat women with respect. Dignity. If I had been part of his life all along, I could have shown him a better way in life. I'm not blaming any one thing in his life for how he turned out, but without a firm and steady male hand guiding him, he perhaps missed out on some important life lessons.

It's a mixed bag, though. If not for Zane's terrible behavior, I might not have ever met Cassie. It's a twist of fate unlike anything I've ever experienced before—hell, unlike anything I've ever heard of before—but Cassie is fond of saying that the universe often conspires to bring people who belong together into each other's orbits. I was never a believer in the universe or fate or anything like that, but having experienced the way things fell into place with Cassie, it just seems true and right.

But I can't deny that I miss my son. For all his faults, I love the kid. He's my son, how could I not? It's been more than a month though since our last meeting in his apartment that night. I've reached out a couple of times, sending him a text or leaving him a message, but I haven't gotten anything back from him. He's as good at holding a grudge as I am. Cassie thinks I just need to give him some space and that he'll come around, eventually. I'm not so optimistic, but there's really nothing I can do anyway except learn to heal and ignore that hole in my heart.

"The boys at Georgie's table would like one last round," Cassie says as she steps to the bar.

"Of course, they would."

I gaze at her as I pour the night's last pint for George. Although Zane has left a hole in my heart, Cassie is helping to fill it. Every day I have with her is special, and everything I learn about her only makes me want to learn more. She makes me act like a giddy goddamn teenager. And I have never been giddy. Not even as a teenager. But it's all just part and parcel of the cornucopia of emotions this girl has made me experience.

I finish pouring out the drinks, and as I set them down on her tray, the bells over the door tinkle as it opens.

"We're closing up," I call out.

"Cash," Cassie says, her voice carrying a note of caution.

I raise my gaze to the door and pause as Zane steps through. He's got an inscrutable look on his face and seems edgy, like a rabbit ready to bolt at the merest whiff of danger in the wind. He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair, and I'm reminded again of just how much he looks like me. How many of his mannerisms are the same as mine. And knowing him as well as I know myself, I can see that he's nervous.

As he crosses the bar, Cassie shoots me an uneasy look. I give her a nod, silently telling her things will be okay. She picks up her tray and bustles off, but I can see her shooting furtive glances back at me. Zane steps to the bar and looks down, unable to meet my eyes for a long moment. The air between us is pregnant with expectation, and I can practically smell the fear wafting off my son. It's clear that being here isn't easy for him.

"Hey, have a seat," I say just to break the ice. "Get you a beer?"

"Aren't you closing up?"

"I know the owner. He'll be fine with one more beer."

A wan smile touches his lips. "Yeah. A beer would be great. Thanks."

I pour him out a pint and pour one out for myself as well. I set the glass down in front of him and lean on the bar across from him. We both remain quiet as we sip our beers. Zane's tone and demeanor are markedly different from the last time we spoke, and it only fuels my curiosity. More than that, it ignites a small spark of hope inside me that maybe we can repair things between us after all. It's a weak and guttering flame, but it's more than I had an hour ago.

Cassie busies herself with some work on the other side of the bar and is giving us a wide berth. But she's stealing glances at us, and I can see the look of concern on her face. Unlike the last time we spoke, Zane has cleaned himself up. He's wearing clean clothes, his hair is cut short and neatly styled, he's freshly shaven, and his skin doesn't have the greasy, pale pallor it did the last time I saw him. He looks good. Healthy.

"It's been a little while," I say.

He nods. "Yeah."

"How have you been?"

He shrugs. "Fine."

"What have you been up to?"

"Got back into my culinary classes," he replies. "I'm going to finish out my schooling."

"That's good, Zane. Good for you."

"Yeah," he says, his voice gaining a little more confidence. "After that, I'm hoping to hook onto a successful restaurant. Start as a sous chef and work my way up. I'm hoping that with time and experience, I'll be an executive chef somewhere. After that, I want to open up my own spot. It'll take some time and effort, but that's the plan."

"That sounds like a solid plan. I'm proud of you."

"Yeah, thanks."

He falls silent, and we sip our beers again. Cassie shoots me a curious, somewhat worried look, and I subtly shake my head, telling her that everything is fine. I think it is, anyway. I don't know why Zane really came here tonight, but I'm pretty sure it's about more than his plans for the future. I'm not going to force the issue, though. I'm going to let this play out, and he'll get around to talking to me about why he's here when he's ready. It just seems like he's working up the nerve to do it.

As George and the rest of the guys finish up their drinks, they glance my way, seemingly ready to give me my nightly ration of shit. They seem to pick up on the tense energy between me and Zane because instead of busting my balls, they give me a quick, respectful wave and depart without a word. The silence between us lingers for several more minutes. But I stand there, letting him know that I'm not going anywhere and am ready to talk when he's up for it. He drains his beer and finally raises his gaze to me.

"Another beer?" I ask.

He shakes his head. "I'm good, thanks."

"So what's up, kid?"

He sighs. "Given how things ended the last time we talked, I know there's still a lot of tension and bad blood."

"Not on my end. I get why you were pissed," I reply. "I don't want to rehash it all and while you know my position already, suffice it to say I get it, kid."

"Yeah, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've had a lot of time to think about the things I said and the things you said."

"Yeah?"

He nods. "Yeah," he says and pauses for a moment before adding, "I think I'll take that beer now, actually."

"You got it."

I pour him another and watch as he takes a deep swallow, still seeming to be working up the courage. It seems to me like he's really used the time we haven't been speaking to reflect on himself. I see that as a good thing. Potentially. Depending on what conclusions he's drawn. Zane's jaw muscles flex as he clenches his jaw while gently setting his glass down.

"Believe it or not, but I really did care about Cassie," he says.

"I don't doubt you did."

"But you were right about me treating her badly. I did."

His voice is soft and carries a strong tone of contrition I didn't expect to hear.

"At the time, I didn't realize I was doing it, but yeah, looking back on things, I can see that I treated her like shit. I was an asshole and I feel terrible about that," he says.

"That's good, kid. But I think you should tell her that."

"I will," he replies. "But I also realized I treated you like shit too."

"Nah. You didn't?—"

"I did. I was so cautious about things with you that I kept you out of most of the areas of my life. I see now that I kept you so far out of my life that you didn't even know Cassie's name, let alone know that I was with her. I see that now," he says. "So, while it still bothers me that you're with her, I know that you didn't go behind my back and take her away from me. I drove her away, and it's an unbelievable fucking coincidence, but she ended up on your doorstep. I see now that's not your fault or her fault. It's mine."

"Between this and your future plans, it sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking."

"I have. And I guess I have you to thank for that," he replies. "If you hadn't kicked me in the ass like you did, my head may have never fallen out of it."

We share a chuckle, and in that moment, something between us breaks loose. Like a wall that had been previously high and impenetrable has come crumbling down. It's the first time we've had that sense of openness in the couple of years since Zane first appeared in my life. I don't want to get too far out over my skis, but I think it's a big step in our relationship. An important step.

"We all need a kick in the ass sometimes," I tell him. "God knows I've needed it a time or ten in my life. Thankfully, I've always had somebody there to help me pull my head out. And I want you to know that I'm here for you too, kid. In whatever way you need. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen. If you need advice, I'll do the best I can. Or if you need some distance, I get that too."

"I think the distance you gave me was exactly what I needed," he says. "But I think I've done a lot of self-reflection and maybe a little growing up in that time."

"It seems like it to me."

"I'm not going to say this will be easy. Seeing you with Cassie is still weird and uncomfortable. I can't say there won't be times when I get a little angry or resentful. It's something I'll work on," he says. "But I also think if you're willing to help me through those times, we can get through them. Together. We can build the kind of relationship I wanted with my dad when I first came looking for you. If you still want to build that relationship with me, anyway."

His voice at the end is filled with uncertainty, but also with a touch of hope. I'm not an overly emotional man. Shit, I can't remember the last time I cried. It was probably back when I was in the Army and saw a buddy get killed overseas. But hearing Zane's words—my son's words—chokes me up. My eyes sting and my vision wavers as my face grows uncomfortably and unexpectedly warm. I open the gate and step through the bar then walk over to my son and pull him into a rough but heartfelt embrace. He hesitates for a moment then hugs me back.

"Of course, I want to build a relationship with you, kid," I say. "You're my son, and no matter what, I love you."

Zane buries his face in my shoulder, and though he does his best to control himself, his body shakes as he quietly cries. I turn to see Cassie with her hands over her mouth, her eyes gleaming with tears of her own. A trembling smile crosses my face as I hold my son, and together, the dark clouds that surrounded my heart begin to dissipate, allowing the golden sunshine through.

And suddenly, the last pieces of the puzzle of me fall into place, and I have a sense of completeness. For the first time in my life, I feel whole.