Chapter 5

Ryan sat back, admiring Graham. Fitted shirt, designer jeans, shiny black leather shoes. Razor sharp haircut, fade at the sides and back, longer on top in a sort of quiff. Very short trimmed beard. He was as tall as Ryan; he'd noticed when standing to shake hands. Maybe a bit taller. Ryan liked that. Confident, a big bloke, visited the gym, probably as much as Ryan did.

Straight obviously.

Not that Sam had said, he'd had no reason to. Here's my brother, who's gay. No. People didn't introduce their siblings in that way.

‘It's not a philosophical problem,' Graham was saying now.

He'd been talking, but Ryan hadn't listened, instead he'd sat back and admired him, from afar, from a purely aesthetic perspective.

Having watched Graham and Sam discuss their mum's debt, knowing what had happened before that, Ryan felt stupid coming here to talk about his problem. He was a whinger. Stupid problem – my mum's getting married to some bloke who's a bit older than her. What sort of an idiot thinks that's bad news?

‘Are you all right?' Sam asked. ‘Graham's asked you three times about your mum getting married.'

Had he? Ryan shook his head, blushed with embarrassment. ‘It's a nice problem to have, isn't it? Divorced parent being happy.'

‘Depends,' Sam said.

‘With Dad, it happened so fast I didn't have time to object or worry. And it was all wrapped up with the fact that he'd come out. That was the biggest thing about him getting with Matt. I know it was soon after their divorce, but I didn't worry about Dad being taken for a ride as much as Mum.'

‘Why?' Graham asked. His eyes glinted. Shone in fact. Widened in something Ryan hoped was interest.

Couldn't be desire in Graham's eyes. Ryan was clearly reading things into stuff that wasn't there. Refocussing his thoughts, Ryan said, ‘Because, well, she's a woman and he's a man. Dad's big enough and old enough and ugly enough to look after himself.'

‘Don't you think your mum's all those things too?' Sam asked.

‘For the record,' Graham said, ‘your dad is definitely not ugly. Nor your mum. They're both very attractive. Ageing well. I often cite them with clients when we're talking about approaching fifty. He's nearly fifty, isn't he, your dad?'

‘Forty-eight.' Ryan swallowed. ‘Matt's twenty-eight. Same age as me.' That still felt odd sometimes. Not often, but sometimes. Ryan wondered if it would ever not feel odd. And Graham had just complimented his dad and mum on their good looks, which unhelpfully didn't give Ryan any more clues as to which way Graham liked his bread buttered. To use his mum's polite phrase when she'd tried to tell him she didn't mind if he was gay, straight, or anything in between as long as he was happy. A very awkward conversation Ryan had shut down by saying nothing.

‘The bigger issue,' Sam said, ‘is why you think you need to protect your mum from herself, when you didn't for your dad.'

That was indeed the bigger issue. If Ryan put to one side for a moment, the other big thing in his eyeline, which was Graham. Whispers of that night with in the car on the family holiday flashed through his mind. Would Graham need to get stoned and drunk before he wanted to…?

‘Maybe I'll wait until I've met Dave,' Ryan said. ‘I'll know as soon as I meet him if I trust him or not.'

‘Don't you think your reaction is a bit over-protective?' Sam asked.

‘I'm just being practical. If she marries him and they divorce, she'll lose half the house, half everything she got from Dad in the settlement. Half of what she worked for while they were married. Gone to this man, who I don't even know.' He wasn't being emotional at all. He wasn't that. As much as possible he avoided messy feelings.

‘Well, that's settled,' Graham said. ‘You'll wait until you've met your mum's new beau and perhaps suggest some practical solutions to protect her, should things go…awry.'

Sam nodded. ‘Right. And we'll repay Mum's debt, knowing we have the moral high ground.'

‘Easy for you to say, if you're only paying a little bit and it's me left paying a big chunk plus monthly amounts my hard-earned cash.' Graham stood. ‘Now that's cleared up, who wants another?'

He was taller than Ryan. Good. Why had he thought that? ‘Talking of hard-earned money, what do you do?'

‘Hasn't he told you?' Graham looked at Sam.

Sam shook his head. ‘Nobody cares. It's boring. So, what if my brother's bought a red-carpet dress for Cameron Diaz. Who gives a shit?'

‘Don't forget the suit for George Clooney's appearance at the Oscars, a few years ago.' Graham puffed out his chest a little.

It was impressive, Ryan noticed, Graham's chest more than the George Clooney suit. The shirt was tight across the front, two clearly delineated pectoral muscles. The sleeves were rolled up, thick biceps, dark hair, tanned skin. Very nice. Ryan coughed, spluttering, stopped staring at Graham's skin. ‘So, you do costumes for films and TV?'

‘Tried that. Wasn't for me. Lots of it is retro. Eighties, Nineties, Regency, all that. I'm more interested in fashion at the cutting edge. Helping people to apply what's in fashion now to their body shape, lifestyle and make themselves the best version they can be.'

‘Nice. You should write that down,' Ryan said, invertedly flirting a little, then stopping himself, because he didn't know anything and besides Sam was there and it was his brother, so…

Graham grinned. Straight white teeth. Twinkly green eyes. ‘It's on my website. My mission statement.'

Ryan's unconscious had a few ideas about an alternative mission he wouldn't mind Graham embarking on…

‘Same again,' Graham asked, once confirmed, he left. He strode back to the bar, head held high, arms not wide at the sides, but enough to give him more presence. The shirt fitted as if it had been made for him; showing off a perfect V shaped back.

Confident Graham was out of earshot, Ryan turned to Sam. ‘Does he have a wife?' He nodded towards where Graham had walked.

Sam laughed. Continued laughing for a while longer. ‘Are you serious?' He narrowed his eyes. ‘Why?'

‘Nothing. He's…' Fascinating, impressive, mesmerising. ‘I think I could learn a lot from him. Confidence-wise. I'm too…' Reserved. ‘Maybe I should face up to things more. Rather than shrugging them off.' A pause, and then: ‘Is he married or not?'

‘I can't believe I've not told you before. Why would it come up?' Sam shrugged. ‘He's single, never married. And he's as gay as a box of birds. Gay gym, gay holidays, donates to gay charities, used to have gay hobbies, but he's too busy now, used to have lots of gay friends, but he doesn't talk about them much now. But he doesn't shout about it; it's not everything about who he is, but it's part of him. Never has time for boyfriends. The last one was enough to put him off for life.'

Ryan found this absolutely fascinating. Needed to know more, but couldn't ask Graham.

Graham returned with their drinks. ‘Put who off for life?' He looked from one man to the other.