Epilogue

And, as Graham discovered as the weeks became months, the months became a year, and then that became nearly two years, that really was that.

They didn't spend a night apart after that evening. Ryan secured a promotion at a company making and designing aeroplane parts. It was engineering, but not as he'd imagined when he was at university. Graham said sometimes life was like that and Ryan agreed.

Whenever Ryan travelled for work, Graham went too, they explored Europe together.

Sam wasn't too happy when Ryan announced he was moving out, but soon cheered up when he added he was buying a larger apartment with Graham. In London's docklands, a new development near the Thames, it was large enough for Sam and his live-in girlfriend to stay whenever they wanted, plus there was enough space for a cat room for their three rescue moggies to climb the indoor tree, perch on shelves, scratch and play when they'd grown tired of the enclosed balcony or the rest of the apartment.

Graham kept his smaller apartment, letting it out, not in case anything happened between him and Ryan, but because he had no pension, having been self-employed most of his life, and he needed something for when they grew old and grey together.

Now, Graham stood on their balcony, holding the large ginger boy cat, looking through the wire to the Thames below, as a boat went past generously festooned with fairy lights, the passengers singing ‘Happy Birthday' to someone. Even now, Graham smiled remembering Julia and Dave's wedding and what Ryan had done there. He never believed he'd find a man who'd care for him, love him, as he had done others for so long. But Ryan was that man. He fitted into that role perfectly, loving being the protector, the organiser, the one who shielded Graham from life's misfortunes. Finally, Graham knew, he could set down his shield and allow Ryan look after him. Graham too, took great pleasure in caring for Ryan, when he needed it; allowing him to experience the uncomfortableness of his emotions, working through what they meant, until Ryan came out the other side, knowing what to do.

Of course, Graham wouldn't stop caring for Sam, that was in his nature and something he couldn't change. But Sam was nearly twenty-five, settled with a girlfriend, creating his own life, he didn't need Graham's help in the same way as before. And Graham was fine with that.

The door clicked, signalling Ryan was home.

Graham carried the cat into the sitting room, where he greeted Ryan with a kiss, then Ryan stroked the cat.

‘Are you ready?' Ryan asked.

‘Packed for us both. Your mum is buzzing with excitement.'

Ryan's parents had suggested a family holiday in a forest holiday village, staying in a treehouse, secluded from the other lodges, and away from the prying eyes of the media. It was to be a weekend with no devices, no screens, only family time together.

Graham had thought it a little odd that Julia and Grant wanted to holiday together with their new spouses, but Ryan explained they were nauseatingly adult about it all, and both wanted to spend time with Ryan and Sophie, plus their partners.

‘Is it a little bit weird?' Ryan asked, sitting on the sofa.

‘Which part? Your parents still being friends, everyone holidaying together like you and your sister are teenagers, or that it's the same place as your last family holiday in the UK?'

Ryan shrugged. ‘All of the above.'

When it was suggested by his parents, Ryan had explained to Graham why he was worried about returning to that particular holiday village and Graham had said he would do whatever Ryan felt comfortable with, meaning that eventually Ryan had decided the past was the past and he would accept his parents' invitation.

‘You were just eighteen,' Graham said now, ‘no one who's just eighteen has much of a clue what they're doing. About anything. That's the point of being a teenager. Like I said, it's all ancient history now. Besides,' Graham went on, ‘if I ever met him, I'd thank that lifeguard.'

‘Why?' Ryan frowned.

‘Because if he hadn't lit that little pink, rainbow, glittery spark within you, all those years ago, you might never have recognised it when you met me.'

Ryan nodded. ‘Suppose. He's probably married to a woman now, with three children. Never even thinks about it.'

‘Or he could be as gay as a box of birds, performing cabaret, going to the London gay clubs, shagging a different bloke every night, being as gay as his little gay heart could be.' Graham laughed. ‘He might just be the gayest gay who ever gayed.'

Ryan smiled to himself, looked out of the window for a moment, he stroked the black cat as he slinked past the sofa, his tail straight up. ‘Maybe.'

‘If you're having second thoughts, I'll call your mum, tell her you have a headache, and we can stay in all weekend, just us and the cats.'

Ryan bobbed his head from side to side in thought. ‘She'll be heartbroken.'

‘She will be.'

‘Dad'll be pissed off.'

‘True,' Graham said.

‘Sophie wouldn't forgive me, for leaving her on her own with Mum and Dad.' He shook his head.

‘Isn't she going with her boyfriend?'

‘Which one?' Ryan smirked.

‘How many has she got?'

‘Endless, it seems. No doubt she'll prefer their presents to the men. But she always seems to bounce back.'

‘We don't have to go,' Graham said and meant it; if it was all too much for Ryan, he'd be supportive.

‘I know, but I think I ought to go. Lay ghosts to rest. And, the more I consider it, I think I actually want to go. Matt's always good fun. Dave surprises me every time I see him; he's led an interesting life.'

‘Right…And?' Graham asked with uncertainty, feeling this could still go either way. ‘And we are packed.'

‘Yes, we are, as you say, packed.' Ryan paused. ‘And, running away from things never really works.'

‘True. So, we'll run towards it instead?' He narrowed his eyes in thought.

‘Together.' Ryan paused, and then said: ‘Although it's the same place, it's more than ten years later and everything's different. So, I'm not really returning, because we're all changed from who we were back then. Mum and Dad aren't together. Dave and Matt will be coming. Sophie's not my annoying kid sister. I'm not just about an adult, and confused and angry.'

‘Everything changes, and if you go where love is, it's usually a good place to start,' Graham said, remembering something Claire had told him when he felt sure he'd forever remain single.

‘I like that. You should put it on a pillow or something.' Ryan smirked.

Graham playfully slapped Ryan's arm. There was so much love in Ryan's family, and Graham felt they were his family too. He was so lucky. ‘Ready to go?'

Ryan nodded. ‘Whenever and wherever, as long as you're with me, the answer will always be yes.' He kissed Graham, opening his mouth, allowing Graham to relax, submit, to let Ryan take charge again.

Ryan's arms encircled Graham's waist, pulling him closer, the lump in Ryan's trousers wasn't his phone, because Ryan really was pleased to see him. And Graham too, was pleased to see Ryan.

THE END