4. Colt - My City

I tried like hell to hide my emotions from Lucy at the rink, plastering on a fake smile and telling her how amazing she was at skating, but she could see straight through me that something was wrong. And then when we got into the car, she actually mumbled an apology that sounded an awful lot like, “sorry I was bad at skating.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked her, feeling panic erupt in my chest. “You were amazing, honey.”

“I can tell,” she said, looking at me with storm clouds in her eyes.

“Tell what?” I asked desperately.

“You’re lying,” she mumbled.

“I’m not!” I argued, then realized my tone really did sound mad. “I’m not, I swear,” I tried in a gentler voice.

But she wouldn’t talk after that. She just crossed her little arms over her chest and stared out the window all the way from the city to the suburbs.

I tried telling her about ten times that my frustration wasn’t about her, that I was upset because of someone else, but she refused to listen. What I really should’ve done was tell her about Meredith, tell her about my past, but I wasn’t sure where to even start with all that. I’d never talked with her about any women except her mom…

When we finally pulled up to our house, a modern farmhouse style build in a suburb right outside of the city, both of us sat there in silence for a minute.

I needed to rake the leaves and put out some Halloween decorations. While I could probably hire someone to do that, it’d be fun for me and Lu to do it together.

“Guess we should head in, eh?” I craned my neck to look back at her.

She threw the door open and didn’t wait for me. She jumped down from the truck by herself, then stumbled and fell onto the dead grass.

I was out of my seat and helping her in an instant, but she battled my hands away and brushed the dead leaves off her sweater and tights by herself before running up to the porch.

“Lu,” I said desperately, “I’m sorry, I–”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She held her little hands up and glared at me. “I’m not done being mad at you.”

Blowing out a resigned sigh, I jogged to the porch to unlock the door for her.

Inside, JP and Kappy were waiting in the living room, eager to hear how the lesson went.

“There’s our little twirl girl!” Kappy announced proudly.

“How’d it go, Lu?” JP asked.

She dumped her skate bag on the floor then stomped up the stairs, ignoring both of them. The boys stared at me in question, then flinched when she slammed her bedroom door shut.

My hands went to my hips, and I hung my head.

“That bad?” JP asked.

I threw my hat at the wall.

Silence descended in my house– which was rare because the two of them were always around and they never shut up.

“I fucked up,” I muttered.

“We need pizza for this,” Kappy finally said, pulling out his phone to call the pizza place down the street.

“Meredith Bennett,” I said darkly.

The phone slid out of Kappy’s hand and clattered to the floor.

I ran my tongue over my teeth and nodded. “She was her coach today.”

“Holy shit,” Kappy breathed out, clasping his hands over his head, making his ‘90’s Shawn Hunter haircut stick up in all different directions. “Mer Bear is here? In Chicago?”

“Okay, yeah,” JP said, smoothing a hand over his buzzed hair. “Did not expect that.”

I just shook my head as I wandered into my kitchen for a drink.

An hour later, my head was still a mess.

Now that the shock of seeing her had worn off, I could admit that a small part of me was relieved. Mer was alive and well. That’s all I wanted for her at one time. But I needed her to be alive and well somewhere else . I was a man who loved winning. She was my biggest loss. And still to this day, I didn’t understand how it all went so wrong.

And she was still so fucking beautiful. I couldn't believe I stared into those unique pale blue eyes of hers again after they’d haunted my dreams for a decade.

Now I couldn’t clear them from my mind.

How the hell was I supposed to focus now that I knew she was here? Now that I knew she was coaching at my rink?

“Why would she choose here? This is my city,” I growled from my spot on the couch. I knew it was a dick thing to say, but that’s how I felt. “I finally have things figured out.”

“Well, this isn’t your city,” JP said diplomatically with a mouthful of pizza.

“Shut your mouth,” Kappy snapped.

“It’s not though,” JP argued, not taking his eyes from the video game he was playing.

“I mean while you’re eating, dumbass. You’re making me queasy.” Kappy looked at him in disgust, then turned to me. “And you really think you have things figured out?” He laughed to himself.

“Yeah, I fuckin’ do, asshole.” I threw a pillow at him right as Lucy slammed another door upstairs, humbling me on the spot.

“You sure about that?” Kappy asked with a chuckle.

I slung my arm over my eyes and growled in frustration.

“Ya know… don’t kill me for saying this, but maybe this is a good thing,” JP said, pausing his video game.

I eyed him darkly.

“You and Mer… You guys never really had it out,” JP said, arching an eyebrow. “Maybe the two of you need to finally scream at each other. Then maybe you’ll get… un-stuck.”

My eyebrows slammed down. “I’m not stuck.”

JP shot me a get-real look.

Kappy snorted. “Says the man who’s had zero relationships in the last decade.”

“That's not true. Stella,” I whispered Lucy’s mom’s name.

“Stells was your friend and fuck buddy. You two did not have a romantic relationship,” Kappy said.

I was about to argue back, but he was right. Stella and I were great friends, but that was the extent of our relationship. I was just a rebound for her and we both knew it. The pregnancy was unexpected, but both of us were happy about it. We were two people who thought we’d never have a chance at having a family. We decided to co-parent, and we did love each other, but we were never in love. Maybe we would’ve gotten there if we’d had the chance.

“You are stuck and it’s because you and Mer never resolved things,” JP said. “And besides all that stuff, weren’t you afraid of putting Lucy in figure skating because of stuff Mer went through?”

I never straight out told them that was the reason, but I guess it was fairly obvious. “What does that matter?”

“Well, then this is perfect,” JP said.

Kappy frowned, then nodded, like he had a good point. “Yeah, you wouldn’t have to be scared,” he said. “Why would Mer Bear put other girls through the same shit she went through? Actually, this really is perfect when you think about it. Lucy would be safe with her.”

“No,” I snapped. “We don’t know that. We don’t know her.”

“Yeah, we do,” Kappy said firmly, sounding serious for once in his life.

“Not anymore,” I shot back coldly.

“Okay, I hate to say this, but you’re being a pinch dramatic, bud,” Kappy said.

I scoffed. “You’re one to talk, you–”

“But why Chicago?” JP asked, cutting me off.

I threw up my arms. “That’s what I said.” Her presence here was stirring up old memories and emotions that had no business resurfacing. There’s no way she’d want to remember all that either.

A flash of amusement passed on Kappy’s face before he feigned a serious frown. “Could be for a boyfriend.”

My face went slack. My angry heart practically dropped through my ass. It felt like I died right there on the spot.

“Alright, not necessary,” JP yelled at him.

“What? Why?” Kappy asked, playing dumb. He reached for his tenth slice of pizza. I wanted to smack the dopey grin right off his face.

“Because you’re giving him a heart attack,” JP accused.

Kappy’s brown eyes were full of challenge when they darted back to mine. “Why? He’s not with her. He hasn’t been with her for a decade. He doesn't even know her anymore.”

I flinched at my own words being thrown back at me.

“It still hurts. He’s delicate. You know this,” JP argued.

My face cracked. “Okay, no, I’m not fucking delicate.”

“Yes, you are,” they chorused together.

I shook my head. “No, I’m not, assholes.”

But why else would she choose Chicago? She never once mentioned wanting to live here, I would’ve remembered that. I rubbed my jaw in thought. If not for a boyfriend, maybe for a… best friend? My eyes darted to Kappy. “You ever keep track of Piper?”

He dropped his pizza and shot me a dark look. “Okay, that’s very different and you know it.”

He wasn’t getting it. He wasn’t connecting the dots. He thought I was only bringing up Piper because he brought up Mer.

Standing quickly, I practically dashed into my kitchen for my laptop. I could feel JP and Kappy on my heels, following me into the room.

I had the rink information pulled up in a minute.

Snapping my fingers, I pointed at the screen. “That’s it.” White-blonde hair, worn down to her shoulders these days, piercing green eyes, and red painted lips. Piper the Viper. Coaching at the Coliseum.

What a mess.

Rubbing my face, I paced my kitchen, trying to settle my heart rate. So, Mer’s move wasn’t spontaneous, and she wasn’t leaving. She moved here to be closer to her best friend.

JP pulled my laptop around and shoved his face right up to it because his eyesight was so bad. “Damn.” He squinted as he read her bio. “Piper the Viper’s been training and coaching here for a while, who woulda thought?”

“You’re lying.” Kappy’s face turned white. “You two are just screwing with me. Right? Ha ha. Good joke. Ya got me, you can stop now.”

JP turned the screen around and held it up for him to see Piper’s professional photo and bio under the Coliseum’s banner.

His mouth dropped slightly open.

“Looks like she started at the Coliseum earlier this summer. Mer started two weeks ago,” JP informed him.

Kappy gripped his chest. “At our rink? In our city? Why? To torture us?!” he yelled with wide eyes. “Oh God. I’m gonna…” He stumbled back, hit the edge of a chair, then fumbled to the ground with a loud thud. “I’m gonna throw up.”

“Oh, so now it’s our city?” I chirped, shaking my head.

“I don’t feel so good,” Kappy muttered.

“Think about it,” JP said, rubbing his jaw.

“Think about what?” I asked, reaching in the fridge to hand Kappy a water.

“What’s the one link between us all?” JP asked, staring at me with his bright blue eyes.

I shook my head, not knowing what he was getting at.

“I’ll give you one clue.” He cocked his head to the side. “He’s about eighty years old.”

My neck fell back and I squeezed my eyes shut. Fuck . The old man set me up.

“Hans always liked the girls better than us. We’re being punished!” Kappy yelled, pointing at the ground. Then he looked up at us with round, panicked eyes. “Guys… I can’t see her. I’m gonna be sick.”

I scoffed. “You had zero sympathy for me, like, five minutes ago.”

“Piper is different!” Kappy threw back.

JP grimaced. “He’s right.”

“How?” I demanded.

“Mer Bear just wanted to love you. Piper wanted to crush my manhood,” Kappy said, covering his eyes.

He could’ve just speared me through the heart with those words. I rubbed at my chest.

“Yeah, Piper the Viper scares me,” JP said. “Mer is gentle.”

She wasn’t gentle when she ripped my fucking heart out, I wanted to snap, then thought better of it. I needed to stop this, to stop thinking about her. Allowing myself to ruminate on her and our past would just be torturing myself.

All that shit was a decade behind us.

I didn’t know her anymore, and she didn’t know me.

But I couldn’t stomp out the little voice in my head arguing back at me.

Then why did seeing her make all the emotions rush right back? Why did I suddenly have to struggle to hold onto my anger? Why did I want more than anything for her to walk straight into me? Why did I wish she still wanted me?

I shook my head.

I couldn’t go there.

I couldn't afford to lose focus. I had Lucy and hockey. More than enough to keep my mind busy.

Breathing out a sigh, I threw the water bottle at Kappy. “You’re never allowed to call me dramatic ever again. We’re 32. Act like it.”

“We’re actually 14-year-old adults,” JP countered, moving to open my freezer. “Can I have this?” he asked, holding up ice cream.

“No, it’s Lucy’s. Fourteen? What?”

He ignored me and rummaged around for a spoon. “Well, eighteen is the first year of adulthood, so we’re just little freshmen adults when you think about it.”

“Who’s sick?!” Lucy yelled then, bounding down the steps that led into the kitchen.

“Hi honey, you want dinner?” I asked, feeling a rush of relief that she wasn’t locking herself in her bedroom anymore.

“Not yet, Dad! Someone is sick! Who is it?” she practically hollered as she jumped down the last three steps.

The three of us shared panicked looks.

“No one, honey.” I forced a smile, probably looking crazed.

Her little eyebrows drew together in determination. “Someone is! I heard it. Someone said they were going to barf!”

“Kappy,” JP blurted out.

“ You fucker ,” Kappy mouthed at JP.

“Language,” I shot back.

Lucy’s eyes widened and she slowly walked over to where Kappy was sitting on the ground. “You poor, poor boy!”

Kappy started to scramble off the floor.

“No! Sit, sit,” she said, touching his shoulder.

“No, that’s okay. I’m feeling good, Lu. Promise!”

She cocked her head to the side and let out a big sigh. “No, you’re not.”

He blinked. “But I am.”

“You need medicine,” she said matter-of-factly.

“I don’t! I swear, I don’t,” he claimed.

“He does,” JP shared a look of mock-sympathy with Lucy.

Kappy stared at JP with daggers and mouthed, “you’re a dead man .”

Lucy whirled back around to Kappy and put a hand to his forehead. “You’re positively burning up!” she shouted. “I’ll be right back. Don’t you move, Richard Charles Kappers the Third!”

JP and I busted up silently laughing at his shocked face.

As soon as Lucy started searching the fridge, Kappy tried to inconspicuously sneak away.

Moving quickly, I body-checked him against the pantry. “Sit,” I ordered.

His eyes widened. “What? Why?”

“You’ll upset her.”

“Yeah, don’t upset little Lu,” JP said, pouting his bottom lip out. “Her dad was already a dick today.”

I couldn’t argue against that.

And Kappy couldn’t win against both of us.

“Traitors,” Kappy spat. “And you told her my full name?” He shook his head at me in disgust.

Lucy started mixing up a concoction of different drinks and spices that smelled absolutely foul. This was how she played “doctor” and she loved it.

As soon as she was done, she carefully held the full cup and walked over to Kappy, who went back to his spot on the floor.

“Drink, Richard Charles,” she ordered.

He made a face as soon as it came near his face.

“Richard!” she yelled with wide eyes. “Don’t you want to get better?”

He gagged.

“Come on. You need it to feel better,” she pushed, patting his cheek.

“Yeah, you need it,” JP snickered.

Kap took a small sip and swallowed. His eyes watered, but he held it down.

I held a fist in front of my mouth to keep from laughing. JP had to excuse himself because he couldn’t keep it in.

“Good boy,” Lucy said, patting his head. “You’ll be all better soon.”

As soon as she was out of earshot, he whispered, “If I wasn’t gonna barf before, I’m definitely gonna now.”

“You’re fine,” I said with a laugh.

“I better be. And you better be too,” he said with serious eyes. “Make sure you get your head back for our game tomorrow, bud,” he said before picking himself off the floor. “Last one ‘til the season opener.”

I hung my head. He was right.

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time.