17. Mer - Mine

After sleeping all day, Lucy was completely wired. She scampered down the stairs in her Tangled nightgown, seemingly feeling much better.

When she spotted my hot chocolate, she whirled on Colt. “Is that the special hot chocolate?! Can you make me some, too?”

Knowing that his daughter called my hot chocolate the “special hot chocolate” made my heart somersault in my chest. The smarter part of my brain argued that I shouldn't be using the word my , because nothing about him was mine. But the hopeless romantic in me argued that it meant something that he still kept it around.

Colt looked hesitant. “You just got better, honey. I don’t want it to make you sick again.”

Her eyes rounded and her bottom lip pouted out. “Pretty pretty please?” She reached to hold his hand. “I really really want some. It might make me feel better.”

He completely broke. “Okay, fine. Go see if Kap or JP need anything, okay?”

“Yay!” She hugged his arm, making a dopey grin slide on his face. “I’ll ask the hooligans!” She skipped over to the living room.

I laughed at their exchange.

He shook his head, a grin warring on his lips. “What’re you laughing at?”

“She’s got you completely wrapped around her finger,” I mused with a laugh.

He blew out a sigh. “She does.” Then he looked at me hesitantly. “Is that bad?”

“No,” I said with a laugh. “She reminds me so much of you,” I said wistfully, leaning my chin on my hand.

His lips quirked and he dipped his head shyly. “You think?” I detected a little bit of hope in his brown eyes.

I nodded my confirmation. “Her little freckles and her eyes, and the way she smiles sometimes.” I shook my head. “It’s crazy, that first time she was on the ice with me, I couldn’t place why she seemed so familiar. Now it’s so obvious.”

And now that I knew why, it was kind of beautiful. I loved that she had the same eyes as the boy I loved with all my heart. I loved that she had the same freckles under her eyes that Colt used to have– his had been fading since before I met him and they were long gone now.

He smiled and leaned against the counter, crossing his feet at the ankle. “I think she’s a bit calmer than I was as a kid.”

“Yeah, she’s a little sweetie.” I smiled.

“Hopefully she stays sweet through her teen years. I’m a little scared,” he admitted.

I laughed. “What if she meets a you ?”

He shrugged casually. “That’d be great, no?”

I gave him a look that said are you crazy?

“What?” He laughed as he started pulling out another mug and more hot chocolate mix.

I crossed my arms over my chest. “I was very sweet until you dragged me into trouble, Colt.”

His mouth dropped open. “What? No, I–”

“Let’s think about this… First kiss, you. First time I snuck out of the house, you. Teaching me to drive without a license? You. First time I ever drank alcohol– also you.”

He rubbed his jaw to cover a grin. “We were in Canada,” he said lamely. “It was legal.”

My eyes widened.

“Shit.” Then his shoulders rumbled with a laugh. “You’re right. That was funny though.”

“That wasn't funny at all.” I struggled to keep a straight face thinking of the first time we ever drank alcohol– well, the first time I ever drank, I had my suspicions the boys had already gotten into trouble before then. Piper and I had gone to Toronto to catch one of their games and we went out together after. We didn’t realize that “purple rain” drinks were actually long island iced teas. I ended the night with Colt carrying me out of the club and then holding my hair back while I puked.

I smacked his hard stomach. “I thought I was going to die.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, trying to stop laughing. “Damn, maybe you’re right. She’s not allowed to talk to boys until she’s 20.”

“We did much more than talk at a much younger age,” I said with a snort.

His laughter died and his face faltered.

“What?”

His hand raked through his hair. “I corrupted you.”

“You did.” I laughed, poking him in the stomach.

He grasped my hand in his and smoothed it behind his neck, making me grin. “I’m very sorry, will you ever forgive me?”

I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t take much convincing, so that’s on me. But karma’s gonna bite your ass. Just wait ‘til she brings home a hockey boy one day.”

“Nope. No hockey boys.” He waved the spoon he was holding. “Maybe she can find a nice boy who plays,” he stuck his tongue out, thinking, “chess.”

“You put her in figure skating,” I deadpanned.

“So?” His eyebrows tugged together.

“So, she’s most likely gonna like the hockey boys.” Even though none of us would ever admit it.

His shoulders fell. “Shit.”

“Daaad!” Lucy’s voice called out. “We’re watching Halloweeeentown! We’re having a marathon! Hurry up!”

“We’ve been summoned,” he said with a sigh.

“Oh,” I swallowed hard and looked at the clock. “I should probably go. I don’t want to overstay.”

His face cracked, looking at me like I was crazy. “Didn’t you hear? We’re having a marathon, Bennett. Let’s go.”

Grinning, I chewed on the inside of my cheek, debating for a second. Deep down, I really wanted to stay, but I wasn’t sure if I should let myself. Talking to him was fun , and if I left now, I’d just go back to my empty apartment with no TV and only my thoughts to keep my company– which was dangerous because I was already overthinking everything when it came to him. The problem was that every moment I spent with him, I wanted him a little more, and I wasn’t sure if I was just building myself up for another heartbreak. While he said he’d do it all over again with me, he could’ve just been cementing that he was happy we had our past together and he wouldn’t change a thing about that. He didn’t necessarily mean he’d do everything with me moving forward . And he could’ve just been carried away in the moment… I sure was. I was about to jump him for a kiss.

“Hey, don’t overthink it, alright? There’s no pressure.” His eyes dipped to my neck. He came closer and I practically stopped breathing while he tucked a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “If you want to stay, then stay. If you wanna head back, that’s fine, too. But… I selfishly kind of hope you stay,” he said with an easy grin. With that, he grabbed Lucy’s hot chocolate and headed into the living room.

My heart warmed at the sincerity of his words. I struggled to hide my grin as I trailed after him.

In the living room, Kappy and JP were sprawled out on the side couches, Lucy laid on her stomach on the ottoman, which left the large couch at the back of the room facing the TV for us.

Colt flipped the lights off before plopping down in the middle of the couch and propping his legs up on the ottoman next to Lucy. I gingerly sat at the corner of the couch.

At some point in the movie, we were all starting to nod asleep. Colt reached over and grabbed my calf to pull my foot into his lap. He started massaging it for me, and it felt so nice that I couldn’t bring myself to pull away.

When the credits rolled, I felt torn. I didn’t want to leave because this was the most comfortable I’d felt in a long time. But at the same time, I had to be careful. I couldn’t let myself get used to this.

“I better head out,” I said, reluctantly pushing the knit blanket off me.

“What?” His eyebrows shot up. “Stay here. I mean, no pressure, but…” He craned his neck to look out the window. “It's late.”

“Yes pressure.” Kappy frowned. “Stay, Mer Bear. We need to watch the sequel.”

“Yeah, you should stay. What if we need a real adult again?” JP groaned.

“Yeah, stay! It’s a slumber party!” Lucy yelled, clapping her hands.

Colt arched an eyebrow at me and whispered, “You’re going to turn all of them down?”

“Okay,” I relented, “If that’s okay, I guess–”

“Yay!” Lucy cheered.

Colt flipped on the next movie and left for a second to make a couple bowls of popcorn.

Being all together made it feel like we were kids again, when our biggest problems were choosing which mixed CD we should blast in the rink and making sure Hans didn’t catch us running through the locker room hallway. Back when we’d fall and get up without any pain. Before we felt the weight of the real-world problems, before anything went wrong for any of us. In the comfort of his living room, with all three of them around, it felt like I could finally let my guard down for the first time in years.

It felt like home.

But that made my heart wobble nervously in my chest because I had no business getting this close to Colt again.

Then again, if this was all I ever got, if this was the only night I’d be invited here, I needed to appreciate this moment and cherish this rare feeling of belonging.

While the movie played on, I peacefully drifted to sleep, feeling like he was mine.

But I should’ve known I couldn't have a full night of rest.