Chapter 43

43

SARAH

M y ears rang, my heart thudded, and my mind spun. Did Dean just say we should quit while we're ahead?

Was he not in the hotel room last night? Did he not feel the same mind-boggling connection I did? The memory of his touch, the intimacy we shared, it felt too real to be just a fling. But now, doubt crept in. Had I been a fool for falling for him? Was he just using me?

I felt like I was going to puke.

"Sarah," Dean said, gripping my arms and looking straight into my eyes. "There's no easy way to navigate this. We both have so much to lose."

His words hit me like a slap. For a sharp, vulnerable moment, I felt played. Had this all been a ruse to get into my pants? Now that he'd had his fun, was he ready to call it off before we headed back to Columbus?

My chest tightened, anger and hurt welling up inside me. I was always so much smarter than this. I didn't screw around with a lot of men. I knew what they were after, and I wasn't interested in just giving myself to anyone.

I let myself be blinded by who he was. I thought I was so cool and special because the great Dean Ryker shone his attention on me. "Never meet your heroes," I murmured.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"I'm not a hero," he said sternly.

I glared at him, looking for the man that was in my bed last night. The man that carefully wrapped my knuckles after flying across the country to save me.

They were not the same.

"What do you mean, we should quit while we're ahead?" I demanded, my voice trembling.

Dean shook his head, his face pained. "I don't want to be the reason your relationship with your father completely falls apart. It's already strained because of the Air Force. If he finds out about us, I could be the final straw to knock everything over. What if you can't repair the damage I do?"

"Are you just going to make my decisions for me?" I snapped.

"No," he said calmly. "I don't want to make your life more complicated. You and your father have a great relationship. I don't want to get in the middle."

"And where do I get a choice in all this?" I asked, my frustration bubbling over. "I'm an adult, Dean. I'm capable of making my own decisions."

He groaned, rubbing his eyes. "I know, Sarah. I know. But Mo is my friend. Somewhere along the way, I forgot that glaring fact, and now I don't think I can ignore it anymore. This can't go anywhere. Your father will never be okay with me and you together. So where does that leave us? We can't keep ignoring the elephant in the room."

"You don't have to ignore it," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "We can tell my father when the time is right. After I graduate UPT."

Dean blinked at me, clearly taken aback. "That's a long way off. I'm not sure I can lie to Mo's face for all that time."

"Then you shouldn't have come here with me," I snapped. I was holding back tears now, feeling too invested in him for it to end like this. I hated that he let me get this deep with him and now he was telling me, oopsie, never mind, scratch that.

"Are you ending things with me, Dean?" I asked directly. I was going to make him say it. Once he said it, it was done. I was not going to give him another chance.

"I don't know, Sarah," he replied. His voice was ragged as though each word pained him as much as it did me. "I don't want to hurt you."

It felt like a punch to my stomach, and I recoiled as if it had physically hurt me. "No," I said tersely, shaking my head. "You don't get to drag me here to London and let me think there was something real happening and then pull the rug out from underneath me."

He sighed, dropping his chin to his chest. I stared at him for several long seconds.

"I'm going back to the hotel. Do we leave today?" I asked irritably. "I'm ready to go. I think I've already proven I can fly in UK air just as well as American airspace. This whole trip was stupid."

Dean looked up at me. "You don't mean that," he said quietly.

"Oh, I absolutely do," I retorted with barely suppressed fury. "You treat me like a child, like a possession. You think you can just play with my life and feelings and then discard me the next day? I thought you were different."

His jaw tightened. "I am different," he said.

I stomped away and hailed a cab. When I got in, Dean got in beside me. I hated that I was stuck with him. We had to fly back in a tiny plane together. We were going to be sharing a small space for hours. Neither of us said anything as the driver took us back to our hotel. We got into the elevator, still not speaking.

Back in our room, Dean stripped out of his flight suit. I went into the bathroom to change. When I walked out, he grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. I was stiff at first, but dammit, the man had a way of breaking down all my walls.

"I'm sorry, Sarah. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is anymore. I never imagined something like this could happen. If Mo finds out and decides to punish us, he could get me court-martialed and terminate your career before it even starts. Literally."

"I can handle my father," I said, though Dean's warning scared me. The reality of the risks we were taking hit hard. I was falling for him deeply, but if push came to shove, would I choose Dean or flying?

"This was not supposed to happen," he said.

We moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "I don't want to lose you," I whispered.

Dean took my hand, his touch gentle but firm. "I don't want to lose you either. But we have to be smart about this. We can't let our feelings jeopardize everything we've worked for. I know how much you love flying. I feel the same way. We're both risking our wings. It's not just your father that could make our lives miserable. We are breaking some very big rules."

I nodded, understanding but not liking it. The thought of walking away from Dean felt unbearable. "So, what do we do?"

"We take it one day at a time," he said. "We keep our relationship under wraps until the time is right. We focus on our careers and support each other from a distance. We can't risk getting caught. I can't favor you. You can't look at me like you're thinking about getting me naked."

I laughed. "I think you're projecting."

"Maybe," he said, wrapping his arm around me.

It wasn't the ideal solution, but it was a start. "Okay," I agreed. "One day at a time."

"Good," he said, his voice warm and gentle. "That's all we can do."

We sat there on the edge of the bed for a long time, letting our agreement sink in. We were in it together, prepared to navigate the choppy waters of our situation. The tension hadn't entirely lifted, but it felt somewhat lighter. At least he wasn't dumping me.

"One more question," I said.

"What's up?"

"Is this just a me and you thing?" I asked.

He frowned. "A me and you thing? I don't follow."

"Are you seeing anyone else?"

"Absolutely not," he said. "No way. I'm not like that. You're the first woman I've been with since my wife and I split. I'm not the womanizer I've been accused of being. That's not my style and it never has been."

"Okay," I said. "I'm not seeing anyone else either."

With a deep breath, he wrapped both arms around my waist and pulled me into his lap. "Sarah, whatever we decide to do about us, whatever risks we take, I need you to know that I'm committed to you. You can always trust that."

"Thank you." I smiled. "I don't want to sound needy, but I don't like to share either."

He chuckled. "Me neither. Now, why don't we make the most of our last day here? We can go to Westminster Abbey or anywhere else. You name it."

"Westminster Abbey sounds perfect," I said, my voice steadier than I felt. I needed the distraction, the historical beauty to take my mind off things.

"We can grab dinner while we're out," he said.

"Oh, can we ride one of those buses?" I asked excitedly.

"Of course," he answered, laughter in his voice. "We can ride a double-decker all the way to the moon if you'd like."

I laughed and nudged him playfully. "Don't tease. You know I might take you up on that offer."

"Well, until they start offering interstellar bus routes, we'll have to settle for seeing London from the top deck." Standing, he extended a hand to me and helped me up from the bed.

"Oh, such a hardship," I teased back as we started gathering our things.

We walked out of the hotel room together and headed toward the bustling streets. London was alive with the hum of people and traffic. Our shoulders brushed against each other periodically as we strolled without a care in the world. Here, we were free to be a couple. It was perfect.

Soon, we were climbing aboard a red double-decker, blending in with the tourists snapping photographs with their cameras. We made our way to the top deck, getting a panoramic view of the city. The wind tousled our hair as we both enjoyed London's skyline. I didn't take pictures, even though I was dying to. Pictures were evidence. I didn't want any evidence to come back and bite me in the ass. This trip was just for us.

At Westminster Abbey, we were surrounded by centuries of history as we walked through the grand arched doorways. Our footsteps echoed softly in the quiet space as we admired the intricate stained-glass windows, luminous with sunlight. As we passed the tombs of kings and queens, poets and scientists, I felt so lucky to be here with him.

After enjoying the Abbey, we moved on to a quaint little pub he'd found last time he was in London. It was nestled between two larger, more modernized buildings, but its age and character had been preserved.

Inside, the timber beams, stretched across the low ceiling and blackened with age, held an air of old-world charm. A stone fireplace covered most of one wall. It was warm so there was no need for a fire, but I could imagine it providing a cozy atmosphere during the winter months.

We found a table nestled in a quiet corner and ordered fish and chips. There was nothing quite like the traditional English fare to round off our day. As we ate, he told me about some of his most exciting flights and near-death experiences in the cockpit.

I found myself lost in thought, thinking about how different my life had become since meeting him. I went from being a single woman focused on flying to looking at things just a little differently. I didn't want to stop flying, but for the first time, I realized there might be more to life than being in the cockpit.

We left the pub with sunset fast approaching. Once again, we held hands and meandered through the city with the other tourists and locals alike. I didn't care if it was London or Paris or any other city in the world. I was just glad we were getting the chance to be a normal couple.

We wound our way back to the hotel for one last night together. We didn't say it, but I knew we were both thinking it. We had no idea when we would get to stay the night in each other's arms again. I wanted to take advantage of every minute we had before it was time to return to the real world.