Chapter 36

36

DEAN

T he sun was high in the sky as I pulled through the gates back onto base. I spent the morning doing a little shopping in town, a task that had been long overdue. It was time to put down some roots, to create a space that felt like mine. And more importantly, a place that felt like a real home.

I had been living out of a suitcase for too long. After being forced to leave my house, I felt restless. Nowhere felt like home. I had been afraid to put down roots. Granted, it was only military housing and not really mine, but I could make it feel homier.

I bought a few things to make it feel more like I lived there versus a place I crashed. Assuming I didn't get booted, I was going to be at Columbus for at least the next six months. I had way too much money in the bank. I lived like a monk, surviving on the very basic essentials.

But today, I dropped a lot of cash buying things I used to have that my ex-wife now owned. I was still unsure how that worked.

I carried the many bags from the home goods store into the duplex, nodding at the little boy playing out front. My neighbors were getting ready to PCS out to Fairchild. I hoped my new neighbors were just as nice.

I unpacked the bags, pulling out the new sheets for my bed. Good sheets. Not the scratchy cotton I assumed I had to deal with. Next was a couple of fluffy white towels for the bathroom. I even treated myself to a new Keurig for my morning coffee routine.

I bought myself a set of coffee mugs, too. No more mismatched leftover dishes for me. I was building my life, one mug at a time.

I didn't purchase any decorations this time around, as I figured I'd slowly accumulate those once I figured out what I liked. Margaret decorated our house and I just kind of went with it. But I did splurge on a new recliner, which was a comfortable addition to the basic furniture I already had. I just needed that one essential piece, the kind of chair where you could bury yourself in its cushions and watch a football game on a lazy Sunday.

After everything was unpacked and settled, I realized what a difference a few items made to the sterile space.

I had also gone grocery shopping—like actual groceries. I stocked the fridge with essentials that I hoped to use to make some secret dinners for Sarah. I wasn't sure how we were going to swing that, but I was hopeful.

After hours of cleaning and organizing, I finally cracked open a cold beer and sat on the front step. The family next door appeared to have gone. The minivan that was usually in the driveway was nowhere to be seen.

It was part of life in the military. You went where Uncle Sam told you. I honestly couldn't imagine having a family and doing it, but I knew so many did.

The hot summer afternoon was alive with activity. People ran drills across the lane, following a cadence. Their synchronized movements displayed the discipline and precision characteristic of our armed forces. A group of children, daughters and sons of the soldiers on base, played a rough-and-tumble game of tag near a cluster of trees in the park across the street. Parents milled about, half-watching but feeling comfortable in the security base life provided.

My thoughts returned to Sarah. Her smile and sassy laughter were imprinted in my mind. She was why I was doing all of this. She made me feel like I could find a home again. I didn't feel like I had to keep running.

A couple of young men jogged by, dripping with sweat. A female pilot lounged under the shade of a tree in the park with a textbook open on her lap.

Watching the next generation filled me with a sense of pride. They were ready to prove themselves, to push their limits just as I had once done. I still did it on occasion, although the only limits I'd been pushing since coming to Mississippi were with Sarah.

I took a sip of my beer, thinking about my future. My phone buzzed in my pocket, pulling me from my little reverie. I pulled it out and saw Mo's name on the screen. My stomach dropped. Did he know? Had something happened? I hadn't talked to him since he hung up on me.

"Mo, hey."

"Dean," Mo began, his tone surprisingly calm. "Is this a good time?"

It wasn't like I could say no. "For you, it's always a good time. What's up?"

"I wanted to apologize for taking my frustration out on you the last time we spoke. I'm still beyond irritated with Sarah, but we're going to sit down this weekend and have a long talk about expectations, standards, and self-control."

I swallowed the impulse to tell him he had it all wrong, that he should be proud of Sarah for breaking things up without getting a superior officer. Instead, I took a deep breath and accepted his apology. "It's okay, Mo. I understand. You're her father. You want what's best for her. I shouldn't have ever questioned that. You wanted me to be responsible for her and that's what I did."

"Exactly," Mo said, sounding relieved. "How's she been doing now that she's back on base? She keeping her nose clean? Staying out of trouble?"

I tried to sound casual. "She just got back. I haven't had much time to catch up with her yet."

"What kind of rumors are circulating?" he asked.

I could deny it, but he'd been on bases most of his life. He knew how this stuff worked.

"Truthfully, Mo, most people don't really care. They're too focused on their own lives, their own problems. Sure, a couple of people might have heard something and made a crack or two, but it's already fading in the rearview. It's not a scandal or anything," I said, trying to reassure him. "If anything, it's made her a hero. People really respect what she did."

I heard him start to argue.

"I know, I know," I said. "She handled it wrong, but she saved a fellow trainee. Everyone respects her for that. She was outnumbered and outsized, but she did it anyway. If you're going into battle, she's the one you want by your side. She's not lacking in bravery."

"That's good to hear," he grunted. "I suppose people on a military base have bigger fish to fry than some drama that happened a thousand miles away. And those guys had it coming."

I got up and started pacing around my small front yard just so I didn't cheer. After our last conversation, I thought he would never see reason. "It's really not as bad as you might think, Mo," I said, keeping my tone even. "She's toughened up a bit. Things are going to be fine."

There was a short silence on the line. When Mo spoke next, his voice was softer. "Dean, I just want my little girl to be okay. Maybe I pushed her into this life too soon."

His admission caught me by surprise. Was he doubting his decision? It was understandable. Sarah was braver than most, but she still had a certain innocence about her, an innocence I was scared this life would strip away.

"Mo…" I started, then hesitated. "It wasn't too soon. She's doing really well. I see your grit in her. But I also talked with her, and I believe she has learned a lesson. She's not going to be so quick to jump into a fight."

He burst into laughter. "Have you met my daughter?"

I couldn't help but smile. "She doesn't take shit from anyone."

"That girl has never seen a fight she doesn't want to be a part of," he said with a hint of pride in his voice.

I chuckled, picturing her fiery spirit. "That's true. But she's learning to keep a leash on that temper, Mo. Her friend got hurt in that fight. It delayed his training. She feels guilty and doesn't want that to happen again. She's seen the consequences and she'll think twice next time."

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and for a moment I thought maybe the call had dropped. "I hope you're right, Dean. One thing I've always told her is I will never use my position or my name to bail her out of trouble. She insists I don't. I'm not going to start now. If she keeps going down this path, she's going to find herself working a supply line."

"But she's a damn good pilot," I reminded him. "The Air Force needs her. Old guys like me are at the tail end of our careers. She's the next generation. I know if I was going into a dogfight, she would be the one I wanted on my wing."

"That's right," Mo replied, his tone revealing a mix of proud father and disciplining officer. "She's got the makings of a great pilot, no doubt about it. Sometimes, I just worry she'll let her fire get the best of her, you know?"

I knew indeed. "It's a legitimate concern." I had seen it firsthand when that spark turned into a wildfire. "But sometimes, it's exactly what we need."

"You're not wrong," he admitted after a pause. "We just have to keep an eye on her. Make sure she uses that fire for good. She needs to learn control. I'm counting on you to handle that."

"I assure you, Mo, I'm working on it. I'll have a better assessment after the long weekend in July. I'm taking her to London to test her limits in an unfamiliar region."

Mo seemed to like this idea. "That's good. She needs to be challenged. I don't want her up there if she can't handle it. She's got my name. People are going to expect a lot more from her. I appreciate you looking out for her, Dean. She's my whole world and knowing she has you to catch her gives me peace of mind. You're a good friend. I appreciate you keeping an eye on her. That young lady has a knack for finding trouble."

"You're welcome," I said, the guilt gnawing at me. "I'll make sure she's ready to prove herself."

The call ended, and I hung my head. Shit. Good friend, my ass. He would be furious to know what was going on between Sarah and me.

He was trusting me to take care of her and I was crossing all the lines. What I felt for her was very real. The general wouldn't understand it, but if and when it came out, I hoped he would have an open mind. And that he wasn't armed.

I finished my beer, staring out at the bustling base. Everywhere I looked, I saw potential, promise, and a bright future. But all I could think about was Sarah. She had woken something in me that had been sleeping for a long time, even while I was married.

My mind was pulled back to our first flight together. Her panic at the thought of falling out of the sky. I had pulled that trick with plenty of pilots. She was one of the few that handled it the right way. Sarah could keep her cool when it mattered.

She was born to be up in the air. Mo's daughter was going to be the next great pilot.

And maybe the first real love of my life.