Chapter 24

24

DEAN

W hat did I just do?

And why do I want to do it again?

My heart was still pounding in my chest as Sarah brushed a final kiss over my lips. Then she slid off my lap and rolled into the passenger seat. I watched her in the faint glow of the overhead light. She handed me my shirt before putting on her bra and hopping out of the truck to put her dress on.

She smoothed it down and flashed me a satisfied smile. "That was well worth the wait. Best lesson you've taught me so far."

I gritted my teeth, struggling to keep my emotions in check. "Don't remind me that I'm your teacher. I shouldn't have done that."

I pulled off the condom and tossed it out the window before buttoning my pants and pulling on my shirt.

She rolled her eyes, dismissing my concern with a wave of her hand. "You're so dramatic, Dean. And you didn't do anything. We did it."

I shook my head, my frustration mounting. "This can't happen again, Sarah. Your father is my friend. I'm your superior officer and your teacher. It's crossing so many lines."

"Crossing lines is fun," she said, her tone light and teasing.

"We both have too much to lose," I insisted, my voice hardening.

Sarah shrugged, seemingly unbothered. "Fine. It can be a one-time thing." She hopped back in the truck and flashed me another grin. "I'll leave my panties in the backseat. A little token to remind you of your one hot night with me."

I shook my head and started the truck. We rode the rest of the way back to base in silence. When we arrived, Sarah got out, turning back to me with her cheeks still rosy from sex, her hair a bit of a mess. Damn. She'd never looked better.

"See you tomorrow for drills?" she asked, her voice almost casual.

I forced myself to maintain a stern expression. "Take a couple of days to rest. You'll need your energy when you get to Washington on Tuesday."

She smirked and gave me a little salute before closing the door and walking away. I watched her disappear into the dorm. My heart was hammering in my chest as I drove away, the enormity of what had just happened weighing heavily on my mind. That was about the dumbest thing I had ever done. And I had done a lot of stupid shit in my life.

When I got back to my quarters, I sat on the edge of my bed, staring blankly into space. My mind refused to comprehend the situation fully. Images of her riding my dick flashed before my eyes. The scent of her was still on my skin, a sinful reminder of the transgression that had just occurred.

Sarah was not just someone. She was significant, special, vital in ways that made what we had done risky. And she cared for me too, enough to complicate her life for a quickie in my truck.

I had to shower and get the scent of her off my skin before I chased her down for another go. Stripping, I left a trail of clothes on the floor as I headed into the bathroom.

The warm water cascaded down my shoulders. I felt the stinging sensation of numerous scratches on my back and my sides. It was another reminder of what I was going to refer to from this point on as "the incident."

I let the water wash over me, hoping it would also wash away my guilt. But no matter how much I scrubbed, I couldn't erase her touch. It had imprinted on me, marking me in ways invisible to the naked eye.

It was late when I finally dragged myself out of the shower, my fingertips pruned and my skin red. I dried off and dressed in a pair of old sweatpants, my mind still replaying what had happened tonight.

I collapsed into bed, trying to figure out how I was going to keep from interacting with her. A few more days and then she would be gone—out of the state. I would be able to clear my head and exorcise her from my thoughts. I had scratched the itch. It had to be over. It couldn't be anything more than that.

The next day, I made my way to the Fly Trap earlier than usual. She was still on my mind. I couldn't just stop thinking about her. I decided getting off base was the best thing I could do. I needed distance. The place was empty except for Jude, who was wiping down the bar, humming to himself. As soon as he saw me, he raised an eyebrow.

"You're here early," he said, tossing the rag over his shoulder. "What's up? Did you finally retire?"

I sighed, taking a seat on one of the stools. "I just thought I would come in early."

"Bullshit," he said. "What's going on?"

I thought about denying it, but he was going to know better. My secret was killing me. Jude would talk some sense into me. He would tell me what to do.

"I did something," I said.

He nodded. "Something bad?"

"I guess that depends on how you look at it," I said.

"Alright, shoot."

I took a deep breath, bracing myself for his reaction. "I slept with Sarah."

Jude's eyes grew even wider, and his mouth hung open. "You slept with the general's daughter? Do you have shit for brains?"

"Keep your voice down," I growled, glancing around nervously, even though the bar was way empty.

Jude rocked back on his heels and howled with laughter, the sound echoing through the place. "All those G-forces have made you lose your damn mind. Do you want to end up flying in Antarctica? Or wherever they send idiot pilots who plow a general's daughter."

"Kick rocks," I muttered, feeling my face flush with embarrassment.

Jude shook his head and wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "Ryker, man, how did that even happen? How could you keep up with a twenty-two-year-old?"

I shot him a look. "Keeping up with her wasn't the problem. I'm in the best shape of my life, unlike you."

Jude clutched his chest, pretending to be wounded. "Ouch. That hurts, old friend. Seriously though, how drunk were you when you decided to throw your entire career away?"

I sighed, shaking my head and wondering when I lost my grip on my self-control. "I wasn't drunk at all. We went out to dinner with her dad, and then Mo asked me to drive her back to base. One thing led to another…"

Jude whistled, shaking his head in disbelief. "Man, that's wild. I mean, I saw the chemistry between you, but I didn't think you'd actually go through with it."

"It wasn't planned," I said defensively. "It just happened."

Jude smirked and shook his head. "Well, you've always been a sucker for danger and a pretty face."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, well, this is complicated as fuck, Jude. She's Mo's daughter. My student. I'm her superior officer. There are so many lines crossed here, I don't even know where to begin."

Jude nodded, finally wiping the smile from his face. "I get it, man. It's a tough situation. But you know what? Sometimes life throws you curveballs, and you just have to roll with it."

"Rolling with it could cost me my career," I pointed out. "And hers too, for that matter."

Jude sighed, leaning against the bar. "Yeah, that's true. Do you like her?"

I shrugged. "Yeah, of course."

"I mean do you want to see her again? Is this a thing now?"

I rubbed my temples, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on me. "I don't know. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Not even with my ex-wife. Sarah's different."

Jude's expression softened. "Sounds like you're in deep. Just be careful, alright? For both your sakes. You're fucking on a minefield. Stick your dick in the wrong place and it's game over."

"I'm not in deep," I said. "I can't be. I think it's just a weird obsession. You've seen her. She's gorgeous and so full of life. Like holding a live wire."

He laughed. "Yeah, that doesn't sound dangerous at all."

"Exactly," I groaned. "She's just the polar opposite of my ex-wife. I know I can't be with her, but dammit, I want her again."

Jude's eyes scanned my face, absorbing the sincerity in my words. "Then you've got to decide, Ryker. What's it gonna be? Your feelings for her or your loyalty to Mo and your career?"

My throat tightened at his words. There were no easy answers. Sarah was like a magnetic force I couldn't resist. But I had to believe it would pass. At least for one of us. She was so much younger than I was.

"I don't even know how she feels about this," I confessed, running a hand through my hair. "And I can't exactly ask without making things more complicated. I think she just wanted to get laid. Not to brag, but I'm kind of a big deal. She saw me as a target. She set her sights on me and that was that."

"Do you really believe that?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. This woman has turned me inside out."

Jude ran a hand over his stubbled chin. Looking at him, I realized getting out of the service had aged him. "Ryker, you're a good man. You've always been a strong leader and a better friend. But I've got to break it to you—this ain't like you at all."

"I know," I admitted, letting out a sigh that sounded more like a groan. "Believe me, I know. But what am I supposed to do? Pretend like nothing happened, pretend like I don't feel…"

"Don't feel what?" he pressed when I didn't finish the sentence.

I looked away and rubbed at the back of my neck, an uncomfortable silence stretching out between us. "Like I'm completely wrecked without her," I finally admitted, the words barely a whisper.

Jude was silent for a moment, his brow furrowed in thought. "Have you considered telling her all this?" he asked.

"The truth?" I let out a humorless chuckle. "Sarah isn't exactly known for her empathetic nature. She's as tough as they come. If she knows I've fallen for her, I think that would definitely cool things down. She's young. She's playing. She doesn't want some old dude. She leaves in a couple of days. I'll get a break from her and be able to see clearly. If she washes out of SERE, then it's over. I go to London, and she rides a desk somewhere."

"And if she doesn't wash out of survival training?"

"Then I have to figure out how to get through the rest of our time together without touching her," I replied. "I will not throw away my career for a fling. Or hurt her father."

"Good." He nodded. "I don't want to be a dick, but I think it's best if you pull back. You don't want to mess up. You're halfway to retirement. You can get laid anywhere."

He was right.

"Thanks," I said with a deep breath and glanced around the bar. "What do you need me to do today? Heavy lifting?"

He chuckled. "If you're here to work, hell yeah. There's always heavy shit to move."