28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Z’Ree

I feel the tension rising in Nikolai’s body as if it was my own. It pierces through the post-orgasmic haze that otherwise should have lulled me into a short nap.

Bracing my forearms against his chest in order to look up without craning my neck, I see that Nikolai looks troubled. “Second thoughts?” I ask, my pathetic attempt at sounding lighthearted failing spectacularly. Has he already changed his mind about having a baby with the crazy person he just met?

“What?” His frown deepens. “No. No! Z’Ree, please,” he sighs, “stop saying that. I’m just…worried.”

“I can see that. Is it about the baby?”

“No. It’s…about my father. I want to be a good father to our baby, but what if I’m not? My own father is a cruel and vicious monster and since he’s the only father I’ve ever known, it’s all I know. What if I turn out to be as bad as him? What if the cruelty inside my father is also inside me, in my blood? What if I turn out to be a monster, too?”

I silence his nervous rambling with a gentle kiss. “Nikolai. You aren’t a monster. Trust me. I’ve met monsters. I’ve been surrounded by monsters for years and I know how to recognize one.” I lean in so close to his face our noses are touching. “Nikolai, you don’t have a single cruel bone in your entire body. You are the most honest and caring person I’ve ever met. You are a good man. That’s what drew me to you from the beginning. I instinctively knew you were someone I could trust. Someone who would never hurt or take advantage of me.”

Nuzzling Nikolai’s cheek, I rest my head in the crook of his neck. “I don’t know how to do this either. I had a wonderful family but that doesn’t mean I know how to be a mother.” This is the first time I’ve said the word out loud.

Good geodes. A mother. I’m going to be a mother. “I don’t know anything about raising a child. I’ve barely started healing from years of being a slave.” That’s what scares me most. What if I can’t handle it? What if my already fragile mind crumbles and I can’t take care of our baby?

Nikolai kisses the top of my head. “We’ll figure it out together, then. Raising a baby can’t be that difficult, can it?” He chuckles nervously. “I mean, people do it all the time and the kids usually turn out fine. Nala raised her daughter for four years while being imprisoned by an evil crime lord and working as a prostitute, and little Ellen is growing up to be a lovely child. Perhaps we can talk to her about parenting sometime. And Astra is no doubt having the same fears we are right now.”

That derails my thoughts. “Astra? Astra is pregnant?”

“Oh. Yes, she is, but don’t tell anyone. It’s still super early and I don’t think she’s even told Tareq yet. Boy, I suck at the doctor-patient confidentiality thing.”

“A little,” I agree with a cheesy grin, finally at ease. I’m not alone, not anymore. I have Nikolai and together, we have a whole crew of good people to help and support us.

As if summoned by my thoughts, someone knocks at the door. Nikolai groans. “Can’t two people have a moment to themselves on this ship?” he whispers to me, pulling out and cleaning us with some bandages that lay scattered on the floor. “Such a big ship and yet, we have zero privacy.” Tucking himself back into his pants, he strolls over to the door, glancing to see if I’m decent before opening it. “What?!” he barks at whoever is on the other side.

“Who ruffled your feathers?” Astra asks, walking in. “I would have waited for you to stop fucking Z’Ree—Hi Z’Ree!” She waves at me before turning back to Nikolai. “But I didn’t want to wait for hours.”

“Yeah.” Nala appears in the doorway behind Astra. “We just thought Z’Ree might want some clothes and shoes, especially since this ship is such a fucking mess now.” She and Astra set two shopping bags on the floor. “We’ll bring you more. This is just an emergency survival kit, so to speak.”

“Yeah, this station is small,” Astra continues, “but it has a few decent places. If you tell us what style you prefer, we’ll get it for you or have it custom made. It sucks that you can’t come shopping with us but we understand. It’s safer for you to stay here.”

Tears well in my eyes as I’m overcome by sheer gratitude. These women don’t even know me. We’ve barely exchanged more than a few words together and yet they thought of me and spent money on me. Speaking of money… “I’m sorry, but I don’t really…I don’t have any money. I can’t afford any of this.”

Nikolai opens his mouth but Astra beats him to it. “Oh, please, girl. None of us have anything. It’s the crew’s joint money we’re spending here. It’s like communism,” she giggles. “Everything belongs to everyone.”

The definition my translator nodes suggest to my brain makes me frown. “But that ideology requires everyone to do their share of work. I’m not sure if I have the right skills—”

“Z’Ree,” Nala interrupts me. “You just saved all of our lives and even if you hadn’t, do you think it would matter? I’m a single mother with nothing to my name but an arrest warrant for something I didn’t do. My skill set? I had sex with people for money. I mean, I was damned good at it but it’s not really an applicable skill anymore.”

“Yeah,” Astra agrees. “I waited tables and restocked supermarket shelves. Guess what? There are robots who do that out here. I’m trying to figure out something I can do to contribute but until then, I don’t plan on walking around hungry and naked just because I can’t afford food or clothes. The money is for everyone. That’s what Tareq told me and Zarkan confirmed it. Whatever you need, we’ll get it.”

“I…” I don’t know what to say. I think I’m crying again. Or maybe I’m still crying from before. I sure as hell cry a lot these days. “Thank you,” I manage eventually. I make my way across the infirmary, careful not to step on anything, then pull both females into a hug. “Thank you so much,” I whisper.

Astra smiles. “Don’t mention it. By the way, your tears are super cool.” She holds one in her open palm, watching it gradually evaporate. “Must be nice not to be all puffed up and snotty when you cry.”

Nikolai snorts somewhere behind me. “For fuck’s sake, Astra, does your mouth really have no filter? Thanks for the clothes, now bye.”

She sticks her tongue out at Nikolai, making a funny face. “Yeah, yeah, we’re going. Sorry for interrupting your fuckfest. Z’Ree, I hope he’s at least making you come. Human men tend to be really bad at sex.”

Color drains from my cheeks in embarrassment.

“Astra!” Nikolai grunts before gently shoving her out of the door. “Get. Out!”

Giggling, both women leave. Nikolai locks the door behind them, then huffs in exasperation. “I swear, I don’t understand how Tareq puts up with her. That woman is just too much.”

“I like her.”

“I like her too, but I also feel like smacking her upside the head from time to time,” Nikolai says, rolling his eyes. “As for the money, I’ve been nervous about spending it too but Zarkan won’t take no for an answer. He says that once you’re a part of the crew, you’re entitled to whatever you need. Besides, you and D’Aakh really did save our lives, so you’ve more than earned your share. Just…don’t do it again, please.”

“Don’t worry. I plan on staying away from neutron stars for good.”

Nikolai grins. “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. So, are you going to show me what those two crazy ladies bought you?”

Reluctantly, I open the first bag, finding a healthy supply of basic clothes. T-shirts, pants, sweatshirts, jackets, all kinds of things in my size, comfortable and made of high quality materials. A tiny package on the bottom makes me sputter and I shove it back into the bag before Nikolai notices. Seriously? What were Nala and Astra thinking?!

“What is it?” he asks, peeking over my shoulder.

“Nothing.”

It’s not nothing.

According to the image on the package, it’s a luxurious lace harness of some kind, a few meager strips of fabric that don’t even cover the essentials. Instead of covering the nipples, the thing seems designed to merely circle the breasts and make them pop out.

The bottom didn’t appear to have a crotch, the fabric going around the model’s hips instead, leaving the center open. It’s a terrible choice of attire outside the bedroom and I bet despite the acute lack of material, the thing was more expensive than anything else they bought, including the two pairs of shoes I find in the other bag.

Nikolai is clearly curious but doesn’t pry. He waits for me to get dressed and put my brand new shoes on, then takes my hand along with both of the bags. “Let’s put this away in my room…?” He makes it into a question, letting me choose.

“Yes, please.” What else can I say? There’s no way I’m sleeping somewhere he isn’t.

His room isn’t far from the infirmary. Nikolai opens the door for me, looking inside the small space with a scowl. “This won’t do.”

“It won’t?” I don’t see any problem. The bed could be a little wider, but it’s still much roomier than the one we slept on in the patient room. There aren’t many personal things in here, clearly showing that its owner hasn’t been living here for long. Or more accurately, that he was kidnapped from his home planet and left everything he owned behind.

“It’s too small,” Nikolai says.

He moves to a corner, then takes two big steps. With how long his legs are, he’s by the bed. “Well, the crib would fit here, but what about everything else we’re going to need? A changing station?” He scratches his chin, then measures some imaginary object against the wall that houses a large screen. “Hmm, mmm. Maybe it could be wall mounted and collapsible. The screen will have to go. But still, if I’m standing here,” he stands by the bed and extends his arms forward, “and I’m changing the baby, there’s no space to walk around me. And we don’t have anywhere to keep the necessary items like diapers and baby powder at hand. And the bathroom! This one only has a shower, no bathtub. We’ll need space for a baby bath and…what?” He turns to me, finding me staring at him with my mouth agape.

He didn’t mean the room was too small for the two of us. He meant it was too small for the three of us. He was thinking about our baby. I tear up again. This absolute treasure of a male in front of me rushes over and pulls me into his arms. “What’s wrong? Z’Ree? Please, tell me what’s wrong. I know it’s not a good room. We’ll pick another one, there are plenty to spare. We—”

I put a finger over his mouth. “Please, stop talking. If you become any more perfect than you already are, you’ll turn into a dream and vanish into thin air. The room is perfect. We’ll figure out the baby stuff later. Right now, I need to show you something.”

“I just want everything to be perfect for you.”

“It is perfect, as long as you are by my side.”

He finally smiles and relaxes. “Alright, alright. Never argue with a pregnant lady. So, what is it you want to show me?”

I pull the package out of the bag, holding it up to my chest so he doesn’t see the cover, then I head for the bathroom. “Give me a minute.” I give him what I hope is a sultry wink. “This is going to blow your mind.”