Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty-Four

R obert stood at his window, watching the large snowflakes fall in the darkness, and with each passing moment, his agitation increased. His leg ached from the persistent cold after his long day of work, but he remained on his feet, watching in anticipation. When he had returned from his visits before sunset, Martha had not yet returned from Longford Manor, and then the snow had begun to fall. Still, she was nowhere to be seen. The snow still continued to pour, but it was now accompanied by howling winds. He did not want to worry, did not want to think ill of Caroline, not when he had just begun to trust her again and allowed himself to hope. But his daughter’s health and safety were his top priority, and he would not be at ease until she was back in his sight, in his arms again.

“Do you suppose Mrs. Marley did not bring her back because of the snow?” Mrs. Rosemont asked, her voice tight.

“There would have been no reason to keep her after the half hour had ended. The snow did not come until later.”

“What if she had Martha stay for dinner?”

Robert shook his head. “There is nothing for it. I must go retrieve her myself.”

“But it’s a whole mile to Longford Manor!” she objected. “And in this snow?”

“I cannot rest until I know where she is,” Robert said decidedly. “Please remain with Tim. I will go and find Martha.”

He quickly pulled on his greatcoat and tugged on his scarf before heading out into the darkness.

A wicked wind blew as he walked, chilling Robert to the bone, even with his protective clothing. He covered his mouth with his scarf, using gloved hands to shield his eyes as he squinted for sight. He should have taken a lantern as there was no moon or stars to light his path, but the wind certainly would have doused any attempt. He knew the route blindly, so even with limited visibility, he pressed on.

When his legs were tired and his boots were covered in thick snow, he finally arrived at Caroline’s front steps and pounded on the door.

After a moment, it was opened by the butler and Robert instinctively stepped inside, relishing the surrounding warmth.

“Mr. Cratchit! Please come in,” Norman said, closing the door behind him.

“Where is,” Robert breathed, his breath still a puff of smoke, “my daughter?”

“Robert, what’s this?” Caroline stepped into the front foyer, and he ground his teeth. He couldn’t soften at the sight of her, not now. “What are you doing out in this storm?”

He swallowed with difficulty. “Where is Martha?”

When Caroline’s face turned pale, Robert’s fear sank deeper.

“She told me she had gone to Fred’s, wanting to see Kitty and the new baby. Has she not returned home? That is unlike her.”

With a great exhale, Robert turned to let himself out the door. It was just another quarter mile.

“Robert, stop, for heaven’s sake! You’re frozen through.” Caroline caught him by the arm, and he discovered she was stronger than he was at that moment. “Come, sit by the fire, and I will send a footman to fetch her.”

Caroline led him to the drawing room which already had a roaring fire, before urgently sending one footman to the rectory, and having another to bring more firewood. Robert noted that she already had a steaming cup of tea and a book on the table, so she must have been enjoying a quiet evening alone. She had no worries about his daughter like the ones he had endured for the last few hours.

“I am so sorry, Robert,” Caroline said when she returned, immediately pouring a cup of tea for him. “If I had known, I would have sent the carriage for her immediately.”

Robert downed nearly the entire cup in one swig, letting the hot liquid try to warm him from within. He was still shivering, his mind blank. He had no words.

“Stay here and warm yourself,” she went on. “I will let you know when she’s arrived.”

Then she left him to drink alone in silence.

The grandfather clock ticked by until he gained feeling in his face again, and finally started to feel like himself. But when Caroline did return, she did not have his daughter by her side, and his stomach sank.

“Where is she?” Robert asked roughly.

“The footman, Augustus, said she is not there. Fred and Lily said she never came over today.”

Robert hung his head, covering his face with his hands.

“Where could she possibly have gone?”

His conversation with Martha, where she crunched dead leaves under her boots, came rushing back to his mind. “The Dilber’s.”

Caroline blinked. “Surely not. In this weather?”

“It’s the only place I can think of,” Robert said, precariously standing to his feet. “Only I don’t know why she thought she could attempt this on her own.”

She reached out to help steady him. “Let me call my carriage, Robert. You shouldn’t be out in the snow for so long again, not with your poor leg. And I can go with you.”

Robert wanted to object, but he couldn’t deny her help.

Once Caroline tugged on her colorful cloak, the one he had come to despise, they hurried out to the front door where the carriage was waiting for them.

They travelled in silence, for which Robert was grateful. He had much he might say to her, ranging every emotional spectrum, but he kept his jaw clenched and his words to himself. He only needed to get back to Martha first.

Once they arrived at the Dilber’s home, Robert said, “Stay here,” then let himself out. Taking a deep breath to calm his simmering frustration, he calmly knocked on the door.

After a moment, Mrs. Dilber opened the door and ushered him in. “Mr. Cratchit, come in. What brings you out all this way?”

Robert glanced around the one room shack, accounting for the woman’s husband, still laid up in bed, and all her six children, but Martha was nowhere to be seen.

He swallowed the bile rising in his throat. “We cannot find Martha.”

The woman’s face paled. “Oh dear. Not in this snow.”

“Was she here?” Robert asked desperately.

“Yes, she was, but she left over an hour ago. I did find it odd that she was alone, and oh, now I feel wretched,” Mrs. Dilber said, fussing with her hands in front of her. “I should have had my son escort her home.”

“And have him stuck out in this weather too?” Robert shook his head. “No, you’ve suffered enough.”

Mrs. Dilber placed a hand on Robert’s shoulder. “We have all suffered enough.” The earnestness in her eyes almost brought him to tears, but he couldn’t allow himself to weaken now. His daughter still needed him.

“This is not your fault,” Robert reassured her. “I have Mrs. Marley’s carriage; we will go out and find her.”

“We will pray for your efforts,” Mrs. Dilber said, her voice now thick with emotion. “Oh, but do send us word in the morning. I will worry so until she is found.”

Robert nodded as he opened the door to see himself out into the snow, filled with more dread than before.

He sat in the carriage with a sigh, eventually meeting Caroline’s expected gaze.

“She is not here,” Robert explained, his breath small. “She was, but she left about an hour ago.”

“That is about when the snow started,” Caroline offered. “So perhaps she cannot be far.” But that meant his worst fears were confirmed, that she must be somewhere stuck out in the snow. Alone. With nothing but a thin jacket to protect her from the elements.

“Carry on,” Caroline called to the driver and the footman, “But you must go slow. And keep your eyes open for a girl in a blue dress.”

Robert clenched his jaw, filled with gratitude that Caroline had at least remembered such a small detail.

With Caroline staring out one window and Robert the other, they traveled in silence, eying each side of the lane, which was only growing with snow, and blowing with relentless wind. The carriage wheels struggled against the increasing piles of slush, especially in their reduced speed, but it was their only option. It was their only chance to find her.

“I am so sorry, Robert,” Caroline finally said after some time. “I will never forgive myself if…” But she did not finish her sentence.

Robert nodded, feeling much the same, but before he could speak, the driver called out, “There! We’ve spotted her, just there on the right side!”

Caroline burst out the door and looked to see where the driver pointed. Robert also rushed out into the snow, lifting his hands to cover his eyes. There was just a hint of a blue dress at the base of a tree, with one little boot barely visible in the snow.

Caroline had never run so fast in all her life. Her slippers were now surely ruined from the freezing mud, along with her skirts that were scandalously whipping around her ankles, but she could not move fast enough.

“Martha!” she cried. She held her breath until the girl underneath the snow turned her head, making some of the white dust fall from her shoulders.

“Mrs. Marley?” Martha whispered, and Caroline could have wept with relief. She would not have been able to bear it if the girl died. Such a weight would never be removed from her shoulders. She would never forgive herself for it, and she would certainly never expect Robert to do anything of the sort.

Robert fell to his knees beside his daughter, gently brushing the collection of snow off of her, and Caroline was grateful to see that at least most of her was covered in clothing, however thin it might have been.

“Are you all right?” Robert asked urgently, trying to assess her wellbeing.

“I’m not injured,” Martha replied through her chattering teeth, reaching out for him. “The wind was so strong. I was just trying to hide for a moment, but it never calmed.”

Robert nodded, Caroline watching helplessly as he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the carriage.

“Take us back to the Cratchit residence,” Robert instructed the driver. Caroline wanted to argue that her home was closer, but it was not worth insisting. Martha needed to be taken home.

Once inside the carriage, Robert moved to take off his coat for his daughter, but Caroline lifted an arm to stop him. “You need to stay warm, Robert. You just walked over a mile in this cold.”

He looked up, his blue eyes sharp like daggers.

“Let me hold her,” Caroline said gently. “This cloak is big enough to cover both of us.”

Robert growled, no doubt hating that her suggestion was the most logical, but he reluctantly placed the near-frozen girl on Caroline’s lap, allowing her to wrap her in the warmth of her cloak.

“Oh, Martha,” Caroline whispered, flinching against the ice-cold touch of her skin. She rubbed gently over her arms and back, trying to generate some heat to soothe the girl.

“I’m sorry,” Martha whispered, drawing Caroline’s attention down.

Caroline shushed her words. “Do not worry yourself, dear. And save your strength. We’ll see you safely home.” And Caroline held her the entire drive, trying to brace herself against Martha’s violent shivers.

Once they arrived, Robert picked up his daughter and brought her inside, Caroline following close behind.

“Oh, thank heaven,” Mrs. Rosemont cried at the sight of them.

“Mother,” he said, “Please start the fire in my room and ready some tea.”

He and Mrs. Rosemont both disappeared upstairs in a flash, but Caroline found she could not follow, nor could she leave. Tears burned in her eyes and slipped over her cheeks, and an irremovable guilt sank heavy in her chest, tying her to the place. She paced the main parlor, fidgeting with her hands and taking deep breaths, hoping and praying for Martha’s recovery.

This was all her fault. She should have followed her intuition and saw Martha safely on herself, no matter where she was going. She longed to ask Martha what had happened, what had changed that found her out on the road all alone, but perhaps that didn’t matter now. None of it would matter if she died. It would be a failing on her part, not only as an adult in the village, but as a family friend. Robert would never be able to trust her now, and she would not blame him one bit.

After about an hour, Robert returned downstairs. “Are you still here?”

“I am worried for Martha. Is that so hard to believe?” Caroline squared her shoulders. “Will she be all right?”

He clenched his jaw. “It is hard to say. I believe we found her before any sort of frostbite could set in. She’s exhausted and has fallen asleep, but she is now taken with a fever, so I will have to watch her carefully throughout the night.”

Her heart sank. “Is there anything I can do to help? Bring food or blankets from Longford?”

“There is nothing you can do, Caroline,” he said with a sigh. He moved with a limp toward the fire before sinking into his chair.

His poor leg that had been injured because of her. The guilt just continued piling up.

“This is my fault, isn’t it?” Her voice broke, hot tears returning.

“Perhaps some of it,” he said, leaning forward. “Why did you not see her safely to Fred’s as you had before? You could have at least watched her down the road even if you didn’t see her to the door. Mrs. Dilber could not have seen her home with so little at her disposal, but of course, Fred would have. Or he would have at least kept her until the snow passed.” He raised his weary head. “You have no such excuse.”

Caroline nodded, her lips pursed in a frown. “You are right.”

Robert shook his head. “But I believe you are not the only one at fault, for it sounds like Martha was not behaving honestly either. We will not know the whole truth until she wakes up.”

If she wakes up, was Caroline’s bitter thought.

He looked up at her, and she could have sworn the desire to hold her passed through his features, but he dismissed it before she could accept.

“Just go home, Caroline. I will send word of her recovery when we have news.”

“Of course.” She wiped at her tears and gathered her cloak, hurrying herself out of the house. “I’m so sorry, Robert.”

She saw herself back to the carriage without another word. The snow had finally stopped, but the harsh winds still blew with haunting moans. As the carriage lurched forward, Caroline could not think about returning to Longford Manor. She would just be waiting on pins and needles for some update of Martha’s survival. Caroline had so much writhing uneasiness in her chest, and she did not know what to do with it. But she could think of one place she could go, where she might rid herself of all her frustrations, and perhaps face the last of her demons.

“Take me to the graveyard,” she called to the driver, so he passed Longford Manor, and let her out there.

Breathing in deeply, Caroline gathered her courage and pushed past the iron gate. Walking by the gravestones now inches in snow, she moved to the back corner of the holy ground to face the angel of darkness she hated the most. The black stone gave it such an ominous presence, and now with each edge and shadow enhanced by snow, it looked less like a guardian angel and more like a harbinger of death, a proper grim reaper. She would have her word with him, once and for all. As if speaking to this statue would see her angry prayer all the way to God himself.

“Don’t you dare let that little girl die for simply trying to do something good,” Caroline breathed the threat, her eyes now burning from tears that wanted to freeze before they could fall. “If anyone deserves to be laid out in this graveyard, it is me. For all the times I have been selfish and shallow and senseless, for not seeing the need that is all around me. For all the missed opportunities to help others, where that girl has always sought to help others. Even me.”

The dark figure just stared back at her.

“But I am not like the duke. Nor am I like my mother or my father.” The emotion spilled over her cheeks, her clenched jaw now aching. “I refuse to let them have power over me anymore. I will change, and I will be better than I was before. I will have the spirit of Christmas, the spirit of love and giving, with me always, just as my aunt tried to teach me.”

Caroline glanced back over the headstones and found the name Fanny Browning highlighted in the snow. After years of being influenced by her parents, by her husband, by all of London, she could finally see what her aunt had tried to show her all along. That there was another way, a better way.

“No matter what happens, I will be a better person, a better woman. Even if Martha dies, even if Robert hates me forever, I will not be the woman I was any longer. I want to be happy, and I want all those I love to be happy as well. I will no longer abide the ignorance and want in the world. I will learn the lessons from my past, and keep the joy of the present, and create hope for the future. I will share the love in my heart and strive to make the world a better place.” Caroline wiped at her eyes and pointed a finger at the angel statue. “And I’m going to prove it, so you can haunt me no longer.”