Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

A s Robert ushered his children into the church, he took a seat on a back pew, while Fred sat at the front of the chapel before the start of the service. Beautiful music from the pianoforte filled the chapel, and half the seats were already filled. The Nichols family took their seats in the pew across from them, and Robert made certain to nod at them in greeting.

The chapel doors opened again, and Robert turned perhaps too quickly to see who had arrived. To his great disappointment, not only was it not Caroline, but instead, the Duke of Rothes entered. Robert had heard the nobleman might return to the village, but they would have been much better off without him. He was perhaps even worse than the old Mr. Scrooge himself, for all his constant complaints and his cruel comments to the rich and poor alike. The man was rarely in town, for he had taken possession of Edgewood Estate as one of his many properties throughout the country, but when he was present, he always left a trail of terror in his wake. Everything would be better the moment he left.

He had a servant pushing his bath chair, but apparently it was not fast enough, for the duke beat the man about the knees with his cane, muttering obscenities not fit for a church as he was hurried down the aisle. He occupied a spot close to the front of the church by the side of the pulpit, without giving the rest of the congregation a second glance. He simply maintained his look of disdain as if he didn’t want to be present. The man never did anything he didn’t want to do, so why did he even bother coming at all?

But when the door opened again for the final time, Robert immediately knew why. Caroline entered, looking lovely and elegant as always. She had caught the attention of every eye in the room, and Robert noticed that the duke’s eyes followed her as well. Perhaps he considered her the only one in the village worthy of his attention, and that thought turned Robert’s stomach. Did she think the same thing of the duke?

Caroline looked around the room as she strolled toward her box seat, and Robert wondered if she was looking for Lily and the girls. She might not have realized they were at home with the baby, leaving Fred to accomplish his church duties alone. Robert ground his teeth, hoping she did not take a seat with the dastardly duke instead.

To his greatest surprise, it was Martha beside him who called out to her. “Mrs. Marley!” she whispered fiercely.

Caroline’s head whipped to the side, just as Fred stood up to the podium. Martha tapped the empty spot on the bench next to her, offering a seat, which she swiftly sat in just before Fred started to speak.

“Thank you, Martha.” She let her eyes travel down the length of the seat. “Good morning, Tim, Robert, Mrs. Rosemont.” Then she sat back and turned to face the front of the chapel.

Robert was excessively grateful the church was far from silent, for he didn’t want anyone to hear the erratic beating of his heart. Having Caroline sit on his family pew was a small thing, or perhaps it would appear so to others, but to Robert, it held great significance. The Caroline from weeks prior never would have subjected herself to sitting in the poor seats at the back of the church, when she had a designated box pew all to herself. Robert did not have the direct view of her face that he normally had from her box seat, but even from her side profile, Caroline looked different. She was different from the woman who had returned to Hamstead all those weeks ago. But the way the duke was looking back at her made Robert worry, for it was a clear indication the duke did not approve of her actions. Were they already acquainted? Were they more?

But even beyond that, it was easy to see how easily she could fit into his family. To an unknown visitor, one might assume they were simply a happy family—a husband, a wife, two children, and a grandmother to boot. Since the day Caroline had refused him all those years ago, he had never allowed himself to imagine such a scene. But here she was, sitting next to his daughter with a smile on her face, and not a single notion of how his heart raced at the sight.

Letting out a frustrated sigh that was probably too emphatic for church, Robert turned his gaze up to Fred, who may have noticed and gave a short smile. His sermon spoke of Godlike attributes such as humility, patience, diligence, compassion, and forgiveness. Though Robert knew he certainly needed to improve his own standing on such subjects, he didn’t feel like this was a lesson specifically for Caroline as Fred had indicated before. And yet, she seemed to be paying great attention to her brother’s words, even if she would never admit such a thing aloud.

After the service ended and everyone stood to their feet, it caught Robert’s breath when Caroline turned to them with a smile. “Thank you for allowing me to join your pew today.”

“You are most welcome,” Robert responded before he could stop himself.

She was the first to exit the pew, the congregation filing out row by row, but Robert did not miss how the Duke of Rothes fussed and fought and forced himself through the narrow aisles, pushing at anyone in his path. Clearly, he had not been listening to the sermon.

The courtyard always filled with villagers who mingled after the service, but the day was cold and gray outside, a winter wind bustling through the nearly bare trees. Robert assumed that lingering visitors would not last for long, nor did he expect Caroline to stay near his side, as if waiting for Fred. Or maybe she was waiting for a moment with him, and that thought left him entirely undone.

Robert watched his children run around with their friends for a moment, when the Nichols family joined them. Miss Alice was immediately by his side with a bright smile, her grandmother directly behind her.

“Good morning, Mrs. Marley,” Mrs. Nichols offered, before turning to Robert. “You look very fine today, Mr. Cratchit,” she cooed, before elbowing her granddaughter with a pointed gaze.

“Indeed, you do,” Miss Alice echoed, and Robert nodded to accept the praise.

“We had such a wonderful time when your family came to dinner, Mr. Cratchit,” the elderly woman went on.

“It is I who must thank you,” Robert said with an awkward smile. “I will extend an invitation to have you in our home for dinner whenever your schedules would permit, though I am certain my home will be far less comfortable for such a number of people.”

“Oh, nonsense. You have a charming home,” Mrs. Nichols said. “We will be happy to accept.”

Robert glanced at Caroline, who did not appear invested in the conversation and seemed content to watch the children play. But then the Duke of Rothes appeared by her side, his voice booming over the crowd, making the need to eavesdrop unnecessary.

“How very lovely you look today, Mrs. Marley.”

Caroline bobbed in a gracious acknowledgement. “You are too kind, Your Grace.”

The duke whacked the servant behind him with the cane to make his chair move forward, closer to her side. “Come, I must have you over for dinner this week.”

Robert watched them carefully. They did seem familiar with each other, but how could that be, since he did not arrive in the village until long after she had gone? He did not want to see them in a similar light, did not want it confirmed if they were cut from the same cloth.

“Of course, Your Grace. I will consult my schedule and send word once I can confirm a time.”

“Oh, hang your schedule. Cancel your plans, for I know there is no one in this village with more importance than myself. You must come on Wednesday.”

Robert stiffened at the barked orders.

“Unfortunately, Your Grace, I do have plans on Wednesday, and they cannot be canceled. I am an unmarried woman, which means no one commands my schedule but myself. As I said, I will send word when I am available.”

Robert couldn’t help but smile. She wouldn’t let anyone tell her what to do, not even a duke. Even with all that she had done to hurt him, and all that still stood between them, he could admire her for that at least. Caroline Marley knew her own mind, and she would not be swayed.

But the duke went on. “If not Wednesday, then I must inform you I will be leaving Hamstead before the end of the week and will be unable to attend your Christmas dinner. I did not accept the previous invitations from your aunt, and do not see the need to change that now.”

Using his cane, he whacked the servant behind him again, who then pushed up his wheeled chair. “However, when you return to London, my offer still stands, and I will eagerly welcome you should you deign to accept my proposal.”

Rober’s mouth dropped open. His offer? Was it a proposal of marriage?

His eyes immediately flew to Caroline. She appeared dazzling and unfazed as she always did. “You are too kind, Your Grace. May I wish you safe travels on your return to London.”

Robert’s stomach sank and sickened as the duke’s servant pushed him away. So they were acquainted. He should not have been surprised, since he was the one who had purchased her old home. But it was to the point that he had offered her his hand in marriage?

“Good heavens,” mumbled Mrs. Nichols. “Are we to expect wedding bells, Mrs. Marley?”

Caroline’s head whipped around. “Oh no, thank you. He extended the offer, but I have not given His Grace an answer just yet. There is no understanding between us.” She spoke swiftly, refusing to meet Robert’s eyes, as if she knew what she would find there.

“Why the delay?” Mrs. Rosemont said, her voice uncommonly cold. “It is not every day a woman receives an offer from a duke. Who would not wish to be a duchess?”

The way Caroline’s countenance fell at her words matched Robert’s own disheartening. “Yes, I suppose you are right.” Then she bobbed a quick curtsy. “Good day, everyone. I hope to see you all at Mrs. Fezziwig’s ball.” Then she turned down the path, and rounded the corner headed for Longford Manor.

Robert wanted to run after her, tell her not to accept him, beg her not to leave again, but he couldn’t, not with Mrs. Rosemont’s words still hanging in the air. Who would not wish to be a duchess? Caroline would make an excellent nobleman’s wife, as if she had been born for such a position. Robert could not ask her to give that up, when all he had to offer was a simple cottage and a poorly mended heart. So he said nothing, and he let her walk away.

December 1807

Robert’s heart pounded in anticipation as he made his way through the darkness. He’d received a small note written in familiar script:

Meet me in the graveyard. C—

He had hoped to see Caroline at Aunt Fanny’s Christmas ball, and dance with her if he could, but this clandestine reunion was all the more meaningful and romantic. He could finally have some time alone with her after years of separation. When her father had taken her away to London, they rarely came back to Hamstead, and only once during Robert’s school holiday. That one glorious winter where they had met on Button Hill and promised to continue writing, but Robert found he was unable to contain his feelings anymore, which escaped in the form of a kiss. She said she returned his feelings and promised to correspond in order to discuss their future together, but her responses grew shorter and less frequent over time. He was certain she had been busy, for so was he, trying to finish his studies. But now, he would be able to hold her in his arms again, as the eighteen-year-old man that he was, and confirm everything that was between them once and for all.

He pushed past the old iron gate, gaping into the darkness trying to identify something as the girl he loved. “Caroline?” he called out.

A motion stirred to his right. “There you are,” she said, hands on her hips.

It took everything in Robert not to run up and wrap her in his arms, so he simply took the moment to admire her from a distance. She had certainly grown into a beautiful woman since last he saw her. Her face had lost the roundness of her youth, her shoulders bore the posture of any elevated London woman, and her clothes were the finest that Robert had ever seen. She was by far the most beautiful woman of his acquaintance, and he adored everything about her.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked. “I thought you hated the graveyard because of that spooky figure.”

She glared at him, then casting her eyes at the angel statue in the opposite corner. “I do despise that thing.”

“Then have you come to see your brother next door?”

“Of course not.” She frowned. “Is he at home in the rectory?”

Robert nodded. “Yes, he and his wife are ill. That’s why they’re not at the party.” He took a step closer. “But if you’re not here to see him, then why come all the way out here?”

Caroline lifted her chin. “I thought we could use a bit of privacy, is all.”

He couldn’t help but grin. “My thoughts exactly.” Then he stepped forward, wrapped her in his arms, and leaned down for a kiss. But she turned her head to the side, pressing against his chest.

“Robert! Some decorum, please,” she begged with a laugh, her voice high and haughty.

“Forgive me, it’s only…” He stepped back and took in the sight of her face. “I’ve missed you something terrible.”

She offered a half smile, leaving Robert unsettled.

“Have you not missed me?” he asked.

Caroline sighed, finally lifting her face to meet his gaze. “It is good to see you, Robert. But we don’t have time for fondness. There is much to discuss.”

Robert nodded. That was fine with him, for he had much he wanted to discuss as well. They could finalize everything about their future. Where they would live, which medical classes he would take, which physician would take him on as an intern…

“I am engaged, Robert.”

He froze, blinking repeatedly. “To me?”

She scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. To a Mr. Marley in London. He’s worth twenty thousand pounds.”

Robert’s mouth went dry, his heart sinking into his stomach. “But what about us?”

“There could never be any us, Robert. My father never would have permitted me to marry a pauper.”

Her words stung, unusually sharper than normal. “Have you forgotten what happened on Button Hill? I kissed you, Caroline. I told you I loved you.”

Caroline’s dark gaze fell on him with pity. “It was a childhood fascination, Robert, nothing more. We are grown now.”

Robert ground his jaw, taking a step forward. “There is nothing childish about my feelings for you.”

Her eyes grew wide at his response, and he could tell from the sparse moonlight how her cheeks took on a pink hue. “Well unfortunately, we cannot only rely on feelings alone. I require a husband who can provide for me, which you cannot do. Isn’t that true?”

Her words took the wind right out of his sails. She knew he came from a humble background, and studying medicine was an opportunity to elevate him in society to even the smallest degree. But it wasn’t good enough for her.

“So all those years we spent together mean nothing now?” he asked, trying to sound sharp, but to his own ears, the words only sounded like hurt and defeat.

“We were friends, Robert. Our connection is an old one, yes, but that does not mean we are bound to marry. Not all friendships carry over into adulthood, and ours simply cannot. I am sorry.”

Her voice did not carry the tone of someone who was truly apologetic, which hurt all the more. His entire life was changing right before his eyes, all his dreams dying here in this graveyard, and she was dismissing him as if he was a stranger. How had he ever loved a girl like her? And what had happened to make her become so cruel?

“You are changed,” Robert said, his voice strained. “It is as if I never knew you.”

“It is to be expected.” She spoke as if from a point of superiority, as if to say ‘and you are unchanged.’

“Very well. I release you.” He turned away, the sight of her unbearable now.

“We will leave on Boxing Day, and I do not expect I will ever return,” Caroline explained in a completely emotionless tone.

“Go, then,” Robert said, his voice already thick with emotion.

She moved to step past him, pausing only for a moment. “Please do not write to me again. This must be where we end things.” She looked up, as if expecting him to speak more, but he could not trust himself to say anything, so she simply nodded. “Farewell, Robert.”

The sting of her rejection was so strong, so physically real, that he found it difficult to breathe. The cold air surged his lungs as he gasped for breath while hot tears burned down his cheeks. He had spent his whole life hoping all the pain and difficulty and distance would be worth it, but now it felt like all his suffering had been in vain. He had nothing else to look forward to if he couldn’t share his life with Caroline Scrooge.

But she didn’t want him, so he would go on and find some semblance of life without her. Perhaps he would only find half the happiness his life could afford, but he would not waste a moment more wishing for her to come back. He deserved better than that, and he would not let himself be had by a woman ever again.