Chapter 25

Twenty-Five

Kyleigh

While I wait for Rowan at my apartment, my phone rings on the coffee table. I lean forward from where I'm sitting cross-legged on the couch and see my mom's name on the screen. Anxiety zaps through my veins with the intensity of a bolt of lightning. What does she want?

I should answer it. Just get it over with. Rip off the Band-Aid like Ruby says, but I'd rather let it go to voicemail and not deal with her. Then again, I had the strength to tell my dad, and I did confront her when everything first happened. I can do this.

I snatch my phone off the table and swipe the screen to answer. "Hello?"

"Kyleigh." My mom says my name with the exhaustion of a parent who's been trying to reach their daughter all night because they didn't know where she was.

"Mom."

"You told your father?"

I've been good, Mom, thanks for asking. Yeah, I am still upset about everything you did, I appreciate your concern. I'm sorry you ruined our family too.

"I told you I would." I get up and pace in front of the television.

"I was going to do it, but he had that big case. It wasn't the right time. If you would've given me?—"

"Mom, you had almost a month. And should never have cheated on him in the first place. A good wife would have ended the marriage before sleeping with someone else. Or talked to her husband and tried to fix whatever was making her unhappy."

She scoffs. "You think you're so smart, Kyleigh. You're twenty-five years old. You don't know what it's like to be in a long-term relationship."

I suck in a deep breath. "I know not to cheat on someone. Someone you supposedly love. Someone you market to the masses as the love of your life. Someone you say you can't live without."

She's quiet, but I hear her moving around. She's a pacer too, so I stop moving. I don't want to be like her in any regard. Then I walk in a small circle around my chair. The chair my dad sat in only a few nights ago when I told him the truth.

"It's complicated, and I don't expect you to understand. To you, we're just Mom and Dad. You don't see your father's faults. The hours he works?—"

"Just stop." I squeeze my eyes shut. "He's my father, and I'm not going to listen to you defend your actions. What you did is unthinkable. There was a way you could have dealt with being unhappy that I would have understood. I'm not some na?ve child, Mom. Yes, I am twenty-five, and I understand you see that as young, but I know not all marriages are rosy and perfect. But you get out of the marriage or try to fix it. You don't deceive someone."

She sighs. "I wish you'd meet me in person. I don't want to do this over the phone."

"Sorry, not going to happen." I become dizzy, so I sit on the edge of the chair and crack my neck back and forth.

"When are you coming back to work?"

I sit up straight in the chair, preparing myself for her reaction. "I'm not. I'm done."

"What? Kyleigh, you're going to take over my legacy."

I want to laugh out loud at the word legacy. I mean, yes, my mom does very well for herself. Her client list is extensive, with a long waiting list for consultations. But legacy is a bit much. "I don't want that. I've decided to?—"

I almost slip up and tell her my plans, but she doesn't deserve to know what I'm going to do with my future. Let her sweat it out since she thinks I should run all my life's decisions through her.

"You're not going to waste your grandfather's money by not working, are you? That's not who you are."

"It doesn't matter what I'm going to do. It's my money. Like you said, I'm twenty-five, and it's mine now."

My grandfather left all the grandkids a small amount of money. It's not like a trust fund or anything I can live off, but enough for a down payment on a modest house or a nest egg. The only stipulation he put on the money for each of us was that we wouldn't receive it until we were twenty-five.

"But you'll just waste it," she says.

I thought I'd reached my limit with her weeks ago, but for some reason, her accusation that I'll be irresponsible with the money pisses me off. The only reason I can still pay my bills is because I'm responsible and have always put a portion of my paycheck into a savings account since I started working.

"No, I won't. I would tell you to trust me, but we both know you've never believed in me. You never let me forge my own path. Well, now I am, and I don't plan on that changing. I don't need you to micromanage me anymore."

I hear her breathing, but she says nothing for so long that I'm ready to hang up.

"You expect me to be perfect. I'm not, Kyleigh."

"Wrong, Mom, you expect me to be perfect."

"I made a mistake."

The heaviness in my heart lightens a little. That small piece of hope that she and Dad will fix this and everything I know in this world will be right again flickers then dies. Because I quickly remember, it won't ever be the same. I can't go back to the person or the life I had before walking in on my mom.

"Yes, you did." My voice breaks.

She scoffs. "So, you're just going to keep punishing me for it?"

"Punishing you?"

"Yes! You're going to ostracize me out of our family. Conor doesn't call me. Your dad moved out. And you're quitting on me."

My chest aches at the news that my dad has moved out. I make a mental note to call him tomorrow and see how he is.

"You did it to yourself." A knock sounds on my apartment door, and I know it's Rowan. "I have to go."

"Kyleigh, we have to fix this. You always ignore your problems, but I'm your mother. You can't just make me disappear out of your life like you're waving a magic wand."

I stare at the floor for a second. It hurts so much to think about losing my mother. And maybe one day down the road, I'll be able to be around her. I'm not sure I'll ever entirely forgive her, especially since she's trying to defend her actions, but I'm not even close to being there right now.

"I can do whatever I want to do, Mom. That's the great thing about being an adult. Bye."

My thumb shakes as I click End on the screen. I try to calm my body, but my pulse is erratic, my limbs shaky, and I want to crumble to the floor and weep.

Rowan knocks again.

I shouldn't have answered the phone when I knew he was coming here, but I think subconsciously, I was hoping I'd pick up, and my mother would tell me what a huge mistake she made, how she regrets ever hurting my dad, me. Now Rowan's going to want to have sex, and I'm not sure I can use him to just push this away like I have every other time.

I walk over and open the door. When it swings open, his fist is raised to knock again. The usual smile he has when he sees me drops, and he steps inside, shutting the door and dropping his bags on the floor before wrapping his arms around me. I go willingly, clinging to him as tears fall, soaking his shirt.

The dam breaks, and all the pushing back of emotions becomes too much as I stand there sobbing in his arms. All I can do is let it out. Unfortunately, the timing couldn't be worse since I'm standing here with my fuck buddy who's probably thinking this isn't what he signed up for.

"I'm sorry." I back up, wiping my tears from my cheeks.

He steps forward, his arms stretched out, but I ignore them. "Are you okay?"

I nod, mentally laying brick after brick to build the wall back up. "Yeah, sorry, just got a bad phone call."

His gaze falls to the floor. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Yes! I want to tell you everything. Tell you who I really am. Tell you that I'm messing this up between us.

I want to ramble on and on, but if I do, he leaves. And I lose him. And I can't bear another loss at this moment.

"I'm sorry, I just don't think I'm in the mood tonight. Rain check?"

He nods, and I see the drugstore bag at his feet, next to his duffle bag. Condoms that won't get any use tonight. "Do you want me to leave?"

"I…I don't know," I say because I don't.

It's supposed to be just sex between us. I've never slept in the same bed as Rowan. We've been clear about where the line is, although I know he's slid in under my barbed wire at some point. Sure, maybe it's great that this thing between us has evolved. But I don't know how I could ever get into a relationship right now with where my head is, and he doesn't want anything more than what we have anyway. Letting myself think otherwise is setting myself up for heartbreak, and I've had about enough of that lately. Not to mention I've been lying to him about who I am, and I have no idea how he'll react when he finds out.

"I could hang out."

My shoulders sag. "Nah. I mean that's not part of the?—"

"Listen." He takes my hand, guiding me over to the couch. His gaze runs over the room before landing back on me. "I'm still a friend. I think we've developed a friendship, right?"

"But—"

"But nothing. I want to. Let me stay and be the friend you need right now." His blue eyes implore me to give in, but I know it's because he's a decent guy, not because he's falling for me.

"I don't want to talk about it." I just want to mourn what I've lost. I'm done thinking of future scenarios of what my family dynamic might be going forward. I don't want people telling me I'll survive, I'll get through this right now.

"Fair enough. How about we order takeout and watch a movie?"

I sigh, and my shoulders slump. "Rowan, that's not our arrangement."

He presses his lips to my forehead. "Maybe we change the rules. Sex doesn't have to be on the table in order for us to see each other?" He draws back with questions in his eyes.

Panic constricts my chest. "How about just for tonight?"

Something flashes in his eyes, and it almost looks like disappointment. "What's your favorite takeout spot?"

He pulls out his phone, and we order from my favorite barbecue place.

I cuddle into his side, and he holds me under his arm as we watch a comedy he chose to cheer me up. It's one of the best nights I've had with him, and I wasn't even screaming his name in ecstasy.

I'm in so much trouble.

So in over my head.

I'm not telling him who I am because the thought of losing him entirely makes me feel as though I can't breathe. But losing him is inevitable. Just not tonight.