Chapter 28

It's been an amazing day. Alistair lit the fire and we ate a roast that had, of course, been prepared earlier and left in the oven for us. The fridge was also fully stocked and — surprise, surprise — Alistair has a wine cellar. The man is out of control!

The best thing of all? He has horses. Freaking horses!

At the moment he has two, Dover and Daisy — totally cute names — and I can tell from the way he pats them and talks to them that he's a horse guy. He loves them.

"My babies," he mutters. "Aren't they so pretty?"

I smile. "They're so beautiful, Alistair." I watch as he strokes them and my heart swells at how gentle he is with them.

"They're special to me, which is why I try to get to the country as much as I can."

"That's understandable. If I had horses and a house like this, I'd never leave either."

He smiles, the larger horse leaning into him further, wanting more attention.

The stables are amazing; everything on this property is. When he told me to get wellies — and I did, pulling on my Hunter boots with the wool socks — I had no idea that we'd literally be trampling around over horse manure. But I don't mind one little bit.

One thing my grandmother could never stand about me was the fact that I loved to get dirty as a child. Sure, by the time I was a teenager, she ironed that out of me along with all the other things she didn't like. But give me a puddle and some mud, and I'm happy as a pig in shit.

"It feels different here," I say as we sit by the fire. He's been quiet again, and I put it down to Alistair mode. He has his own mood swings that I just don't understand. It's just an Alistair thing.

He glances at me.

I thought I'd seen sexy Alistair in his designer suits and that one time he wore jeans, but Alistair in sweats is a whole other ball game. He also hasn't shaved for a couple of days and I'm here for it.

"How so?"

I curl my legs up and hug my arms around them. "It's like time stops, you know?"

"I feel the same way."

"When's the last time you were here?"

He thinks about it. "A couple of months."

"Do you bring anyone here?"

"If you're referring to other women, then the answer is no. Only my friends, my parents and Layne. This is my private space, and I don't get a lot of that being in the public eye."

"I wish we didn't have to go back."

He chuckles. "You like it that much?"

I nod. "Yep. And Dover and Daisy are divine."

"We can ride them tomorrow."

My eyes bug wide. "We can?"

"Of course. Have you ridden before?"

"Not for years," I admit. "I suppose you're good at that too?"

He looks over into the fire. "I played polo professionally for a time."

I snort. "You did?"

"It was years ago, when I was going through rebellion with my parents and didn"t know what I wanted to do, or if I'd take over the family business."

"What changed your mind?"

"I realised I liked polo as a hobby. Doing it for a job kinda took the fun out of it."

"I can see that." I glance around the space. "When did you buy this place?"

"A while back. I had it completely remodelled, but kept some of the old features."

"I love them, the stone, the beams, the floors."

He smiles. "I'm glad you approve."

I glance from my cup of cocoa to him. "Alistair, is something wrong?"

His eyes meet mine. "Why would there be something wrong?"

I shrug. "I don't know. You've seemed a little off since we arrived." Well, even before we arrived, but I don't tell him that.

"I'm fine. I told you, there was a lot going on at work this week."

"So? You're not at the office now, Mr. Devereaux."

"I have some work to do."

I laugh, but it dies off when I realise he's serious. "You have to be joking?"

"The world doesn't stop just because we came here for the weekend."

"I'm going to burn that laptop if you dare even open it."

His lips twitch. "Is that so?"

"Yes. It is so. I was going to run us a bath and then give you a foot rub, but now I have to go out into the cold and perform a ritual sacrifice all in the name of keeping Alistair Devereaux away from the office."

"A foot rub?"

"Has no one ever given you a foot rub?"

"No."

I shake my head. "Good God, Mr. Devereaux. I really don't know how you've come this far in life without such pleasantries."

He laughs at my fake British accent. "You're completely nuts."

"Have you seriously only just worked that out?" I roll my eyes.

He sobers. "Did you have enough to eat?"

I nod, yawning. "Yes, thank you. It was delicious."

"Why don't you go draw that bath and I'll be up soon."

I smile. "Okay." I go to stand and then turn to look at him. "Are you sure there's nothing else bugging you?"

"I'm sure."

I have no idea if I believe him, but I can't prize it out of him. If he wants to tell me something, then he will.

I texted Ari and Imogen about my date out in the countryside and of course they wanted to know everything. I just don't know how to tell them about Alistair, or what they'll think.

I know they won't judge — heck, Ariana married her ex-boyfriend's dad, and Imogen is living in Seattle with her Russian billionaire boyfriend who also happens to be her boss, and he posed as an escort the night they slept together. Long story. I know my best friends will understand.

I read back on the texts as I wait for the bath and I smile.

Ari

I so knew you'd meet some hot playboy. Tell us what he's like. He's big right? Tell me he's hung like a horse

Imi

Ari! Stop being so vulgar. Why do both your minds always go straight to the gutter?

I laugh because Imogen is the most straight out of the three of us.

Me

?? he's big, Ari. Even better, he knows what to do with it

Ari

??

Imi

?????♀?

I couldn't tell them the whole truth; that I'm falling for Alistair in a way I never thought possible. I'm afraid if I say it out loud, the spell will be broken. Especially because I have no idea what feelings he has for me, if any. He's so hard to read, and lately he's been hot and cold.

Me

We're in his manor in Gloucestershire, and it's so amazing you guys. He has a couple of horses, too, they're so sweet

Ari

I want to come to Gloucestershire!

Me

Well you can, hop on a plane

Ari

If I do, can I ride a horse too?

Me

You have your own horse to ride at home ??

Imi

I was just waiting for that

Me

She asked for it

Ari

So, aside from riding your hunky new man, what else are you doing this weekend?

Me

I don't know. We might go out for dinner tomorrow, see some of the countryside. We don't have any plans

Imi

That's so romantic

Ari

What does he do again?

Uh, oh.

Me

He's got lots of different business, his main one is advertising

Imi

So he's filthy rich

Ari

Or just filthy?

Me

He's both. But I better get going as he's preparing dinner

Ari

Wait a cotton pickin' minute, he cooks too?

Imi

He's a keeper

Me

LOL no. He has staff, they already cooked it. He's just heating it up

Ari

Still, I like a man who plans ahead

Imi

Me too. Send us photos of the horses tomorrow

Me

I will, goodnight guys x

Ari

Miss you

Imi

Hugs

Me

Miss you too x

I click my phone off and then I read the text from the other day. I still haven't replied. I mean, I should tell him that I'm already taken and he shouldn't be texting me. Then again, he hasn't said anything more, so maybe he got the hint?

When Alistair joins me, I revel in our closeness, and tonight when he takes me to bed, he's attentive and… soft, somehow. He doesn't fuck me into oblivion like he usually does. It's different, somehow. Almost like… almost like he's making love to me.

I lose myself in him and like the stallion he is, he doesn't let up until I'm begging him to take me. Which he does. Over and over again.

When I fall asleep in his arms, I know that there is no other man for me or ever will be. My heart belongs to Alistair Deveraux. And when he breaks it, I've no idea if I can survive the fallout.

I follow Alistair up the trail behind his house as I ride Daisy, a white and black spotted mare with a beautiful temperament. It's cold out, but the sky is clear and there is no sign of rain. Alistair helped me saddle up and he looks ever the distinguished English gentleman in his riding gear. Imagining him playing polo is all too much for my fuzzy brain.

He rides Dover — a beautiful chestnut stallion — and he does it with a precision that I know to be all Alistair. This man is so complicated, yet so ferocious and easy to love all rolled into one. If he'd just let himself open up, I know that all the love in the world would rush right in. Love that I have to give. I want to nurture this man. I want to look after him, like he looks after me. I want to be his everything, and I'm tired of fighting it.

It's not about the money. It was never about the money, not even when I made the deal. I made it so I could keep seeing him. I don't want to get paid to give him what he wants, and we both know that it's more about him giving me what I want. And I'll gladly take it. Oh, boy will I take it.

He points out trees, and old houses and tells me about the neighbouring village. When we get back, he's going to take us for a drive and we'll get some lunch. The whole morning I'm just on cloud nine. I pat Daisy and tell her what a good girl she is.

I've never felt so happy just being in nature, breathing in the country air and having a gorgeous man like Alistair riding beside me. I'm on cloud nine.

We shower once we're back, though that takes longer than usual because Alistair can't keep his hands off me. Then he takes me for a drive. We pull up at a little pub in the next county and have a slap up lunch.

"You seem happy," he says, and I can't help but think it sounds a little accusatory.

"I am. I love being with you when you're like this."

His lips curl slightly. "Like what?"

"Relaxed." I squeeze his hand. "I love the horses — they're amazing. How long have you had them?"

"I've had Dover for three years. He lost his mate, Lex; that's when I got Daisy. Now he's happy again."

"I bet he is." I laugh. "She's beautiful. So gentle."

"She was shy when I first brought her here, but Dover has a way of charming the ladies."

"A little like his owner?" I give him a wink.

He's playful today, and this is how I like him.

He's wearing a wool coat and a scarf with jeans and boots. I've never seen a man look so sexy in outdoor gear.

"I don't know about that."

"How come you never settled down… after… you know?"

He takes a long gulp of his orange juice and meets my gaze. "It just never felt right. To be honest, after your mother, I vowed I'd never do anything like that ever again. If something didn't feel right, then I walked away."

"Do you think she was ever happy?" The thought saddens me.

"I think there were times, but because she could never stand up to your grandmother, she suppressed a lot."

"Tell me about it."

He gives me a chin lift. "How come you're so different?"

I look down at my plate. "Therapy."

"You had therapy?"

I clear my throat. "At my friend"s insistence. Yes." When I glance up, his face is hard.

"Tell me what happened."

"You know what happened."

"Not all of it."

"You don't want to hear about how she really was behind closed doors."

"Charlize. I'm so sorry…"

"You've no idea how angry she'd get," I whisper. "The first time she hit me, I was about ten, that's when Mum moved to the UK. She vowed that I'd never be left in her care again. For a while, things were good."

His eyes fill with remorse and regret. "And it continued when you went back to Australia?"

"Without the protection of my mum?" I laugh without humour. "She was just a bitter, twisted old woman. But I've made peace with it. I promise."

His hand reaches for mine across the table. "If I could take it all back, I would."

I shake my head. "No. Because that would be weird… if I'd actually grown up with you. I like where things are now, Alistair. I like being here, with you." I so want him to tell me that he feels the same way, that he wants this too. Whatever this is.

As much as he looks like he might want to say something, he clamps his mouth shut.

I get it's hard for him. He's a man of few words, but I fear that I will never truly know the way to Alistair's heart.

While Alistair's in the bathroom, I get another text.

No number

Hello beautiful. I haven't heard from you. I'm sorry if I came off pushy the other day, it wasn't my intention. But I'd still love to meet up… if you're interested?

This just feels kinda creepy.

I take a breath and then I decide to thumb back my reply.

Me

I don't know how you got my number but you need to know that I'm not interested. Thanks for the offer and all, but I'm with someone

No number

I understand. But when you're done with him, text me. I know we'd be good together

I stare at the message and my heart thuds in my chest. It feels disloyal to Alistair, even though I haven't done anything wrong.

Me

That won't be happening. You see, you don't know me, but the man I'm with? I'm in love with him. He has no idea, no clue, and while that's sad to admit, I still have to say it out loud. I was never an escort. I'm not on the market now, nor will I be in the future. So delete my number and consider yourself blocked.

I do just that after the second the text is sent, feeling relief flood through me. God, some guys are just complete creeps. I should complain to élégance, or at least tell Neve about it.

Everything I said to that complete stranger is true. I can't tell my friends. I can't even tell Alistair. But I have to admit it to myself; I'm irrevocably in love with him, and there's not a darned thing I can do about it.