Chapter 26

"What were you like as a child?" I ask Alistair. We're in his huge bath with suds up to the very top. I love my baths, but this is next level with jets on either side.

"I'm sure you can imagine."

"I bet you used to climb trees in your Sunday best, grazing your knees and returning home with grass stains on your pants, claiming it was the other kids who made you do it."

He chuckles. "Something like that."

"Did you have a happy childhood?"

I want the truth. "Yes, I did. I'm lucky that I have two parents who are not only still married and crazy about one another, but they also taught me strong family values and how to feel loved. I'm blessed in that way."

He squeezes the sponge over my belly and then strokes it up my thigh toward my knee. "I love that you had that."

"My father is a tough man, but he never raised a hand to me. He's mellowed a lot over the years. We're very close. I respect him. And my mother, well, she's a mother hen for want of a better word."

"I can imagine. You're her only son. Ialways wondered what it would be like to have a sibling."

"My sister is ten years younger but acts like a sixteen year old. She's divorced. The dick cheated on her and tried to cover it up. She's never really gotten over it."

"That's awful. I've never understood anyone who cheats. I've been cheated on before, it doesn't feel great, but to be married? That"s a whole different ball game."

"She obviously wasn't with the right guy. She may annoy the shit out of me, but she's a good person. She deserves to be happy."

"So do you." My words hang in the air. "Do you believe that?"

"I don't know," he says honestly. "I feel like I've only just come to realise that I've been mad at myself for a long time. Not just with how things ended with Abigail, but my previous relationships."

"How did they go?"

"Not so great. I've never been able to commit, if I'm being honest. It never felt… quite right. I haven't been in a long-term relationship for a long time. I've never lived with anyone, and maybe that's part of the reason that those relationships didn't work out."

"They were gold diggers?" I say, nonchalantly.

He runs his hands from my hips to my thighs and I sigh at his touch. This is absolute bliss.

"I guess they were."

I can't tell him the truth about today. He'd flip.

I got a text message from a man who frequents élégance. He says he got my number from one of the women that work there. I know for a fact that Neve didn't send my number to him — she's by the book — so I wonder who the hell did.

I was startled by his proposition, not that I've replied. The idea sickens me.

I saw you at the party. You're beautiful. I want to know if I can see you? I promise I'll make it worth your while. Whatever your current man is paying, I'll double it. Whatever it takes, beautiful girl. Think about it.

I even hid my cell phone so Alistair wouldn't see it. Not that he'd snoop into my phone, but if this guy texts me again and my phone is on display, I won't be able to explain my way out of it.

I can't explain the feeling, but it feels like cheating. I know I haven't done anything — and nor do I plan to — but I get this icky feeling whenever I think about it.

I should just block the guy and never message him again. He obviously thinks I'm money driven, and while I was initially only doing this to get some extra cash, I've come to also understand that sleeping with men for money isn't something I can do.

That may sound a little contradictory considering that's exactly what I'm doing with Alistair, but this feels different. He cares about me, and I care about him. Maybe a little too much. I may be falling for him and I know that's bad, but I also know I've never felt this way about anyone.

I'm sure he thinks I just wanted to stay for the money and the perks; I did suggest it after all. But I only wanted to stay in his company, afraid that he'd toss me aside if I didn't give him something back. If that makes me his little whore, then so be it. I'll gladly take it because I know that I'd do this even if he wasn't rich.

Trust me, I don't want to fall head over heels for this man. Not when he can have any woman he wants and would probably trade me in the second he gets bored, but what we've shared recently has been the best thing I've ever encountered. Sue me if it doesn"t feel good to feel loved and nurtured, even if it is all an act on his part.

"You"re awfully quiet," he says when I don't offer anything else.

"I had a big day shopping," I laugh.

"I saw. My credit card company called to make sure I really did want to spend a hundred grand on luggage."

I swallow hard. "I feel terrible about that. I just didn't want to make you mad."

He kisses the back of my head. "Nothing you could do would make me mad. As long as we're honest with each other."

I want that too, complete honesty. But to him, I'm just the chick he's paying to have sex with. I'm nothing more than a commodity to him. It felt good at first, and I don't mind opulence one little bit, but the fun kinda disappears after a while. If he'd been with me, helping me pick out underwear, for example, it might've been a little bit more fun.

I can't help but wonder what happens when I have all the designer things in the world. What then?

Diamonds. Cars. Luxury apartments. Hermes bags. International travel. It's every girl"s dream. But so is falling in love. And I'm not in love with his money. That doesn't mean shit to me. What I want is him. Raw Alistair. The man behind the mask who I see from time to time. When he lets his guard down, there's a whole new world waiting there. And it's oh, so sweet.

"Of course. I want that too." I nestle back against him as he draws circles on both sides of my thighs. Having his hands on me is all the reward I need.

"After that night, did you consider doing what you did with any other man?" he asks me out of the blue.

I frown. Why is he asking this now?

"You know the answer to that. I was having second thoughts about the entire thing. Then when you came into the room, and I realised it was you, something happened."

"What happened?"

"Something inside of me wanted you more than anything. While I know it was wrong, I can't regret the decision. It was the first time in a long time that I'd felt anything good."

"Charlize…"

"I don't need your sympathy. I'm just saying how I feel. And no — in answer to your question — I don't want to do that. I thought I could, for the extra cash, but that isn't me, Alistair. It never was."

He sighs and I wish I knew what he was thinking. "I believe you."

"Even though you're still paying me?"

"Like I said, it's money that's owed to you."

I turn in his arms. "I don't want money that's owed to me. Taking money to have sex with you… it's starting to feel… blurry."

He frowns. "Blurry?"

I let out a breath, cupping his face. "Don't you feel this?"

"I'm trying not to."

I'm stunned by his words. I thought he'd deny it and ask me what the fuck I'm talking about. I didn't expect that. "So why are we fighting it?"

"I thought we were getting to know one another. What's the rush?"

I shake my head, pressing my lips to his. "There's no rush. I just want all of you. Sue me if I'm impatient."

He stares at me, a look crossing his face that I can't decipher. He's been acting weird all afternoon and I don't know why. Something's changed.

"Alistair? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He looks away.

"I want to go to bed now."

"So soon?"

"I need you."

I press my lips to his but he doesn't kiss me back. Eventually, I work my tongue across his lips and he opens up.

"Tell me how bad you want it," he says.

I reach between his legs. "So bad."

He hisses when I grasp his dick, pointing up in the water. "Does my dirty little whore need Daddy's cock?"

"Yes," I breathe, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Take me to bed. Please, Mr. Devereaux."

Finally, he kisses me back and he's not gentle about it.

He lifts me out of the water and wraps me in a towel. He quickly dries himself and brings a dry towel with him… uh, oh. I wonder what he needs that for?

I crawl onto the bed and he goes to the drawer and pulls out some silk ribbons. I watch as he stalks toward me, his brow creased as he crosses the room.

"I'm going to tie you to the bed and kiss every inch of your body," he says. I'm so stunned I can't speak; I thought I was in trouble, until he adds, "And I'm not going to let you come until you're begging me in your sweetest little voice. Understand?"

"What happens if I come?"

He arches a brow. "You'll be on the receiving end of this." He waves a paddle at me from behind his back.

My eyes widen. "Holy shit."

"Does that horrify you, or turn you on?"

"Will it hurt?"

"I would never hurt you or do anything you couldn't handle."

"Then yes, it turns me on."

He smirks. "Spread your legs."

I drop my towel and do as he says. All my inhibitions went out the window when I met him, and they're not coming back anytime soon.

He ties my wrists together and then secures them to the bed frame, then he ties my ankles to the posts either side so they're spread as wide as they can go.

"How come you don't use ropes?" I enquire.

He cocks a brow as I look over my shoulder. "Do you want me to use ropes?"

I shake my head. "I like the silk."

"Me too. Silk won't hurt you like rope will."

My heart swoons just a little bit, even if I'm still unaware why he was in such a mood earlier. I'm slowly learning there are a few layers to Alistair, as well as his moods — and not all of them are pretty. In fact, he's moodier than any female I've ever known.

My heart races in my chest as he begins peppering kisses from my ankle, all the way up to my knees, purposely avoiding between my legs, where I need him the most.

"What did you do today?"

I pull against my restraints when his lips caress my ass cheek. "You know what I did. I spent your money and you jerked off on it."

He huffs a laugh. "Is that what you think I do?"

"Isn't it?"

He pauses. "I enjoy it when you spend my money, yes."

"Do you let other women do that? Spend your money?"

"Unless I'm in a relationship with them — which I told you I haven't been for a while — then no."

"So why me?"

"We have an arrangement, Charlize." He sounds gruff, like I'm overstepping the line, but I don't care. The lines are already blurred. "Did you forget that already?"

I'm a fool thinking that he could possibly feel anything for me other than to get his rocks off. And he does it so well. Typical of me to make something more out of it than it is. I don't know why I'm surprised at myself. I always self-protect, but this time I've let Alistair wine and dine me into oblivion, and it's only been a couple of weeks since our arrangement. Clearly, he does not feel the same way, and that feeling washes over me that he wants an apartment for me to keep me under lock and key.

So he knows where I am at all times. So he can buy me off.

Is that what he's doing?

"Of course I didn't forget."

"Good. Then can you shut up for a minute while I try and fuck you?"

"What if I don't?"

Before I can turn to give him a smug smile, he's on me and I squeal. He quickly slides something over my head and I realise it's a gag.

"This is what happens if you don't."

"You're going to gag me?" I gasp.

"Yes, I am, and because I won't be able to hear your smart mouth, you'll need to wiggle your fingers if you want me to stop, okay?"

I'm so turned on by his words, I realise I'd let this man do anything to me.

"Okay," I whisper.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes," I say without hesitation.

He slides the gag down and secures it around my mouth. "Finally, we have quiet," he sighs. "Now, where were we?"

I jiggle my ass at him and the paddle comes down on my ass. It's not terribly hard, but because I wasn't expecting it, the sting hits a little differently.

"Was that too hard?"

I shake my head.

"Good. Remember that when you shake that butt at me." His mouth comes to my ear. "When Daddy takes your sweet little arse you won't even know how you lived without it."

I swallow hard, nodding. Yes! Yes I want that.

So I lie there, completely at Alistair's mercy as he proceeds to do what he promised.