Chapter 22

The murmuring exploded into exclamations as everyone turned to their friends. Ephraim let it go on for a few seconds before quieting everyone back down to continue.

He looked in my direction, making me freeze in terror. But then he extended a beckoning hand, and Rigel released me, walking up the steps to stand next to the podium.

Ephraim patted him on the shoulder. “For his impressive work this year, Rigel gets the honor of selecting the destination.”

The crowd’s excitement cut off abruptly, expressions shifting to concern.

I could only begin to imagine what he would inflict on everybody.

“Don’t sound too enthusiastic,” Rigel said, eyes sparkling deviously.

Ephraim nodded for him to step back down off the stage, and he did so, clearly still amused with himself. “That concludes our ceremony. Congratulations to our graduating fifth years, and I can’t wait to see the rest of you at the start of next term.”

The room shifted as everyone got out of their seats and filed toward the back doors.

“I need to talk to you,” someone whispered in my ear.

I glanced to the side to see Rigel looking expectant, but Ephraim was coming down the stairs.

“Believe it or not, talking to you is pretty low on my priority list,” I hissed back, shoving past him to get to the chancellor.

His eyes were already on me, clearly expecting this reaction. He instantly had a hand on my back, guiding me away from the rest of the crowd. Instead of leading me into his office, we stopped in a back hallway stacked with dusty boxes and folding tables.

“I understand your frustration.”

I crossed my arms. “Clearly not enough.”

He remained calm, not taking the bait. “Would you do me the kindness of assuming I have your best interest at heart?”

“Bullshit,” I hissed, feeling a rebellious tear trail down my cheek, unbidden of my brain. I swiped at it, trying to keep from dissolving until he explained himself. “What’s . . . What’s wrong with me?”

His face fell. “Oh, Agnes, no, don’t think that. It’s not about that.”

“Then, what is it? What’s going on?”

He winced at my rising voice and put up a quieting hand. “Please calm down.”

“Then, talk to me in your office if you don’t want anyone to hear because I fully intend to yell if I need to.”

He let out a long breath, and when he opened his eyes, his expression was hardened. His door appeared on the wall next to us.

“If this is something you truly believe you can’t tolerate, then there is another option.”

Opening the door, he revealed his office, but this time, it wasn’t empty. A handful of students I vaguely recognized were waiting, some cool and blank, others puffy and red with tears. Behind them loomed the black door, like a hungry lion in a cage.

“There’s no shame in it, Agnes,” he said, gesturing for me to step inside.

Instead, I stumbled back, bumping into a box and dropping my cane. “No.”

He closed the door, but his expression didn’t change. “Then, you will keep this to yourself and continue on as normal. I apologize that this has been distressing for you, but your role in this school is entirely contingent on your ability to accept this decision. Am I being transparent enough?”

I snatched my cane and hugged it to my chest. “Heard.”

He laid a hand on my shoulder. “I meant what I said during the ceremony. The only thing these books can offer you is the past. It’s not worth all this grief.”

Too deflated to offer a response, honest or otherwise, I nodded. He removed his hand from my shoulder and used it to gesture toward an exit.

When I slipped out of the side door, I found someone waiting for me.

“Agnes,” Rigel said, pushing off from the tree he’d been leaning on.

Weirdly enough, the way he said my name sounded like a sigh of relief.

I hesitated. “Were you waiting for me?”

“I wasn’t sure . . .” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I need to talk to you.”

“Go to hell,” I said, aiming myself toward my dorm.

“It’s important.”

“Gloating is not what I would consider important.”

Luckily, the Iudex dorm wasn’t far, and with some exceptionally hurried hobbling, I made it to the front steps in record time.

“Please let me explain,” he insisted as I opened the door.

He’d helped Lindy pack up for the summer, so he had no one in the Iudex dorm to invite him in besides me, which was off the table.

I slammed the glass door in his face and kept going.

The next morning, I was content to stew in my bitterness while everyone else endured whatever location Rigel picked for the trip. But a knock on my door cut through my valuable moping time.

“Fuck off,” I called from bed, not even bothering to set down the vest I was crocheting.

But then the knock sounded again, and I got to my feet with a loud groan. When I found Professor Faun on the other side, the sound got stuck in my throat.

“I’m not going.”

I went to slam the door in his face, but he grabbed the edge, holding it open. “You need to.”

“I don’t need—”

Glancing over his shoulder, he slipped inside, closing the door just enough to muffle our words. “If you can’t play along, you will be sent through the door.”

“What happened to being an adult with personal freedoms, you brownnoser?”

His jaw flexed. “Have you ever considered that you’re not being victimized but protected?”

I shook my head. “Why would I trust anything you say?”

“Because I’m risking my job and my life being alone with you right now just to make sure you don’t shoot yourself in the foot. The last time I checked, you wanted your life here, and unless that’s changed, I’m going to do my best to help you keep it.”

“A life full of secrets.”

“Every life is full of secrets, and very few are so merciful.”

“Mercy.” I scoffed. “I can’t seem to find a bottom to that cursed well.”

He brought a hand up to cup my face, but I leaned away, making him purse his lips. “I wish helping you hurt less. It would be so convenient not to care about your feelings.”

“Shut up.”

“You should be flattered. It’s a testament to your life-threatening charm.”

Sighing, I leaned my head forward and pressed my face into his chest. “This sucks ass.”

“That’s a fair statement.”

I got dressed quickly and followed Professor Faun out to the gate where everyone was gathered.

He nodded to the other professors, who opened the gate. Professor Algenette had a rumpled map in hand, but she seemed intent on keeping most contents out of view as she herded us into a tight line.

“Professor,” I whispered to him. “Are we leaving campus?”

“Rigel picked some place that can only be accessed outside of campus, but everyone here is considered perfectly capable of defending themselves with faculty supervision.”

“This seems like a bad idea for me.”

He kept his eyes ahead when he answered, as if he might show his hand by making eye contact with me in public. “We usually have everyone go invisible except whoever has the map, just to avoid getting too much attention. Ephraim thinks it should be perfectly safe for you.”

“Right,” I said. “Perfect. I totally trust his judgment.”

“Careful,” he warned.

Professor Faun slipped away from me without a look back. I followed suit, walking over to where Arlie was making conversation with an Ultor girl.

“What are they doing?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

“There you are,” she said, looking relieved. “I was getting a bit worried.”

It had only just occurred to me that, the last time she saw me, Ephraim had been pulling me away after the ceremony. A pang of guilt hit me.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. It was just a lot to process.”

She waved away my apology. “Reading my history actually gave me a bit of vertigo, and my life wasn’t really that crazy.”

“Yeah, mine wasn’t either,” I agreed, trying to sound casual. “Disappointing.”

“Figures,” she sighed. “I was honestly expecting to feel worse about leaving my mom and friends behind and everything, but since I have you and Blair, it doesn’t feel quite so bad.”

I grinned. “Stop, you’re making me blush.”

We were herded into a long line as the professors shuffled us through the gate, everyone turning invisible as they passed under the archway.

Professor Algenette headed the group as we began the trek and was the only one visible. If it weren’t for the cloud of whispers and giggles that followed her, it might have seemed as if she were out for a walk by herself.

Occasionally, someone would step in mud or get a twig caught in their hair, but it was still within reason that floating foliage was less attention-grabbing than a gaggle of students.

The dirt road branched off in different directions as we followed Professor Algenette.

“Look over there,” Arlie whispered over my right shoulder.

The spectral outline of her arm appeared next to me, pointing into the trees as we rounded the corner.

A little shack came into view. It was as small as it was ancient, with lumpy stone walls and a fibrous roof. The cleared plot of land around it was patchy and unkempt, sprinkled with salvaged mortal objects lying discarded on the ground. But a small feather of smoke leaked out of the chimney, indicating that it was still in use.

Sounds of shock swelled from the empty space behind Professor Algenette, prompting her to turn her head and hush everyone. No one really heeded her warning until someone rounded the corner. The sounds from the group cut off almost instantly, as if everyone held their breath all at the same time. There were only a few small grunts from people running into one another.

Despite this, the woman seemed unaware—or, at least, disinterested—of our existence. She and Professor Algenette exchanged curt nods, but her attention returned to the road ahead of her.

I didn’t bother reeling in my shock. She seemed relatively normal, except most of her abdomen seemed to have been torn out. From the top of her pelvis to the bottom of a few broken ribs, the only part of her that remained was her spinal column. To avoid simply snapping in half, she’d erected a scaffolding around herself out of twigs and twine.

Everyone waited until we were a good distance away before they broke into discussion about it.

“I admire the ingenuity,” I heard Arlie say, but I sensed she was trying hard not to seem shaken.

“I just hope we don’t run into whoever did that to her,” I whispered back.

But then another voice came from my other side.

“See, Agnes, it could always be worse.”

I flinched as I felt Rigel’s words against the side of my neck.

“Back off,” I hissed, wielding my cane at the pocket of air to my left.

He grunted as the wood made contact, but his footsteps didn’t falter. “Ouch.”

“Is there a reason you’ve chosen somewhere in the ass end of nowhere?” Arlie asked. “Is visiting your hometown really worth all this?”

I wanted to chide her for giving him a conversational opening.

“Even if I wanted to do something like that, which I don’t, I had to choose before we all got our histories.”

“Then, where’d you choose?” she asked.

“You’ll see.” He poked me in the arm.

Professor Algenette stopped us at a random spot on the road, giving us a minute to catch up before guiding us into the trees.

It was significantly harder to disguise our presence now that everyone was stirring up old leaves and moving branches out of their way. But now that we weren’t on the path, coming across random civilians seemed far less likely.

It required so much focus not to accidentally bump into someone that no one spoke as we powered our way to our destination.

Professor Algenette finally came to a stop in a small clearing. “All right, everyone. We’ve made it, but there are a few things we need to cover before we proceed,” she announced as everyone became visible again now that we were in the clearing. “It’s important that you maintain Stage 3 Transparency while we’re over there. No mortals should be nearby, but it’s best not to take the chance. If you see anyone, it’s Stage 4 immediately. Understood?”

A murmur of agreement arose from the invisible crowd.

“Excellent,” she said, turning and feeling around in the air on the edge of the clearing. “You’ll be able to identify the throughline by a sudden feeling of numbness. We can’t feel anything in the mortal world, so you’ll notice a sudden change in temperature, like dipping your arm into lukewarm water.”

She felt around a little more before her arm suddenly disappeared out of sight, and she smiled back at where we stood. “Who wants to go first?”

Professor Beck took the lead, followed by a steady stream of nervous students.

“This is crazy,” Arlie whispered. “I can’t wait to experience the mortal world for the first time.”

I snickered, even though remembering Halloween put my stomach in knots.

When I slipped through, I shivered at the rush of nothing just as I ran into someone’s back. Most of the other students had frozen in shock upon entering, which clogged up the space.

The person directly in front of me shifted just in time for me to get out of the way as Arlie pressed in at my back. The remaining professors followed quickly.

“Stage 3, people. Come on now, get it together,” Professor Algenette said when she realized most students had been so shocked they forgot to obscure themselves.

Quickly, people dissolved in the air, leaving themselves as a shadowy outline.

“These regular trees were definitely worth the awful hike. Good job, Rigel,” Arlie called to him.

I wanted to agree with her, but something stopped me. Our spot was nearly as featureless as the clearing we’d just left behind in purgatory. The only indication that the wooded area we stood in had been touched by humans at any point was a faint trail that ran right in front of us. Something about it felt confusingly significant. I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

“I like it. What do you think, Agnes?”

His words were pointed.

I hoped I was obscured enough that Arlie couldn’t see the concern on my face.

“Rigel, can I talk to you alone for a minute?”

“I’d love nothing more.”

“What’s going on?” Arlie asked, sensing my discomfort.

“Nothing. I just need to talk to him about something.”

Suspicious, she hesitated but eventually said, “Okay.”

I grabbed Rigel by the arm and dragged him down the path, putting distance between us and the group. Students were spreading out, kicking old leaves and touching the tree bark, so we had a ways to go before we found any real privacy.

“What the hell is going on?” I hissed, stopping next to a small creek.

“Do you not get it yet, Agnes?” he whispered.

Even though I couldn’t make out the details of his face, I could hear the smile in his words.

I glanced around, trying desperately to understand why my heart was thundering in my chest.

Everything around me was both regular but significant, almost . . . familiar.

“Rigel, what did you do?” I breathed.

“I told you I was going to find a way to apologize.”

My eyes fell to the ground, landing on a long patch of earth where the grass was withered and brown, like it hadn’t gotten enough sunlight. Bending down, I ran my hand over the spot, feeling the rough texture. An odd tingle shot up to my elbow, like my body was reacting to something there.

I yanked my arm away and stumbled back, Rigel catching me before I could collapse.

I scrambled out of his grip, feeling my heart behind my eyes as a deep, horrible dread filled me.

“What is this?”

My voice was high, straining with fear.

“You recognize it, right?”

I scrambled back from him, only stopping when my back hit a tree. “How did you know?”

“How do you think I knew?” he asked, voice still even and calm.

“Why . . . how . . .”

My brain was working too fast for my mouth, but before I could form a question, leaves crunched nearby.

“Shit,” Rigel hissed, disappearing just as the cracking intensified.

I was about to do the same when the figure emerged. It was much smaller than I’d been expecting, because it was a child.

She was young, hardly even school age, if that. I sense that she might have only even begun speaking in full sentences. But her age did not shake me, nor that she was seemingly out in the woods by herself.

It was how she looked. With wavy dark hair, and pale blue eyes, she shouldn’t have reminded me of myself. But little things seemed cruelly familiar. And then the part I couldn’t get past was the white streak.

Hers wasn’t on the temple like mine but in the center part of her hair, causing two thin white streaks to frame her cherubic face. Even though it wasn’t definitive and I knew it shouldn’t have been clear, some part of me knew, as if the truth had always been inside my mind, waiting to be found.

“Rigel.” I gasped. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t . . . Agnes, I swear. I have no idea what’s going on.”

I heard his voice from the air next to me.

But I knew what was going on.

I knew this child.

This child was mine.