Chapter 11

Eleven

Clara

I didn't get to wake up cradled in the warm safety of Eeli and Dyson's arms. Instead I jolted awake in an instant. Odd noises hit my ears and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. Trying to get my bearings in the darkness, I sat up straight.

"No!" The scream sent me scrambling for the side of the bed at the same time Eeli sat up straight and started reaching out. My movements were impeded by Dyson at my back.

That didn't last long. In the next second, Dyson grasped my upper arms, pulled me up and all but flung me out of the bed.

I landed hard on my ass. "What…?"

A small lamp someone left on allowed me to see Dyson lunge toward Eeli, ducking at the same time Eeli lashed out with a powerful fist. Dyson's shoulder caught Eeli in the middle and tackled him down to the bed. He pinned him there.

"Wake up, Eeli. You're safe. Wake up." Dyson shook him slightly without letting him go.

Eeli woke up fighting. I could see the glow of rage in his eyes.

"You're safe. You're home, Eeli. It's me, Dyson."

At the sound of Dyson's name, Eeli froze, his body arched mid-buck. All the fight went out of him and he sank back into the mattress. Dyson stared down at him for another minute, assessing him, before moving off him and right off the bed.

He crouched down next to me. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't mean to be so rough. Are you okay?"

Eeli knifed up in the bed. "Clara? Oh, shit. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

The panic in his voice did what nothing else I witnessed did—spurred me to action. I sprang up from my spot sprawled on the floor. "I'm okay. I'm fine."

I passed my hand over Dyson's shoulder, offering quick comfort before I crawled across the bed to Eeli. I didn't hesitate when I got to him. I crawled straight into his lap and wrapped myself around him. I could feel him trembling under me.

He closed his arms tightly around me. "You're sure? I didn't hurt you?"

"Shh." I ran my hands up and down his back, soothing him as best I could. "I'm fine. You startled me, but no damage was done."

He squeezed harder for a second and his breath came from him raggedly. "Thank God."

I don't know how long I stayed in his arms before Dyson came over and rubbed his hand over my back. "It's late, sweetheart. I think we could all use some more sleep."

I pressed my face into Eeli's neck and pressed kisses along his jawline. "You okay, now?"

He nodded.

I eased myself back and he allowed his arms to slacken as I slid to the spot beside him that I was already coming to think of as mine. I looked up at Dyson. "You, too. You need more sleep."

Dyson's mouth tightened and he speared Eeli with a look full of something I didn't understand. "Clara, I don't think it's a good idea for you to stay in here tonight."

"What?"

Eeli rubbed a hand over his face. "Shit. Shit." He dropped his hand and turned to me. "He's right. We can't all sleep in here."

There was no way I wanted to be separated from them.

"I could have hurt you."

The pain that laced his voice broke through my anger. I raised a hand and caressed his cheek. "You didn't. I'm fine."

"Eeli hasn't had a nightmare like that in a while, so I didn't even think of it. But he's right, Clara. Until we know he won't hurt you, we can't all sleep together."

"But…"

Dyson sank down to sit on his side of the bed. "You need to do this for Eeli. Can you imagine how he'd feel if he hurt you?"

I bit my lip and glanced up at Eeli. Dyson was right. Just the thought he could have hurt me left Eeli highly agitated. I thought of his fist flying through the air. If I had been in the way of that fist, Eeli would have done some damage.

I'd forgotten. We'd been in our own little bubble since the guys showed up at the bar the other night. I hadn't let reality seep in. And the reality was that Dyson and Eeli still suffered with whatever they'd been through during their deployment.

Selfishly, I hadn't even thought about how to help them function better separately in the last few days. I liked having the three of us in our cocoon together.

But tonight, reality reared its ugly head. Our little cocoon didn't keep out the boogeyman. He crept in while we slept.

And if keeping one of Eeli's monsters at bay meant sleeping separately until we figured all this out, then I'd give that to him. No matter how much I hated it.

"Okay," I said in a defeated voice. I turned to face Eeli and pulled his mouth down to mine for a long, almost desperate kiss. When I broke away, I rubbed my hand over his chest, directly over his heart. "Sleep well, baby."

His eyes closed as if he were in pain and his head dipped. I pressed one last kiss to the top of it before he rolled away toward Dyson. "Guest room?"

He took my hand and gave it a squeeze before he tugged me from the room. He led me into the bedroom next door without bothering to flip on the light. I'd poked my head in before I left this morning. Or yesterday morning. Whenever it was that I'd so happily left my men's bed, looking forward to the night ahead.

I sighed as Dyson turned down the utilitarian comforter on the queen-sized guest bed. He eased me under the sheets and tucked a stray hair before leaning in to kiss me softly. Yeah, not exactly the end to the night I'd been thinking of earlier.

"Want me to stay with you until you fall asleep?" His words let me know he'd be returning to Eeli, not staying here with me.

I fought off the sting of tears and tried with all my might to put on a brave face. "You should get back to Eeli," I managed to get out softly.

Dyson pushed my hair back from my face. I tried to read his expression, but I couldn't quite figure it out. If I had to pick one word, I think sad would come to mind.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he said with a tired smile. But I didn't believe him.

"You need to get some sleep, too." I shifted onto my side and curled my body around his side where he sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me."

And as I said the words, I knew Dyson had been shouldering all kinds of worries for a while now. I promised myself I wouldn't add to the burden he already carried.

With that in mind, I did my best to offer him a soft smile. "Can you do me a favor?"

"Anything." He stroked my hair back from my face in a tender gesture that had become so familiar in just the last few days that I had to swallow to clear the lump in my throat before I could respond.

"Could you go check on Eeli? I'm sure he's worried about me. Make sure he knows I'm fine." I caught his hand and squeezed it. "He might need you more than I do right now."

An expression I could only think was relief passed over his face before he cleared it away. "You're sure?"

I nodded. "Positive. And tomorrow, I'm making breakfast for you. You're always taking care of us. I want to take care of you for once."

He grinned down at me before he leaned down and kissed me with a fierce passion I wasn't expecting.

When he broke the kiss, I'd lost my ability to speak for a moment. All I could do was blink up at him.

He grinned down at me, a little smug at my complete loss of composure. "Night, sweetheart."

"Seriously? You're going to kiss me like that right before you leave me?" I asked as I finally found my voice. "Just for that, I'm making you some kind of barks and twig cereal, high in fiber and low in taste for breakfast."

He laughed and leaned down and gave me a last, quick peck. "Only you could make me laugh after dealing with one of Eeli's nightmares."

I looked up at him in wonder and my heart did a little tap dance right there in my chest. It meant the world to me to know I could lighten Dyson's load, if only for a few minutes.

"I'm glad," I said softly.

He tangled his hand in my hair again. "My sweet, soft-hearted girl."

He curved his hand around my neck for an instant as he studied my face. A swift look of sadness came and went from his expression before he stood up.

"Get some sleep, sweetheart." And with that, he was gone.

It felt like he took all the warmth in the room along with him. A chill settled over me, making me shiver. I pulled the comforter up tighter under my chin, huddling under the covers as I tried to fathom the odd expression I'd caught on Dyson's face.

I tried not to dwell on the fact they were sleeping together in the other room, and I was left here on my own. But it wasn't as easy as I wished.

A single tear streaked down my face and into the hair at my temple. All my life I'd dreamed of what it would be like to be loved. Never in all my dreaming did I imagine it involved sleeping alone and isolated from the two men my soul called out for.

Thoughts of how we'd move forward from here chased me into a fitful sleep.

Eeli

" I s she okay?" I asked Dyson as he slid into bed beside me.

"She's fine." Dyson got comfortable on his back and rubbed his hands down his face.

"Fuck. I really could have hurt her." Nightmare images of what I could have done to Clara in my sleep flooded my mind.

"Either one of us could have."

It was true. Both of us had suffered from nightmares since we got home. That was one of the reasons we shared a room, a bed. We could handle a punch or two from each other, but being able to subdue each other and calm each other down had gone a long way in reducing the nightmares in the last few months.

I hadn't spent too much time thinking about the fact that not only was I sharing a home, but also a bedroom and a bed, with my best friend instead of my woman. Our woman. Frankly, the whole thing was FUBAR and I'd been holding out hope we'd get it all figured out and get back to normal somehow without getting doctors involved. We just needed time.

But here we were, nowhere near normal, not by the standards. We shared a lover and even that got fucked up, with her lying alone in the next room while I shared a bed with my friend.

"What the fuck are we going to do?" I asked.

"No fucking clue."

"We can't hurt her," I stated the obvious, but my horror at the thought of what could have happened tonight brought on the same greasy ball of anxiety as being away from Dyson.

"We won't." Dyson's hard voice was a vow. I found some cold comfort in his determined promise.

"We won't," I repeated.

And cold comfort was all I got for the rest of the night as I tried to find sleep with Clara sleeping apart from us. Hopefully tomorrow would bring a clearer head and a solution for handling all this.