Chapter 21

21

LINCOLN

A fter a shower, I tiptoed back into Aly's bedroom to get my clothes. She was asleep, looking peaceful, if not even more seductive than she had an hour ago. It was dangerous. What I was doing with her? I should break it off and not let myself get swept away.

I couldn't look at her without wanting to bury myself inside her. Everything she did—the way she walked, the way she talked—it was all erotic. The problem was that she wanted more than sex. I could see it in her eyes at Gina's house and in her movements just moments before when she had been sitting on my lap. She wanted the whole package, the house, the husband, and the kids. I just wanted her, and I was being an ass by taking advantage of the situation.

Retreating to the living room, I put my clothes and my shoes back on. I wasn't going to walk all the way back to town. My leg was healing but not enough to withstand such a serious hike. I had asked if I could spend the night, and she had said yes. But that didn't mean I wanted to lie awake with her in my arms.

I let myself out the back door and sat down on one of the lawn chairs facing the view. It was too dark to see anything, but the rustling of the wind in the trees was comforting. I could see why she had picked this cabin. It was secluded and yet had all the comforts of home. I imagined Aly sitting out there late at night. Usually, people locked their doors at night, but Aly felt comfortable being out of the house. She really was brave and beautiful, all the things that a guy should be looking for in a wife.

I shifted uncomfortably. Without anything to look at, being out in the backyard left me alone with my thoughts. I returned to the cabin and found Aly's television. I turned the volume way down and browsed her Netflix selection. Settling on a movie that had no romantic elements, I slid down into the couch. Surprisingly, I found myself drifting, and a moment later, it was morning.

"Wake up, sleepyhead," Aly teased, grabbing hold of my boot and shaking it.

I jolted into awareness, taking a moment to survey my surroundings before remembering what had happened the night before. She was standing over me, dressed in her work clothes. The screen had gone dark from hours of disuse, and I felt a crick in my neck.

"I put you to sleep," she said wisely.

I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of that achievement, but I couldn't argue. It did seem like I was able to sleep on the nights we had sex. She presented a perfect vision of femininity, so shapely and available. I went to war with myself the moment I saw her. In one corner was the animal who wanted to rip her clothes off, and in the other was the coward who wanted to run away. Luckily, I was able to pull myself together to meet somewhere on middle ground.

"Do you want some cereal?" she asked, as if sensing part of my conflict.

"Sure," I agreed.

She pulled a box of chocolate puffs from the cabinet and placed it on the counter. Then she grabbed two bowls and the milk. She made herself breakfast and left the rest for me. I filled my bowl, grabbing a spoon and following her to the table. Her skirt covered her ass, obscuring what I knew was a heavenly, rounded peach. I wondered if she would let me fuck her against the kitchen island, just push the fabric up and have my way with her.

If anything, my aversion to having a baby was only fueling my lust for her. It was twisted, backward, and not fair to Aly. I forced myself to sit down, concealing my growing erection. We ate in silence.

She finished her bowl and went to clean it out. "I'll give you a ride to work."

I lost the struggle with my better nature and stood up to follow her. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pressed her up against the kitchen sink. She gasped, caught off guard by my urgent advance. We had ten minutes, if that.

"Tell me to stop," I whispered, needing her to be the one to put on the brakes.

She didn't, twisting within my embrace to kiss me and stroke my jaw. I pulled the skirt up just as I had envisioned and slid my hand across her bottom. Pulling her panties down, I undid my fly and dropped my pants. I grabbed one of her breasts over the shirt, giving a useless nod to foreplay before submerging myself to the hilt.

She moaned, dropping her hand from my face and gripping the side of the sink. I plunged in and out, nailing her to the counter, working my way toward freedom. Halfway to victory with my dick inside her, I realized what I was doing. I was treating Aly like a toy, like a plaything to be used without regard for her feelings.

I was going to have to be more patient. I was going to have to have a conversation about expectations for the future. We couldn't keep screwing each other with such vastly different fantasies.

The realization almost got in the way, almost ran me off the road. But Aly was still enjoying the moment, and the pure ecstasy in her moans brought me back. I didn't know if I could promise her forever, but right then, she deserved my undivided attention.

Our bodies moved together in sync, and we came together hard. Breathless, I withdrew, letting her skirt fall.

"Wow." She turned around and kissed me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

She stooped to pull her underwear back up. "Why are you sorry?"

I skirted the question. "I'd appreciate a ride to work."

"Why are you sorry?" she asked again.

I put my hand down on the sink's edge, which, only seconds before, she had been gripping in the throes of passion. "I can't do this."

Her face hardened into a sculpture of ice. "What do you mean, you can't do this?"

"I'll wait outside." I turned and walked out the door.

I leaned up against her car, watching as she exited the cabin. Her movements were tight and controlled, betraying nothing but anger. I didn't want to hurt her. Hell, I wanted to make love to her every day for the foreseeable future. I just couldn't commit to marriage.

I told myself it was better to nip it in the bud. What I was doing might seem cruel, but would it be kinder to lead her down the primrose path, only to break her heart years from now?

She didn't speak to me, unlocking the car and climbing inside. I almost thought she would leave me there in the driveway, but she unlocked the passenger side door. I climbed inside, feeling too guilty to say anything.

"That was cold, Linc," she announced, her voice frigid.

I didn't respond. We drove in silence to the lumberyard, where she parked and let me out. I couldn't help watching as she climbed out, locked the door, and turned toward the office. Walking away, she gave me the middle finger. A little bit of tension relaxed its hold on my heart. I was glad to see her lashing out instead of keeping it inside. I was the first to admit that I had overstepped her boundaries and acted like a jerk. What had I been thinking?

All the admonitions against hurting Aly that had been jammed down my throat, and I had blown them out of the water. There wasn't anything I could have done, short of killing her dog, that would have been worse. I replayed the morning again and again, the erotic dance against the kitchen sink, her face when I had told her it was over.

I had been out of my mind with lust and handled it badly. What I thought had been an honest mistake had turned into a blunt instrument. I knew I could never make it up to her, and I could only hope that she would decide that I was a coward and take her anger out on me instead of herself. I tried to focus on work, until Porter came down the hill.

"May I talk with you?" he said tightly.

I sighed, wiping my hands off on my jeans. I was in the middle of helping Danny load his truck.

"I got it," Danny said.

I followed Porter into the barn, to a quiet space in the back where he could murder me in peace. "What the hell did you do?"

"Nothing," I said.

"I'm not asking as a friend," he snarled. "I'm asking as your boss."

"As my boss, it's none of your business."

He chewed on that for a moment, trying to come up with a way to force me to talk. "I can't fire you for breaking up with Aly, but I can come around to your place with a baseball bat."

I folded my arms. Porter was a big guy, and I had no doubt he could hold his own in a fight, but I had eight years of combat experience on him. I could appreciate his feelings of betrayal, but I wasn't going to let him intimidate me. If he wanted to escalate the situation, I was ready.

"Don't," I said. "I'll be waiting for you."

He cast his eyes around, trying to understand. "I'm sorry. It was wrong to threaten you."

"Apology accepted," I grumbled. "And I'm sorry about Aly. I was a dick, and I know it."

"Things were going so well," he complained. "What happened?"

I paused, wondering if I should open up to him. I considered Porter a friend, and he was almost family, a blood relative of my baby nephew. "I saw her looking at me when I was holding Seth."

"So?" Porter shifted nervously, his energy dark and confused.

"She wants a baby. She wants a house and a husband and the whole nine yards."

"Did she say that to you?" Porter challenged.

"She didn't have to," I said. "I read it in her eyes."

"And that's why you dumped her?" Porter cried, overwhelmed with disgust for my choice.

"I didn't dump her," I protested.

"That's what she said."

I wanted to make it right, but I knew I had to stay as far away from Aly as possible. I couldn't trust myself not to do or say something wrong. She was rightly pissed at me. I had made a mess of the whole thing and the best remedy was time.

"When you see her," I pleaded with Porter, "just tell her I agree, it's all my fault."

"That's not comforting," Porter replied. "Why couldn't you just talk to her about how you felt?"

"It's better to break it off now than two years down the road when she's too invested," I argued.

"I think you could have picked a better way," he said.

"How much did she tell you?" I asked.

"Enough."

I shook my head in disgust. I was no better than an animal, taking advantage of her one last time before breaking her heart. I deserved all the scorn I knew I was about to receive. I just hoped that Aly would recover soon. Maybe she could burn my picture or skewer me on social media. Whatever she had to do to make herself feel better was all right by me.