Chapter 24

TAMMY

"You know, I was thinking," I said over breakfast. "Those houses on the TV shows have nothing on this one."

"Really?" Mike humored me.

"Yeah," I argued. "They have open concepts, but we have the forest. They have two bathrooms, but we have a dry bar in the basement."

"Should we invite the camera crews here to take footage?" he teased, popping a bite of egg in his mouth.

"No," I said, "but I think we should invite Macy and Lindsey and their families over for a cookout. It'll be fun. We can show off our new digs."

"Sure, I'm game," Mike said.

"Great!" I leaned forward to kiss him on the nose. "I'll text Lindsey and Macy."

"I'll pick up some groceries," he offered. "If you make a list, dogs and buns and plates and everything."

I nodded. "I'll ask the girls to bring salads."

"BYOB?" Mike asked.

"Yeah, we can do BYOB," I agreed, "but let's have maybe a bottle of wine or a six-pack just in case someone forgets."

We made our plans, and I texted our friends, and by the end of the day, we had a proper cookout organized in the backyard. There was one picnic table and a fire pit. Mike bought a tiny grill at the hardware store, so we had to cook the meat in shifts. Macy brought her potato salad, and Lindsey brought pasta salad again. I had picked up chips, fruit and juice for the kids, and everyone had brought their own beverage. I took Macy and Lindsey on a tour of the house to show them what we had done with the place.

"It's so cute," Lindsay approved.

I took them downstairs to look at what Mike and I were calling the "club room."

"Ooh," Macy said, shifting the toddler on her hip, "computers."

I grinned. "Not the best use of the space, I'll agree. But when we get our sound system and a pool table, we'll move the computers upstairs."

"You could put the computers in your old bedroom," Lindsey suggested.

I sidestepped that conversation by offering one of my own. "Mike told me the whole story."

"What was it?" Macy asked, interested.

"It's not my story to tell," I started cautiously, wanting to share enough to put my mind at ease, but not so much that it would endanger Mike or his friend. "But he is innocent. He was trying to save his friend's life."

"Did he?" Lindsey asked.

"He did," I confirmed. "But he also got six months in prison for it."

"Wow." Lindsey looked at Macy.

Macy tilted her head. "Sounds like quite a guy."

"Yeah," I agreed.

"So, how did he react when you told him your secret?" Lindsey wanted to know.

I flinched. "I haven't told him yet."

Both women were up in arms, fighting with each other to get in the first word.

"Why not?" Macy wailed.

"You're not doing yourself any favors," Lindsey pronounced.

"I'm scared!" I defended myself.

"That's not going to help," Macy argued.

"I know," I snapped.

"No, what I meant was keeping a secret is not going to help you face your fear," she clarified.

I started back across the room. I knew what they were saying was right; I just couldn't seem to find it in me to share the news. All the reasonable arguments ran through my head. Mike was the father—he deserved to know. Telling him wouldn't get any easier the longer I waited. Mike had told me his secret; now I should tell him mine. But no amount of logic could trump the cold dread I felt at revealing my pregnancy. I was convinced Mike wouldn't want me afterward, no matter how caring he seemed.

"Tammy, wait," Macy called.

I turned around, tears flooding my eyes.

Macy came forward and wrapped me in a hug. "We're on your side."

I let myself be held, draping my arms around Macy's waist. Emily chose that moment to grab a fistful of my hair and tug. I squealed in horror, dropping my cousin like a hot potato. We worked together to detach the tiny but powerful fingers and came out of the fiasco laughing. We climbed up the stairs to join the party again.

We found the boys outside with the kids, Jason and Mike chasing Daisy and Nicky around the table while Dillon stacked logs in the fire pit. I couldn't help myself—Mike looked so happy playing with my cousin's children. I touched my belly, feeling the life force of our tiny infant deep within.

Macy saw me and leaned close to whisper, "I'm sure he'll be there for you."

I nodded. She was right. It was time to tell him. I played hostess for the rest of the night, making sure everyone was having a good time. It was an easy job. We were almost family. We finished up most of the burgers and all of the hot dogs, leaving Mike and me with few leftovers for tomorrow. I directed all of the dirty dishes to the kitchen, promising to have them washed and returned to their owners tomorrow. I was glad we had bought a bottle of wine because Macy decided she wanted a glass. Lindsey and Jason were sharing a six-pack they had brought, and Dillon wasn't drinking that night. I made a pitcher of lemonade for me and the kids, and between the five of us, we finished it off.

We said good night to our friends, standing in the driveway like proper homeowners. Mike began to clean up around the kitchen, but I stopped him.

"I'll do the dishes tomorrow," I said.

He shrugged.

"I have something to tell you." I held my breath.

He came out of the kitchen, walking with me to the living room. We had moved the recliner to create a better traffic flow while our friends were here. Mike dragged it back into place and sat down, pulling me onto his lap.

I drew in a deep breath. This was the revelation I had been dreading for weeks. Our future hung in the balance; the lives of three people depended on my ability to deliver the news. I still couldn't think of a way to say it without frightening him. There was no gentle way to tell someone that their entire life was about to change. I would just have to follow Lindsey's advice and "rip the Band-Aid off."

Mike looked up at me expectantly. He had been waiting for me to let him in ever since that conversation days ago where we had both indicated we had something to hide. He made no move to pester me, just waited for me to come to it in my own time. I savored that last instant of ignorant bliss before breaking my silence.

"I'm pregnant," I said. It was out in the open now, and I watched his face fall, just as I knew it would.

"What? How long have you known?" He seemed angry, and I shifted in my seat, not rising from his lap, but not bending toward him either.

"Two weeks."

"Two weeks?" He stood up, setting me on my feet and taking a step back. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was afraid that you would react like this," I said.

"Like a person who's been kept in the dark about the most important thing in their life?" he demanded.

"You kept an important secret too," I lashed out, feeling tears building.

"It's not the same!" he yelled. "This involves me. You should have told me as soon as you knew."

"I…" I knew he was right. I had been insensitive and cowardly.

"I need some time to think," he muttered, turning to walk from the room.

I watched him go, feeling a stab wound open in my heart. I could hear the bedroom door close at the end of the hall and knew I would be sleeping on my own tonight. I fell down into the recliner, sobbing with grief. His reaction had been even worse than I had imagined. Mike hated me, and it was all my fault. Somewhere dimly, a maternal instinct warned me that overpowering emotions were bad for the baby, but I couldn't help it. I had ruined our chances of a life together and had no one to blame but myself.