Chapter 1

Chapter One

Allison

Present

Nerves made my fingers shake as I pressed the elevator button for the fourteenth floor. Fourteen floors didn’t feel like enough time for me to pull myself together. I needed to present myself as the confident, competent professional I was: a full-fledged doctor, finally finished with residency and ready to sign the contract for my dream job.

I did not want to present as what I really felt like inside: a nervous newbie who still felt like a child playing dress-up in a lab coat. My mentors had assured me that feeling would soon go away.

I doubted it.

“You’ve got this,” I whispered to myself, taking a moment to smooth my hair in the reflective elevator door. I had chosen my outfit to look professional. Smart. Successful. But with every second that passed, I grew more convinced that my pencil skirt, black-rimmed glasses, and blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun made me look like a child playing the part of a librarian. I quickly pulled out the bobby pins and let my hair down, tucking it behind my ears for a less obvious look.

It still didn’t change the fact that I felt like a total imposter.

A fresh wave of nerves made my breathing shallow when the elevator doors opened. I gripped the handles of my black leather handbag, plastered a confident smile on my face, and started walking toward Dr. Barkley’s office. My new heels—purchased specifically for this interview—clicked too loudly on the hospital floors, making me wish I had opted for my normal ballet flats instead. Since it was too late to turn back, I attempted to walk on the balls of my feet to keep the noise from echoing down the hallway, my face growing more flushed with every awkward step.

Dr. Barkley’s receptionist told me to have a seat until he called me into his office. I had to force myself not to tap my foot anxiously as I waited, ready to spring up as soon as he appeared. Slow deep breaths. You belong here.

I did belong here. I had earned it.

“Ah, Dr. Bell. Come on in.” Dr. Barkley poked his head out of his office, wearing a warm smile. “We’ll be starting in here today.”

I smiled back, finally feeling the tiniest bit of real confidence. Dr. Barkley had always been friendly. In fact, it seemed he had taken a personal interest in my success. Our first interview had been surprisingly easy, and he had let it be known he was rooting for me. As the department chief, he was the person who quite literally had the power to make or break my career at this hospital. It was a relief to know he was impressed by my work.

“Where are the others?” I asked, faltering as I stepped into the room. I had been told that this final interview would also include the assistant department chief and the assistant area medical director—two people I hadn’t met yet, and who both had reputations for asking difficult questions in interviews.

Dr. Barkley gently squeezed my arm. “Relax. We’ll meet them in the conference room in half an hour. It’s obvious you’re nervous, though you shouldn’t be. You’re well qualified, and meeting with them is just a formality.” He leaned forward, lowering his voice. “In reality, the decision is mine, not theirs, and I’ve already decided the job is yours.”

I relaxed—slightly. “Really?”

“Really.” He gestured to the leather couch in front of his mahogany desk. “Have a seat.”

I sank into the leather and felt the tension drain from my shoulders. The job was mine. Knowing that took the pressure off, and I was incredibly grateful to Dr. Barkley for it. Nerves always made me so flustered that my voice would get shaky, I would mess up my words, and I would sometimes even cry. Put me in a room with a patient and it was a different story. I loved solving puzzles and figuring out how to help people. But put me in front of a panel for an interview or make me speak at a meeting and all of that confidence disappeared like it had never even existed.

“Here,” he said, heading to the liquor cabinet and pouring a shot of amber liquid into a glass before crossing to the couch and handing it to me. “Looks like you need this.”

“Oh, I shouldn’t.” I immediately protested, putting my hand up.

“You should,” he said, pushing the drink into my hand and closing his fingers over mine. The smile he gave me was warm, but for the first time, a frisson of discomfort ran through me. He sat next to me, entirely too close, and casually put his arm on the back of the couch.

“I’m not really a drinker,” I said, giving him an awkward smile before putting the glass on the table untouched.

He chuckled. “Are you not?”

“No,” I replied. I felt hyperaware of his closeness and had to fight my body to stay seated.

He gave me an amused smile. “Want to know a little secret?”

“What?”

“I think you enjoy drinking. And I think you should enjoy that one.”

“No, thank you,” I replied firmly.

“Now, Allison,” he said, grinning at me. “I saw you throw back tequila shots with the best of them when your group went out last week.”

“That was different,” I said, my face turning crimson.

“How so?”

“It’s a long-held tradition that residents go to Patty’s bar to celebrate on the last night.” And I felt humiliated that I had to explain that.

“I’m aware,” he said, giving me a knowing smile. “That’s why I was there. But I’m asking why that’s different than now. You were celebrating then. But this is a celebration, too, is it not?” He lifted his glass in toast. “To you, Dr. Bell, and your new position here.”

“Thank you,” I said, attempting to smile despite my growing discomfort. Part of me tried to tell myself that this was totally normal—two colleagues having a celebratory drink couldn’t be wrong, could it? But the whole situation was starting to set off my alarm bells. It felt wrong, and that was enough for me. Besides, I had said no, and it bothered me that he was still pushing.

“To your future here,” he said, picking up my glass from the table and attempting to hand it to me again.

“I appreciate the offer,” I said, trying to make my voice firm. It occurred to me that this might be one final test before signing the contract. I’d heard other residents ahead of me talk about having to jump through unexpected hoops to get hired. Was he testing me to make sure I didn’t have a drinking problem? The thought eased my mind. I understood tests. With fresh confidence, I spoke again. “That night was an exception for me. I rarely drink, and never at work. If you were there watching, you’ll know I only had two shots over the course of the evening, spaced out over two hours. The rest of the night I only drank water.”

His lips turned up in that same amused smile from before. “I remember.”

“Dr. Barkley, if this is a test, I assure you that you can expect nothing but professionalism from me. That was one night of letting loose after we had all finished a difficult three years, but it is not indicative of my normal behavior.” I smiled, hoping I had passed whatever test this was—though I wasn’t ready to let down my guard completely.

“That’s too bad,” he said before winking at me. “I was quite taken with you that night.”

My cheeks flushed with heat again. “I’m sorry?” I stammered, hoping I was hearing him incorrectly.

“The way you danced,” he said, scooting an inch closer and moving his hand so it lightly grazed the back of my neck. “So free. So uninhibited. It was a completely different side of you. Gone was the uptight, smarty-pants resident always focused on her work. In her place was this different woman altogether. Wild. Free. Letting her hair down and letting the music carry her away while she danced.” He lowered his gaze to my lips with lust in his eyes. “Licking the salt off the rim in a way that drove me crazy. Oh, I saw you, Allison. You can’t pretend you didn’t see me watching you out on the dance floor. You knew I was there, and you performed beautifully.”

I scooted away, feeling shaky. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I never saw you there, and I was dancing with my boyfriend. I was certainly not performing for you. That night was completely out of character and I’m embarrassed you saw it. I think I’ve given you the wrong impression.”

“Then give me the right one,” he said, chuckling like we were playing some sort of game. He leaned forward, putting his other hand on my knee. He roughly pushed my pencil skirt up, sliding his hand up my thigh.

I jumped up off the couch, my heart thudding in my chest. “Dr. Barkley, I must ask you to stop immediately.” This could not be happening. Fear coursed through me as I tried to figure out what I would do if he came after me again. He was bigger than I was, and he was currently in between me and the door.

But he didn’t. He leaned back, putting his arms on the back of the couch, and looked at me calmly. “You want to play hard to get? I’m fine with that. Just makes it more fun in the end. But let me make things very clear. This is your interview. You want this job? You have to earn it.”

Disbelief rocked me to my very core. Could he really have said what I’d just heard?

I shook my head, embarrassed by the tears pricking my eyes. “I did earn it,” I said, hating that my voice quivered.

He laughed, picking up the drink on the table and downing it in one swallow. “Takes more than brains to get a job working for me.”

“I’ll report you for harassment.”

He shook his head, looking amused. “No, you won’t. Not if you ever want to work in this town. I have the power to make you unhireable and you know it.”

“Not if you’re reported,” I replied shakily, taking a step backward.

“Nobody will believe you, Allison,” he said calmly. “It will be my word against yours, and my reputation is impeccable. All I’ll have to say is that I chose a more qualified candidate, but that you’re making up allegations in an attempt to advance your career. I guarantee one or more of your fellow residents will happily throw you under the bus. Marcia’s already proven she’s willing to do anything—and I do mean anything— to get this job.”

The truth of his words hit me like a ton of bricks. Some of my fellow residents were absolutely cutthroat, and he was right. I was a good doctor, but that was it. I had no connections in the medical field, no family lineage of physicians ready to offer me a position somewhere. I had often been too afraid to speak up and get noticed, preferring instead to work in the background.

I was a nobody, competing in a sea of qualified physicians. It had seemed like a miracle when Dr. Barkley had taken notice of me.

“You won’t get away with this,” I said. Tears spilled uncontrollably, just like I had been afraid they would—only instead of anxiety about public speaking, I was facing a different fear entirely.

“I have, and I will,” he said, leaning forward as his face took on a hardness I’d never seen before. “You’ve got the rest of the day to decide. You want the job? It’s yours. You can come back here and start earning it any time you want.” His eyes raked over my body. “Look at that get-up. Pencil skirt and heels? That silk button-down just begging to be ripped open? You knew what you were coming here for.”

He grinned again, relaxing. “Play the part of righteous indignation first, if your conscience demands it. But be aware, I won’t wait long. As I said, I have a long list of candidates.” He glanced at his watch. “You have until six to decide. My receptionist will let you back in whenever you’re ready. Until then, I have things to do. Unless you’ve made your decision?” He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh, I’ve made my decision alright.” I grabbed my bag and strode out the door with the echo of his laughter ringing in my ears.

His receptionist gave me a look of empathy as I stormed out and headed straight for the elevator I’d come in on. I pushed the button for the ground floor and let out a sob when the door finally closed, leaving me alone to process what had just happened.

I couldn’t believe it. It was the story of my life. No matter how hard I worked or what I did, one man could always take every bit of it away from me.

I walked into the townhouse I shared with three roommates, dropped my bag, and kicked off my heels. I leaned against the door, then slid straight down onto the floor, pulling out my cell phone to call my boyfriend, Mike.

“Are congratulations in order?” His deep voice instantly comforted me.

“No. Not at all.” My voice broke again.

“What happened?” His tone became clipped.

“The interview didn’t go well,” I said before breaking out into a bitter laugh. “To say the least.”

“Ah.”

Silence echoed through the lines. I closed my eyes, wondering how on earth I could possibly explain to him what had just happened. I was so ashamed, even though I had done nothing wrong.

He cleared his throat and spoke again. “I’m sorry you had a rough time of it. But you got it over with and he’ll probably leave you alone now. From what I’ve heard, it’s just the once, and then he moves on. He has an endless supply of fresh meat.”

My eyes popped open. “Wait. What? You knew ?”

“Everyone knows.” He sounded incredulous.

“I didn’t,” I said, shaking my head. “I had no idea what I was walking into.”

“What did you think everyone was talking about when they said you had to jump through hoops to get a job from him?” He seemed genuinely dumbfounded.

“Tough interview questions?” I answered, feeling stupid.

He chuckled. “Oh, Allison. You’re so innocent. Well, at least it’s over now, right? Just try to forget about it. Focus on your future.”

“Oh, it’s over. I said no, Mike. I didn’t get the job.”

His voice dropped to an angry whisper. “You said no? Nobody says no to Dr. Barkley. He can ruin your future— our future.”

“Yes, he made that clear,” I said as new tears filled my eyes. How on earth could Mike have thought I would do something like that? How could he have wanted me to? “I threatened to report him and he said he would make me unhireable if I did.”

“You made a mistake.”

“A mistake?” My voice rose. “How can you even say that? Forget the fact that I’m your girlfriend . What he wanted is wrong. Offensive. Unethical. Illegal . Should I keep going?”

“Allison, all it takes is one phone call and you won’t work in this city. What kind of future are we going to have if we can’t even get jobs in the same place? Why not call him back? It’s just one afternoon. Think of it as one last hurdle to jump through, like boards but less stressful. Maybe even a little fun, right?”

I wanted to throw the phone across the room. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m just saying, if you’re worried about the fact that we’re dating, don’t. I understand. We all have to do what we have to do, right?”

“It’s not right,” I said, shaking my head. “We deserve jobs because of who we are and the work we’ve done. Not because of what we’re willing to do. This is wrong on a thousand levels. Surely you know that.”

“Of course I know that.” His voice was cold. “But this is the way it is. If you don’t play the game, someone else will.”

“That’s pretty much exactly what he told me.” Fury unlike anything I’d ever felt before boiled up inside me. I couldn’t believe that Dr. Barkley would keep getting away with this simply because everyone else seemed willing to go along with it instead of fighting to make it better. If this was how it worked, then the system was broken. And if Mike wanted me to go along with it, then we were broken too.

“So what are you going to do now?” His disappointment was clear.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I guess I’ll have to throw out more applications.”

“Good luck with that,” he said. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got a meeting.”

He hung up the phone and I just sat there staring at it.

I’m not sure how long I sat there leaning against the front door, but I was still in the same place when my roommate Jen walked out of her bedroom.

“Honey, what happened?” She pulled out her earbuds.

“I just got off the phone with Mike,” I said, feeling oddly numb.

“Oh no. I’m sorry. I guess you heard.”

“Heard what?” I looked up at her, confused.

“About Mike and Dr. Fountain’s daughter.” She bit her lip as awareness crept into her gaze. “Oh no. You were talking about something else.”

I stood up, with a sinking feeling about what was coming. “What about them?”

Jen held up her hands. “Don’t shoot the messenger, okay? But several of us have seen them together. We weren’t sure how to tell you.”

I closed my eyes, feeling sadness but not shock—the news made me realize why Mike couldn’t have cared less if I had slept with Dr. Barkley. Dr. Fountain was over the surgical department. Mike’s dream was to be a cardiac surgeon at the hospital where we had completed residency. It was a highly desired position with a lot of competition, and Mike wasn’t even close to being a competitor for it. A connection to Dr. Fountain would give him an edge his performance as a resident hadn’t.

“Are you sure?” I asked. The fury from earlier was gone. All that was left was deep and utter disappointment.

“Yeah,” she said slowly. “I’m sure.” She picked up her phone and opened her photo gallery, swiping to a photo before passing it to me. It was clearly Mike, and he clearly had his tongue down the throat of another woman.

“Wow.” I was at a loss for words.

“I’m sorry. I saw them having dinner a few nights ago. I wanted to tell you right away, but we didn’t want to knock you off your game while we’re trying to land jobs.”

“I understand,” I said, knowing I might have thought the same thing in her place. “I didn’t know. But it doesn’t matter. It was over anyway.”

“I was heading to the gym, but I can stay if you need me…”

“No, it’s fine,” I said, holding up a hand. “You go. I’ll be okay. I have a lot of work to do.”

“Work?” She cocked her head. “What kind of work?”

“Job hunting,” I replied. Because after everything today, I felt like I didn’t know anything anymore.

Except that I wanted to get out of this city as fast as I could.