43. Meredith

43

MEREDITH

" I 'll send the doctor to come check on you in just a little while," the nurse says. "In the meantime, it's important not to crowd or overwhelm her. It would be best if you could take a seat over there in those chairs and take it one by one. If she needs rest, it's best to prioritize that."

I thank her, because she has been so kind. I'm drained from trying to use my brain, but also want to talk to the people here in the room with me. Some things feel clear, and some things are hard to make sense of. The events that put me in the hospital are fuzzy, and I can't believe I'd forgotten about the baby. It'd coming back now, all of it, and my hand hovers over my belly protectively. I feel like I'm waking up in a soap opera and I'm the star of the show.

As the nurse walks out of the room, almost everyone resigns themselves to the chairs in the far corner of the room. They're talking amongst themselves, but the tension is thick. I think I'm in the largest hospital room I've ever been in, and I wonder who had to pull some strings to get this kind of setup. The only one who doesn't budge and stays by my side is Dart.

"Hey, sweetheart," he says, and he runs his hand through my hair gently. I'm instantly put at ease, and I know that he'll take care of me through this.

"Hey," I manage to say. My throat is sore and I'm not sure how much I can talk before completely losing my voice.

"I can't tell you how happy I am to see your eyes open," he says. His words are soft, drifting over me like the sweet rhythm of a lullaby. "I was so worried about you. The last thing I want to do is fight about the baby with anybody, or with you. It's truly a miracle."

"When we started all of this," I say, clearing my throat, "I didn't think I'd be turning anyone into a dad. I'm still in school. None of this makes sense."

"There's no alternative, sweetheart. It happened. We all played a part. You think we'd abandon you now? You'll be able to finish school and take care of the baby, just like Harlow."

Harlow.

I look across the room at my best friend, but I can't be sure if I can call her that anymore. I'm sure she's reeling from the news, but the fact that she's still in the room with us lets me know she can't be completely done with us. She could have left by now and never looked back.

I've never seen Grizzly so frazzled. Nobody has any clue that I'm far clearer on Grizzly's part in all of this than I let on with the nurse in the room. How could I ever forget the way that man makes me feel, just like Dart and Trap? But it seemed kinder somehow to give Grizzly an out. If I act like I can't remember anything that's happened between us, then he can work on repairing things with Harlow and keep his daughter in his life at least.

As far-fetched as it seems, I thought Harlow could forgive me easier if I'm experiencing head trauma. I thought ignorance might salvage a relationship between us, or between the two of them. I can only hope it was the right choice to give Grizzly the out and that he won't hate me for it.

"Thank you, it feels really good to hear you say that," I say, clasping Dart's hand a bit tighter.

I can't help but think about that first time I saw him and how drawn I was to him. I think my soul had to have known that this is the kind of compassion and understanding I need in my life. I need someone who will be there for me and prioritize my well-being over anything, unlike my father who only ever thought of himself.

"Do you really not remember Grizzly, though?" he asks. "I mean, are you really that confused about the relationship we have going on here?"

"I think maybe I just need more time to sort it all out…"

I don't want to give Dart a straight answer. Not until I can see what the dynamics are between Grizzly and Harlow. Their expressions are strained, and my stomach twists up.

"I understand. I'm sure you'll get there."

No one looks more concerned though, and even angry, than Trap. He seemed like he was in better spirits a few minutes ago, but now he's back to looking completely overwhelmed. I wonder if it's because he doesn't care about me on the same level as Dart or Grizzly. I have to think he's mad at himself for ever getting involved in this relationship in the first place.

I feel ashamed for thinking it would probably be best if the baby isn't biologically his. If his heart isn't fully into the idea of being a happy family together, he shouldn't feel obligated.

"I think I should talk to Trap," I say, looking up into Dart's eyes.

Dart squeezes my hand a little firmer, and I can't help but feel he's bracing himself for having to walk more than a few feet away from me.

"I'll be okay, I promise. Can you see if he wants to talk, and you and I can talk again soon?"

"Yeah, sure," he says.

As Dart's hand leaves mine, I can't believe how empty my whole being feels, if only for a moment. He walks across the room and gives a nod to Trap as if to summon him to my side of the room. Trap hesitates, looking at the tiled floor for a moment before standing up, brushing himself off, and walking slowly over to my side of the room at the side of the bed.

"You're pissed," I say, hoping that by stating the obvious he will very clearly confirm his thoughts on everything that has transpired in the last little while.

"I'm thinking," he says, not giving me much of anything to work with. "I'm just thinking."

"I don't want you to feel like this isn't a good thing…it's not like I don't have my own reservations."

"Do you think I'm really only upset about the baby?"

"I don't know, you aren't talking to me. You're making me guess. How am I supposed to know what's going through that brain of yours?"

"Our job is to protect you." He seems exasperated, like he can't emphasize enough the glaring point I'm missing in all of this. "We didn't do that. Now you're even more vulnerable. How am I supposed to keep you safe? How are we going to keep this baby safe? You were attacked and none of us were there."

The doctor knocks on the door and walks in clutching a clipboard. He bobs his head toward everyone to greet us and stands on the opposite side of the bed as Trap. Trap crosses his arms, falling back into his worried state as if a dark cloud has once again enveloped him.

The doctor lingers on the notes on his clipboard for a few seconds before glancing at the machines and finally landing his gaze on me. Everyone from the corner of the room inches closer again to see what the doctor might have to say.

"So, Nurse Shay was in here just before and it seems you're doing well overall."

"Do you think she's good to go home?" Dart asks.

"With a head trauma like this and her most recent scan, I'm suggesting she stay one more night for observation. There's a limit on guests, but that couch does pull out if anyone prefers to stay."

"Of course," Grizzly answers. "Someone will be here."

"You mentioned the most recent brain scan…did you see something?" Dart asks.

"Some minor swelling, but we don't want to see that worsen. We'll take one more scan tomorrow to ensure things are looking good and go from there. But if you'll excuse me, I have more rounds. Please take care, Meredith, and I'll see you tomorrow. Get plenty of rest, okay?"

As the doctor leaves, Harlow stiffens and glares at Grizzly. "Where exactly is home going to be right now? Do you plan on taking her back to her dorm? It must be awkward having someone so much older hanging around all those college kids."

"Harlow…" Grizzly says.

I want to cut the tension, so I chime in with my somewhat fake sense of confusion to try and get things on the right track.

"I know you want to help as Harlow's dad. You've always been like another father to me. God knows a better one than my own. But I don't need you or anyone else coming back to the dorm with me. I'll be fine. I don't want to make Harlow uncomfortable with anything."

"Meredith," Harlow snaps. "Look at my father and tell him you don't see him as anything more than my father."

I look into Grizzly's eyes, and they look pained as he awaits the denial of my feelings to come out of my mouth. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I look at his handsome face, so mature, and eyes that see right through me to the girl inside who always wanted to be protected.

"See," Harlow says, looking back and forth between the two of us. "I knew she couldn't do it. You can cut the act. We all know you have a terrible poker face."

"I'm sorry," I say. "I just don't want the two of you fighting and at odds because of me. I should have come clean about everything a long time ago."

"It's my fault," Grizzly blurts out. "I let my professional side interfere with my personal life. I never expected to feel anything for anyone ever again after losing your mom. I wasn't looking for anyone, let alone a friend of yours. I didn't stop to think long and hard enough about how you might feel, and by the time I did it was too late. I was already in too deep."

He sighs, meeting his daughter's eyes. "I've beat myself up for a long time wondering what your mother would want. Would she want me to move forward at all? Who would that person be? What would they look like, what would they be like?"

He moves his eyes to me, and even though I'm sure I look a mess, exhausted and bruised, he looks at me like I'm the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.

"And?" Harlow asks.

"And at some point, I realized I had to stop getting so specific and expecting it to be perfect. She would just want me to be happy. And look, I know this is a lot to take in, and I know it freaks you out. But I really hope that as someone who knows so much love, you'll be happy for me too."

Dart's phone rings and he walks to the window to take the call.

"Holy shit…you sure?" he says, and we all look at him, waiting to hear what's being said on the other side of the phone. He puts his arm on the wall and glances back toward us. His jaw is clenched, and he shakes his head in either direction.

I'm getting anxious the longer he listens to the caller in silence, and I even have a little bit of a headache. I'm not sure if that's from the head injury, dehydration, or the stress of all the arguing and conversations I've been having trying to smooth things over with everybody.

"How much?" Dart asks. "Wow, damn…and you're completely sure this information is accurate? Alright…alright…I'll let them know." Dart smashes the phone down on the windowsill and closes his eyes.

"What is it, Dart?" Grizzly asks. "It sounds serious."

"It is," Dart confirms.

The only thing that pulls my eyes away from Dart is Trap, who violently stands up from the chair and crosses his arms, bracing himself for whatever Dart might say. His eyes are on fire.

"I'm really sorry, Meredith," Dart says, "but it's about your father."

"Did something happen to him…?" I ask. Something tells me I should know better than that, but it seems like the appropriate thing to say. The reality is that men like my father don't ever seem to come up on the losing side. They stick around forever, long enough to cause enough issues for everyone around them.

"Something could happen to him soon enough, but he's not who I'm concerned about right now. He's racked up thousands…millions…in debts. He'll never pay them back. Not anytime soon…and the Bratva aren't playing around this time. They want to hit him right in the jugular."

"So, they're gonna come after me? Again?"

"Except the stakes have never been higher," Grizzly chimes in. "They can't afford to not make a statement and send a real message to your father. Even if they never get all their money, they'll get every penny they can. And they'll use you as collateral every step of the way."

"It's not enough for one person to stay here tonight," Dart says. "We'll need round-the-clock surveillance. Maybe someone can stay outside the hospital doors. Keep an eye on who might be coming and going, monitoring for anything suspicious. Someone outside the door. Someone in here."

"I'll stay in here," Trap says. "I won't be sleeping anyway."

"Okay, that puts Dart at the door. I'll do surveillance outside the hospital."

"And me?" Harlow asks. "I can't just walk out of this hospital now feeling safe."

"No," Grizzly says, "You're right. I think you should be picked up. Everyone in the club should be warned about what's going on and keep a close watch over your property. We'll need to secure a safe house. And Dart, you'll need to help me get more men together."

"We probably should have had a whole army in place before," Trap says. Nothing seems to be snapping him out of this attitude of his. "I mean, look at her. We're only doing something about all of this now?"

"I get you're upset, Trap," Grizzly responds. "We all are. But you bring up a good point. We're going to need more than men to help make sure things are okay. I think you should talk to the hospital staff about arranging a nurse to be in charge of taking care of her after we arrive at the safe house."

"The doctor said he'll take another look at her tomorrow. We can't assume she isn't going to be alright. She's going to be alright."

"Eventually, yes," Dart adds in, backing Grizzly up. "But Grizzly is right. We can't be too careful or too proactive. We should cover all of our bases."

"Fine," Trap grumbles, uncrossing his arms and sticking his hands in his pocket. "I'll see what they can do for us."

Trap breezes by everyone in the room and disappears through the door to go talk to the staff.

"Harlow," I say, and she looks at me with overwhelm. I recognize the look of a woman worried for the welfare of her children and the welfare of her partners. "I need you to make the call to the obstetrician."

"Why me?"

"No matter what happens with all of us, I know you care about this baby. It's completely innocent in all of this. I don't want to miss appointments just because of this whole mess we're in. All this stress can't be good for the baby. And I could use a friend."

"Yeah, I'll make the call after I call home and let them know what's happening."

"Thank you," I say, and I hold my hand to my heart.

"It's for the baby," she clarifies, looking over at me. I see a glimpse of warmth in her eyes, and I think that despite the terror of what could happen with the Bratva, things will turn out okay.