42. Grizzly

42

GRIZZLY

" W hat are you doing here?" I snap.

By the look in the prospect's eyes, I know he thinks I'm spitting so much venom that I'm not really asking him a question. I'm demanding to know what the fuck he thinks he's doing leaving his position and compromising Meredith's safety. We can't afford any weak links.

On top of that, I don't need this information to get out. I'm still processing everything for myself. If news travels too soon about the pregnancy, Meredith could become even more of a target.

The truth is, some men love to snatch up young girls and take their innocence, but there's a whole market of creeps who would love to prey on a pregnant young girl. There's something primal about fertility that can drive up lust and attraction. The pregnancy wouldn't stop the Bratva from selling her to the highest bidder. To the right bidder, it could be their perfect fantasy.

I flash back to the first time I saw Meredith up on that stage—her striking innocence and the most beautiful body. Imagining her parading around a stage with a cute bump and carrying a baby we are all meant to protect churns my stomach. God only knows what the Bratva would do once the baby is born. I wish I had the glass of bourbon I had that night to calm my nerves.

"It's pretty dead," the prospect says. "I wanted to check in. Ask if you'd prefer me to do surveillance elsewhere."

"You don't call those kinds of shots," I say, stepping closer to him as I deepen my gaze. "We come to you if there's a change in plans. I need you to get back to your post immediately, you got that? But first, I need to know how much of our conversation you heard."

"Oh. You don't have to worry about that," he says.

"Don't tell me what to worry about," I say, anger boiling over. "What did you hear?"

The prospect blinks his eyes hard and gulps. "I heard that Meredith's pregnant, and she doesn't know which of you is the father."

Hearing the words spoken back to me is enough to make the rage bubble up even more. This isn't what I wanted for me, the guys, or for Meredith. The timing of all of this couldn't be worse.

"If someone asks you about what's going on with Meredith and with us, what are you going to say?" I take him by the shirt because I want him to know how serious I am. "And if it isn't obvious already, the answer better be nothing."

"Nothing," he says, putting his hands up in surrender. "I swear, I won't say anything to anyone."

"You better not, or I promise I will make your life a living hell."

I'm standing toe to toe with him, making sure he feels the force behind my words. I basically shove myself up against him, practically spitting in his face as I tell him to get back to his post. I release his shirt. The prospect backs off, turning to go back to his post as quickly as he came.

"You don't have anything to say. Even to me?"

A voice comes out of nowhere, and suddenly Harlow is walking into the hospital room. Disappointment is plastered across her sweet face. It's heartbreaking to see that look because of how much it reminds me of my late wife.

I knew it would be hard enough for Harlow to find out about me having a relationship with her best friend, but this pregnancy news must be shocking the shit out of her. And to find out like this, to be completely blindsided when visiting her injured friend…

I'm still so rocked by this news myself that I don't know whether to punch something or try to console Harlow or both.

Harlow looks around the room, staring each of us down a few moments at a time. We betrayed her trust, and I can't imagine what she's going to say next. She must hate us.

"How long has this been going on behind my back?" she asks.

"We were going to tell you," I say, trying to ease some of the tension. I glance over toward Meredith and notice she's asleep, likely overwhelmed by all of our questions when she first awoke.

"When?" she says, crossing her arms, her eyes shooting pure disgust. "When the baby's head is crowning? Or when you're telling the twins they have a surprise aunt or uncle their own age from Grandpa?"

The way she's jabbing at me is fair, but I'm so worked up the anger is multiplying in my every cell. Harlow has no idea what it's like trying to protect her all the time. I've tried for years to shield her from things that could bring her harm. I made every sacrifice to put her needs first.

I've always known she's been through enough. I probably overcompensated due to the guilt of it all. Then again, she can't imagine what it's like being alone for all those years either. She couldn't expect me to be a saint, or to not keep living my life instead of being frozen in place.

"I was going to tell you when we had more information," I say, trying to temper my anger. "When we had more answers."

"I don't think you need more answers on the pregnancy to pick up the phone and tell me you decided to pursue a romantic relationship with my best friend." She glares at Meredith for a moment before turning her frustration back toward me. "Either of you could have done that."

"You're right," I said. "But it's not so easy. This was never the plan."

"Okay, answer me this. Did it ever happen when she was supposed to be there to see me and the twins?"

The room is silent, and nobody wants to answer. I know I don't. No good will come from these questions. She looks me up and down, demanding an answer with her eyes. When she doesn't get her answer right away, she walks up to Dart, who averts his gaze.

"Well?" she asks.

"That's enough," I growl at her.

"Enough? You're going to tell me about enough? We've all had more than our share of enough, and here you are taking advantage of my best friend when she was at her most vulnerable."

"That's too far, Harlow," I say. "I never took advantage of her."

"No? You were supposed to be like a father to her. Now you're so careless that you don't care that Meredith's my friend. Did you even think to wrap it up?"

"You're one to talk," Trap says, his impatience with the situation becoming evident.

"What's that, Trap?" Harlow asks. "Did I hear you chime in on this?"

Trap shakes his head, and I'd normally jump in to tell him to cool it before he even begins to spout whatever attitude he's about to give, but I'm relieved to have the heat off me. I know Harlow isn't going to like what she's going to hear no matter which one of us is telling her, so he might as well take the lead.

"Those twins you have at home have not one, not two, but three dads. Only one of them is the real father. You're going to get up in arms about three men being with your friend when you do the same exact thing? You're being a hypocrite."

"Say what you want, but I think I deserve to know if my best friend is fucking my dad."

It's always off-putting to hear Harlow swear to begin with, but to hear her describe the situation with those words tears me apart. The way Harlow says it makes it sound like the whole situation is meaningless. Like I haven't completely fallen for Meredith. We all have feelings for her. And she has feelings for us. This isn't some fantasy I've tried to fulfill by coming on to her young innocent friend.

"Hey," I cut in again. "We're all adults here. Nobody tried to hurt you, Harlow. Nobody expected to develop feelings, let alone a baby coming into the mix before we figured it all out."

"Feelings." She scoffs. "So, you're in love with her?"

There's a deep hurt in her eyes. I've always dreaded having to tell her something serious, like delivering the news I was terminally ill or something along those lines, but I hadn't given this conversation much thought. She could have been hurt no matter who it was I had in my life. It could be a threat to the memory of her mother, or to the relationship the two of us shared.

"I am," I say, and I almost croak it out. "I think it's pretty safe to say that we all are."

At that moment, Meredith lets out a moan, and we all fix our eyes on her. Her forehead is crinkled, her eyes clenched shut as she squirms in her hospital bed. We had to have agitated her with our heated conversation.

I hate to disturb her from getting rest, but I'm relieved she's waking up again. I thought I could have lost her, and it rattled me to my core. I already walked through hell all those years ago.

It seemed impossible to find another love that brought me to life like this, but I'll be damned if Harlow or anyone else tries to get in the way of it growing. As much as I love Harlow and the twins, there is nothing that could stop me from feeling this way again.

"Wouldn't trade it for the world…" Meredith mumbles.

I can barely hear what she's saying as she stirs. Everyone leans in to hear what Meredith is trying to say. It's more like a half- sentence and barely above a whisper. Trap puts his hand out to grip Meredith's hand and let her know she isn't alone. I stand cemented in place, wanting to be immediately at her side, but I hold back, knowing I'll get my turn soon enough.

"Harlow," Meredith says, turning her head in Harlow's direction despite not being awake enough to fully open her eyes.

Harlow looks down at Meredith with a pained expression. It's rough seeing Meredith in such bad shape, and I'm sure her heart has to be breaking from that aspect, despite being so pissed. But Harlow is clearly overwhelmed by the new information coming her way.

"What?" Harlow asks, softening her voice considerably to hear what Meredith is saying to her.

"You said you wouldn't trade it for the world," Meredith says. "All that love."

Harlow squeezes Meredith's hand, the emotions of the day seeming to hit her hard. "None of you should have kept this a secret," she says to the room. "I need time to think."

"We aren't going anywhere," Dart says. "You can think all you want, but we're here to stay."

Harlow pulls her hand away from Meredith. "I think I should get a nurse."

I follow behind her to the nurse's station but she's walking too quickly for me to keep up. Harlow reaches the station and taps her nails on the counter, adjusting the handbag on her shoulder like she's trying to wriggle herself back to comfort somehow. I put my hands in my pockets.

A nurse spins around in her chair and puts a Styrofoam cup down beside her as she pulls her chair in closer to the computer.

"Yes? How can I help you?"

"The girl with the head injury down the hall, Meredith, is awake and I think she should have someone come take a look at her. She seems out of it."

"We'll send a nurse in straight away, thank you."

Harlow doesn't look back at me but starts walking away from the nurse's station in the opposite direction from Meredith's room. She's not planning on sticking around. I can't say I blame her, but I also can't have her leave when things are so unresolved. I can't stand the tension.

"Wait," I say, a desperation in my voice that stops her in her tracks. "Don't leave, not just yet. There's more to talk about. Let's just make sure she's okay."

Harlow turns around, pulling her phone out of her pocket and glancing at her home screen.

"I have to get back to the twins soon."

"That's fine," I say. "I just don't want you leaving when you're this worked up. Hate me all you want, but you'll regret not being there for your friend, on the off chance you forgive her."

"Yeah, you know, that's asking a lot."

"I know."

The nurse walks by us and Harlow doesn't say anything else. She takes a moment for herself and then walks back toward the hospital room behind the nurse. I walk back to the room behind Harlow, my thoughts bouncing all over the place. I don't know how I'm going to make things right with Harlow, but I will. And I'm just so thankful Meredith is up and talking.

The nurse is upbeat as she walks to Meredith's bedside. She adjusts some of the wires and lines that are hooked up as she speaks. "The doctor will be in shortly. The nurse looks around the room and smiles. "A lot of visitors for you I see."

"Count me lucky," Meredith says. She sounds hoarse and she moves her hand to her throat as she smiles.

"Well, maybe it's a good thing, because we're going to do a little experiment."

"What kind of experiment?" she asks.

Meredith coughs and the nurse offers her a sip of water sitting on her bedside. The nurse takes the control from the bed and hits the button to let Meredith rise higher in bed. Meredith sips slowly from her water, and I'm relieved to see her getting hydrated, the first step toward health.

"Well, your vitals are looking good. But with head trauma, some things can get a little hazy. I'd like to do an assessment of where you are."

"Okay," Meredith says, handing the cup back to the nurse.

"We'll start with something easy. What is your name?"

"Elvis," Meredith says, smirking. "I'm kidding. It's Meredith."

"She's got jokes," Dart says, and he gives Meredith a wink, grabbing and squeezing her hand.

"Yes," the nurse says with encouragement. "We're off to a great start. And your age?'

"Twenty-one."

"Excellent! You're on a roll."

I'm starting to feel nervous about what she might say if the questions become too open-ended. There's so much she could reveal that I wouldn't want a random stranger knowing, and not Harlow for that matter either.

"Now," the nurse continues. "Let's use these fine people in the room as our helpful volunteers for the next part. Can you go person by person, letting us know the name of each person and something about them? It can be anything the person can verify is true. Start on your left."

"Okay," she says, turning her head slightly to the left. "This is Dart."

Dart smiles, a sense of relief washing over his face as he looks down at her with gratitude.

"He didn't always have his head shaved like this, but it's a good thing he does now because I'd probably be giving him gray hairs."

"That's true," Dart says, laughing.

"Great, let's keep going. And don't worry, you can skip me."

We all let out a small laugh. The nurse is doing a great job of lightening up the mood despite the heaviness of the circumstances. "That's Trap. I'm surprised he didn't insist he go first because this man has a patience level that hovers at exactly zero."

"You're really calling me out here, huh?" Trap says, and he nods, confirming her statement.

"Alright, and that man?"

"That's Harlow's dad. I've known him my whole life and he's like a father to me."

Meredith isn't looking at me the way she's come to look at me more recently. Her look is more innocent, like she's back to being the girl who would breeze by me to go hang out with Harlow. It's as if the passion, the lust, the desire for me has faded away in an instant. I want to push her, to interrogate her to get more out of her to see what's going on, but I'm too stunned.

"Isn't that lovely," the nurse says, clasping her hands. She then unfolds them toward Harlow, inviting Meredith to let us know about the woman standing behind her.

"This is Harlow, and she's been such a good friend to me. She has beautiful twins, and I would never, ever want to hurt her."

"I'm partial," Harlow says to the nurse. "But they really are beautiful."

"Excellent," the nurse concludes.

"You forgot one," Harlow said, pointing to Meredith's stomach.

Meredith crinkles her face in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"The baby."

"What baby?"

Harlow flashes everyone a concerned look and the nurse lets out a sigh.

"Your baby," Harlow says. "You're pregnant."

Meredith stares into space for a few seconds. It's like she's trying to piece together a puzzle. I have a knot in my stomach as I think about what kind of damage this head injury may have done.

"Oh, that's right…" she says. "I guess. I guess that's true…"

"We already did a quick ultrasound and found that everything is going well with the pregnancy. I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that it doesn't appear that this attack did anything to harm the baby whatsoever."

I don't know if Meredith is relieved, but I am. I'm the only one of these guys who knows what it is to have a child. It changed me in the most profound way, and while I really hate the idea of having to start all over, and facing the fear of leaving this child way too soon, I also know the joy and sense of purpose being a dad has given me. We're all lucky to be able to raise a child.

"Can you tell if it's a girl or boy yet? You know…on the ultrasound?" Dart asks.

Meredith looks at him with surprise. It's a mix of sweetness for caring about the pregnancy, but she also seems taken back by the question. It's obvious everyone's emotions are all over the place with the news. I don't know if knowing the sex of the baby would help or hurt things right now. It would make things more real than they already are. I figure that's probably why he wants to know.

"Not without a blood test," the nurse explains. "That should be happening about now, as soon as Meredith sees her obstetrician. However, we can usually tell on ultrasound around twenty weeks."

"I'm not sure I want to find out anyway," Meredith says.

Most of us look at Meredith, unsure where her comment is coming from. I'm not sure if she's that unexcited about the pregnancy, or if she's afraid it will make things too real as well. The question of whether she would want to terminate bubbles up in my brain, and before I let the thought take root, I squash it. I can't even think about it.

"Any reason?" I ask. I can't let the thought swirl in my mind without some sort of answer.

"The best things in life are surprises," she explains. "I mean, you can't help but fall in love with someone when they're standing right in front of you, needing you. I should wait for that."

"If it counts," Dart says. "I hope it's a girl. Because she'll be just as beautiful as you are."

Dart kisses Meredith's forehead, and I've never been more jealous of a kiss in my life.