Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

JUSTIN

Sam parked the car and reached over to hold Justin’s hand. “Ready?”

Sam didn’t have to ask if Justin was okay—he was far from okay. They’d been away from here for a long time, and Sam hadn’t said he wanted to come home once. But Crooked Tree and Branches were in his blood, as much as the new family he’d begun to make.

They’d spent time with Sam’s brother, even stayed with his parents for a while. That hadn’t lasted very long, just the one night, because Justin had wanted to grab the nearest object and smash it over Sam’s dad’s head. The man was a homophobic asshole, and Sam’s mom wasn’t much better.

Mostly they’d been traveling around the country, and Justin worked through the guilt and the worry. He was afraid that he would never be able to return to Crooked Tree if it was going to hurt Adam. Seeing him triggered Adam’s dreams, nightmares, really, and even though Justin hadn’t committed those particular crimes, he wasn’t blameless.

He’d worked for his country, but he’d been lied to. And that was the catalyst of all of this mess.

“Not sure I’ll ever be ready,” he murmured.

Sam had squeezed his hand for encouragement, and Justin felt reassured. With Sam next to him, he could do anything.

They saw Gabe first. He was leading a family over the bridge to their car, chatting to the kids and grinning. Then he spotted Sam and Justin, and his smile wavered a little. Ever the professional, he waved away the family and then pulled back his shoulders and stalked over to the car.

“You back for good?” he asked as he stopped about five feet away.

Justin’s chest tightened when Gabe didn’t come any closer. Then he considered that maybe it was him, that he should be moving forward.

“For good,” he said and closed the distance to Gabe, stopping right up in his space and waiting. Something in Gabe’s eyes, an understanding, maybe, encouraged Justin to tug him close. When Gabe hugged him just as tight, he knew everyone else would be okay.

Apart from, maybe, Adam.

“You’re a fucking asshole for leaving,” Gabe said into his ear. “But also fucking brave.”

“You curse a lot,” Justin said.

“Adam’s up at the stables. You going to go and see him?”

Justin pulled away from Gabe and nodded. “I’ll go straight up there.”

“I’ll go up to Branches,” Sam said.

They’d talked about it in the car, and Justin agreed that he and Adam needed to do this alone, but he had one question. “Should we tell Ethan?”

Gabe shook his head. “Adam’s good. He’s doing well and hasn’t had an episode in a while now. And hell, he’ll explain it to you.”

Justin zipped up his jacket, crossed the bridge, and took the path to the stables. He owed everyone an explanation—his brother, his dad, his friends, but first of all, Adam.

Stepping inside the stables was coming home, the familiar scents, seeing Easy in his stable with his ears back, looking right at him. Justin couldn’t see Adam, and to give himself time to breathe, he fussed Easy and kissed his velvet nose.

“Seems like you always lose me,” he murmured against the softness.

“He knows you’ll come back, eventually,” Adam said from behind him.

Justin swallowed his fear and turned to face his friend, seeing a different man from the one he’d left. Adam looked well, and he didn’t have dark circles under his eyes, nor was he carrying the permanent look of exhaustion and wariness. And fuck, he looked good.

“Seems I can’t stay away,” he murmured.

“You back for real?” Adam asked, his tone even, his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

“Yes. Can we talk?”

Adam nodded and turned on his heel to go over to the small office they had in the stables. No more than a stall that had been walled in, it held a table covered in notes and books. Adam didn’t take the chair, just leaned against the table there and crossed his feet at the ankles.

Justin pulled the door shut behind them and leaned against it. He had the feeling that Adam was ready to run at the slightest provocation, and he had to be very careful with what he said.

“So I killed people,” he began, stopping when Adam winced. Maybe that wasn’t the best place to start, but he deserved honesty. “You know that. I didn’t kill the men at the ranch or your tattoo artist, and I didn’t know you were alive, otherwise I would have found you. Can you accept that from me?”

That was basically what he’d said before he left, but this time the words weren’t emotive, but calm and focused.

“I know,” Adam said, in that same, eerily focused tone. “I couldn’t look at you because you scared me, made me feel uneasy. Like the man I wanted to know and love like a brother wasn’t real. I’m done with that now.”

“Can we—” Justin stopped himself. He wanted to ask if he and Adam were okay, and had he recalled anything that would make their relationship right again.

“Thank you for going,” Adam offered, taking his hands out of his pockets and using them to lean back farther on the desk. “I know it killed you to leave, but I was a mess. My counselor said I was looking for someone to blame, that my brain was playing tricks with me and putting you in situations, creating scenarios. Talking to Ryan helped. He told me some of the facts. I wasn’t there when Stretch was shot, so I couldn’t have seen it. I was possibly at the ranch when the security guys were killed, but I know it wasn’t you I saw there. And, Justin….” He paused and swallowed, as if the emotion was too much for him to contain. He couldn’t seem to get the words out.

“What, Adam?”

“I know you didn’t leave me back at the bunker. I know everything was out of our control.”

“I would never have left you,” Justin said. “If I had thought you were alive, if there had been any chance—Hell, Adam, you’re my best friend. Thinking you were dead destroyed me.”

Adam nodded and then quirked a smile. “Don’t tell Gabe that.”

Justin reacted to the teasing tone. “Well, of course there’s Gabe as well.” Then he sobered a little. “Are you still having the dreams?”

“Sometimes, but Ethan being there is a good thing, and they are happening less and less, and not as graphic.”

“What have you remembered?”

“Some of the time I was in WITSEC. Nothing before we disappeared—well, nothing concrete, but I did recall the sinking-with-a-rock, G.I. Joe incident.”

Justin winced, recalling losing Adam’s toy in the lake when they were not more than six or seven. Adam had been gutted, but Gabe, ever the peacemaker, had passed over his G.I. Joe as a replacement. “Not my finest moment, but it did prove rocks sink very well in water.”

“A cerebral moment,” Adam joked.

Justin held back the tears that choked his throat. “I missed you all, so bad.”

“I’m sorry you had to go for me.”

“Did you forget the bit about being best friends?”

“Can we hug this out?” Adam asked, his tone unsure.

It was all Justin could do not to rush straight over and lose his cool card.

They embraced and patted backs, and then somehow the hug changed in quality. Less buddies hugging, more intense, Adam gripping him tight and Justin not wanting him to let go.

“Fucking stupid brain,” Adam said with emotion.

Justin didn’t move, and they didn’t separate for the longest time. And when they did, they grinned stupidly.

“Let’s go find our men,” Adam said.

Justin was more than ready to do that, only as they walked out of the stables, Gabe got to them first. He looked from Justin to Adam and back again, and relief passed over his face.

“I need to talk to you both,” he said.

“Is everything okay?” Justin asked, because Gabe looked odd, worried. “We’re okay. I’m back to stay.”

“That’s not it,” Gabe said.

Adam stepped forward, concern in his tone. “What’s wrong, G?”

“I need to arrange something. Let’s go back in.” He stalked past them and into the small office, leaning against the desk where Adam had stood earlier. Justin followed and pulled the door closed behind them. “I have something to ask you both,” Gabe launched in without introduction and Adam braced himself, ready to run if Gabe wanted to pick at the wound that was just about healing.

“What’s up?” Justin asked, cautiously.

Gabe grinned at them. “I’m going to be a daddy,” he announced and smacked his hands together. “And I want you two idiots to be adjusted and steady and there for my kid. So, what do you say?”

The question wasn’t just about a new addition to the family, it was Gabe making sure everything was okay and that the two of them, Justin and Adam, were good again.

“That’s freaking wonderful.” Justin pulled Gabe into a hug, and so did Adam, adding his own congratulations.

“When’s the baby due?” This was from Adam, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“Would you believe April 1?”

More congratulations and backslapping, guys being guys, friends together, and then they separated. Adam heading off to Ethan, Gabe to his wife, and Justin to mend fences with his dad.

They could make this work, despite this weird dynamic where at any time Adam might recall something that scared him.

Justin could handle it, and it seemed that maybe Adam could as well.