Chapter 19

Chapter Nineteen

When Jay closed the door behind him, Ashley lay sleeping on the sofa and didn't wake at first.

Jay's ass was sore, but he was grinning from ear to ear. Nate was going to be one hell of an addiction, and Jay knew it. For however long this lasted, he would enjoy every damn minute of it. He crossed to the kitchen for a glass of water, then checked all the doors.

"Hey," Ashley said sleepily.

"I was just coming to wake you up. You should have gone to bed, sis."

"I wanted to talk to you about your date," she said with a yawn. Stretching, she swung her legs to the floor. "Also, Lewis called. He's coming to visit this weekend."

Jay's temper rose at the mention of Ashley's ex and was a sharp reminder that not everything in his world was soft and sexy and fun. "What? He just announced it? He's supposed to give notice."

Ashley held up a hand. She didn't look devastated or angry or sad—she appeared strangely Zen about the whole thing. "I suggested he come this weekend. Crooked Tree opens next week and I want it over and done with before then. I won't have him ruining Montana for us."

Jay deflated. "How do you feel?"

"Sad for me. Happy for Josh that he gets to see his dad."

"He's not staying in this house," Jay said quickly.

"He's not staying at all. He's visiting and leaving. An early flight here, a cab from the airport, and the red-eye home. Seems that's all he can spare for his son."

She stood and wrapped her arms around her middle. Vulnerability filled her eyes and tension bracketed her mouth, and Jay knew he needed to leave the discussion until the morning. He hugged her before guiding her to her bedroom. "You seem to be taking it okay."

"Gabe was here when the call came in. It helped."

Gabe was here one hell of a lot. Jay wanted to be nervous about that, but if Gabe's presence had been enough to halt Ashley's unhappiness, He shouldn't fret. "We'll deal with it when he gets here."

Ashley smiled and climbed into bed.

Feeling suddenly very protective, Jay smoothed the covers over her, kissed her on the forehead. "Everything will be fine, he'll realize it's a long way and that Josh isn't worth it, and he won't visit again."

Of course Josh was worth it. Josh was the best kid, completely beguiling and utterly perfect, and being Uncle Jay to both Josh and Kirsten was the proudest thing in his life. Not for the first time, the overwhelming wish that Lewis wasn't a part of their lives had Jay's chest tightening.

He checked in on Josh, who was lying in his usual tangle of bedclothes. There was no point sorting out the quilt or sheets tangled around him. Within minutes anything Jay tried to fix would be half on the bed and half off.

Kirsten's door was open and Jay could see her light was on. He knocked, and only went in after she said it was okay. She looked young, sitting cross-legged on her bed with her Kindle on her lap.

"It's after four in the morning" Jay wasn't lecturing, not really, but his tone was serious. He expected the usual explosion of "Don't tell me what to do!" in response. He was surprised when it was actually something very different to that.

"I know," Kirsten admitted with a sigh. "I couldn't sleep. I heard Mom crying a bit earlier, and it got me thinking about stuff." She shrugged and closed her Kindle. "It doesn't matter. You're home now."

Jay was torn. Was this the sign that she wanted him to leave, or did the rather sad tone of her voice mean she wanted him to talk? Hell if he knew anymore.

"Night, then," he said carefully and turned to leave.

"You know we talked about my dad a couple times?"

Kirsten's soft question had him turning back. "Yeah?"

"Did you like him?"

"You've asked that before," he said carefully. "I did. I always said Martin was a good guy."

She mulled over his words for a second, and Jay took the opportunity to sit on the end of her bed. He sensed she needed to talk.

"Then why didn't he want anything to do with me?"

"He was fifteen, your mom as well. He wasn't grown-up enough. We talked about this. I don't know, maybe it got to be too hard."

"He's married now. Has two kids—one of them is ten, the other eight."

"How do you know that?"

"Google, Facebook," she said dismissively. "Though you and Mom said maybe I would want to, I've never wanted to meet him, you know. Not even when he wrote to me, because I have everything I want right here. You and Mom and Josh. Who needs Martin I'm-So-Perfect Johansen. Did you know he has a degree in engineering? And a big fuck-off house in the burbs?"

"I didn't."

She pulled her knees up and wrapped her hands around them. She looked so damn young with her hair scraped back from her face and her skin devoid of any makeup.

"Sometimes I look at Mom and think if she hadn't had me, then she could have gone to college or got a job that wasn't based around being a mom. And maybe you would have got higher grades in school if you weren't babysitting me."

"You do?" Jay was shocked. Kirsten had never said anything like this before. They'd talked about the absent-father thing when Martin had written to her for her tenth birthday, then again on her thirteenth. Jay had no idea that she worried about his damn school grades or how being here may have affected Ashley.

"Yeah."

"Is this your emo side talking?" As soon as the words left Jay's mouth, he wished them back. That was about as appropriate as asking her if she was on her damn period.

He was relieved when all she did was grin at him. "Yeah, I'm pulling all my best teenager moves," she said.

"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry."

She huffed a small sound that indicated it was nothing. "I still have the letters and I reread them, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to think of him as anything like a dad."

"Maybe one day you will," Jay said softly. "There's one thing, though. You have to know that your mom and I never for one minute regretted having you in our lives. We loved you from the minute we saw the first scan. So don't go around thinking otherwise. Okay?"

"I'm going to read the letters. I thought about maybe writing him back."

"Good idea." Jay moved so he sat next to her with his back against the headboard. He opened his arms and she cuddled in for a hug. The move reminded him of when she was smaller and loved spending time cuddling with him or Ashley. He missed it.

"So Gabe was over this evening," she said softly. "I like him. He's normal. He's not a jock who wants to erase me, or abusive and wants to hurt Mom and Josh. It's like he's too normal, though."

Jay waited for more explanation. He had to wait a while.

"Uncle Jay, do you think he's pretending?"

"To like your mom?" Jay clarified.

"That, me and Josh. He played with Josh and helped me with a math assignment. So, is he pretending?"

"I've only known him a few weeks," Jay said. "But he and Nate and Luke seem like genuine guys. And if he makes your mom happy…." He deliberately ended there.

"I like Luke as well," Kirsten admitted. "He stood up for me when these two boys started in on me about my hair."

"That's cute."

Kirsten smacked him on the arm. "That is not cute. Seventeen-year-old boys are not cute ." She snuggled in closer and yawned. "Are we okay for money?"

Jay thought about the small bank balance that was all he had left from his savings. He was due to be paid next week, but he had a couple thousand in reserve and no real expenses. "What makes you ask that?"

"I was thinking of getting my hair stripped of color. I'm kinda fed up with it now. Just want it blue-black, but if I do it myself, I'll ruin it."

"Jeez, Kirst, I'd take out a loan for that," he joked. "But yeah, money is cool. I'll drive us all into town on Saturday before Lewis gets here and you can get it done. Love you," he added.

"Love you too," she replied with a squeeze, then extricated herself and wriggled under the covers.

Jay smiled. He hoped that maybe this was the start of a new stage in their relationship—a more adult one where teenage tantrums and emotions settled down. He left her room and pulled the door shut.

He remembered being sixteen with great clarity. Kirsten had been two and he was still at home with Ashley and his parents, who were still in shock even two years after their daughter had a baby just before her own sixteenth. Added to that he came out as gay, and suddenly they couldn't find a place for their offspring to live fast enough. Jay had grown up quickly and in a city away from his parents with the only family he wanted.

He wondered if Nate would understand that, and how the hell he would attempt to start explaining their bond.