Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

They snuck into the house in the hope that Gabe and Luke would be in bed. Thankfully Luke was in bed, and Gabe took one look at them, grinned, and made a show of putting in his iPod buds before retreating to his room.

"He's an asshole," Nate murmured with no heat. "You wait until he brings his next girlfriend here." He realized what he'd said. From everything he'd seen, Gabe was interested in Ashley, which led to all kinds of awkward.

"Let's not think about that." Jay appeared to read his mind. He smiled.

"Coffee?"

"No."

"Whisky? Brandy? Beer? Nate crossed off the list of what alcohol he knew they had in the house. "Pepsi?" he added.

"You really think I want a drink?" Jay teased. His brown eyes were filled with a mix of lust and mirth. An interesting mix.

"I'm in the back bedroom," Nate said quickly.

"Show me."

Nate didn't argue. He led Jay by the hand down the long corridor that separated his room from his brothers' rooms and the main living area. As soon as they were through the door, Nate locked it—in case his brothers thought it would be fun to fuck with him somehow.

"Do you have stuff?" Jay asked.

Nate thought of what he had in his drawer. Unless Gabe had been in there, they were pretty much set for the night. "Uh-huh."

They stood for a short while in the half-light of a small bedside lamp, and Nate abruptly felt unaccountably awkward. He'd done this before, so what was going on his head? Well, when he said before , he'd never actually had a guy here in the house. In his room. They'd always been hookups, casual and quick and commitment-free.

"How about I take my clothes off?" Jay said in an amused tone.

The words and the teasing tone had Nate galvanizing himself into action. He pressed Jay back against the nearest wall because all he wanted was up-close-and-personal time with the man who was stealing his breath with kisses. Placing his hands firmly on Jay's hips was the only way he could stop himself from dragging him straight to bed, but when Jay wrapped his arms around Nate's neck and locked his hands together, Nate nearly lost it there and then. A smooth move and he would have Jay under him on the bed. But that would mean interrupting the kissing, and that was so not happening… not for a long while. When was the last time he'd kissed like this? Had he ever kissed like this before?

They broke for air, and Jay shifted a little against the hard wall.

"Are you okay?" Nate asked quietly.

"Too many clothes," Jay said with a wry smile. "I want to kiss with no clothes."

Nate smiled. He could do that. In a flurry of hands and curses, they finally stood naked, apart from their shorts, and with low laughter stumbled to the bed and fell on it. Nate attempted not to land completely on Jay, but Jay wouldn't release him. With some wriggling, Nate was at long last in the cradle of Jay's spread legs, and they went back to kissing. Nate was so hard, and Jay matched him. Each time Nate moved, their covered cocks slid together. The friction was delicious and as necessary as breathing.

Jay slid his hands under Nate's shorts and curved his grip to hold tight. "Fuck, Nate," he murmured.

Nate looked directly into Jay's eyes and watched as they closed and Jay exhaled noisily.

"Off," Jay instructed, and Nate was happy to comply. He moved to one side of Jay and wriggled out of his underwear, waiting as Jay did the same.

"Gorgeous," he mumbled.

Too many words too soon and the intimate cocoon they were creating could be destroyed. Slim was a given—Jay wasn't the biggest of guys, but he was muscled and firm and his cock was gorgeous. Thick and a handful, and Nate was only interested in one thing: getting his hands on it, followed swiftly by his mouth. He concentrated on nibbling a path of kisses from throat to navel and inhaled the scent of shower gel on warm, smooth skin. He moved to pay attention to the skin stretched across Jay's hipbones, and Jay moved restlessly under the ministrations. Nate knew he was teasing Jay. He was so close to Jay's cock that it bumped his face, and he couldn't ignore the feel of the satiny-smooth skin any longer. For a few seconds, he simply tested the weight of Jay's cock. With his fingers covering the gap between his mouth and the curly hair at the base, he settled in to taste his new lover…

He was home. Jay's taste sparked on his tongue and his delicious demands were symphony enough to bring Nate's orgasm close.

"I want yours," Jay insisted. He softened the demand with a soft "Please."

Nate didn't hesitate. Awkwardly—and how could anyone make a sixty-nine look elegant? He maneuvered until Jay had his hands on Nate's cock and his tongue laving the end of it. Faultless. Fucking, unbelievably, perfect , and they brought each other to the point of no return.

"I'm—" Jay was evidently trying to warn Nate, and in a scramble Nate pulled from Jay's hold and twisted himself straight so that he could grab and hold both cocks together. With fluid movement, he began jacking them off. In a single blinding flash of white, his orgasm exploded from him. Jay was with him, moaning his release and forcing a fist into his mouth to stop any further sounds. Utterly spent, Nate slumped to Jay's side and, mindless of the sticky mess between them, pulled him close. They needed a break, but fuck, he had to be inside Jay—and soon.

"That was…." Jay said.

"Yeah…."

"Want you inside me."

"Later. I promise."

Sleep pulled at Nate, and he held Jay tight. He loved to cuddle, to hold, to feel another man's heartbeat next to his. Yes, he was home.

When Nate woke, the bed was empty and Jay was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, he leaned over the side of the bed. All of Jay's clothes were there, and it was 3:00 a.m. A noise from the bathroom had him turning in bed and relief flooded him when he saw the thin sliver of light under the door. He got up and knocked—a mutual masturbation session, however satisfying, didn't mean he was ready to jump on the guy if he needed private time.

"Yeah?" Jay's voice sounded strange. A little off somehow.

"You okay?"

"I'm fine," Jay said immediately.

Then Jay moaned low in his throat and Nate knew something was wrong. Had he hurt him? Hell, he didn't know his own strength sometimes! He didn't think he'd hurt Jay, but hell, what if he had? Frustrated at his stupidity, Nate pushed open the bathroom door and was confronted by a sight he never thought he'd see in his life. Shocked eyes met his, then the shock gave way to a small amount of defiance in Jay's expression.

Jay sitting on the floor, curled with his own fingers in his ass and lube dribbling in and around him.

"Jay?"

"What?" Jay snapped. "You look like you've never seen a guy get himself ready before."

Nate didn't know where to start with that one. What surprised him more? That no, he'd never seen a lover prep himself alone in a damn bathroom. Either he'd done it, or in the case of some of the casual stuff, the guy had already been stretched open. He crouched down next to Jay, aware he was naked and waving his stiff cock in Jay's face, and also very aware that there was confusion in Jay's eyes. Carefully he pulled Jay's fingers from his ass and wiped them on the nearest towel. He helped Jay to stand.

"I'll do that for you," he said simply. "I'll make sure that when I push inside you, you're ready for me."

"I take care of it myself," Jay said. He sounded almost distant.

Sudden realization flooded Nate. "Did someone hurt you? Before?"

Jay flushed. "I've done my time in clubs and a relationship. I look after myself, and it's not the top's responsibility to stretch me."

"Who the fuck told you that?" Nate pulled Jay close and kissed him deeply before backing out of the bathroom, pulling Jay along with him. All the time he talked: "I love getting my partner ready, getting you ready. I'll suck you, play with your balls, and all the time my fingers will make you ready, stretching you and loosening you so that when I push inside, I won't hurt you."

"Nate. I just need to know that—" Jay stopped and lowered his gaze momentarily. He was a mix of embarrassed and ashamed.

With a powerful adrenaline rush, Nate hated whoever had hurt Jay. "Who hurt you?" he insisted.

Jay looked up, right at him, with defiance in his eyes. "Mark," he said. "He expected me to be ready, and when I wasn't, that was when it hurt."

Nate stopped the words with a kiss, Helped Jay to the bed, arranging him on his stomach. Grabbing the other lube from his drawer, he settled himself between Jay's spread legs. He knew what he wanted to do—touch and push and make Jay ready for him.

"You're so beautiful, so strong. Why would he want to hurt you? What was his excuse when you told him?"

"I never told him," Jay said quietly.

"Why?"

"Because he wouldn't have listened."

"I'll always listen."

All too soon he had Jay twisting below him, moving to get some kind of friction for his cock against the sheets. Nate loved the sighs that left Jay's lips, the insistent press back against Nate's fingers.

"I need more," Jay near whined. "More fingers, push harder inside."

Nate almost lost it then, pinching his cock until the urge to come all over Jay's back left him. He encouraged a pliant, sexy Jay to all fours. With as much lube as Nate had on his hands, he fumbled to get a condom on. He considered asking Jay to help for all of two seconds after seeing his dazed expression as he glanced back at Nate. Finally he had a condom in place and he pushed inside, waiting for Jay to relax around him, letting him in fully.

Jay keened and arched, then pressed back until Nate was so deep inside his balls were against Jay's. He tensed his muscles and sat back on his knees, pulling Jay with him. He didn't want this to be impersonal; he wanted to be able to kiss Jay, but he wanted him to be happy and safe.

Jay fell back into his hold and Nate braced him with one hand on Jay's hip and the other across his chest.

"Touch yourself," Nate said as he moved the hand on Jay's chest to tilt Jay's face close enough that they could kiss, messy and hard, then soft and needy.

"I'm close," Jay murmured. His eyes were closed and the kisses had become shallow, a simple exchange of breath and nothing more.

"Open your eyes, Jay," Nate begged, just as he had done at the bar when they danced. He wanted to see those gorgeous eyes focused on him, but when Jay tried to concentrate, he couldn't. He was loose in Nate's hold, completely at Nate's mercy.

"I can't," Jay whispered, and He was breathing harder.

The tightness of Jay around him was intense. They kissed awkwardly, sloppily, but it was enough, and when Jay stiffened in Nate's hold and breathed through his orgasm in silence, Nate couldn't stop his own in response. He fucked deeper and they kissed and he was coming so hard that it was difficult to support Jay. He waited for a second then managed to get himself out and settle them to lie side by side on the bed.

"I think I'm falling for you too far and too fast," Jay whispered. "It scares me."

The honesty cut through Nate like a knife, and he knew he had to be truthful in return. "I know I'm falling for you," he admitted. He added brokenly, "We can be scared together."