CHAPTER NINE

ERIN'SHEARTWAS still pounding after what had just happened, and also with the gut-churning panic of realising they'd made love without protection. But she was pretty sure it would be okay...

Ajax's face was hard to read in the moonlight, but Erin had the distinct impression that he wasn't overly perturbed about the fact that they'd just had unprotected sex.

She winced inwardly. Not that having protected sex had been all that effective twenty-one months ago.

Her body was still tingling all over. She couldn't quite believe she'd had the audacity to jump into the pool with her clothes on, and then what had ensued...

But he'd been right—she had been trying to distract him. From how it had made her feel to hear him say so casually ‘let's go home' after dinner.

Let's go home.

As if they were a regular couple on a date night. Enjoying some alone time away from their baby and then returning to their home.

Their home.

When it wasn't remotely her home. It was Ajax's home. And yet in that unguarded moment she'd desperately wanted it to be her home too. Their home. The kind of place where there were two parents and one of them didn't just get up and walk out one day, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.

The fact that he'd exposed that deep-seated desire had made her feel very vulnerable. Vulnerable to the possibility that she might even be hoping for something more than she'd ever dreamed of.

So she'd acted on instinct. And diving into the pool had almost been as much about waking herself up out of that dream as anything else. But then Ajax had joined her...and madness had taken over, scrambling her mind and making her forget that she needed to stay vigilant and not be dreaming of impossible things.

Erin took a step backwards now. ‘I should go and check on Ashling...go to bed... Goodnight, Ajax.'

She turned to walk away and reassured herself that any day now the heat in Ajax's gaze would fade, this insane interlude would end, and they'd go back to New York and—

‘Would it really be so bad?'

Erin stopped. She didn't turn around. She was afraid she was having some sort of aural hallucination—that Ajax had probably said goodnight, but she'd heard something else. Something ridiculous.

She turned around. Ajax's face was still in shadow. Not helping.

She said, ‘What did you say?'

He stepped forward and into the soft light coming from the villa. He should have looked ridiculous in the short towelling robe, but he didn't. He looked sexy.

He said, ‘Would it be so bad if you were pregnant?'

It took a moment for that to really compute in Erin's brain. For her to try and interpret the dozens of threads that question contained, all leading in directions that had alarm bells screaming.

‘Of course it would—what are you talking about?'

Ajax took another step forward, closing the distance between them. There was an intent look on his face. Erin's sense of extreme vulnerability came back.

He said, ‘Think about it. We already have a child. We have amazing chemistry. We like each other. You and Ashling are making me think about family again, even though I swore I wouldn't.'

We like each other.

A tepid emotion, at best. Not the kind of emotion that could sustain a long life, build a family.

You need love for that.

Erin clamped down on that rogue thought. She didn't want love. But she wanted more than just ‘like'.

She shook her head. ‘You said yourself this chemistry won't last. Only days ago you were still determined not to have anything much to do with your daughter. And have you forgotten that you dumped me?'

Ajax's face tightened. ‘I never forgot you.'

‘I had no idea you were still thinking about me.'

‘I came back for you.'

Erin all but rolled her eyes, the memory of him dumping her and the hurt and humiliation still vivid. ‘It sounds like you expected me to be waiting for you, frozen in time from the last moment we'd seen each other.'

A muscle ticked in his jaw. ‘I admit I handled it badly. I wanted you too much. You got too close, It freaked me out. I shouldn't have let you go.'

‘And yet you did.'

But the sense of betrayal suddenly felt less. Ajax's admission that he'd made a mistake settled deep inside her, where she didn't want his words to land. They were too easy.

Too seductive.

She waved a hand. ‘Look, the past is the past. We are where we are. We have a child, and what we're doing is protecting her future. The fact that you want to be involved is very welcome, but I don't want a family with you, Ajax.'

‘You want a family with someone else?' He said this flatly. ‘You'd prefer that our daughter would be brought up by someone who isn't her father? For her to have half-siblings?'

‘There's nothing wrong with that. Many families—'

‘I know.' Ajax cut her off. ‘I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it—if that's how it happens organically. But I think we have something we can build on. Some marriages are made on a lot less than that—you said so yourself.'

Had she? This was different, though. She felt confused. Her priority was to protect Ashling from harm. From being rejected or abandoned by her father. Yet now Ajax was asking her to consider having more children—which, as far as Erin could see, would only multiply that threat.

She imagined a scenario where she was pregnant again and what if Ajax changed his mind? Or maybe realised that the trauma of losing Theo was too big to surpass and he retreated back out of their lives again?

His change of heart was still too recent, too sudden to trust. That's what she told herself now.

Erin shook her head. ‘No, I don't think it's a good idea.'

‘I'm offering marriage, Erin.'

‘Is this a proposal?'

That muscle moved in his jaw again. ‘Not the most romantic, maybe, but yes.'

At this evidence that he would actually be willing to marry her for every reason except for love, or romance, Erin had a seismic realisation. The realisation that she did want love, even though it scared the life out of her. She knew now that it was the only thing that would sustain a happy life. And maybe she'd find it someday with someone, but not with Ajax.

She said, ‘This isn't about romance or love, I know that. But if my parents had had love—mutual love—then maybe my mother wouldn't have left. Because she would have loved my dad enough to stay. Loved me enough at least to try.'

For a second—a heart-stopping moment—she wasn't sure how Ajax would respond, and the sense of being on the edge of a cliff about to step into the void was dizzying.

Then he said, ‘I can't offer you love, but I can promise to be faithful and supportive. To respect you.'

Erin's dizziness faded. Of course he didn't love her. And she didn't love him. She didn't want him to love her.

She shrugged. ‘Then I think I'll be a better parent to Ashling living authentically, rather than turning our fake relationship into a fake marriage and bringing more children into the mix. That's not the antidote to how I grew up—it's just another form of dysfunction.' Before he could say anything else, and confuse her, Erin went on, ‘You can't admit that your parents' example of an arranged marriage was any better? We'd be somewhere halfway between that and what I had. And,' she said, ‘I don't think we should do this again.'

‘Do what again?' Ajax asked, civilly enough, but she could hear the steel in his voice.

‘This...' Heat came into her face. ‘Sex.'

The air seemed to throb with the tension between them.

Eventually Ajax said ‘So what, you're saying you want more now? A real relationship? Love?'

‘Maybe...would that be so bad?'

‘I've told you I can't offer that.'

‘I know.' Erin felt hollow.

At Ajax's stony expression she said, ‘Maybe we should just go back to New York?'

But he shook his head, ‘What about the event with my family? They should meet Ashling, at least.'

She wondered why, after everything she'd just said, she was feeling a sense of relief that he wasn't agreeing to put her on the next plane out of Greece.

He said, ‘The event is this weekend. We'll be travelling to another island not far from here for a couple of nights. In the meantime I'll have my PR team assess the situation in New York—and, yes, I think you should be able to go back to New York after that.'

Erin looked at him. ‘I think that would be for the best. And then we can establish a routine that suits Ashling.'

Everything in Ajax was rejecting Erin's, oh, so cool reaction to his proposal. He—Ajax Nikolau—had just proposed! But he realised in that moment how arrogant he had been to assume Erin would be impressed enough to collapse at his feet in a heap of acquiescence.

This was Erin. Had he learnt nothing?

But as for her assertion that they wouldn't have sex again...

The thought made him feel feral. Dangerously unmoored.

How could she stand there and say that when the flush of their lovemaking was still on her skin? After that...conflagration? This woman uniquely had the ability to turn him from civility to primal instinctiveness within seconds.

She'd talked about love. Of course he didn't love her. Theo's death had almost destroyed him. He knew that if anything happened to Ashling it would destroy him all over again, but all he could do now was put blind faith in the universe not to be so cruel for a second time.

But as for Erin... The thought of allowing himself to feel for her what had almost destroyed him...

No. His blood went cold at the thought.

Erin was looking at him, waiting for a response. He could deal with everything else she'd said in time, but as for no sex...

He walked closer to her. Close enough to touch. He saw how her eyes widened and flared. The way the pulse beat hectically at her throat.

He said, as coolly as her, ‘I know this proposal has come as a bit of a surprise, and I wasn't expecting to talk about this here...now... But I would just ask that you think it all over before making a final decision.'

Her jaw was tight. ‘Okay. Fine.'

Quickly, before she left, he said, ‘As for the other thing...not making love again... I've never forced a woman in my life and I'm not about to start. But if you think this is over between us, then you will have to prove you have the control to resist it.'

She went red in the face. Ajax imagined that if steam could come out of her ears it would. With that, he sauntered away and into the villa, leaving her standing there.

But it was a pyrrhic victory, because he was very much afraid that she would prove to have far more control than him.

A few days later, Erin was still stewing over Ajax's parting bombshell after that cataclysmic moment in the pool. He'd all but dared her...told her that she couldn't possibly hold out against him.

Luckily, she hadn't been tested. Since that night he'd spent most of his time in his office, working, and had appeared only briefly for meals, or to play with Ashling—who was now his biggest fan.

Seeing her bonding with her father made Erin both delighted and terrified at once. Because with every day that their bond deepened and became stronger the stakes were rising. And if he ever walked away from Ashling...

And the proposal. Had that really happened? Or had she dreamed it? In any case, it hadn't been a proposal—not in any romantic sense. It had been a proposition: We get on, we have a kid, we should get married.

The thought of agreeing to marry Ajax and living a life where the desire between them gradually fizzled out to be replaced with companionship... if they would even have that...sent shudders through Erin. She'd been fooling herself to think she could live with a scenario like that and it was beyond ironic that Ajax was the one who had made her realise she wanted more.

Ashling squealed from somewhere behind her on the small plane that was taking them to Ajax's family event on another island. An island owned by the family.

She looked behind her, and against every instinct she melted inside. Ashling was on Ajax's lap. He was trying to read some paperwork, and she kept trying to grab it. He put it down and lifted Ashling to face him. She put her hands on his face.

Erin felt a very inappropriate twinge of envy.

She got up and walked down the plane. Ajax looked up. Erin felt the effect in her blood.

She put out her arms. ‘I'll take her—you're working.'

Ajax lifted her towards Erin and for a second their hands met as she took Ashling. Erin had to grit her jaw against the spark. No.

Ajax said, ‘We'll be landing shortly anyway.'

Erin sat down on a nearby seat, suddenly trepidatious. ‘So, who is going to be there?'

‘My parents. Aunts, uncles, cousins. Some of Sofia's family.' Ajax's mouth thinned. ‘After all, that's why my brother was going to marry her. Her family are also one of the oldest and most prominent in Greece.'

‘It must be hard for them...losing her and Theo.'

Ajax made a rude sound. ‘Not that you'd know it. Our marriage united the families and that's all they care about.'

‘They sound truly...inhuman.'

Ajax shrugged. ‘It's just a different world for them. It's how they've been brought up.'

Erin hugged Ashling a little closer.

Ajax saw the movement and said, ‘It's exactly what I don't want.'

He looked at her then. Explicitly. The offer was still there.

Before he could see how he affected her, Erin fled back to her seat and occupied herself with Ashling for the rest of the flight.

It was a small, pretty island, with a bustling harbour town, iconic white and blue houses all along the sea front. They were driving up over the hill behind the harbour, towards a massive villa in the distance, surrounded by lush greenery.

Erin had noticed at least a dozen private jets parked up at the island's airport. Nerves churned in her belly. She was definitely out of her comfort zone now. She recalled what those people in Athens had said about her: ambulance chaser. She smiled a little grimly at herself. They'd also said Ajax would never want to marry her, but they'd been wrong about that.

If she wanted it...but she didn't.

She'd asked Georgiana for advice over a video call, and the stylist had helped her pick out some clothes. She was wearing a relaxed light blue suit—culottes and a matching jacket—with a cream sleeveless silk top underneath. Wedge sandals. A little more make-up than usual to feel fortified. Minimal jewellery.

She'd dressed Ashling in a cute romper suit with a matching sun hat that she kept trying to pull off.

Erin suddenly felt a surge of protectiveness for her daughter, at the thought of bringing her into this lions' den. She wanted to ask Ajax to turn the car around and take them home.

Home.

She had to stop thinking of here as home. New York was home. Where she had her life with Ashling.

They were at the villa now, and pulling into a huge courtyard. Uniformed staff hurried out to greet them. Damia was in the car behind, and Erin was grateful not only for the help but to have a friendly face.

Erin got out of the car and lifted Ashling out of her seat. The little girl was tired. She hadn't had her morning nap on the plane, too excited by everything, and Erin could sense a cranky storm brewing. She hoped she could put her down soon.

Ajax put a hand lightly on her lower back, but it burned even through two layers of clothes. He said, ‘Might as well get the initial introductions over with.'

He led Erin into the villa—a vast space. Her first impression was that it was cold—which should have been welcome, considering the heat outside. But it was cold in a way that signified little human emotion.

Lots of white pristine surfaces. Expensive art. Furniture that looked as if it had never been touched...

And then a slim, older woman appeared, walking towards them, tall and impossibly elegant, with a cap of silver-grey hair and light eyes. Beautiful but remote. Erin realised this had to be Ajax's mother.

They greeted each other with air-kisses and Ajax said, ‘Mother, how nice to see you.'

Erin just watched, wide-eyed at this dry exchange. Even Ashling seemed to have been struck dumb.

The woman turned her gaze to Erin and Ashling. Ajax moved closer, and despite everything Erin was glad of the sense of protection.

He said, ‘Mother, I'd like you to meet Erin Murphy and your granddaughter Ashling.'

‘Erin, this is my mother Andromeda.'

A fittingly intimidating name. Erin tried to imagine her smiling and saying, Call me Andi, and almost wanted to giggle, but she knew it was just a little hysteria.

The woman held out her hand. ‘Lovely to meet you, Erin.'

Erin shook her hand. ‘You too.'

The woman's light blue gaze went to Ashling. She said, ‘So this is the child?'

Ajax's tone was dry. ‘Yes, Mother. Your granddaughter.'

‘Ashling. Yes, I know. An Irish name. I looked it up.'

Erin tried to hide her surprise.

‘She's a pretty thing,' Andromeda said. ‘Very like—' But she stopped there abruptly.

She'd obviously been about to say Theo. To Erin's further surprise, she thought she saw a flicker of something on Andromeda's face—a flash of emotion. But then it was gone.

She stepped back. ‘Your father is out on the terrace.'

They went out there, with Erin letting out a shaky breath. The tension in the air was almost unbearable.

Ajax's father was tall and handsome. Dark eyes. He showed no great interest in Erin or Ashling.

Erin felt Ashling starting to squirm and took the opportunity to excuse herself, fearing a meltdown.

Ajax led them away. As one of the staff showed them up to their rooms he said, ‘Well? What do you think?'

Erin had to say, honestly, ‘They're pretty much as you described them.'

Except she couldn't forget that little flicker of something on Andromeda's face when she'd almost mentioned Theo. Surely the woman had some humanity in her somewhere?

Erin was shown into a vast bedroom with an en suite bathroom and dressing room. It also led into a room that had been decorated as a pretty nursery.

‘Did your parents do this especially?'

Ajax said from behind her, ‘No, this was Theo's room.'

She turned around, immediately concerned. ‘Is this all right?'

But to her surprise, Ajax looked...okay. Sad, but okay. Erin's heart clenched.

He said, ‘I haven't actually been back here since he died. All his things are gone—they did that at least.'

‘Ashling can stay in the main room with me. We don't have to use this.'

Ajax shook his head. ‘No, it's fine. It's good that it'll be used again.'

He knocked on yet another door and Damia opened it after a few seconds, revealing that she too was just next door.

Ashling clapped her hands and Damia reached for her, saying, ‘I'll change her and put her down for a nap.'

‘Are you sure?' asked Erin.

Damia nodded. ‘Absolutely. That's why I'm here, remember?'

Erin smiled wryly. She still wasn't completely used to having assistance on tap. ‘Okay, thanks. But shout if you need me.'

Ajax said, ‘I'll show you around and then we'll get a coffee.'

As Erin followed Ajax around the impressive property she had an appreciation of just how vast the Nikolau wealth was. He wore it lightly, so it was easy to forget just how rarefied his world was.

There were numerous gardeners tending to gardens as far as the eye could see. There were several guesthouses. A private stairway led down to a private beach and a jetty where a small yacht was moored.

They stood on the bluff above, with spectacular views out over the sea. The horizon was dotted with other islands.

‘Most of the family have their own villas on the island. We'll be hosting some relations and close family friends in the guesthouses, but you probably won't even notice them.'

Erin wrinkled her nose. ‘Your family have friends?'

Ajax chuckled. ‘In their own dysfunctional way, yes.'

Erin felt warmth spreading through her. It was so easy to be with Ajax like this. Even in the midst of such grandeur and obvious tension. Too easy. Too seductive. She wanted to slip her hand into his and curl closer. Touch him. Use their desire to try and negate his family's chilliness.

But that wasn't her role. And she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of giving in.

She took a step back. ‘Where is the event taking place this evening?'

Ajax looked at her. ‘At a rented villa.'

‘This one wasn't up to scratch?' Erin quipped.

Ajax shook his head, the corner of his mouth lifting slightly. It made Erin's heart thump. She'd once wondered what it would be like to see this man smile or laugh.

He said, ‘Oh, no, this isn't sufficient at all for showcasing the Nikolau dominance.'

Erin loved it that he was able to see his family for what they were. And on that note she took another step back. The word love was creeping into her head far too frequently for her liking. It was as if now that she'd given herself permission to desire more for herself, a floodgate had opened. It was just dangerous to conflate love and Ajax together.

‘I think I'll go and get a bite to eat and then give Damia a couple of hours off. She'll be babysitting tonight.'

‘I'll come for you when we're leaving...around five.'

Erin nodded. ‘I'll be ready.'

Or as ready as she could be. Meeting Ajax's parents hadn't done much to quell her nerves.