CHAPTER TWO

CHAPTER TWO

Q UIN STILL COULDN ’ T believe that Sadie was standing before him. And uttering his son’s name out loud. It was blasphemy, coming from her. The woman who had walked out on her days-old baby. Their son. No. His son. She’d given up her rights to be his mother the day she’d turned her back on him with such callous disregard.

He of all people should have realised it might happen. After all it had happened to him. In his world mothers wreaked nothing but havoc.

The need to protect his son from this woman and whatever she wanted was overwhelming. He said, ‘How dare you even mention his name? You have no right.’

She went even paler in the dim light. Eyes wide. The colour of the ocean. He’d used to drown in her eyes. He’d fought it for a long time when they’d first met, having never really trusted anyone after his mother had walked out on him at such a young age. But day by day he’d fallen deeper and deeper under this woman’s spell, until one day he’d woken up and realised that he’d die for her. She had become his world.

That was when she’d told him she was pregnant, looking as shocked as he’d felt. But then there had been an overwhelming surge of joy and hope. He was being given a chance to do things differently...to change the script. He’d naively looked forward to witnessing a mother who loved her child enough to stay. He’d relished the opportunity to show his child love and support. Not the indifference he’d experienced from his father.

Quin had grown up with unbelievable privilege—anything money could buy, but nothing of real value. He’d learnt about that value by carving out his own path, and the thought of being able to pass that on to his child had been incredibly cathartic.

Sadie had been so happy—they’d both been so happy. Talking long into the night about all the dreams they had for their child. And each other. They’d been married in a simple ceremony on the beach, when Sadie was seven months pregnant...

‘I have every right, Quin. I’m his mother.’

Sadie’s voice pulled Quin back from the far too vivid past. He forced himself to be rational when he felt anything but. In spite of her heinous actions four years ago, he knew that as his son’s biological mother, she did have rights. Although he couldn’t imagine a court in the land regarding her favourably when she’d walked out of their lives, days after their son was born, without a backward glance.

‘What is it you want, Sadie?’

‘I want to see my son. I want to be a mother to my son.’

Anger bubbled. ‘You’ve had four years to be a mother to your son. Why now?’

Something occurred to him then, and it made his guts curdle with disgust. At one time he’d believed he’d known this woman as well as himself, but he’d been utterly naive.

She was opening her mouth, but he uncrossed his arms and held up a hand. ‘No need to say a thing. Your timing says it all.’

‘My timing?’

She looked genuinely nonplussed. Quin might have laughed if he’d felt remotely like it. Her acting skills really were superb. Another thing he’d never given her credit for, because he’d trusted her.

‘You expect me to believe it’s a coincidence that you appear back in my life on the day that I float my company on the stock market and it makes millions?’

Well, actually billions, but Quin wasn’t going to be pedantic.

She shook her head, ‘No, that’s not it at all.’ She blushed. ‘I’d been following you in the news, to try and figure out the best way to contact you, and I read about your success...but I’m not interested in that side of it. I mean...’ She stopped and then said huskily, ‘I am interested in the fact that you’ve achieved everything you’d set out to achieve when I first met you. It’s amazing, Quin, you must be so proud.’

His chest squeezed at the way she said his name like that, catching him unawares. He’d confided in this woman...all his hopes and dreams. Ambitions. He’d opened up to her in a way he’d never done with anyone else—not even his older brother—helplessly seduced by her open and loving nature, never thinking for a second that she would be the one to rip his world apart.

More fool him. At one time he’d imagined sharing this moment with her, but now the triumph felt somehow...tainted. As if trusting her with those nascent dreams was now invalidating everything.

The past was all around him, closing in, whispering in his ear and sending a kaleidoscope of incendiary images into his brain. He forced ice into his blood, but the throb of awareness was almost impossible to quench. It always had been. From the moment he’d laid eyes on this woman he’d wanted her with a primal need that he’d never felt before. He needed to push her back.

‘You say you’re only here to see your son? In that case I’ll give you my solicitor’s details and you can contact me through the appropriate legal channels.’

Sadie could feel her blood drain south, and for a second she felt dizzy. She must have swayed slightly or something, because Quin said, ‘Are you okay?’

But he didn’t sound concerned—he sounded irritated. Sadie nodded. She wasn’t going to wilt at his feet like some sort of waif. Even if it had been hours since she’d eaten; she’d been too nervous. And she hadn’t slept much since she’d arrived in New York from England the day before.

‘I’m fine.’ She needed to be strong, to appeal to Quin. ‘Look, I don’t have the kind of funds required to hire a solicitor to enter into legal proceedings to gain access to my son. I just want to see my son and spend some time with him.’

Quin shot back without hesitation, ‘And then what? Disappear again without a trace? One advantage of leaving when you did the last time was that he was only a few days old. He’s four now, and he has a mind like a steel trap. He notices everything and everyone.’

Emotion bubbled up at how he described Sol, stinging Sadie’s eyes before she could stop it. Her knowledge of her son had been confined to very grainy paparazzi photos of Quin and Sol taken over the years, compounding her pain and loneliness at having left them.

When it had become apparent that Quintano Holt, son of legendary billionaire and industry titan Robert Holt, was a single father, the social columns had gone into a frenzy, speculating about where Quin had been for the past few years and how he’d become a single father.

Sadie hadn’t known about Quin’s own father—or, apparently, according to the gossip sites, the man who was not his biological father. She hadn’t known that he had an older brother, or that he’d come from an incredibly privileged background, born into one of America’s founding families.

Quin had never spoken much about his life before he’d met Sadie during the year they’d been together, only telling her that he wasn’t close to his family. She’d sensed his reticence to talk about it and so she hadn’t pushed. After all, she’d only known the full extent of her own past for a couple of days when she’d first met him...

But now was not the time to get into all of that. They had bigger issues. She forced the emotion down and said, ‘I’m not going anywhere. Not again. I’m here to stay. I’m here to be a mother to Sol.’

Even though the thought terrified her. She’d been his mother for mere days before she’d known she had no choice but to leave, for Quin and Sol’s safety.

Quin made a snorting sound. ‘Based on previous behaviour, I’d say there are two chances of you sticking around: slim and none.’

Sadie needed to try and convince him somehow, and the only thing she could convince him with was the truth—but she could already imagine Quin laughing his head off. Disbelieving her. Even though it would be easy to prove.

She pleaded, ‘Give me a chance to explain why I left, Quin—please. If you’d just—’

But he held up his hand and stopped her words. She watched him take a small phone out of an inner jacket pocket and press a button, then hold it up to his ear. He turned away slightly, and even that attempt to hide himself from her was wounding. When they’d been together he’d never hidden from her.

Except that wasn’t true. Quin Holt had hidden a huge amount from her—not least his significant family history. In the year that she’d known him she’d assumed that he was little more than a surfer boy and a tech nerd, travelling and working remotely because he had no ties, or none that he cared much about.

Not that Sadie could claim any moral high ground after what she’d done and what she’d hidden about herself. But right now she needed to gain his trust, not alienate him.

She realised he was talking Portuguese, specifically Brazilian Portuguese. He sounded a lot more fluent than he’d been when they’d been living in a small surfing beach town to the east of Sao Paulo in Brazil. Evidently they’d both had their reasons for being in such a place, where one could get lost. Except she’d forgotten her reasons for being there thanks to a head injury sustained while surfing, just two days after she’d first laid eyes on him. He’d been the one who had pulled her out of the water and who had saved her life.

For almost the entire year she’d been with Quin, in a whirlwind, passionate and life-changing relationship, she hadn’t remembered a thing about who she really was. She’d felt incredibly vulnerable after the accident, but he’d won her trust by taking care of her and expecting nothing in return. And then, over the days and weeks that had followed, their building attraction had finally become too powerful to ignore and they’d become lovers, inseparable.

Somehow, the fact that she couldn’t remember who she was, or anything of her past, had almost faded into the background. They’d been so caught up in each other, in a dreamlike bubble. It had been easy to forget that Quin must have had a past too. He’d become her anchor. And the love of her life.

She’d only regained her memory after the birth of Sol. And that had led to her fateful exodus—the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her life. And the most painful.

Quin had terminated his phone conversation now and was looking at her. Sadie tried again, ‘Please, Quin—’

But he cut her off. ‘I don’t have time now to hear whatever story you’ve concocted to explain how you could have walked away from your own baby without a backward glance. I’m returning to Brazil.’

She hadn’t walked away without a backward glance. Far from it. Every day since then had been an absolute torture. The only thing that had got her through those endless days had been the knowledge that she’d done what she’d done to keep Quin and Sol safe at all costs. And the cost had been huge. But worth it. Even now, in the face of Quin’s hostility and anger. Even if he never forgave her.

The need to defend herself mixed with panic at the thought that Quin was going to just walk away. She focused on what he’d said.

‘Brazil? What’s in Brazil?’

‘I live in Sao Paulo with Sol.’

Sadie’s heart clenched. That was where he’d been born.

‘Sol is there now?’

She wanted to ask him how he could leave their son behind, thousands of miles away, but she bit her lip. She didn’t really have that right.

‘Yes, he’s there. With his very much adored and capable nanny, who has been with us since you left.’

Another poison dart to Sadie’s heart.

Quin continued, ‘I haven’t even been gone twenty-four hours. I was planning on staying in Manhattan overnight and returning in the morning, but I’ve decided to leave now.’

Sadie deflated. There was no way she could afford to travel to Sao Paulo and follow Quin. It had taken all her paltry finances to come to New York at short notice when she’d read that he would be here for the stock market flotation.

‘Quin, I—’

‘Look. I’m going to give you one chance.’ His jaw was tight. ‘Not that you deserve it. But, as much as I hate to admit it, you do have some rights, and when this comes to court—as it inevitably will—I don’t want you to have any reason to lay accusations at my door that I didn’t give you an opportunity to see my son. I won’t take any risks when it comes to Sol and ensuring I remain his primary custodial parent, so if that means allowing you some initial access then I’ll do it.’

Sadie surmised that the brief phone conversation must have been with his legal team. They would have advised him to tread carefully. She didn’t much care, because all she felt was huge relief. ‘I... That’s amazing, thank you.’

But then she remembered her limitations, and her insides plummeted again. ‘It’s not that I wouldn’t jump at the opportunity right now, but the truth is that I can’t afford to go to Brazil at such short notice...’

She heard herself and winced. She sounded as if she was making excuses. No doubt Quin would jump on this to cast her off.

She waited for him to smirk and tell her, Tough .

But he didn’t smirk. He just looked at her with unnerving intensity. Then he said, ‘I will have to take your word for it when it comes to your means—after all who knows what you’ve been up to for the last four years? Are you married? Do you have more children?’

Sadie felt a bubble of hysteria rise up at the notion. She pushed it down and shook her head. ‘No, nothing like that. Of course not.’ She thought of something and asked, ‘Do you? Have a partner?’

She hadn’t seen pictures of him with anyone, but then he’d never been showy...

His mouth tightened, but he said eventually, ‘Not that it’s any of your business, but no, I’m not with anyone right now.’

But he had been? That was what he was implying. Sadie’s insides twisted with something dark. Jealousy. A jealousy she had no right to feel. And yet she heard herself say, ‘We are still married.’

Quin let out a curt laugh. ‘Hardly. That beach wedding was ceremonial only. We never signed anything.’

Sadie flushed. Of course. They’d been due to have a proper, legal ceremony after Sol’s birth...but then her world had been turned upside down with the return of her memory.

‘Of course... I know that,’ she said now, feeling gauche and naive.

She’d always believed that beautiful ceremony on the beach had been more binding than anything in a church or a register office. Clearly he hadn’t. But at the time it had felt so real. The way he’d looked at her...as if she was the only thing in the world.

She hid her hands behind her back and removed the ring he’d proposed to her with—an emerald and sapphire ring that had become her single most treasured item, along with a picture she’d taken of Quin holding newborn Sol before she’d left. The thought of Quin seeing her still wearing the ring now made her skin go clammy with panic. As did the thought of him seeing the short unvarnished nails and careworn skin of her hands. They were evidence of her constant moving around and the only work that had been available to her, which had inevitably been menial and backbreaking.

‘I can explain what I’ve been doing, if you’ll let me.’

Except what if she told him and he thought it was so outlandish and unbelievable that he cast her out of his and Sol’s lives for good? Her mind raced, thinking of that scenario—by the time she’d worked to make enough money to try and see Sol again he’d be a teenager.

She realised that she couldn’t explain here, like this, with them facing each other like bitter adversaries. She blurted out, before Quin could answer, ‘Actually, maybe now isn’t such a good time.’

He arched a brow. ‘You need more time to come up with the right story?’

Sadie swallowed. ‘It’s not like that...it’s just a lot to explain...’

He glanced at his watch. ‘I don’t have time for this. I’ve instructed my plane to be ready to leave within the hour. You can come with me.’

Sadie stopped breathing for a second. He was going to take her with him? She was afraid she’d misheard him.

But then he asked impatiently, ‘Where are you staying?’

Sadie quickly gave the address of the travellers’ hostel near Central Station, afraid he might change his mind. Quin’s eyes widened marginally at the mention of the hostel, and now that she knew of his background she could well imagine why.

He said briskly, ‘I’ll have someone go and pick up your things. They can meet us at the plane.’

Sadie thought of the mess she’d left behind as she’d hurriedly changed into this dress, which she’d bought in a discount store earlier that day. ‘Is that really necessary? I can rush back now and pack...’

But he shook his head, already taking out his phone again, giving instructions.

This new businesslike version of Quin was a revelation to her. When she’d known him he’d been the quintessential surfer traveller. He’d also been a tech nerd, spending hours a day on his laptop, not issuing instructions like this.

But then that memory returned of when they’d gone to the hospital in Sao Paulo, for her to have Sol. For the first time she’d seen Quin in authoritative mode, and the way the doctors and nurses had meekly acquiesced to his instructions, as if sensing his innate authority. No wonder. He’d been oozing generations of privilege and entitlement.

She hadn’t taken too much notice at the time, because she’d been in the middle of intense labour pains, but now it clicked into place like a missing jigsaw piece. As did the fact that he’d managed to get her into a private birthing suite at the hospital. At the time she’d wondered only vaguely how they could afford it...

She felt naive now. For not questioning him about his past more. For trusting him so blindly.

He handed her the phone. ‘Tell Martha what she needs to know to pack your things.’

Sadie took the phone and turned away from Quin, not wanting him to hear her apologising for the state of the room before telling the perfectly polite woman on the other end where her things were. She’d always been messy, in contrast to Quin’s almost fanatical tidiness.

She turned around again and handed back the phone. ‘Thank you. I really appreciate you taking me with you.’

‘I’m not doing it for your benefit, believe me. My driver is waiting.’

Quin put out a hand for Sadie to precede him out of the area leading into the party. She noted that he was careful not to touch her. She was grateful, even as she ached for his touch. She didn’t need him seeing how attuned to him she still was after all this time.

In the back of the chauffeur-driven car, the air between them was frigid. Quin looked out of the opposite window, brooding. He must be irritated that she’d disrupted his evening. Sadie sat still, afraid that if she moved even an inch Quin would change his mind and throw her out onto the road.

But the car sped on, through the streets and off the island of Manhattan to a private airfield, where a woman in a smart trouser suit was waiting with Sadie’s small wheelie case, which she’d been dragging around with her for years now. At that moment Sadie wanted to throw it into the nearest bin, she was so heartily sick of it and its reminders of what she’d endured.

But it would have one last journey to make—because she wasn’t leaving her son’s side ever again, no matter how she did it. Even if she had to camp outside Quin’s home.

And at least she didn’t have to worry about how to get there.

The fact that they were stepping onto a sleek black private jet was almost negligible to Sadie, she was so eager to get to her son. But once on board she couldn’t help but notice the plush opulence. The softest carpet, and cream leather seats with gold trim. Quin was walking down the plane to some seats near the back. Not sure what to do, Sadie just followed him.

He sat down and looked at her. He waved a hand towards the other seats. ‘Make yourself comfortable. It’s a long flight—between nine and ten hours. We’ll arrive in the morning. Sao Paulo is an hour ahead of our current time.’

Sadie became very aware of her dress. She gestured to herself. ‘I’ll change, then, into something more practical.’

Quin gestured behind him to a door. ‘The bedroom and bathroom are in there. Be my guest.’

Sadie had disappeared into the bedroom with the small case that seemed to be her only possession. Quin was so tense he wondered if he hadn’t burst a few blood vessels. Her scent lingered in the air, taunting him. He cursed and forced himself to relax as the crew prepared for take-off.

He still couldn’t quite believe that she had appeared in front of him within the last hour, as if conjured out of his imagination. But the response in his body was an unwelcome reminder that she was all too real. His blood was still hot. Sizzling. His muscles were aching from the control it had taken for him not to reach out and touch her... See if she was real. See if her skin still felt as soft. Her hair as silky.

He’d been aware of every minute move she’d made in the back of the car, barely breathing in case her scent went too deep inside him.

He wondered if he was crazy to be bringing her with him. But his legal counsel, whom he’d spoken to on the phone, had told him to find out what she wanted. They’d advised telling her to contact them through the proper channels. They hadn’t said to keep her close at all costs. That was his own decision. An instinct to keep an eye on her... In case she disappeared again?

No, he told himself. It was a practical move to make sure he knew what she was up to. If she was with him, she couldn’t take him by surprise again.

He scowled at himself. She’d disappeared once before, and he had no doubt she would do it again. He just had to figure out what it was she was after. Because she might deny that timing had anything to do with it, but it was almost laughable that she’d chosen this exact moment to reappear.

He’d been independently wealthy for the last few years, once his startup had gained attention and traction, but the stock market flotation had put it and him onto another level. She’d obviously been biding her time. She’d known based on what he’d told her back then that this might happen one day. She was the one who had first encouraged him and told him it was a great idea.

Maybe—the thought occurred to him—she was going to try and claim some kind of ownership of the company? Make a case for him owing her something of the profits?

At that moment the door opened behind him and he tensed all over again as her scent preceded her. She walked past him and he noticed that she’d replaced the dress with faded jeans and soft pink short-sleeved top. She’d pulled her hair back into a messy knot. But he couldn’t look away from where the material of her jeans lovingly cupped her heart-shaped backside. As pert and plump as he remembered. Small waist. Narrow torso. Firm breasts.

One of his last memories of her was when she’d been breastfeeding Sol in their bed, after they’d returned to Sao Sebastiao on the coast. She’d been pale. Distracted. He’d put it down to the stress of trying to get the baby to feed properly. He’d been fractious. As if he’d sensed that something was wrong... But how could he have known that his mother would walk out and leave him just a couple of days later?

Clearly she’d known something then too... After Sol was born she’d changed, become withdrawn, hadn’t been able to meet his eye. Again, he’d assumed it was just to be expected after something as monumental as giving birth.

She turned around now, and Quin forced his gaze up and tried not to let those huge green-blue eyes unsettle him. Except he had to concede that every time his son looked at him with those exact same eyes he was reminded of his errant mother.

No wonder Quin hadn’t felt remotely like pursuing another woman in the meantime. Sadie had been like a resident ghost. But she wasn’t a ghost any more.

She said, ‘I...ah...just wanted to say thank you...again.’

From behind her, Quin saw one of the staff send him a signal and he welcomed it. He said, ‘We’re about to take off. You should take a seat and buckle in.’

‘Of course, yes.’

She looked around and chose a seat that put her facing away from Quin. That made him feel irritable—and then that made him feel even more irritable.

He buckled his own belt and focused on the plane taxiing and taking off into the night sky over New York—and not on the woman who was sitting just feet away. The same woman who had built him up only to tear him down and remind him that he’d been an utter idiot to believe in love or that trust could ever exist.

There were only two things he trusted in this world now: himself and his son. The sooner he knew what Sadie Ryan was up to, the sooner he could put her at a safe distance again.