CHAPTER TEN

CHAPTER TEN

Q UIN LOOKED AT S ADIE . Her eyes shone with emotion and a plea. For him to trust her. To believe her. But a weight was lodged in his chest. He had accepted that she was telling the truth about the past, but he knew that he still couldn’t fully trust that one day she wouldn’t just leave again.

The trauma of her disappearance, compounded by the fact that his mother had done it too, was just too huge to forget—even if their motivations had been very different.

He felt exposed. He hadn’t ever fully admitted to himself that he’d blamed himself on some level for Sadie’s disappearance. As if he’d brought it on himself, as a kind of punishment for believing himself worthy of love. Worthy of a normal life. Worthy of not being abandoned.

And she was looking at him now as if she could read every exposing thought in his head. Thoughts that led directly to the weight in his chest, making it feel heavier and tighter.

He said abruptly, ‘We should go back inside. I need to give my speech.’ And then, even though every instinct in him warned him to push Sadie back, he found himself reaching for her hand and keeping her close by his side and it had nothing to do with projecting a united front for the sake of appearances...

For the rest of the evening Sadie’s head reeled with the revelation of Quin’s mother’s actions. He didn’t seem remotely inclined to forgive her, and Sadie could understand why, but she knew better than anyone that things weren’t always what they seemed.

Quin had given a passionate and articulate speech about the need for everyone to have access to tech education. Sadie couldn’t help feeling proud of his work to extend a hand to those who hadn’t had his advantages.

After they’d dined and listened to other speeches from the charity directors, who had then auctioned off various lots, they’d been asked to move into the ballroom, where a band were playing soft jazz. Now people were starting to dance. The lights were dim, candles flickering, sending out a golden glow that made everyone look even more beautiful. Women’s dresses shimmered, jewels blinging. Sadie had never witnessed such a glamorous scene.

‘Shall we?’

Sadie looked down and saw Quin’s hand extended towards her. Her insides plummeted.

She looked at him. ‘I can’t dance, Quin.’

He took her hand. ‘There’s nothing to it. Just follow my lead.’

She tried to resist but he was an unstoppable force, and before she knew it they were on the dance floor and he was swinging her into his chest, one arm firm behind her back, fingers splayed across her bare skin. It was enough to distract her from the fact that they were moving—largely propelled by him.

She was pressed against him, and all she could feel was the whipcord strength in his body. She wanted to close her eyes and revel in this moment, but what he’d told her kept whirling in her head, making her chest ache.

She looked up. ‘Quin—’

He took her hand in his and put a finger to her mouth. ‘Is this about what we spoke of earlier?’

She nodded.

He said, ‘I don’t want to talk of the past any more. What I’m interested in is the present moment.’

Sadie’s heart skipped a beat. He took his hand away. He arched a brow in question.

Sadie half shrugged, half nodded. ‘Okay. The present.’

Maybe he was finally ready to move on with a view to the future?

But then he tugged her even closer, and Sadie’s cheeks flamed when she felt the burgeoning press of his very present arousal.

Their gazes locked. Sadie couldn’t have looked away even if she’d wanted to. She felt utterly exposed, bared in her desire for him, but he was equally exposed.

He said, ‘I want you, Sadie.’

There was nothing she could do except say, ‘I want you too.’

‘Clearly we have unfinished business.’

‘We have a child—that’s the definition of unfinished business,’ Sadie observed, even as her heart thumped.

What did Quin mean? Was he saying that—?

‘I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about this .’

Quin’s head lowered to hers, and there on the dance floor he kissed her—a long, slow, drugging kiss that left Sadie’s head spinning when he finally drew back.

Yes , resounded in Sadie’s head. He was saying he wanted her and he wasn’t going to fight it.

Reluctantly she opened her eyes and all she could see was the heated intent in Quin’s expression, his face stark.

He said, ‘Let’s get out of here?’

Sadie nodded, even though she wasn’t sure if her legs would function properly. But somehow they did.

Quin didn’t even stop to speak to anyone. He had a tight hold on Sadie’s hand and all she could do was try to keep up with his long-legged pace. She lifted the folds of the dress in one hand as they went down the steps to where Quin’s driver was waiting, holding the car door open.

The journey back to the hotel was swift. Quin didn’t let go of her hand all the way up to the suite, and the air vibrated between them with an electrical charge.

Once inside the vast empty suite, Sadie took her hand from Quin’s. He was undoing his bow tie fully and pulling it off. He looked a little wild, and every cell in Sadie’s body clamoured for her to throw herself at this man right now.

She forced herself to say, ‘Are you sure this is a good idea?’

She couldn’t bear it if Quin went cold with her again after making love, as if he was punishing himself, and her, for being weak.

He came towards her, all dark, heated intensity. ‘Like I said, we have unfinished business. We can’t move forward until we’ve got this desire out of our systems.’

Something inside Sadie cracked a little at the hint of desperation she heard in his voice. Her heart. He believed this was finite—or at the very least he obviously hoped it was finite. And maybe it would be for him. But not for her. She knew that.

But she also knew she didn’t have the strength to resist Quin. Not when he was looking at her as if she was the only thing in the world right now. And not when she craved his touch so badly. For four years she’d been in the desert, living a physically and emotionally barren existence. She needed him now. He and Sol were bringing her back to life, restoring her faith in humanity and her sense of home. Because no matter what happened with Quin, Sol would always be her home.

But some small, self-preserving part of her made her ask, ‘What if we can’t get it out of our systems?’

‘I believe we will. It’s just lust. Chemistry.’

There it was: the confirmation that Quin didn’t want anything more. Didn’t expect anything more.

She felt like pointing out that four years and his hatred for her hadn’t killed their chemistry. But she didn’t say that. She gave in. Succumbed.

‘I want you, Quin. Make love to me.’

He came close and surprised her by taking her head in his hands and tipping it up. He looked at her for a long moment, as if learning her face, and Sadie’s heart was beating so fast she thought it had to be audible. She’d expected him to take her straight to the bedroom, but if he was going to be like this...he would kill her before they even got there.

‘Quin,’ she said weakly. ‘Kiss me, please.’

He took his time, until Sadie was quivering with need—so much that by the time his mouth covered hers a shudder of pure pleasure went through her whole body. She wound her arms around his neck, opening herself up to him, and his hands splayed across her bare back, hauling her closer.

Sadie wasn’t sure how long had passed by the time they’d pulled apart again. Her blood was on fire, her vision was blurry, and she was gasping for oxygen.

Quin lifted her against his chest and walked down the corridor to his bedroom. Low lamps sent out pools of light.

He put her down and Sadie had to lock her knees to stay standing. He stripped with an efficiency that she knew she didn’t possess right now and stood before her, tall and powerful. Proud. Virile. She drank him in greedily, stretching out a hand to touch him, tracing over his muscles and blunt nipples, making his breath harsher.

Then he was at her feet, and Sadie put her hands on his shoulders for balance as he removed her high heels, before running his hands up her legs under the dress until he got to her underwear. He tugged it down, and she stepped out of the flimsy lacy briefs.

But Quin didn’t get up. He looked up at her and pushed her dress up her legs. He caught one leg behind her knee, lifting it so that it draped over his shoulder. He kept her steady when she would have fallen at the explicit intent in his gaze.

He drew her to him with a firm hold on her waist and bottom. Then he found where she was so exposed—literally—and put his mouth to her, tasting her desire for him...the desire that beat between her legs, hot and urgent.

Sadie gasped when she felt his tongue against her, exploring, licking its way into her and finding that cluster of nerves that throbbed with exquisite pleasure. He reached up and tugged down one strap of the dress, so it fell, exposing her breast. He palmed her flesh, finding her nipple and trapping it between his fingers.

That was all it took to make Sadie fly so high that she couldn’t speak or breathe or think. She could only stand in Quin’s embrace as she shattered against his mouth.

Quin was drowning in Sadie’s scent and taste. He’d dreamed of this on long nights when he’d wake filled with frustration and a kind of pain he never wanted to experience again.

He stood and gathered Sadie into his arms, feeling a rush of emotion that he ruthlessly pushed down. Not emotion. Just sex.

He put her on the bed and looked at her. The dress was like a golden fountain around her body. Her hair was loose and wild. Mouth swollen from his kisses. Cheeks flushed. One breast was exposed, its nipple hard, making his mouth water all over again.

He would never get enough of this woman.

The assertion slid into his head before he could stop it or refute it. But he was too wound up to care right now.

He came down over Sadie, hiking the dress up over her waist, exposing her to his gaze. He pulled down the other strap to expose both breasts and lay beside her, using his hands and mouth to make her ready again, because he knew he wouldn’t last long.

She was panting, legs moving, her hands finding every piece of skin she could touch on his body, finding where he was so hard and wrapping her hand around him.

Quin reluctantly took his mouth from her plump flesh, where the hard tip of her nipple was an incitement never to stop feasting on her, but she was going to send him over the edge before he’d even found the bliss he was craving between her legs.

He moved over her and she took her hand off his flesh. With one smooth thrust he was seated inside her, all the way to the hilt, and it was an exquisite torture to exert all the control he had to move in and out and not explode on contact, to eke out the pleasure until their skin was slick with perspiration and Sadie’s nails were clawing his back like a hungry cat. But finally he gave in to the gathering storm, letting it wash them both away...

Sadie wasn’t sure how long they lay entwined, but she savoured every moment. Quin’s big powerful body was in hers, on hers, crushing her. It was a beautiful crush as their hearts finally returned to regular rhythms.

Quin seemed as loathe to break the embrace as she was, only moving after long minutes. Sadie winced a little, but it wasn’t from pain—it was from breaking the contact.

Quin lay on his back beside her. The silence was only punctuated by the sounds of sirens, distant and far below, and their breathing. Sadie turned her head to look at Quin and took in his noble profile. It made her think of something.

She pulled the sheet up to her chest and turned on her side. ‘Do you know who your real father is?’

Quin said nothing for a long time, and his eyes were closed, so Sadie assumed he must be asleep.

But then he said, ‘No. I’d have to ask my mother, and I have no intention of pursuing any contact with her. The rumour mill has it that he was either the pool boy or her personal trainer.’

Sadie’s heart clenched for him. She knew he wouldn’t want to hear it, but she said, ‘She had a lot of miscarriages...she might have been traumatised.’

Quin opened his eyes and turned his head to her. ‘Not so traumatised that she didn’t seek solace in the arms of another man. Under her husband’s nose.’ Quin let out a harsh laugh. ‘God knows, he was no saint either, and he pretty much abandoned us emotionally, but at least he didn’t actually leave.’

‘I’m just saying that perhaps things aren’t so black and white. Do you even know where she is?’

Quin shrugged. ‘Primo mentioned something a while back about her being in Italy with a new husband.’

‘Are you close to him?’

‘Probably closer than most brothers in our situation. It helped that I never had any desire to go into the family business. We never had to compete. I think he respects what I’ve achieved on my own.’

‘So is he in touch with your mother?’

‘No, but I think their paths have crossed at an event.’

‘It must have been so confusing and devastating when she left...’

‘Yes, it was.’

His meaning was clear: Sadie should know that because she’d done exactly the same thing. Except...she hadn’t.

Emotion made her voice thick. ‘If I’d known... I can’t believe that I re-enacted the worst thing that ever happened to you...and did it to Sol...’

Sadie half expected Quin to get up and leave, but he rolled towards her and put a finger over her lips. He said, ‘No more talk of the past. Like I said, all I’m interested in is the present.’

He covered her mouth with his, pulled the sheet down and lifted her bodily, so that she lay on top of him. Sadie weakly gave in to his desire to push the past back, but she knew that they’d never really move on unless Quin realised that it was still casting a toxic shadow over the present—and their future.

They stayed a few more days in San Francisco, while Quin was at his conference. Lena spent a lot of time with her daughter, so Sadie got to spend more time with Sol alone. They went to the zoo and to parks. And they went to the cinema on the third afternoon—the last day of Quin’s conference—to see a charming and heartwarming animated movie about dogs, which had Sol asking Sadie if she thought they might be able to get a dog.

She’d smiled wryly and told Sol that that question would have to go to his father.

Sol had sighed dramatically and said, ‘It was worth a shot.’

It was only when they were walking back out of the cinema that Sadie noticed the shaven-headed man in dark jeans and a utilitarian-type jacket who was hovering nearby. She’d noticed him earlier that day, and she had a sudden terrifying suspicion that he’d been at the zoo the previous day.

Sadie took Sol’s hand and tried not to let him see how panicked she was. She walked away from the cinema quickly and moved down a side street, then ducked into a bookshop.

‘Cool,’ said Sol, pulling away. ‘Can I look for a new comic?’

Sadie said yes, keeping an eye on Sol in the children’s section as she pulled out her phone with trembling hands. She dialled Quin’s mobile and he answered straight away.

‘Is everything okay?’

Sadie was trying to put her back against a bookshelf, so she could see outside the shop, and her insides liquefied with fear when she saw the same man standing at the corner, staring straight at her. He looked terrifying.

‘No, it’s not. We’re being followed by a man.’

Sadie’s head was spinning with the implications of this. The police had been wrong. There was someone still out to get her—and to get anyone—

‘Sadie! Sadie! ’

Quin’s voice broke through the panic but she could hardly get her words out because fear was strangling her. ‘Did you hear what I said? We’re being followed. The man is looking at me right now.’

‘Okay, I’m sending you a photo. Please look at it and tell me if it’s the man.’

Somehow Quin’s calm voice managed to bring Sadie back from the brink of full-blown panic. She took her phone down from her ear as a photo pinged onto her screen. A photo of the man she’d just been looking at.

She frowned and lifted the phone to her ear again. ‘Yes, that’s him. But how do you—?’

‘He’s Security, he’s been hired by me.’

‘I... Oh.’

Quin said, ‘Look, you don’t have to worry, okay? He’s meant to be there. I have to go now, but I’ll talk to you later.’

And then he was gone.

Sadie and Sol got back to the hotel a couple of hours later and she did her best to stay calm during his bedtime routine. He went out like a light, clearly happy and exhausted, but Sadie took little comfort in that.

By the time Quin arrived back to the suite she was keyed up and practically pacing the floor.

He came into the living area and stopped when he saw her. He frowned. ‘Is everything okay? Where’s Sol?’

Sadie stopped pacing and said tightly, ‘He’s fine. He’s in bed, asleep.’

‘So what’s wrong?’

Sadie looked at him and folded her arms over her chest, as if that might hide the sense of hurt and betrayal she’d felt since talking to him earlier.

‘I know you don’t trust me, but I didn’t think you would actually hire someone to make sure I don’t disappear again, this time with Sol.’

He looked at her as if she’d grown two heads. ‘What gave you that idea?’

Sadie unlocked her arms and flung out a hand. ‘The man who looks like he’s come straight out of Central Casting for Scary Guy. The kind of man I’ve had nightmares about for the last four years.’

Quin shook his head. ‘He’s a bodyguard—highly recommended by Claude, my friend who works in security.’

‘To protect Sol from...me? In case I try to take him?’

‘No!’ Quin slashed a hand through the air. ‘To protect you and Sol. Claude has assured me that you’re safe from any threat, but I didn’t want to take any chances—especially since we’ve now appeared in the press and your face is out there.’

Sadie sat down on a chair behind her, her legs giving way.

She felt like saying, You can say that again . She’d nearly passed out with shock when she’d seen her face staring back at her from the front page of a daily newspaper with the lurid headline: Quin Holt’s baby mama! Who is Sadie Ryan?

She looked at Quin, feeling a little chastened. ‘I’m sorry... When I saw him and realised he was following us, I got such a fright. Then, when you said he was Security, I just assumed...’ She trailed off. She’d assumed the worst. That Quin was protecting his son—from her.

‘No,’ Quin refuted. ‘ I’m sorry. I should have told you. I meant to earlier, but I...forgot.’

Sadie’s face grew hot as she thought of that morning, when Quin had stolen out of her bed as dawn was breaking, leaving her in a sated slumber. He hadn’t wanted to risk Sol waking and looking for him.

They hadn’t spent a night apart since making love after the charity function. Gravitating towards each other without saying a word. Making love with an intensity that left Sadie breathless and trembling but hungry for more.

It hadn’t been like this before. Back then there’d been a lazy indulgence to their lovemaking; they hadn’t known they were on borrowed time. But now it was as if they were up against a ticking clock that Sadie couldn’t see. The ticking clock of Quin’s desire for her.

‘Have you eaten?’ he asked.

Sadie shook her head. ‘No, but I made Sol a burger.’ She hadn’t had the appetite, too wound up after what had happened.

‘Come into the kitchen. I’ll make something.’

Sadie’s mouth fell open. ‘You? Make something?’ It had been a running joke between them that Quin couldn’t navigate his way around a kitchen.

He looked sheepish. ‘Yes, me. Let’s just say I’ve had to cultivate some rudimentary culinary skills since Sol was born.’

Sadie stood up and followed Quin into the small kitchen. She sat on a high stool and watched with interest as he took out some eggs and an array of other items, proceeding to chop and whisk with enviable skill for someone who four years ago hadn’t been able to boil an egg.

Sadie remarked, ‘I just assumed you’d had an indulgent mother.’

‘Not an indulgent mother—just an army of staff. I don’t think I ever stepped foot inside the kitchen in any of our houses.’

Curious, Sadie asked, ‘Has your father—?’ She broke off. ‘I keep referring to him as your father...what is your relationship with him now?’

She saw tension come into Quin’s body even as he said lightly, ‘As minimal as possible. It’s not as if he was ever a hands-on father anyway. He treated me and my brother more like staff, and his relationship with me was strained because even before it was confirmed he’d always suspected I wasn’t his.’

‘So he hasn’t met Sol, then?’

‘No interest.’

‘Poor Sol...no grandparents to speak of.’

Something hissed in the pan on the stove, breaking the moment, and Quin attended to it.

When he turned back, he shook his head. ‘You had no one.’

Hearing him acknowledge that fact, Sadie felt something deep inside her—a part of her that had always felt jagged—suddenly wasn’t so sharp. ‘Like I said, others had it much worse than me.’

‘You’re a survivor.’

Sadie blinked. No one had ever said that to her before.

She shook her head. ‘Really, I don’t think I am. I just dealt with the circumstances I found myself in.’

‘Your first instinct today was to protect Sol.’

‘Of course,’ she breathed. ‘He’s the most important thing.’

‘Yes, he is.’

They looked at each other for a long moment, and then Quin seemed to break out of a trance.

‘Let’s eat.’

He plated up a delicious fluffy omelette and some bread. He opened a bottle of white wine and they sat and ate and drank in a companionable silence that Sadie didn’t want to risk by opening her mouth again.

Quin was the first to speak when he’d cleared the plates. ‘Sol has a half-term break next week. After we’ve dropped Lena back to Sao Paulo, I was thinking of taking him to Sao Sebastiao for a few days.’

‘Sao Sebastiao...?’

Sadie wasn’t even aware she’d spoken out loud. It was the most cherished place to her, but also a place of heartbreak, because that was where she’d left Quin and Sol behind.

‘You still go there?’ she asked.

Quin nodded, suddenly looking a little guarded. He took a sip of wine and put the glass back down. Sadie felt a little confused. Surely after what had happened the place would have bad connotations for Quin? Or...

Her insides shrank as something else occurred to her.

Perhaps it was no hardship for Quin to return precisely because it didn’t hold any emotional pain for him. Because when she’d left he’d realised that he hadn’t really loved her at all? To Sadie’s mind, that suddenly seemed all too plausible.

‘You’re welcome to join us, of course,’ he said.

Sadie thought of going back to where she’d been so happy and where she’d been so heartbroken. Bittersweet... If it wasn’t a chance to spend more precious time with Sol she’d almost be tempted to decline, but of course she wouldn’t.

She couldn’t help feeling a sense of disquiet, though, that the place where they’d been so happy would ultimately make them again...or break them.

She forced a smile. ‘I’d love to come.’