Chapter 20

20

F iona

The day had been perfect. Elias had absolutely spoiled me. He put different places for me to shop in a hat, and I hoped I picked Atlanta or New York, because they had some of my favorite stores centralized in one location. I picked Atlanta, which was absolutely perfect. We flew on his company jet, and he let me shop until my heart was content.

After that, we checked in at the Four Seasons. He seemed a little distant, and I wanted him to know he could talk to me, but I also wanted to give him space. We got comfortable in the terrace suite, and when the call he’d been waiting for came through, he excused himself to answer in the bedroom. I told him he could meet me outside when he was done. Instead of going out right away, I listened to his call outside of the master bedroom.

“Y’all good?” He paused, allowing whoever was on the other end to speak. “Man, I’m fucked up.” Elias sighed. “I feel like I made a mistake, but I know I did the right thing.” Another pause. “With Mandy. I ended shit with her to really give Fiona my all. Don’t get me wrong, Fiona’s cool. She’s intelligent, beautiful, and cool as hell. Her ass can almost drink as much as me.”

He chuckled and I smiled. “I know I could be happy with her, but it’s just…something about Mandy. All this time, I didn’t think she actually wanted to be with me. I told myself even if she did, I wouldn’t give her another chance to hurt me. You know how I feel about that cheating shit.”

He paused again. “Things were just different. We were talking more and sharing things we hadn’t been. She seemed different too. She said she actually wanted to try and be in a real relationship now, but she just didn’t know how. That’s all I’ve been thinking about since I called things off. The conversations we used to have. How her parents used to talk to us. I get why she was the way she was, you know? Now I just feel like this was our chance to try for real, but I ended it because I felt like I had to move on.”

This time, the pause was lengthier. “I’ma give things with Fi a real chance. I’m just hurt.” Elias sighed. “You know I love that girl, and it took her all this fucking time to finally tell me she loved me. I shouldn’t even want her ass back, but I do. I’m here with Fi and can’t really focus on her because I’m thinking about Mandy. I don’t know what it’s going to take to get her out of my system. Maybe time. Either way, I gotta let that shit go. Whatever it could have been it won’t ever be, and we just gotta take that for what it is.”

Having heard enough, I made my way outside. I wasn’t sure how I felt. I could appreciate the predicament he was in. It was clear Elias loved Amanda, and it simply didn’t work out. Other than her cheating on him, I wasn’t sure what else was keeping them apart. Either way, it seemed the relationship had run its course, and he was tired of waiting. What bothered me was feeling like I was the woman he was settling with.

On the other hand, he said he actually liked me and just needed to shake her. Now I needed to decide if I wanted to wait for that to happen or cut my losses. All this time, it never crossed my mind that I’d have to choose if I wanted him. My main focus up until this point had been doing whatever I had to, to make sure he wanted me. Mommy would have my head if she knew that. If nothing else, she stressed that I was the prize. Going forward, I needed to act like it.

The Next Day

“You sure you’re good? You’ve been quiet as hell,” Elias said.

We were getting ready to leave, and as much as I’d been trying to go with the flow, I couldn’t get his conversation with whoever that was out of my head. I couldn’t talk to him about it because I was eavesdropping. I felt silly worrying about his ex after the way he’d spoiled me over the last two days. It was normal for him to still miss her, especially with their history. The more I told myself that, the better I felt.

“Just had some things on my mind, but I’m good.”

He chuckled as he grabbed the last of my bags. “I understand that. I hope this trip helped a little.”

“It did. I enjoyed having you to myself, and you spoiled me, so that’s always a plus.”

I gave him a quick kiss before we headed out of the suite. This was supposed to be the first time we had sex, but knowing what I knew, it didn’t feel right. It didn’t seem like he cared either because he didn’t make a move, and neither did I.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked as we stepped onto the elevator.

“Anything.”

“Do you really want to be with me? Or are you just entertaining me because of your relationship with my father?”

His head jerked back, and his face covered with confusion before he laughed. “If I didn’t want to be with you, I wouldn’t be. Have I not been showing you that?”

“You have. I just…wanted to ask. You seemed a little off.”

“Hmm…” Elias bobbed his head and gave me a warm smile. “My head and heart were heavy, but it had nothing to do with you. I always enjoy my time with you.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“People say that, but I’m not sure they mean that. If I told you what’s been bothering me, I can promise you it would change the way you view me.”

“Try me,” I challenged as the elevator opened.

As we walked out of the lobby, he thought it over. It wasn’t until we got into the house car and headed for the airport that he spoke.

“I miss my baby mama,” he admitted. “I miss a version of us that I never had. I know in my mind I made the right choice, ending things with her to try and have a healthy relationship with someone new, but that doesn’t stop my heart from hurting.” Elias turned slightly to face me. “Can I still talk to you about anything?”

With a chuckle, I took his hand into mine. “Yeah, you can. This isn’t me being desperate or a pick me…This is me wanting to make sure you know you don’t have to hide anything from me. I get where you’re coming from, and I understand how you feel. Actually, I can’t, because I’ve never had that kind of bond with someone. But I do understand how hard it is to break that kind of bond, I guess I should say. My question is, do you really want to be with me, or are you using me to get over her?”

“I do want to be with you. I feel like we have potential. I don’t want me telling you this to make you doubt that. It’s going to take me some time, I guess, to move on. If you want to slow things down until I’m over her, I’m cool with that. I wasn’t expecting to feel this way when I called things off, because it was just sex.”

That made me chuckle. “Still with that lie?”

“What makes you think it’s a lie?”

“If it was just sex, you wouldn’t be feeling the way you are. Maybe you thought it was just sex and that it would be easy to call it off…but you were in some kind of relationship with her, whether y’all had a title or not. You just ended that and immediately put your focus on me. I’m not sure if that will help or hinder you moving on. When you figure it out, promise to let me know.”

“I will, fa sho. If I feel like I can’t show up for you fully because of this, I’ll let you know. I think I’ll be okay though. It’s still fresh. And you’re right, we may not have had a title, but feelings were involved. Feelings I need to release.”

Silence found us for the rest of the ride, and I was okay with that. I knew I could keep his mind off her if I put forth the effort, but if he wanted to be with her, it wouldn’t matter.