Chapter 18

18

E lias

I didn’t know how this conversation was going to go with Amanda, so I was glad we were going to do it in the neutral location of her studio. In the center of the floor, she had several pieces of paper scattered as she scribbled in a journal. I knocked on the door, and when she looked up at me, she smiled. My curiosity had been piqued about what she had going on for a while now. She still hadn’t given me any details about her mysterious trip to Memphis, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. Amanda had always been the guarded type. However, she’d share what she felt comfortable sharing when the time came.

As she made her way to the door, her hips swayed, and I had to look away. Me being with a woman wouldn’t suddenly cut off my attraction to her, but I wouldn’t be able to act on it anymore.

“Hey.” She greeted me, and the sight of her genuine smile made my heart squeeze.

“Hey. You busy?”

“Not really. What’s going on?”

“Can we talk?”

“Oh God.”

I laughed at her dramatics as we stepped further into the space. “Really, Mandy?”

“There’s nothing good that comes after that question. Just lay it on me.”

As I shoved my hands into the pockets of my sweats, I took a moment to consider how I wanted to start.

“You know how I feel about you. You know I care about you and shit.”

Her eyes rolled as she shifted her weight to one side and crossed her arms over her chest. “Just spit it out, Elias.”

“I’m ready to take things to the next level with Fiona, so me and you…we have to stop having sex. Well, we kind of already have, but it’s time to make that official.”

She stared at me for a few seconds before releasing a quiet, quick laugh. “Is this because I haven’t been as present as usual?”

“Not at all.” I tried to grip her hands, but she took a step back.

“Because you were literally just saying you weren’t ready for things to end and making me promise not to let you go. Even after I tried to end things because I knew this was going to happen.”

“Mandy—”

“You kept me hooked and got me out of that mentality that was ready to let you go, and now you spring this on me.”

“That wasn’t my intention, bae. I didn’t expect to start liking her this fast, this soon. You told me to do this the right way, and that’s what I’m trying to do.”

She scoffed with a shake of her head. “Wow.”

“Look, I’m really not trying to hurt you. The truth is, you deserve better than what we’ve been doing. You know that. That’s why you said you were ready for something real. I’ve found that, and I want you to find it too.”

“Yeah, because it’s always about your timing and what you want to do. When I said this same shit, you said no. Now all of a sudden because you like her, you’re letting me go.”

“That was always the plan, Amanda. What’s really the problem?”

She squeezed the bridge of her nose. “The problem is that I was never going to be good enough for you. All I’ve ever been is pussy, regardless of how you say that’s not true. Now, I’m not even good enough to be that.”

My head flung back as I ran my hands down my face. This was not how I expected this shit to go at all. We’d been planning for this moment for a while, so I was genuinely confused.

“Amanda,” I called calmly, voice shaking as I fought to keep my anger in check. “I don’t know what’s going on right now, but you know I value you for more than your pussy. You knew I was trying to see what could happen with Fiona. I’m confused as to why you’re reacting this way. If it’s because I told you I wasn’t ready to let you go, I am so sorry. Maybe I should have ended things the night you said you wanted something real, but I didn’t want to. Is that how you’re feeling now? Is that what this is?”

With a chuckle, she walked over to the door and opened it. “It doesn’t matter. We’re done. Unless it concerns EJ, we don’t have to talk, and the sex is over.”

“Amanda…”

“You were never going to take a relationship with me seriously. My mama was right about you.”

“What?” I laughed as my anger rose. “This was never about me not taking you seriously. You didn’t take you seriously… or me. You cheated on me repeatedly and made it clear you didn’t want to be with me. And now all of a sudden, I’m supposed to just trust what you do and say?”

“I didn’t know how to be in a relationship with you!” she yelled. “Niggas weren’t trying to wife me! They wanted me on their arm and in their bed. I didn’t believe you!” When she sniffled and hung her head, it took everything in me not to just say fuck it… she was mine. “Congratulations, E. You finally found the one. You finally found a good girl that’s worthy of you. Someone you can be proud of and feel like a true partner to you. Now you don’t need me anymore. So get the fuck out.”

“Is this really how we’re about to end this?” Ignoring me, she looked out the door. “Wow.” My head shook as I walked over to her. “Whatever I did wrong, I’m sorry. I thought we could end things better than this. I hope you know I value you and love you. I’m just trying to do right by the both of you.”

“Just leave, E.” She gently pushed me out the door before locking it and scurrying away.

I wanted to break that ho down to get to her because it was clear she was in pain, but a part of me felt like that would make things worse. So as hard as it was, I walked away.