Chapter Thirty-Four

"You"re a lucky girl," my nurse, Amanda, says, smiling down at me while she changes out my IV bag. She"s not much older than I am, with dark hair and kind eyes. She"s a lot different than the elderly nurse who took care of me in LA.

I lift my gaze from my tired contemplation of the white wall and blink up at her, not sure what she"s talking about. I don"t feel particularly lucky. I feel like I"ve been to war and have the battle wounds to prove it. I"ve never been so tired in my entire life, but I can"t sleep.

"In addition to the officer outside your door, there are about twenty more in the waiting room for you," she says, reading the confusion on my face. "Someone cares about you a lot to have so many men with guns looking out for you."

"Oh."

There"s a question in her eyes, but she doesn"t ask it. I"m not sure I know how to answer it anyway. I highly doubt most of the cops out there are here for me.

They"re here because of Jose Guerrero.

For some reason, no one has been back here to ask me any questions about what happened though. I have a feeling that"s Roman"s doing. He"s the only one of the twenty I"m worried about, and it"s been hours since I last saw him.

"Are you sure you don"t want anything for pain?" Amanda asks when I grimace. "As the local anesthetic wears off, it"s going to get rough."

"No, thank you." My shoulder already hurts like hell, but I don"t want to take anything that might hurt the baby.

God, the baby.

Dr. Lina ran all sorts of tests, but he wasn"t able to tell me much more than the doctor in LA told me. It"s still too soon to make any promises. I think I hate those words. They make me feel completely helpless.

Tears burn at the backs of my eyes, but I don"t let them fall. Somehow, I"ve kept them at bay since Roman broke down in the ambulance, but I don"t know how much longer that"s going to last. Without Tahani here to distract me, I feel like I"m hanging on by a thread.

Why won"t they let Roman back here with me? Is he in trouble for killing Guerrero?

I shy away from the memory of Roman killing Guerrero, afraid that if I think too deeply, I"ll make myself sick worrying about what comes next. Roman did what he had to do…because I couldn"t resist telling Guerrero that he would never win. Because I couldn"t keep my mouth shut, he shot me, and then Roman had to shoot him.

That reminder makes me feel microscopic.

"You have a visitor," Amanda says.

My gaze flies to the door. As soon as I see Roman standing there, his hands in his pockets and his expression a mixture of worry, regret, and relief, the pressure in my chest loosens. A shudder runs through me.

Those damn tears well in my eyes.

He looks like he"s been through hell. His hair is a wild mess, with sand still clinging to it. His beautiful eyes are dark and shadowed. The cut under his right eye has been cleaned up and covered with two little butterfly bandages. The bruises on his jaw are dark purple and brutal to look at. Someone got him a shirt since I last saw him, but his jeans are still stained with blood and sand.

My heart rate climbs, and butterflies kick into flight in my stomach when he paces toward me. My small white room feels a hell of a lot smaller suddenly. He"s overwhelming and beautiful, and if he touches me, I"m going to fall apart.

"Hi," he whispers, lowering his big body into the chair Tahani pulled up beside the bed.

"Hi," I whisper back.

His probing gaze rolls over me, studying me like he always does. Those hazel eyes linger on the bandages over my shoulder and the smaller one around my arm from the fire. They linger again on the IV and the various wires hooking me up to different machines. When his eyes meet mine again, a cloud of guilt and shame passes through his gaze and he exhales a shaky breath.

"I"m okay," I reassure him, hating that look on his face. Even worse is the tortured groan that breaks from his lips as soon as I say the words.

A shudder runs through him, and he dips his head, hiding those eyes from me.

"Can you give us a minute?" I ask Amanda, not taking my eyes off Roman.

"Sure, hon." She shifts around and then, out of the corner of my eye, I see her leaving the room. The door closes behind her with a soft click.

"Roman," I whisper when he still doesn"t look up at me. The tears I"ve been fighting for the last several hours spill over. A whimper escapes me before I can fight it back.

He looks at me then, his head snapping up and his eyes locking on mine. The self-loathing in his expression has the tears falling faster down my face.

"Mila, baby," he groans, and then, somehow, I"m in his lap. He holds me close, his arms gentle around me.

I burrow my face into his throat and cry. His body shakes beneath mine, and I think he"s crying again too.

"I"m so sorry, Mila. I"m so fucking sorry, baby," he whispers, his voice raw with emotion.

"It"s my fault," I mumble into his skin, too ashamed to face him when he"s falling apart because of me. Because I couldn"t keep my mouth shut and walk away from Guerrero when we had the chance.

His body turns to steel beneath me. He shifts me around, moving carefully until his eyes meet mine. The fire there steals my breath.

"Don"t ever say that again," he growls. The pain and anger in his gaze holds me captive, making it hard to breathe through the lump they put in my throat. "Nothing was your fault. Not a fucking thing."

"I–" I snap my mouth closed, speechless at the pure iron seething in his tone. The same steals across his face, turning it into a thundercloud.

"It"s my fault you were out there," he says. "I never should have let him get near you. I never should have taken you to Los Angeles in the first place."

My heart drops, and my stomach sinks at his words. Does he regret being with me?

"W-what are you saying?" I whisper, suddenly terrified that he"s trying to talk his way out of my life.

"I"m a selfish bastard," he mutters, another wave of self-loathing rolling through his eyes. "I never should have touched you, but I couldn"t stop myself. I"ve been crazy for you for so fucking long, I had to have you. And once I had you, I couldn"t let you go. You"re like a drug, Mila. As soon as I had you the first time, I knew I"d fucking kill to keep you. But I never should have taken you. You deserve so much better than me."

"Roman–" I try to protest, but he"s not done talking.

"All I wanted was to keep you safe and to keep you all to myself. I swore my job wouldn"t touch you. I swore I"d protect you. And look at you." His eyes flicker across my face. A bitter laugh chokes him. "You"ve been hurt over and over because of me. That son of a bitch almost killed you twice. All you wanted—the only thing you"ve ever asked of me—was to let him live. I wanted to give you that, but I don"t regret killing the motherfucker, Mila. I wish I"d put a bullet in his head before you asked me not to do it, so that I wouldn"t have to live with the fact that I fucking failed you again." He swallows hard, seemingly running out of steam. "I"m always failing you."

God, he"s killing me, breaking my heart one painful word at a time. I"ve never seen him so defeated before.

"Let me fix it," he pleads quietly before I even find the words to respond to him. "Just don"t leave me, and I"ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, baby. I"ll make you so fucking happy. Please don"t leave me."

I gasp, my gaze flying back to his as understanding dawns. He isn"t trying to talk me out of his life. He thinks I"m going to leave him. His eyes are closed like he"s afraid to open them and face me. Like…like he"s afraid if he does, it"ll be to watch me walk away from him. That cracks me wide open.

"Look at me, Roman."

He shakes his head, another tormented groan exploding from his lips.

"Please, look at me," I plead with him. "Please."

He cracks his eyes open slowly. The emotion contained in those hazel depths knocks me breathless. In all the time I"ve known him, I"ve never seen him look so fucking afraid before.

"I"m not leaving you, Roman. Not now and not ever, baby. I"m yours," I tell him, the same thing he told me when I was ready to run, afraid to put my heart in his hands. But I didn"t run, and I don"t regret a single second of the time we"ve spent together since that day in Santa Cruz. No one will ever love me as perfectly or defend me as fiercely as this beautiful man. I gave him the power to break me, and he taught me how to fly instead.

"You should," he whispers back, his voice shaking. "I wouldn"t blame you."

"I"m not fucking leaving you," I growl at him. He"s starting to piss me off and scare me a little bit. I can deal with him being bossy and overprotective and a pain in the ass. I don"t know how to deal with the fact that he thinks I should leave him, not when he"s always fought like hell to keep me. "And he didn"t shoot me because of you. He shot me because I opened my mouth and told him how―"

"How what?" he demands when I suddenly think better of telling him exactly what I said to Guerrero, not so sure he"d appreciate knowing that I taunted a crazy man with nothing left to lose. "How what, Mila?"

Damn him and that commanding, bossy voice.

"How he didn"t beat you," I mumble the words I never intended for him to hear. The ones that made Guerrero shoot me in some last-ditch effort to prove me wrong. "How he"s a monster, and people like him will never beat you because you"re one of the best people in this world."

Roman is completely silent for a long moment. "You really think that?" he asks then.

I nod.

"Jesus," he mutters, sounding like maybe he"s a little speechless this time.

"It"s true," I whisper, deciding to forge ahead before he can decide to be pissed off at me about provoking Guerrero. "You may not like the person you have to be to deal with people like him, but I love that person, Roman. I love that you care enough to want to protect the world from people like him. You think you failed me, but you"re wrong. I"m alive because of you, because you moved heaven and hell to keep your promise to me. You came for me and Tahani, just like you said you would. You fought for me, just like you promised." I press my forehead to his and take a shaky breath. "No one has ever fought for me before."

"Christ, baby. You"re killing me," he groans.

"I"m yours, Roman. I"ll always be yours."

"Yeah, you are." His sweet breath washes across my face. "I"m yours too, you know."

"I know." I haven"t doubted that, not once since he claimed me. "Stop trying to convince me to leave you, okay? I"m not going anywhere, and I don"t like hearing you talk about yourself like that. If I"m not allowed to let anyone make me doubt myself, you aren"t either."

"I think I can live with that," he agrees quietly. "God, baby. You have no idea how much you mean to me, do you?"

"I do. I feel the same way about you, Roman. I love you."

He kisses me sweetly, his mouth working gently with mine until we"re both breathing heavily. And that leaves me a little speechless too. I"ll never understand how, even when I"m in a hospital room with my life more or less in shambles, he still manages to send desire striking through me like lightning.

"I need you to let me put my ring on your finger," he whispers, putting his forehead to mine again and looking into my eyes. His expression is somber and so fucking sweet at the same time. "Tell me you"ll say yes when I ask you to marry me."

"Promise me something first."

"Anything."

"Promise me that you won"t quit being a cop."

"Mila–"

"No, Roman," I tell him. "I know you, and I know that"s exactly what you"re thinking about doing to protect us so something like today never happens again." He doesn"t deny it, and I know that"s because he can"t. Because that"s who he is too. He"d give up something important to him, no questions asked, if he thought it would keep me and Tahani safe. But neither of us is willing to let him walk away from his job. Not when we both know how much the world needs him.

I won"t be the reason he walks away from that. No way.

"Fine," he mutters, "but you aren"t coming back to LA right now."

"Roman."

"Mila."

I growl at him. How is it possible for him to make me so happy and piss me off so much at the same damn time?

"I"m serious, baby. Until every single one of his people is dealt with, you"re not stepping foot in LA. I need you safe. I can"t go through this shit again. Knowing I almost lost you twice because of my job is going to give me nightmares for the rest of my fucking life. Don"t ask me to go through that again."

"Fine," I grumble, unable to deny him like always. "But you owe me."

He smiles that little boy smile that takes my breath away. "Don"t worry, baby," he says, pitching his voice low so his words are little more than a wicked growl. "I"ll fuck your hot little mouth as soon as you"re feeling better."

I want to growl at him again, but I moan softly and shift in his lap instead.

He tips his head back and laughs at me, his body shaking beneath mine. I roll my eyes at him, pretending to be annoyed, and curl up on his lap again. He cuddles me close and drops a kiss to my forehead before his hand slides down my body to splay over my stomach.

"You"re a fucking warrior, baby, and I know our little girl is too," he whispers, bringing tears to my eyes. "She"s going to be just fine."

I sniffle and then nod, praying he"s right.

He kisses me again, his lips lingering against my forehead.

"You want a girl?" I ask a moment later.

"Fuck yeah. I want a little girl who looks just like you."

"Okay," I whisper, really liking the thought of seeing him with a tiny little girl on his chest. With him as her daddy, she"ll be the most protected, most adored little girl to ever live because there is nothing he won"t do for his girls. Absolutely nothing.