Chapter Twenty-Eight

"You can"t just send me to Sacramento, Roman!" I yell, slamming my hands down on my hips to glare at him from across the hospital room I"ve been trapped in for the last four hours.

"I"ll be outside." Officer Livingston wisely slips outside, pulling the door closed behind him. I should probably feel bad for yelling at Roman with him standing right there, but at this point, I don"t care who hears me.

"Baby, you gotta go." Roman plants his feet apart as he stares at me, sounding far too calm and reasonable. He"s been through hell today, and it shows. His eyes are shadowed and bruised beneath from lack of sleep. Soot, grime, and blood splatter from where he broke that officer"s nose stain his clothes. The sight tugs at my heart, but I refuse to let it sway me. I know exactly why he wants me out of the city, and I"m not going.

"No," I tell him, refusing to budge. "I"m not going."

"Mila," he says, his voice soft and his expression even softer as paces toward me.

I back up, trying to keep him from getting his hands on me because I know I"ll cave and give him whatever he wants as soon as he touches me. When he has his hands on my body, I can"t deny him anything, no matter how hard I try. And I have every intention of denying him this.

I"m not leaving so he can go on a rampage and get himself killed. I see the rage swirling in his eyes when he thinks I"m not looking. I see the way Livingston watches him, as if he"s here to keep him from doing something stupid, even though they told me that he"s here to help keep me safe.

I saw Roman flinging those officers around like they were inconsequential toy soldiers when he thought I was still in the house. If Finn hadn"t been there, I don"t think the entire Los Angeles Police Department would have been able to keep him from going inside. He would have taken them on one by one until they had to shoot him or let him run inside. He was out of control, raging like a demon, and they would have had to kill him to stop him.

I"m terrified there won"t be anyone to stop him this time. If I leave, he"ll go after Guerrero, and he"ll die.

"I"m not going," I repeat.

He stalks me until I"m pressed up against the wall with nowhere else to go. As he saunters toward me, his eyes heat and darken, turning that predatory hazel color that lets me know he wants me, even in the midst of this disaster. He cages me in before I can dart away from him, one hand on either side of my head to keep me trapped where he wants me. His body presses into mine, searing me in one long line.

I grit my teeth and clench my hands into fists, refusing to give in to the desire threatening to consume me.

"You gotta go." His breath washes across my face, his chest rumbling against my breasts as he crowds me even deeper into the wall. "Being here isn"t safe for you right now."

"I"m not leaving you here."

"You are leaving me here." He presses his forehead to mine and splays his hand across my abdomen, which instantly makes tears spring to my eyes. "You"re pregnant, Mila. You gotta go."

"That"s why I can"t go," I whisper, sniffling when tears start slipping down my cheeks. "If I go, you"ll do something stupid, and I"ll never see you again." The thought of never seeing him again is like acid burning through me. It fucking hurts. I can"t lose him. I won"t survive it.

"Baby," he says softly, pulling me into his arms when a sob gets caught in my throat, choking me.

I don"t want to hug him right now. I want to be mad and yell at him and demand that he come with me to Sacramento and let someone else be the hero for once in his life, but when his arms are around me, his heart hammering against my ear, I cling to him anyway.

"We need you," I cry into his shoulder. "I can"t raise a baby without you." I don"t even know if the baby is okay. All the doctor could tell us was that it was too early to tell if being inside the fire harmed the baby at all and that I was not far enough along for them to make any promises but that everything looked okay.

If I lose Roman and something happens to our baby…what am I going to do? How am I supposed to survive losing them both?

"Mila, calm down," he murmurs, lifting me up in his arms and then sliding down the wall until he"s on his ass on the floor, and I"m curled up on his lap, completely surrounded by him again. He holds me tightly, rocking me back and forth in his arms and whispering to me.

I cling to him and cry until my head hurts and there aren"t any tears left. I"m overwhelmed and scared and so fucking tired. I let it all out, purging myself of the last fourteen hours of my life. When I fall silent in his arms, he tips my face back with gentle hands and swipes beneath my eyes. The emotion in his hazel eyes takes my breath away.

It"s fierce and hot but so fucking gentle at the same time.

"Promise me," I plead, clenching my hands into his shirt until my fingers ache in protest. "Promise me that you"re not going to do something stupid. I need you, Roman. If something happens to you…if I lose you…" My voice trails off, ending when a pained whimper climbs up my throat. I press myself closer to him, trying to crawl inside him so he can"t leave me.

"I swear to you," he whispers, holding me just as tightly, crushing me to his chest. "I"m not going to let anything happen to me, baby. Nothing will take me away from you, our baby, or Tahani, I promise you that." The iron in his voice and his lips on my crown seal his promise to me…but I still don"t want to let him go.

Until today, the dangers of his job weren"t real to me. I didn"t really understand violence because it"s never been a part of my life. But I get it now. Trying to crawl out of that fire, terrified out of my mind, I understood completely what he"s been so afraid of for so long.

There are terrible people in this world. They murder and terrorize and destroy and take just because they think they can. And people like Roman—the warriors and the cops and the good guys of the world—hold the line, defending and protecting us because someone has to do it. Because guys like Guerrero don"t deserve to win.

I don"t want Roman to go, but this is who he is. This is what he does…and I didn"t just fall for part of him. I fell for every part of him.

I have to let him go.

"I"ll go," I whisper, pressing my face into his throat and breathing him in. I want to hold him in my lungs so when I"m no longer pressed up against him, he"s still with me. He won"t have a chance to stop breathing because I"ll be breathing for him. Until he"s in my arms again, my air is his.

He tips my face up to his and touches his forehead to mine. "I love you."

"I love you too," I whisper against his lips.

We stay there, just like that, until a sharp knock sounds on the door to my room.

I jump at the sound and cower into his broad chest.

The door swings open, and a guy I don"t know walks in. He"s not as big as Roman but appears every bit as dangerous. His body is just as hard, just as solid. He moves quietly but with purpose, as he steps into the room. Roman reminds me of a big, wild animal, and so does this man. Except if Roman is a deadly bear, this man is a panther. With ebony skin, crew-cut hair, and deep brown eyes, he"s just as beautiful as Roman, dark to his light. His nose is crooked like it"s been broken recently.

He stops in the doorway and looks between the two of us, not speaking.

"It"s okay," Roman murmurs to me, pulling us both to our feet. He slides his arm around my waist, keeping me tucked into his side as he stares at the man in the doorway. His body is tense, but I don"t think he"s angry. I think he"s nervous…uncertain.

The man in the doorway seems to feel exactly the same way. For long moments, they don"t speak at all. They just look at each other, but a thousand words seem to flow between them, exchanged without a sound passing their lips.

Eventually, Roman exhales a soft sound, the tension draining from his body. He tugs me along with him, closing the distance between us and the man still standing in the doorway.

"Mila, I want you to meet Brady Kaplan, my partner," he says when we"re standing right in front of him.

"Hi," I whisper, holding out my hand to him. "It"s nice to finally meet you."

"You too, doll," he says. I immediately love his voice—rich and smooth like velvet. He tilts his head down to me and smiles, something like relief sliding through his eyes. He takes my hand and shakes it, his grip firm before he releases me again. "I"ve heard a lot about you, Mila."

"It"s good to see you, brother," Roman says, letting me go long enough to hug Brady in the way guys do, shoulder to shoulder. Their foreheads touch briefly and another of those silent conversations flow between them before they step back at the same time.

I don"t know exactly what they"re communicating, but I have a feeling it"s deep and powerful and maybe a little bit healing for both of them. They haven"t seen each other since Roman had to kill the man who held a gun to Brady"s son"s head. He was angry at Brady for a long time, but I know he"s missed him…and I think Brady has missed him, too.

After a moment, Roman pulls me back into his side. I lean my head against his chest, and his lips touch my crown. I let my eyes flutter closed and stay there, just like that, as he and Brady talk quietly. I try to listen, but none of it really makes sense to me. I"m unsure if I"m just that tired or if they"re talking in some cop-speak I simply don"t understand.

Eventually, I stop trying to figure it out and just let Roman hold me.

"Mila," he whispers a few minutes later.

I jump, my eyes flying open. We"re no longer standing by the door, and I"m not even on my feet. I"m on the bed with Roman wrapped around me again. Brady isn"t in the room, but Livingston has returned to his post.

"I think I fell asleep," I mumble.

Roman runs his fingertips down my cheek and smiles softly. "You"ve been out for about an hour. They"re discharging you."

I pull in a shaky breath, fighting the urge to cry at the news. My heart thumps against my ribcage, regret twisting through me. I didn"t want to miss a minute of our time together. Instead, I slept right through it.

"I"m starting my future with you when this is over, Mila," he whispers to me, still smiling down at me. His hazel eyes practically glow with sincerity, those gold flecks brighter than ever.

"Promise?" I breathe, my gaze dropping to his mouth. My tongue swipes along my bottom lip like always…like I can already taste him on me.

"Promise."

"Kiss me, Roman."

His lips touch mine, soft and sweet, before he groans and deepens the kiss. His hand slides into my hair, tilting my head. He kisses me like we"re alone, devouring my mouth like he can"t get deep enough or kiss me hard enough. His tongue dances with mine until desire pumps through me with every beat of my heart, and I"ve wrapped myself around him.

Officer Livingston clears his throat, and Roman slows the kiss before breaking away. He rests his forehead against mine for a moment and then turns toward Livingston. I bury my face in Roman"s throat, squeezing my eyes closed.

"They"re here for her," Livingston says quietly.

"It"s time to go, sweetheart," Roman whispers into my hair.

I cling to him for a long moment, fighting back another wave of tears. Once I"m sure I"m not going to cry again, I take a deep breath and nod. "I love you, Roman," I whisper against his skin. "Please be careful."

"Always, baby," he promises me.

"Holy shit, Mila," Missy breathes into the phone. "I can"t believe someone set your house on fire."

"Me neither," I mumble, staring up at the ceiling of my hotel room in Sacramento. The king suite is massive. The bed dominates the bedroom, taking up most of the space. The whirlpool tub is big enough to swim in. And the seating area just outside the bedroom comes complete with a mini kitchen. The bright, hideous carpet makes me feel like I"m staring at an abstract painting.

It"s been exactly ten hours and twenty-seven minutes since Roman tucked me into Octavio Hernandez"s squad car and sent me out of town. I haven"t been to sleep yet. I"m exhausted, but every time I close my eyes, I start thinking about Roman or about trying to crawl out of the house with flames surrounding me.

He thinks we lost connection inside the house, but that"s not exactly true. When I made it downstairs and saw how bad the fire really was, I hung up the phone. I didn"t want him to hear me if I didn"t make it out, and I didn"t think I would make it out.

Everything in the living room was tossed around and covered in gasoline. The stench was overpowering, and the smoke was choking the air from my lungs. I could barely see, barely breathe. The fire burned so hot that I thought my skin was going to melt from my bones as I ran down the stairs and toward the front door, zig-zagging to outrun the flames.

It"s going to be a long time before I forget how that felt.

There are two Sacramento police officers stationed outside my hotel room door, babysitting me. Officer Declan Carter and Officer Jeffrey Benson are both gorgeous and nearly as massive as Roman, and neither says very much. An hour ago, Officer Benson brought me a phone since mine didn"t survive the fire. He also brought me a T-shirt and a pair of sweats to change into, and a breakfast sandwich.

I only managed to eat half of it. I"m not very hungry.

All I can think about is Roman and the fact that I haven"t heard from him yet. I"m terrified that he"s gotten himself hurt. If the officers outside know anything, they aren"t sharing the news with me. I know they"re here to protect me, but I feel a little bit like a prisoner. I can"t leave this room without them. I can"t even tell Missy where I"m at or when I"ll be able to return. Until Roman says otherwise, no one can know where I"m hiding.

I"ve never felt so alone in my life.

"Are you sure you"re okay?" she asks me.

"Yeah," I whisper the lie. "I"m okay. How mad is Kelli?"

I"m a little concerned she"s going to fire me, but I can"t even worry about that right now. Not with so much else to deal with. Roman is in LA, doing God knows what. I"m pregnant, and I don"t know if the baby will be okay. For the second time in two months, I"m homeless. I don"t know how much, if any, of our belongings are salvageable.

If someone told me that Roman and the baby would be okay, I"d give up every single one of them.

Please, let them be okay.

"She"s worried about you. Everyone is," Missy says. "Don"t even worry about work right now. We"ll be here when you"re able to come back." She pauses for a brief second. "I can"t believe your boyfriend is a federal agent, and a cartel is targeting him. That"s insane."

"I know," I mumble, unsure if I should have kept that tidbit to myself, but I had to tell Kelli something when I called her last night to explain that I wouldn"t be able to return to work for a while. I gave her as much of the truth as I could. With Roman"s cover already blown, I figured trying to protect it now was a moot point.

"Just take care of yourself," Missy says. "And be safe, okay? I"m worried about you."

"I will," I promise her.

"Call me when you can," she orders me.

"I will. Bye, Missy."

"Bye, Mila."

I hang up the phone and drop it onto the bed beside me before rolling onto my right side. My left arm hurts where I burned it, but it"s not bad. It could have been a lot worse. Had I not jumped away from the falling beam when I did, I would have been trapped beneath it. Instead, a few embers landed on my arm, and I managed to run out the front door into the fresh air.

My stomach rolls, and another wave of nausea twists through me, though I"m not sure if it"s anxiety or because I"m pregnant.

I immediately place my hand over my lower belly, my heart fluttering at the reminder. There"s a little life growing inside of me—one we made. I"m still trying to wrap my mind around that fact. I"m excited and scared out of my mind, and I really just want Roman to hold me. I need him to tell me again that everything is going to be okay.

My eyes drift closed, but sleep doesn"t come. Eventually, I give up and turn on the television.

I"m still clicking through channels when someone taps on the door a few minutes later, making me jump. My heart rate immediately increases, even though, rationally, I know I"m safe here. There"s no way anyone knows where I"m hiding. And even if they did, there"s no way they would get past the two officers guarding my door without making a hell of a lot of noise.

The reminder doesn"t really make me feel any better. I think it"s going to be a long time before I forget that two men I"ve never met were planning to kidnap me.

Praying the officers outside have news about Roman, I hurry toward the door. Before I make it halfway across the room, the knock comes again, a little louder than before. Soft voices trickle through, but I can"t make out anything they"re saying.

I quickly undo all the door locks and yank it open.

"Have you heard fr–" My heart stops beating, the words dying on my lips when my gaze lands on Tahani. She"s standing between the two officers, her hair pulled back in a ponytail with her bottom lip between her teeth. She"s wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Wedged between Carter and Benson"s big bodies, she looks like a little kid.

"Hi," she whispers, her worried hazel eyes meeting mine.

Roman must have gotten ahold of her to tell her where to find me.

A sob catches in my throat, choking me. Before I can say anything, my stomach rolls again, and I have to turn and run back into the room, my hand clamped over my mouth. I barely make it to the bathroom before I start dry heaving. Tears leak from my eyes, though I"m not sure if I"m crying or if my eyes are watering.

A little of both, probably.

I stay on my knees by the toilet for a long moment after the dry heaves stop, afraid to turn around and face Tahani. I"ve thought a thousand times about what I would say to her when I finally got to talk to her face-to-face, but now that she"s here…now that I"ve survived the last twenty-four hours of hell…I don"t even know where to begin.

I thought if she asked, I"d be brave enough to walk away from Roman if it meant their relationship survived. That I could sacrifice my future with him to keep his daughter in his life if that"s what I had to do. But I don"t think I can give her that if she demands it. I don"t want to hurt her, but I can"t let him go.

Even if I wasn"t pregnant with his baby, I don"t think I"d be able to give him up. Not after yesterday. Not after seeing him falling apart because he thought he lost me. Not for Tahani. Not for anyone. Maybe that makes me a terrible person because of what I"ve been through with my father, but it"s the truth. I can"t give him up.

"Are you okay?" she asks softly.

"Yeah," I whisper and wipe my eyes before reluctantly dragging myself to my feet.

She"s standing right outside the bathroom door. The door to the room is closed, giving us privacy. I stare at her for a long, silent moment. She looks exactly the same as always, but her eyes are sad and uncertain. I hate knowing I"m part of the reason for that.

"Daddy called me," she whispers and then grimaces. "Well, he called Trent."

"Is he okay?" I reluctantly step out of the bathroom and move toward the bed.

"I think so." She takes a step toward me and then stops. "Trent wouldn"t tell me much. He told me about the fire. About you being inside when it started. I had to come to see if you were okay."

"Oh."

"Are…are you okay?"

I open my mouth to lie and tell her yes, but the word won"t come. I don"t want to lie to her anymore. Not when lying to her is what got us into this mess in the first place. We should have been honest with her from the beginning instead of hiding our relationship from her. If this is the last time I see her, I want to know that I told her the truth about everything, even if it hurts.

"Not really, but I will be," I whisper. Tears fill my eyes again. I blink rapidly to keep them at bay. "I"m sorry I lied to you. I swear, I never meant to hurt you, Tahani. Neither did Roman."

"I know." She steps deeper into the room and then stops again.

"I"m so worried about him," I admit, sinking down onto the side of the bed. I hang my head, staring at the hardwood floor. "I don"t know what he"s going to do."

Tahani stands there for another minute before she walks over and sits down beside me. "Will…will you tell me what happened?"

I take a deep breath, exhale, and look over at her. She"s watching me, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. "I will if you want me to, but you should know that Roman wants to be the one to tell you what"s going on. He"s wanted to tell you for a long time but didn"t want you to worry about him."

"I"ve always worried about him," she mutters.

"I know."

She meets my gaze again and swallows. "I was never mad at you for being with him," she whispers. "I was hurt that you didn"t tell me. You"re my best friend and he"s my dad, and you both lied to me."

"I"m sorry. I never wanted to lie to you, but I was so afraid you would hate me for being with him. You were my best friend. I didn"t want you to hate me."

She shoots me a sad smile. "I don"t hate you, Mila; I"m still your best friend. I"ll always be your best friend. But I"ve never had to share him before, you know? It hurt my feelings that he told you about his job but wouldn"t tell me. He still treats me like a kid, but he told you the truth. It sounds stupid, but I was jealous."

Relief rushes through me, causing more tears to spring to my eyes at her confirmation that she doesn"t hate me. I swipe them away and clear my throat. "I don"t think he meant it that way," I whisper. "He loves you so much. The thought of anything happening to you kills him. He didn"t want you to know how bad things were because he didn"t want you to spend every day looking over your shoulder. The people he has to deal with are evil, Tahani. You"re his daughter, and he wanted to protect you from that."

His father was killed in the line of duty. I think not telling Tahani the full scope of his job was his way of protecting her from worrying that he might die the same way. Law enforcement is dangerous for every officer. But the risk is a lot higher for guys like Roman, who deal with the kind of people he deals with every day…the risk is a lot higher. He didn"t want her to live with that reality hanging over her head.

"I know that now. At least I"m trying to understand. How…how bad is it, Mila? Really?"

"Bad," I tell her, my throat raw. "It"s really bad, Tahani. They…" I have to stop and take a breath before I can force out the words. "They set the house on fire with me inside it. They were going to kidnap me to hurt him. He"s…I don"t know what he"s going to do. He"s so angry. I"m terrified he"s going to do something stupid and get himself hurt." A whimper crawls up my throat at the thought, coming out in a painful gasp. "I don"t know what I"m going to do if anything happens to him."

"You love him," she whispers, watching me closely.

"So much it scares me," I confess, not trying to hide the truth from her. If this is my one chance to tell her how I feel about her father, I want her to know how much he means to me. "I"ve never felt this way about anyone before, Tahani. He"s…God, he"s everything. He can be bossy and frustrating, but he"s so sweet and gentle. He makes me happy. Even with everything going on, I"ve never been as happy as I am with him."

"He told me that he"s been in love with you for a long time."

"Me too," I whisper. "I tried to deny it. For your sake, I tried. I tried to forget about him and move on with Damien. I tried so hard. But he"s always been there, you know? I think I"ve just been waiting for him to do something about it all this time." Since the day I met him, he"s been in my head, playing through my mind like a song stuck on repeat. He was there no matter how hard I tried to push him out and focus on something else."

She"s quiet for a long moment, and then she sighs and offers me a watery smile. "He"s been alone for a long time and deserves someone like you, Mila. I"m glad he has you. And Damien was never good enough for you. But my dad has always been the kind of man you deserve."

Her words give me hope that our friendship might survive the last few weeks of silence and sadness. She"s the closest thing to family I"ve had since my mom died. I don"t want to lose her any more than I want to lose Roman.

"Thank you," I whisper and then take a deep breath, knowing I have to tell her about the baby. Praying the news doesn"t destroy our friendship once and for all, I whisper, "I have to tell you something, and I don"t know how you"re going to feel about it."

She looks at me expectantly.

"I"m pregnant."

Her eyes widen, but she doesn"t say anything.

"We found out last night. I didn"t plan it. Neither of us did." I squeeze my eyes closed and then pop them right back open, staring at the floor at my feet when worry shoots through me again. My hand settles over my stomach, like I can physically protect my baby by sheltering him or her with my hand. "T-they think the baby is okay, but they said it"s too soon to make any promises." My voice shakes, and I can"t blink back the tears this time. They spill over, a sob catching in my throat again. "I"m so fucking scared I"m going to lose them both. So fucking scared."

I try to compose myself, but this time, I can"t control myself. I"m so fucking afraid that I"m going to lose everything that matters to me. I can"t breathe through the fear. I never planned to get pregnant this soon, but I want this baby more than I"ve ever wanted anything. I want the future Roman promised me.

How am I going to survive if I lose them?

Tahani slides closer to me and wraps her arm around my shoulders. I cling to her and sob, crying so hard that I can"t catch my breath as fear overwhelms me completely. She murmurs to me, telling me that everything will be okay. I want to believe her, but I can"t. Roman always calls me a warrior, but I don"t feel like one right now. I feel smaller and more vulnerable than I"ve ever felt in my life.

I need him to be okay, and I need him to be here.

Please let him be okay. Please.