Chapter Twenty-Six

"How are you feeling, baby?" Roman asks me, running his fingers through my hair.

"Good," I mumble into his chest, tangling my legs with his until I feel completely surrounded by his big body. "A little sore."

"Is it bad?" he asks, worry in his voice.

"No," I promise. It"s really not bad at all. I feel stretched and a little achy, but it"s a good kind of ache. I"ve never felt anything like that before. I was so full. I"ve never felt closer to him than I did when he was in me. God, the feeling was incredible. I didn"t want it to end.

He took care of me afterward, just like he does every time he fucks me. He didn"t say anything the entire time he cleaned me up in the shower, but his hands never left my body, and his lips never strayed far from mine. The silent, reverent way he touched me made me feel as if he was worshipping me again.

As soon as he had me dried off, he sat me on the chaise in the bedroom and changed the sheets before picking me up and carrying me back to bed. He"s been whispering sweet little words to me ever since. I still feel sluggish, intoxicated by him and the adoring way he cares for me.

God, I love him.

"Did you like it?"

"Yes," I breathe.

"Good." His voice drops low, deepening. "You were so fucking hot, coming and screaming my name while I was buried in that perfect ass. There"s no way I"m going to be able to keep from taking that little hole again."

"Okay," I whisper, heat rolling through me. I don"t know how it"s possible to want him again this much already, but I do. I don"t think I ever stop wanting him. As soon as he isn"t inside me or on top of me, I want him back. The craving is endless.

"I love you, Mila."

"I love you too."

"So much you could float away?" he asks, a smile in his voice.

"Yeah," I say, a happy smile flitting across my face. I love when he"s playful and teasing like this. Since coming to Los Angeles, he"s been so intense and focused. I live for the moments when he lets go of that stress and worry and really relaxes. Seeing him happy is incredible.

He wraps his arms around me and hugs me before he starts running his fingers through my hair again. I hum in contentment and listen to the strong, steady beat of his heart beneath my ear.

"I have to tell you something," he whispers a few minutes later, pulling me back from the edge of sleep.

"Hmm?"

"While you"re in Sacramento, we"re going to do something here. Something big."

"Okay," I whisper, nervous butterflies kicking into flight in my stomach at the seriousness of his tone.

"If it goes well, all this shit will be over by the time you get back."

"That"s good." Maybe then he"ll stop worrying about me so much and can relax a little. I want that for him so much. No one deserves peace of mind more than he does.

"I"ll be finished with the task force once this is over," he says quietly.

"What does that mean?"

"It means…" He sighs. "It means that I"ll be done with undercover work. My job will go to someone else."

"What? Roman―" I try to lift up to look at him, but he holds me against his chest, refusing to let me move.

"I"m ready," he says into my hair.

"What do you mean, you"re ready?" I push against his chest until he relents and allows me to sit up. As soon as I do, he pushes himself into a seated position, his back against the headboard. I straddle his hips, staring at him.

"Talk to me," I plead softly, thrown completely off-balance by the look on his face. His hazel eyes are soft…and relieved.

He studies me for a long, silent moment and then reaches up to run his fingertips down my cheek. "Did you know that Tahani"s never been inside this house?" he asks quietly. "I"ve lived here since she was fourteen years old, and she"s never set foot inside. She"s never been to LA to see me because it wasn"t safe for her. I don"t even hang pictures of her up here because I"m fucking terrified someone will find them and go after her."

"I"m sorry," I whisper when he swallows hard.

"You"re so fucking afraid that you"ll have to leave me to make Tahani happy, but she isn"t mad at you, baby. I"ve kept secrets and hid shit from her since the minute I met her for the first time. Not telling her about us was another line in a long list of shit I"ve kept from her. She"s had enough. That"s why she"s pissed."

I open my mouth to respond, but he shakes his head, so I snap it closed again and let him talk.

"I"m tired of living this way, Mila. I"m tired of having to keep shit from her. I"m tired of always watching my back. I"m tired of always worrying that she"ll be hurt because of me. Or that you will." He sighs, a sad puff of sound that breaks my heart. "This job is a fucking albatross around my neck." Determination flashes through his hazel eyes, flaring as bright as the sun. "I"m ready to let it go before it drags us all down, baby."

"You love being a cop," I remind him, cupping his face in my hands. "You can"t give that up because of me or Tahani. I don"t want that, and neither would she." She might not be talking to me right now, but I still know she would never want him to give up his job for her.

"I"m not giving it up," he promises, kissing my palm. "I"ll still be a cop. I"ll still work for the ATF. I just won"t work with the task force any longer. I"ll be done with gangs and cartels and all the bullshit that comes with it."

"Is that really what you want?"

"I want to be able to tell my daughter about my job without scaring her. I want her to be able to come and visit me without me having a fucking panic attack at the thought. I want a future with you, one where I can leave the house with you and not have to fucking worry that you"re going to be targeted because of me."

I study his face, taking in his earnest expression and the conviction in his voice. He means every word he"s saying. I hate that he"s had to give up so much time with Tahani out of fear that bringing her here would get her hurt. He"s sacrificed so much and fought so hard. I just want him to be happy.

"You want a future with me?" I ask.

He shoots me a crooked smile. "Yeah, baby," he says, running his thumbs along my hips in lazy circles. "Now that I"ve had you in my house, in my bed, I"m not giving you up. I could have you forever, and it still wouldn"t be long enough. You"re mine, sweetheart."

"I want a future with you, too," I whisper, blinking rapidly to keep myself from crying.

"Damn right you do," he mutters, pulling me toward him to kiss me hard on the mouth. When he grows hard beneath me, and I start to wriggle on his lap, he growls against my lips and pulls back. "Don"t even think about it, Mila," he warns me, panting. "I"m not fucking you again tonight."

"Fine," I huff and roll my eyes at him, though I"m not really annoyed that he"s telling me no. I"m tired, my stomach still roils and churns every few minutes, and I"m a little sore from the way he took me earlier.

He growls at me again before pulling me back down in the bed until I"m lying on his chest like usual. Once I"m snuggled up against him, he pulls the covers up over us, kisses my forehead, and then turns off the light.

"Roman?" I whisper a few minutes later, on the edge of sleep again.

"Yeah, baby?"

"Promise you won"t quit being a cop?"

"Baby, I swear to you, I"ll always be a cop. Nothing is going to change that," he promises me.

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too," he whispers.

Iwake up in the middle of the night with my stomach churning so fiercely I"m afraid to breathe too deeply for fear I"ll throw up all over Roman and the bed.

"Mila?" he mumbles, coming awake as I kick the blankets away and roll off his broad chest. He grunts when I accidentally knee him in the thigh. "What"s wrong?"

I run toward the bathroom without answering him, barely making it to the toilet before my stomach heaves violently. I drop to my knees and throw up everything in my stomach.

"Jesus Christ, baby," he says from behind me.

I want to tell him to go away because I don"t want him watching me throw up, but another wave of nausea hits me, and I"m throwing up again before I can say anything. I hear the sink come on and then shut off.

I"m still heaving when he kneels behind me, lifting my hair. He presses a cold cloth to my neck and rubs my back.

"You okay?" he asks when I finally stop throwing up, sliding an arm around my waist.

I slump against his hard chest, completely drained. My eyes water, and my head hurts from throwing up so hard, but I think I"m done for the moment.

"Baby?"

"I"m okay," I mumble.

He kisses the side of my head and then pulls the washcloth from my neck. I sigh as he presses it to my forehead, allowing it to cool me down. I don"t think I"m feverish, but I"m overheated from vomiting.

We sit there for another five or ten minutes until I"m sure I"m not going to throw up again, and then he picks me up from the floor.

"Sink," I tell him when he moves like he"s going to carry me back to bed.

"I know." He sits me on the vanity before grabbing my toothbrush and toothpaste.

I use the mouthwash to rinse my mouth out before thoroughly brushing my teeth.

"You okay?" he asks me again once we"re back in bed.

"Yeah," I whisper. "My stomach"s been upset on and off all day. I thought it was just nerves. Maybe I"m coming down with something."

"You should have told me," he grumbles, his chest rumbling against my ear.

"It wasn"t bad."

"I"m sorry you don"t feel good, baby."

"I"ll be o―"

His phone rings, cutting me off.

"Fuck," he mutters and then slides me off him before sitting up on the side of the bed. He hits the dimmer switch for the lamp, turning it up again just enough so he can see. He grabs his cell and glances down at it. As soon as he does, his head droops, hanging low between his shoulders.

"Yeah?" he says softly, bringing the phone to his ear. He listens for a moment, tensing, and then he curses again. "What"s the address? Yeah, I"ll be there."

Whoever he"s talking to says something else.

Roman mutters another curse and then hangs up. He sighs heavily, scrubbing his hands down his face. "Another cartel member was just gunned down," he says. He doesn"t turn to look at me. His words are soft, defeat running like a current through his voice.

"I"m sorry," I whisper, hating this for him.

"Me too." He sighs and climbs to his feet, raking a hand through his hair. He looks exhausted, but even with shadows under his eyes and frustration stamped across every line of his face, he takes my breath away.

"I love you."

He strides around the bed toward me and leans down to kiss my shoulder and then my forehead. "I love you too, baby. Go back to sleep. I"ll be home as soon as I can." He shoots me a tired smile before heading toward the closet.

I just lay there, staring after him as he grabs clothes and saunters to the bathroom. I"m so relieved that this is almost over for him, and he"ll be able to relax a little for once. But I am worried about him quitting the task force. I don"t want him to feel like he has to give up anything to be with me, and I"m not convinced that quitting will change the fact that Tahani isn"t speaking to either of us. But if he really wants this for himself, I"ll support him. I just want him to be happy.

The bathroom door opens a few minutes later, and he steps out, dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt. His hair is damp like he ran water over his head, the dark locks combed into some semblance of order. It won"t last long. Before his hair even dries, he"ll have tousled it up by running his hands through it.

"You should be sleeping," he murmurs when he notices that I"m still awake. "You have to work in a few hours. Are you feeling better?"

"I"m fine." I offer him a reassuring smile. My stomach is still a little queasy, but mostly, I"m worried about him. He works so hard to keep everyone else safe, but who works to keep him safe? "I just wanted to tell you that I love you."

He smiles at me. This time, it reaches his eyes, lighting them up. He prowls toward me before he leans down over me. I think he"s going to kiss me again. Instead, he runs his fingertips down my cheek and then across my bottom lip.

"You"re so fucking perfect," he mutters with a shake of his head, like he just can"t quite believe that I"m his. And then he drops a kiss on my forehead and leaves for work.

"Mila?" Missy calls my name from outside of the bathroom stall as I hunch over the toilet, dry-heaving.

I don"t know what"s wrong with me, but as soon as I smelled her burger, a wave of nausea hit me so hard I had to take off running for the bathroom.

The stall door creaks open, and then she steps up behind me. "Are you okay?"

"I"m okay," I gasp when the dry heaves stop, and I catch my breath. I lean weakly against the side of the stall, wiping my eyes. I turn toward her and offer her a reassuring smile. "I don"t know what"s wrong with me. I felt fine this morning, but then I smelled your burger, and my stomach started roiling."

"Are you pregnant?" she asks bluntly, her eyes narrowed on me.

"No, I…"

My heart stops beating for a moment before slamming against my ribcage with a powerful jolt. Anxiety shoots through me, shaking me all the way to my core. I"m late.

Oh my god.

My cycle has never been particularly regular, but my period should have come by now. I"ve been so wrapped up with other things that I didn"t even think about the fact that I haven"t started yet. I haven"t had a period since Roman arrived in Santa Cruz.

"I"m on birth control," I mumble, though I"m not sure if I"m telling her or reminding myself.

"It"s not foolproof," she says quietly, sympathy in her eyes. "Have you been on antibiotics, missed days, or anything?"

"I―" Another wave of nausea hits me, and I have to lean over the toilet again. By the time I"m finished dry heaving this time, my heart is in my throat, and tears burn behind my eyelids.

I was on antibiotics in Santa Cruz, and Roman and I have never used protection.

Missy walks away for a minute and then returns a couple of seconds later with wet paper towels. She presses them to my neck as I kneel in the stall, fighting the urge to cry.

"What am I going to do?" I whisper, a little terrified. I"ve always wanted kids, but it was always in the future when I thought about having them. Not right out of college. I don"t even know if Roman wants more kids or how he"d feel about me being pregnant if I am. What if he doesn"t want kids?

Oh my God. What am I going to do if he doesn"t want kids with me?

"You need to take a test," Missy says.

We stay there for a minute, her awkwardly patting me on the back before I take a deep breath and push myself up to my feet. She"s right. I need to take a test before I start flipping out. I could be worrying over nothing.

Please, I pray silently. Please let me be worrying over nothing.

"Go home," Missy says after I rinse my mouth out in the sink. "Go take a test. I"ll cover for you here."

"I can"t leave work early on my second day," I protest weakly.

"Yes, you can." She waves a hand dismissively. "You already finished just about everything you needed to do today, and Kelli is out at meetings. If she asks, I"ll tell her that I sent you home sick." She shoots me another smile. "Don"t worry. Everything will be fine."

I"m not sure if I believe her, but I nod and let her lead me out of the bathroom. She shoves my purse and keys into my hands and then shoos me out of the office. My legs feel weak as I make my way to the elevators. When the doors finally open, the elevator is almost full. I squeeze myself in between two older men in suits and stare straight ahead, my mind spinning.

When I get to the parking garage, it"s still spinning. My hands shake around the steering wheel as I drive through Los Angeles, headed toward the nearest drug store. With afternoon traffic, it takes me almost an hour to get to one. It takes me another fifteen minutes to convince myself to go inside and buy a test.

When I make it home at one-thirty, Roman still hasn"t gotten back. It doesn"t look like he"s been home at all since he left last night. He called me before I left for work to check on me and tell me that he loves me, and he texted to check on me again a few hours ago, but I haven"t heard from him since. I have no idea if I should call him now, or if I should wait until after I test to tell him what"s going on.

Will he even want to be here when I pee on the stick?

I remember what he said when we were in Santa Cruz about Tahani"s mom keeping her pregnancy from him and the look in his eye when he said it, and I know he"d want to be here. Besides, I want him here. Even if he doesn"t want more kids, I know him well enough to know that he won"t walk out and leave me to deal with this on my own.

Fear slides out at the reminder that Roman wouldn"t just walk away from me or a baby if I am pregnant. That"s not the kind of man he is. If I am pregnant, it may be a shock, but we"ll be okay.

Without fear pumping through me, I start to feel a little hopeful and excited at the prospect of having his babies. It"s fast, but I want a future with him. And God, his babies would be beautiful, just like him and Tahani.

Oh no. Tahani.

What am I supposed to tell her if I am pregnant? What will she say?

I pace back and forth across the living room as another wave of fear rushes through me. When I still don"t feel any better almost an hour later, I grab my phone out of my purse and start upstairs to call Roman. I need him to hold me and tell me that, regardless of what that test says, everything is going to be okay.

Glass shatters in the kitchen before I"m even halfway up the stairs.

I jump at the loud sound and spin around, my heart slamming against my ribcage.

The back door creaks open. I turn toward the alarm panel, my stomach sinking when I realize that I never rearmed the system.

An unfamiliar male voice mutters something I can"t quite make out, but the mere sound of his voice sends pure terror pumping through me. Someone is in the house, and this time, it isn"t Tahani visiting unexpectedly.

"Hurry up," that voice mutters to someone else. "We need to do this shit before he gets home, or the fuckin" neighbors catch us."

"No shit," a second male says. "You got the stuff?"

"Yeah," the first guy responds and then says something I don"t understand in Spanish.

The second one answers him in Spanish and then laughs.

I stand frozen in the middle of the living room, my hand on my cellphone, as they mutter back and forth in Spanish, speaking so quickly, I don"t stand a chance of interpreting what they"re talking about. Fear rushes through me so fast that black dots swim before my eyes.

"I wish I could see the look on his face when he finds out," the first guy says.

"I still think we should have gone after his bitch first."

"No. The boss told us to wait until she left work. Once he"s occupied here, we"ll grab her."

Grab her? Are they talking about me?

"Fuckin" cop will regret killing Javier when his bitch never makes it home."

Oh my God. They"re planning to kidnap me.

A chill works through me, freezing me from the inside out.

They don"t know I"m here!

That realization allows me to pull a breath into my starving lungs. My feet finally move. I run as fast and as quietly as I can the rest of the way upstairs, praying like hell they don"t hear me. There"s no way I can make it past the kitchen without them seeing me. All I can do is hide and hope they don"t find me. My steps sound so loud to me as I race down the hall, biting my lip to keep from sobbing. But I make it to the bedroom and close the door without either of them calling out or following behind me.

I turn the lock on the door and then race toward the closet.

I yank the door closed behind me and drop to my knees in the very back corner, wedging myself between the gun safe and the wall. My hands shake so hard it takes me two tries to pull up Roman"s phone number.

"Hey, baby," he says when he answers on the third ring, his voice soft and tired. There"s a lot of background noise like a large group of people all talking at once. Phones ring in an incessant cycle.

"Roman," I sob as soon as I hear his voice, my body shaking so hard I feel like I"m going to vibrate apart. I press myself even deeper into the corner, trying to make myself as small as possible.

"Mila? What"s wrong?" His voice deepens, sounding more alert as he barks the question at me.

"There are two men in the house," I cry, trying to be quiet so they don"t hear me.

"Shut the fuck up," he yells loudly to whoever is talking in the background, and then his voice softens. "Say that again, sweetheart."

"There are two men in the house," I repeat, squeezing my eyes closed like that"s going to make the situation any better. "I came home early, and they broke in. They don"t know I"m here, but they were talking about kidnapping me. I"m hiding in the closet. Please hurry."

"Fuck," he swears, terror in his voice. He repeats what I just said to someone else, and then I hear him moving. It sounds like he"s running. "I"m coming for you, baby. I swear, I"m coming."

"Hurry, please."

Something else shatters downstairs, and then something else shatters. The sound of objects being thrown around and broken grows louder and more frantic. It"s so loud that it sounds as if they"re ripping the house apart. Glass shatters again and again as they break things, and loud thumps rattle through the house. I think Roman hears them, too, because he growls, the sound completely feral and terrifying.

"Please hurry," I whisper as the sounds downstairs continue.

"Do you remember the combination to the gun safe?" he asks me.

"Y-yes," I say, taking deep breaths because I feel like I"m going to faint. I hear his truck engine roar to life, and I know he"s coming for me as quickly as he can. The sound melts a little of the ice freezing me from the inside out. Roman"s on his way, and I know he"ll do everything he can to keep me safe because that"s who he is, and that"s what he does.

"Good," he says, talking really softly like he"s trying to keep me calm. "That"s real good, baby. I need you to open it up for me and get a gun. You shoot if anyone comes through that door before you hear my voice. You don"t fucking stop pulling the trigger until they quit moving."

"Roman." Another wave of fear hits me at his words. I don"t want to shoot anyone, but he isn"t here yet, and I"m completely on my own. If they make it upstairs before he gets here, I"m going to have to defend myself.

Please, God, let him get here before they find me.

"Do it," he demands.

I squeeze myself out of the corner as soon as I hear the command in his voice. I punch in the code—Tahani"s birthday—and then pull the safe open. He"s got a small arsenal stored inside. I don"t know anything about guns, so I just blindly grab one that looks like it"ll comfortably fit in my hand and then push the safe door closed and scramble back into the corner.

"Take the safety off, baby," he instructs me when I tell him that I have the gun. His voice is calm and steady as he guides me through the process of sliding the safety back.

My hands shake so hard that I have to try twice before I manage to pull it back.

"Got it," I whisper when I"m done, and then I pause. The sounds downstairs stop as quickly as they started. "They stopped breaking stuff," I tell him. "I don"t know if they"re still inside."

"Jesus Christ, move out of the fucking way," he barks, and then I hear his horn blare. "Baby, I need you to hang up and call 911 for me."

"No," I whimper. Tears pour down my cheeks at the thought of hanging up with him, pleading with him not to make me. I"m so fucking scared that I"ll never hear his voice again if I hang up the phone. "Please, Roman. Please don"t make me hang up."

"Calm down, baby," he says and then makes this sound in the back of his throat like I"m breaking his heart. "You don"t have to hang up; just calm down for me, sweetheart." His voice sounds again, a little further away, and I know he"s talking to someone else, that someone else is with him.

I take another deep breath and smell…something. Smoke.

Something"s on fire.

"Roman," I whisper, my heart stalling. "I smell smoke."

"What?" he asks me, and I know he didn"t hear me the first time.

Before I can answer him, the smoke alarm downstairs begins shrieking. The smell of smoke grows stronger quickly. Then a harsher odor fills the air, choking me.

"Roman," I whisper, trying not to panic as my eyes start to burn from the fumes. "I-I think they set the house on fire. I smell gasoline and smoke."

Oh God, they set the house on fire with me inside.

I can"t fight back the terrified whimper that crawls up my throat.

"Motherfucker," Roman swears, and I know he"s scared too. I hear it in the way his breath rasps down the line and the way his voice shakes. "We"re fifteen minutes out, baby."

I don"t think I have fifteen minutes, and I think he knows that too. The smell of smoke intensifies quickly. Within seconds, the smoke alarm in the hall outside the bedroom begins shrieking. I have no idea if the two men who set the house on fire are still out there, but I have to get out now, or I"m going to die in here.

"Roman," I whisper as I crawl out of my hiding spot. "I love you."

That broken sound echoes down the line again, rumbling from his lips. The painful whimper shreds my heart into tiny little pieces. He"s so big, so fucking strong, and he"s breaking, terrified I"m not going to make it.

I want to tell him that I think I"m pregnant, but I can"t. If I don"t make it out of this house alive…if they grab me…I don"t want him to know that he may be losing a baby, too.

"I love you so fucking much, Mila. Run, baby. Please get out there."

I stumble toward the closet door, tears falling freely down my face.