Chapter Thirteen

"Oh God," I groan when I see Roman staring down at me. He pants for breath, his hazel eyes on fire with some emotion I can"t name. It goes beyond simple desire and simple need. It"s… everything.

His face is flushed, and his dark hair is a sweaty mess. He"s still hard, his cock thick and heavy.

"Mila," he whispers, and then he"s on me.

I struggle against my restraints as he slides down my body, moving faster than I thought was possible. He shoulders his way in between my legs, spreading them wide so his big body can fit between my thighs. He breathes against my pussy, his breath hot and wild.

"Please," I beg, beyond feeling embarrassed by how badly I need him. I don"t care if he"s in me or on me, just so long as he does something to ease the burn before I explode. I"m so aroused it physically hurts not to come.

He lifts me into his mouth with a guttural cry, squeezing and separating my ass cheeks, and then I"m the one crying out. Screaming as he takes me with his mouth, drinking me down his throat…using his lips, teeth, and tongue to drive me out of my mind. He"s ferocious in his need, and I love it. I fucking love how hard he takes me. He doesn"t question if I can take it, or if I can handle him. He knows I can.

An orgasm rips through me so fast it knocks the breath out of me. It detonates inside like a bomb, sweeping away everything but bliss. It"s so big, too big. I fight against the ties binding me to the bed, trying to get closer to his mouth and get away at the same time as it tears me apart again and then again.

Roman doesn"t let up and doesn"t let me move. He holds me in place, restraining me as easily as the ties do.

"Again," he commands against my pussy, sucking and licking and biting. Savage, filthy sounds rip from him.

I feel each one against my clit and deeper, in that place only he knows how to find. The one he claimed as his own.

Another orgasm barrels toward me, bigger, more terrifying than the last. My arms ache where I fight and claw against the ties. There"s no way I"m going to survive this one. I can already feel it wrecking me, viciously ripping me apart from the inside out.

"Please," I plead, bucking my hips like I can throw him off. I know I can"t, though. He"s massive, an immovable mountain above me.

He makes me take it, forcing me into stillness and submission. His tongue sweeps lower, pressing right there where I ache for him to go.

"Fucking take it, Mila," he grunts when I cry out in surprise…in shock…in pleasure.

He presses harder, the tip of his tongue slipping inside my ass.

"Roman!" I explode apart, coming until I"m nothing but tiny, broken pieces of pleasure.

He fucks me through it with his tongue, spreading me, opening me up. One finger slips inside and then another. It"s pain, and it"s pleasure, and I don"t want him to stop.

He moves above me, twisting and turning until his cock is in my pussy and his fingers are in my ass.

"I can"t stop," he says. I don"t know if it"s a warning or a promise, but I don"t care. Not when he"s inside me. Not when he"s moving like a storm.

I"m so fucking full of him; it"s too much and not enough at the same time. He"s so big that it hurts and doesn"t hurt enough. He fills and overwhelms me, a delicious ache that's too much and never enough.

He takes me with such force that it brings tears to my eyes, but I can"t stop crying out for him. His free hand roams over my body, rough and insistent as his other plays with my ass, igniting pleasure that borders on pain.

Tears leak from the corners of my eyes. My throat hurts, but I can"t stop crying out for him.

He bites my nipple, pulling it roughly into his mouth before letting it go. I want to touch him…I need to touch him. But I can"t. He won"t fucking let me as he fucks me, flinging me from one orgasm into another.

He"s wild above me, pounding into me until the only sounds in the room are the slap of his skin against mine, my broken cries of pleasure, his snarls, and the wet sounds coming from where we"re connected.

He holds me down as he pounds into me relentlessly, each thrust bringing me closer to the edge of ecstasy.

"Come on my cock, Mila," he demands.

I want to tell him no. I want to fight him and rage against him and defy him for keeping me tied up. But I don"t. I fucking can"t, and he knows it. No matter how hard I try, I can"t ever deny him anything, and I think he knows that, too.

"Roman, please," I beg as another orgasm sparks to life and more tears well in my eyes. If I come again, I don"t think there"s going to be enough of me left to put back together. Yet part of me wants to surrender and let it destroy me.

He"s going to destroy me, and I think I might let him— willingly—because the thought of being without him is even more terrifying than the sheer ecstasy he inflicts on me.

"One more, baby," he whispers. His mouth lands against mine. He kisses me sweetly, like he knows what"s happening to me, what he"s doing to me. "I"ve got you," he breathes into my mouth. "Give me one more, Mila."

I comply without hesitation, my body yielding to him completely. The pleasure is intense, overwhelming as I come hard, screaming until my voice breaks. Spots swim in my field of vision, blotting out everything. I"m just pain and pleasure and us, so full of him, I know there"s no way in hell I"m ever going to be the same again.

"Mila," he groans as he comes, giving me everything he has. My name is a prayer on his lips, full of reverence and devotion and that emotion I can"t name—the one that lets me know he"s never going to be the same again, either.

God.What are we doing to each other? And why can"t we stop?

We are lost in each other. So fucking lost.

I whimper when he slides his fingers out of me and then rolls onto his side to face me. Tears still leak from my eyes, but I"m not sure why I"m crying. I think maybe it"s because he"s ruined me for real this time. And yet, I can"t bring myself to care, not when I have him and this intense fire between us.

"Mila, baby," he whispers when he notices the tears dripping down my cheeks. He scrambles up the bed, quickly releasing my arms from their restraints.

I cry out as soon as they"re free. They ache and burn, and it feels good. Too good, I think.

"Did I hurt you? Please tell me I didn"t hurt you," he murmurs, pulling me into his arms. He cradles me against his big body, gently massaging my arms as he kisses my forehead and eyes, showering me with affection. He sounds so repentant, so worried.

"You ruined me," I mumble. The words sound petulant to my own ears.

"Thank fuck." His sigh is full of relief.

"I"m tying you up next time," I tell him.

He presses his face into my neck and laughs at me, his body shaking beneath mine. I contemplate opening my eyes to glare at him, but I was serious. I can"t actually move. I can"t feel my legs, and my arms feel like I just power-lifted a dinosaur. I"m telling him the truth, though. I"m going to tie him up and fuck him into oblivion next time.

"Come on," he says, tucking me more firmly against his chest.

He shifts around and then stands up with me in his arms. I let my head loll against his shoulder, my eyes closed. I stay just like that as he carries me into the bathroom. I grumble wordlessly when he places me on the counter, holding onto me until he"s sure I"m not going to fall over. Once I"m more or less steady, he quickly washes his hands, brushes his teeth, and then starts the bathtub.

Neither of us says anything as he moves around, adjusting the temperature and then pouring bubbles into the water. I stare at him shamelessly, my eyes heavy. I love watching him move. He"s so graceful and confident. The giant eagle tattooed across his upper back moves with him as if it"s flying. It"s different this time though. He seems tense, his muscles tight beneath the beautiful artwork etched into his skin.

"Up," he says when he steps in front of me again.

He wraps his arms around me and lifts me up before striding toward the bathtub. I groan in pleasure when he sinks down into the water with me, not letting me go even when we"re in the tub. Instead, he cuddles me against his big body, keeping me close.

I melt into him, letting him hold me. My entire body feels detached, almost like I"m still floating in that euphoric place he fucked me into.

"That was intense," I mumble, turning my head until I"m nuzzled up against his throat. His skin is scruffy where he hasn"t shaved, but I don"t mind. I honestly love the way his scruff prickles against my face.

"Yeah, it was," he says, running his hands up and down my arms in gentle passes. He turns his face toward me and brushes his lip against mine. His lips are as soft as always, but something"s different. He"s still tense, his body rigid beneath mine.

"You didn"t hurt me," I whisper to him, worried that"s what he"s thinking about. He fucks me hard every time he"s in me, but he never hurts me. "I love how hard you take me," I say, unsure if I"ve ever told him that.

I do love it, though. When he"s in me, he fucks me like he means it. The last week with him has been incredible. He"s bossy and rough and sweet and gentle in turns. After he gives me multiple mind-blowing orgasms, he takes care of me like I"m the most important thing in the world to him. I"ve never had that before.

"That"s good," he mumbles. His lips ghost across my damp skin. "I have no control when it comes to you. As soon as I"m in you…"

"What?" I ask when he doesn"t finish his sentence. I tip my head back to look up at him, only to find him staring off into the distance with a furrow between his brows. "Roman?"

He shakes his head as if to clear it and looks down at me. His hazel eyes are troubled. "When I"m in you, I don"t ever want to stop."

I twist and turn until he loosens his hold on me, allowing me to turn around in his lap. His tub is huge, but he"s so big that it takes me a minute to straddle him without my legs jamming into the sides near his hips. Once I"m as comfortable as I"m going to get, I put my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at me.

As soon as his eyes meet mine, he tips his head down until our foreheads touch. His sweet breath dances at my lips, but he doesn"t kiss me. He just rests there, watching me intently.

"What"s wrong?" I run my hands through his sweaty hair, playing at his nape. The muscles in his shoulders and upper back are rock-hard with tension.

"I may have to leave soon," he says.

My heart stutters in my chest at his words.

"Oh," I manage to say.

For the past few days, I"ve refused to think about what happens when our time here runs out. He has a career. I have to find a place to live and a job since I no longer have either. Since the beginning, there"s been an expiration date on my time with Roman in Santa Cruz, a clock counting down in the background. But I"ve spent the last few days pretending it didn"t exist because I didn"t want to think about the inevitable end of our time together. Now that I know what it feels like to be his, I don"t want this to be over. Being with him makes me happy. He makes me happy.

"What are you thinking?" he asks quietly, studying me again.

Five days ago, I wouldn"t have told him the truth. But that was then, and it"s different now. We"re different now. I don"t know what we are exactly, but we aren"t an interlude.

"Two weeks isn"t enough," I whisper, feeling a little like I might cry at the thought of letting him go.

"I know." His voice is thick as he runs his hands up and down my back. He"s trying to comfort me, I think. "I don"t have a choice, though, baby." He sighs and then curses. "Shit is spiraling out of control."

"Your case," I guess. He"s told me about some of what he does for the ATF. I don"t know everything, but I know enough to be worried for him.

"Yeah." He sighs again and then reaches for my loofah.

I grab my body wash from behind him and hold it out. Neither of us says anything as he dumps the soap onto the loofah and lathers it up.

"Will you tell me?" I ask when he starts washing me, his big hands gentle on my body.

His eyes meet mine again. "Do you want to know?"

I nod, though I"m not sure if he"ll tell me or not. He doesn"t like to talk about his job with me. He says he wants to protect me from what he does…but I want every piece of him. Even the scary, work-related parts.

"The cartel we"ve been dealing with tried to kill a DEA agent a few days ago," he says and then pauses to gauge my reaction.

I try to stay still and quiet, schooling my expression so he doesn"t see the fear his words send pulsing through me. When his lips touch my forehead, I know he"s seen it anyway. I don"t know how he does it, but he always seems to know exactly where my head is at. Since the day I met him, he"s seen me more clearly than anyone else ever has.

"They were manufacturing a new drug," he continues quietly. "We think they"re going to try to get it to Guerrero and el Demonio in LA and then move it across the border into Francisco"s territory. If the drug makes it to Francisco, things are going to get bad. People are going to die. Potentially a lot of people."

I"m not sure what to say to that, so I just say, "Oh."

"I may not have a choice but to go back."

He sounds like he"s apologizing to me, and I don"t like that. His job is important. Keeping people safe and alive is important. I would never hold that against him. Not ever. If he has to go back, he has to go back. There"s no question about that. But maybe he doesn"t have to go back to Los Angeles alone….

I have a job interview in LA in ten days. He thinks it"s in Berkeley, and I let him believe that because I know how important it is to him to keep the people he cares about away from the people who want to hurt him. He"s spent years keeping Tahani out of LA to keep her safe. But two weeks with him isn"t enough, and I"m not ready to let this—to let us—go.

"I have to tell you something," I whisper, biting my lip as he runs the loofah up and down my back in soothing passes.

He looks at me expectantly.

"Um, my interview isn"t in Berkeley."

Confusion sweeps through his expression, crinkling his brows.

"It"s with the Triton Agency."

"A literary agency, right," he says like he doesn"t get what the big deal is, and he probably doesn"t. Not yet.

"Right. They"re, um…well, they"re actually based in Los Angeles."

He freezes as soon as I say Los Angeles, his body becoming completely rigid beneath mine. The loofah in his hands hangs limply. A parade of emotions flickers across his face, and none of them are good.

"Fuck no," he growls, pinning me in place with those piercing hazel eyes. They"re so hard, so pissed, the heat scorches me.

"But―"

"I said no," he snaps at me, glaring.

I want to argue with him. I want to fight him on this like I do on practically everything, just because I like to rile him up and piss him off, but I can already tell from his expression that I won"t win this one. He doesn"t want me in LA with him. Rationally, I know it"s because of his job. But the heart isn"t rational, and mine is bleeding right now because five days ago, he asked me if I was all in, and I said yes.

Right now, it feels like I was the only one who meant it.

"Okay," I whisper, fighting the urge to cry.

"There"s no fucking way you"re moving to LA," he says, still pissed.

I don"t tell him that I"ll probably be moving to Los Angeles regardless of whether we"re together or not. It seems pointless to have that argument right now. Instead, I focus on washing the soap from my skin, using it as an excuse to slide off his lap.

As soon as I do, he stands in one powerful motion. Water sluices off him in a flood. He looks like a Pagan god again, glaring down at me like he"s ready to fling fireballs or lightning bolts at me. He"s sexy and intimidating at the same time, scary-hot. He"s honestly gorgeous with olive skin, hazel eyes, and muscles stacked on muscles.

"You aren"t fucking moving to Los Angeles," he snaps at me, and then he yanks a towel down from the rack and storms out of the bathroom, breathing hard.

I don"t try to stop him. As much as I want to be confident and secure in his feelings for me, the harshness of his rejection guts me anyway. Just like I feared, he has power over me that Damien never had. He has the ability to break me, and I"m suddenly terrified that destruction is exactly where this thing between us is going to end.

As soon as he"s over the threshold and disappearing from my sight, tears well in my eyes. Huddled in the bathtub, which suddenly feels far too big for me, I let them fall.