Chapter Eleven

"Why books?" Roman asks, eyeing me across the dinner table like he really wants to know.

"Why not books?" I ask instead of answering, spearing a piece of chicken with my fork. "What"s wrong with books?"

"There"s nothing wrong with books, Mila. I"m just curious what made you decide you want to edit them," he says.

"Sorry," I grimace, reading the surprise in his expression. Of course he doesn"t think there"s anything wrong with books or reading. He"s well-read himself. I"m just an idiot. "I feel…protective over reading. Too many people who look like you talk shit about people who read like it"s a bad thing people find enjoyment in literature."

One dark brow flies upward. "People who look like me? What the fuck does that mean?"

"Ridiculously freaking hot," I say, waving a hand in his direction, which makes him grin. "You"re fine as hell, and you know it."

"I mean, you"re a fucking knockout yourself, baby."

I snort loudly. "Compared to you, I"m a country bumpkin, Roman."

"What the fuck?" He glowers like I just kicked a puppy. "You"re fucking gorgeous. Don"t ever say some bullshit like that again, Mila."

"Easy there, killer. I didn"t say I was ugly," I say softly. "I just said I"m not you. I was being honest."

"Nah, you"re talking bullshit," he growls. "I"m big because I work out. Staying in shape is a requirement for my job. It also kept my big ass from losing my goddamn mind over you these last few years. I"ve got tattoos because I like the feel of the needle in my skin. That doesn"t make me better than anyone, especially not you."

I sit quietly for a moment, digesting his outburst. I love that he finds me beautiful and that he thinks the world sees us the same. But I"m not naive. I"m a big girl. As far as the world is concerned, that puts him leagues above me. I"ve never much cared for their opinions, but I do care about his.

I"m guessing this is a sensitive subject for him because of Tahani"s mom. She didn"t think he was good enough to be Tahani"s dad, which I imagine left him with some pretty strong feelings about how the world perceives people.

Roman"s gaze stays fixed on me, his hazel eyes darkening like an intimidating storm. He exhales sharply and runs a hand through his messy hair, muscles rippling in all their tattooed glory. "You want to know about ugly, Mila?"

"That"s not what I…" I start, but his intense stare cuts me off.

"I"ve seen ugly," he says, voice bone-deep and raw. His eyes bore into mine like he"s trying to etch the truth of his words onto my soul as he hauls himself to his feet, circling the table toward me. "I"ve seen men do things that would make your blood curdle. I"ve held a child when her life was ripped from her by a stray bullet." His voice falters as the corner of his mouth twists into a grimace. "And I"ve seen beautiful women destroyed because they were caught in someone else"s crossfire. That"s ugly."

His words hang heavy, leaving a bitter taste lingering in my mouth as I fight to swallow down my mortification—he"s seen so much pain, so much ugliness that it makes my heart bleed for him.

He drops into the chair beside me and reaches out, fingers brushing gently across mine before he lays his hand over mine, engulfing it with his warmth. His touch is grounding—a lifeline amidst the horrific imagery his words paint.

"And beauty?" His fingers trail up my arm, tracing patterns on my skin that send shivers down my spine. His touch is possessive yet gentle—an intoxicating paradox that he masters with ease. His gaze softens as it drops down to our entwined hands. "Beauty isn"t just how something or someone looks on the outside. It"s about their soul."

His words wash over me, powerful and searing as they expose a glimpse of his innermost thoughts. His chest stirs with an intake of breath.

"You"re everything beautiful in this fucked up world, Mila." His fingers trace my face lightly, causing shivers to race down my spine as an unspoken promise dances within his touch. "You aren"t just beautiful because of your soft lips or the way your green eyes light up when you"re happy," he murmurs, fingers dragging down my neck and across the curve of my shoulder. "You"re beautiful because of your strength despite everything you"ve been through, because of your intelligence, your humor…and your heart."

His hand moves further down till it rests on my stomach, his fingers tracing slow circles against my skin as his next words land heavy in the air.

"And your body, Mila," he breathes, sounding almost reverent. "Your body is a work of art. Each curve, each line, echoes your resilience, your vitality. Don"t ever let anyone tell you otherwise."

The sincerity in his tone and the heated look in his eyes sends a jolt of warmth radiating from my heart to every corner of my body. He means every word.

I place a shaking hand against his jaw and lean forward, pressing my lips to his cheek. "Thank you," I whisper against his skin.

"Don"t thank me for telling you the truth, baby." He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, pressing his forehead to mine. "You"re fucking beautiful. If anyone looks at the two of us and thinks you"re the lucky one, they"re fucking stupid. I know your worth. It"s more than a motherfucker like me will ever be able to afford."

"Okay," I whisper, not sure what else to say. He"s rendered me speechless.

He brushes his lips against mine and then hops up, circling back to his seat. "Now, books. Explain."

A smile dances on my lips. He"s so autocratic sometimes, so demanding. I don"t know if it"s the cop in him or if it"s just his nature, but when he wants something, he never really asks. He demands.

I probably shouldn"t like it nearly as much as I do.

"Books were my escape from reality growing up. They were my companions, my mentors, the only ones who didn"t leave when shit got hard." My voice wavers, but I press on, his intense gaze pulling the words from deep within me. "They were there for me when everyone else was busy with their lives, too consumed by their own troubles." I glance at him and see the tenderness in his eyes. "They showed me love and compassion when the world turned cold—when my own father turned cold," I whisper.

Roman"s expression softens, and his hand seeks mine, large and warm against my chilled skin. His touch is grounding, just what I need. "So this is why you carry your Kindle everywhere you go? To escape?"

"Every book is a different world, you know? A chance to experience something new without having to step outside the room." I give him a devilish smirk. "Where do you think I learned to do that thing with my tongue?"

"Mila…" he pauses, drawing out my name as if tasting it. "You fascinate me. You"re so much more than what anyone sees, and I"m…" He pauses again and swallows hard before finishing with a low growl, "…I"m damn lucky to know you."

Smiling at his words, I squeeze his hand before continuing in an excited rush, "Now that I"m old enough, I want to help pass the magic on."

His grin returns swiftly, approval etched onto his gorgeous face. "I love that," he admits. "It"s fucking cute as hell and sexy at the same time."

"I want to be the one to show someone else how extraordinary they can be. How there"s an entirely different world waiting for them when they need it most." In a barely audible whisper, I add, "Everyone deserves to have something magical in their lives, you know?"

"Hell yeah, they do," he whispers, his expression a dichotomy of soft and fierce. I don"t think he"s talking about books, though. Not even close. He"s talking about me. His thumb lightly strokes my hand, and he gives me a look that feels a whole lot like coming home.

Ashadow falls over me, blocking out the sun.

"Roman," I complain through laughter. "I"m never going to finish this book if you don"t stop interrupting me every fifteen minutes. I hit the tab to save my place and then flick my gaze up. My mouth immediately goes dry.

Lord have mercy.

He"s drenched, water droplets and sand clinging to his olive skin. His hair is plastered to his head. With the sun beating down on him, he looks like a god.

"Just checking on you," he lies, my favorite wicked smirk stretching across his face. "You look hot."

"Oh, I"m definitely heating up," I mumble, squeezing my thighs together as if that"s going to help the ache deep in my core. It won"t. Nothing short of having this man inside me again will soothe that pain.

I bite my lip, fighting the urge to tangle my hands in his wet, tousled hair. He smells like the ocean and something masculine and addictive. Sin. If it had a smell, it"d be him.

"Maybe I should cool you down then," he suggests, taking a step closer. Heat rolls through his hazel eyes like a pyroclastic cloud, searing me alive. His gaze drops down to my exposed legs, clad in tiny denim shorts.

I curse myself for wearing them and a bikini top today, though I"m not even sure a parka would help this man keep his hands off me.

"I can"t focus with you standing there half-naked," I admit, feeling a flush spread across my cheeks.

"Then I won"t stand." He flashes me a wicked grin before dropping to his knees in front of me.

My heart pounds as he stares up at me, his gaze turning somber.

"Goddamn, Mila," he rasps. "I"ve spent half my fucking life looking for where I belonged. I never thought I"d find it on my knees at your feet, but a motherfucker could get used to this right here."

"Roman," I whisper, my stomach turning flips.

"I"m serious." He reaches for the hem of my shorts, his eyes locked on mine the entire time he pulls them down. My breath hitches as he exposes my bikini bottoms.

"I guess I should write that thank you note," he breathes, eyes on fire with lust.

I can barely form coherent thoughts as he presses nibbling kisses all along my inner thighs. My body trembles with anticipation as he gets closer and closer to where I want him most.

"Please," I beg, unable to take any more teasing.

He smirks up at me before tugging my bikini bottoms aside and diving between my legs. The pleasure is immediate and intense as he works his magic on me with his lips and tongue. I moan loudly, not caring who might hear us. All I care about is the pleasure ripping through me like a tidal wave.

He brings me close to the edge over and over before pulling back just enough to prolong my agony. But when he finally lets me go over, the climax is mind-blowing. It"s worth every second of torture.

"Yeah," he whispers against my skin as I try to catch my breath, "on my knees at your feet is definitely where I belong."

My heart flutters. He"s as sweet as he is filthy. If this ends in disaster, I"m never going to recover. I"ll be ninety and still living off memories of how it felt to be wrapped in his arms, safe in the knowledge that I belonged to him, even if only temporarily.

"Come on," he says after a moment, placing a hot kiss to my pussy that has me blushing all the way to my roots. He sees it and chuckles before carefully sliding my bikini bottoms back into place.

I watch, licking my lips as he hauls himself to his feet.

"Let"s go, little warrior."

"Uh, where are we going?"

"Into the water."

I glance from him to the water and then back. This might be California, but the water is cool. And I"m nice and cozy right where I am. "No, thanks. I"m good here."

"It wasn"t a suggestion, beautiful." He takes a step toward me.

"Don"t you dare, Roman Gregory."

Note to self: Never tempt a beast.

Before I can even blink, he"s on me, his hot fingers wrapping around my waist. The breath whooshes out of me as he hauls me over his shoulder. His rough hand is warm, molding to the curve of my ass through the thin fabric of my bikini. He"s so close to forbidden territory.

"Put me down!" I shriek, pounding on his back, but it"s fruitless. He"s built like a brick wall, all hard lines and bulging muscles.

He doesn"t budge.

He merely grunts before slapping my ass. Hard. It stings slightly, but it"s nothing short of invigorating. My body throbs in response, a heady rush of desire coursing through me at the unexpected contact.

"We"re going swimming." His rough voice sends chills through me that have nothing to do with the cool ocean breeze.

He strides into the crashing waves without hesitation. My heart pounds as he wades deeper into the water, not stopping until it laps well above his waist. Only then does he set me on my feet with an unceremonious plop.

Without warning, he pulls me into him, his wet skin sticking to mine. His chest is hard against my back, his heartbeat thunderous in my ear.

"There," he murmurs, his voice sending tingles down my spine. "Now you"re all wet and slippery again."

My eyes flutter shut at the raw promise in his voice, heat flooding through me at the sensual note in his tone.

His lips find mine in a demanding kiss. It"s all lips and tongue and desperation and need. It"s intoxicating, drowning me in him as the waves crash around us.

But there"s a part of me that knows this is dangerous: this forbidden dance between us. He"s too close, threatening to shatter all the walls I"ve built over the years. We"re playing with fire. But oh, God, how I want to be burned.

I gasp into the kiss as it deepens, feeling his teeth scrape my bottom lip. My heart races and my body responds to his touch like a symphony. His hands roam down my back, tracing every curve, before sliding under the thin fabric of my bikini top. I arch into his touch, moaning into his mouth as he pinches my nipples, sending shockwaves of pleasure through me.

Our kiss finally breaks, and I suck in air, panting as he pulls back. My eyes stay closed for a moment longer than necessary, savoring the feel of his warm breath on my face. When I open them again, I see him looking at me with such fierceness that it takes my breath away. He"s always been intense, but this…this is something else entirely.

"What are you doing to me?" I whisper, my voice shaky.

He smirks that wicked grin of his again and shrugs nonchalantly. "Just showing you how good it can be," he responds, his voice rough from our kisses. "Now swim."

He pushes me gently away, and I stumble forward into the water. It"s cold and refreshing against my overheated skin.

I gasp as it hits me and start swimming towards the shore, where our towels are spread out on the sand.

Within seconds, he"s beside me, his strong body slicing through the water.

Halfway to shore, he grabs me, hauling me back into his arms. A shriek of surprise escapes me as I find myself tangled in him, my legs instinctively locking around his hips. His eyes sear into mine, a predator hunting his prey. Me.

Without breaking eye contact, he slips my bikini bottoms aside.

A guttural groan vibrates against my lips as he pushes himself inside me without any warning. The sudden intrusion sends pleasure shooting through every nerve ending.

He starts moving, rough and primal. Each thrust sends me higher, closer to the precipice. The rhythm of the waves mimics the rhythm of our bodies, crashing against us as we crash against each other.

"Roman," I gasp his name like a prayer, my fingers digging into his sinewy shoulders for support. He grunts in response, his mouth finding my neck where he plants feverish kisses, marking me as his.

His pace quickens, and the sensation of him—inside me, all around me—has my head spinning. I can"t tell where he ends, and I begin. There"s only him… Roman… consuming me with a fiery passion in the middle of this endless ocean.

He thrusts deeper into me with each wave that hits us, each one more intense than the last. I can hear him growl low in his throat every time he sinks into me completely. He"s controlling himself, keeping a steady pace despite the fact that I know he wants to fuck me hard and fast right here in the water.

He grunts harder with each stroke, his strong muscles flexing beneath my touch.

"Fuck Mila," he groans against my earlobe, nibbling it playfully, causing shivers to rocket down my spine straight to where we"re joined.

Suddenly, he stills, pulling out abruptly only to flip us over so that he"s beneath me. His hands grip my hips, guiding my movements as I ride him to the rhythm of the sea around us. "Fuck, Mila…so good," he mutters, his hot breath fanning over my skin as our bodies move in sync.

My heart beats in synchronization with the waves crashing around us, each pulse echoing the searing pleasure radiating through my body. The tension inside me builds higher and higher until I am teetering on the brink.

I fall with a final thrust, plunging into a sea of pleasure that washes over me in wave after wave…until I am left gasping and shaking in his arms. Stars burst behind my eyelids, blinding me to everything but the image of him burning in my mind.

He follows just moments later, his strong body shuddering beneath mine as he spills himself deep within me.

With our chests heaving and hearts pounding against each other, we cling to one another as the waves continue to batter us gently, a testament to the storm that just passed between us.

"Roman, I …" I start, unable to find the words to express the cataclysm of emotions raging within me.

He presses his lips against my forehead. "Shh, baby, I know," he murmurs, his voice filled with a tenderness I"ve never heard before. "I know."

In that moment, I realize that we"re both drowning, not in the sea but in each other. We"re lost, shipwrecked on the shores of something I don"t even have words to describe. It"s deep and profound…and little by little, despite every damn excuse I"ve thrown out, he"s still managed to brand every fucking inch of my soul with his touch.

He was right. This isn"t a two-week stand. I"m falling in love with him.

Please,I pray. Please let me keep him.

"Don"t break me," I plead when I come back to myself.

He rests his head against my stomach, his lips against my skin. He"s holding me tightly to him, murmuring soothing noises at me.

I can"t fight him anymore. I don"t want to fight him anymore. But I"m terrified he"s going to break me in ways Damien couldn"t. He has the power to do it. I think he"s always had that power, and maybe that"s why I was really with Damien. Because I knew I"d give every little piece of myself to Roman, given half a chance. For his sake. For my sake. For Tahani"s sake…I couldn"t let that happen.

It"s too late to take it back now, though. He has me.

He presses a soft kiss to my stomach and then hauls me up into his arms. His lips brush tenderly across my forehead. I wrap my arms around him, clinging.

"Promise," he breathes against my skin.

He carries me back to the condo, neither of us speaking as I curl up in his arms. His steps are heavy as he climbs the stairs onto the back deck. Instead of taking me inside, he sinks down into a chaise with me, holding me tightly. I relax against him, tucking my head under his chin.

We both stare out into the ocean, watching as the waves crash against the shore. His chest rises and falls with each breath he takes, lulling me to the edge of something massive. Something terrifying.

"I want this," he murmurs, the words causing pieces of my hair to waft around my face. His voice is quiet and thoughtful. Sincerity rings in his tone. "I don"t know what it is, but I want it, Mila." He lifts me up, adjusting me until I"m facing him. He tilts his face down until his gaze meets mine. "I"m not him, baby. I"m not going to break you."

"I…" I open my mouth and then close it again, studying him this time. Trying to figure him out. I know he isn"t Damien. That"s what scares me. But I think not surrendering to this thing with him scares me even more.

When I"m old and gray, I don"t want to look back and regret anything. I don"t want to have to wonder what could have been. I want to know that I lived and that I tried. I want to know that I took big risks, even when they scared me. And I want to know him. Even if it can"t last. Even if it ends in disaster. I think I have to know. I have to stop trying to convince myself that this is just sex and let whatever is really happening between us take shape.

"He didn"t break me," I whisper then, feeling the truth of those words resonate in my soul. Damien didn"t break me. He hurt me, but I was never his to break. I think I was Roman"s even when I wasn"t his. I think I have been since the day I met him. Tears burn in my throat and my eyes, blurring my vision.

Roman wipes them away, his big hands gentle.

"What if Tahani finds out?" I ask him when he rests his forehead against mine, his breathing ragged. "What if she never forgives us?"

He"s quiet for a moment, thinking, assessing. "I won"t let you lose your best friend, Mila. I won"t let you be hurt. We don"t have to have all the answers today. I know what I want. What do you want, baby? Are you all in?"

I know if I tell him right here and now that this is just sex and nothing else, he"ll accept it. He won"t like it, but he"ll respect my wishes. He"ll back off and give me exactly what I want. The choice is mine, and he"s giving it to me, letting me decide if we pull back and settle for fucking, or if we move forward and explore whatever is really going on between us.

As I stare into his hazel eyes and see the gentleness and desire piercing through me, I know there was never a choice in the first place. With him, there never was.

I lean forward, pressing my lips to his.

"Yes," I breathe into his mouth, the only word that really matters. "Yes, I"m all in."