Chapter 11

11

M alorie

I was surprised when my mother said she was coming to visit next weekend. As cryptic as it may sound, I knew it was for a reason and didn't want to wait until then, so I called her, hoping she would tell me what was going on early. When she answered, allowing the remnants of laughter to fade away, that made me smile. I was happy she was happy, or at least, entertained. She became a shell of herself after Daddy died. It felt selfish to put my feelings and grief on her.

Yes, I'd loss my father, but she'd loss her life partner—the man she'd been with for thirty years at that point. The losses couldn't have been compared, but I loved her so much I couldn't put mine on top of her grief.

"Hey, baby."

"Hey, Ma. You busy?"

"I'm never too busy for you. What's going on?"

"Well, I wanted to let you know I applied for the grad program here and I got a job. I'm thinking about staying."

"That's wonderful, Mal! Congratulations. You and your brother need each other. I'm glad you're thinking about staying, though if you have a job and applied for school, it sounds like your mind is made up."

I wanted to tell her we needed her too, but I refrained. "Yeah. So… is everything okay?"

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

I nibbled my bottom lip and got a bit more comfortable on my yellow couch. Every time I sat on it, I thought about Neko.

"You're coming to visit and it's not a holiday. You're not sick, are you?"

She chuckled, and I smiled, though I was serious with my line of questioning. "No, I'm not sick, baby. I can't just want to see my babies?"

"Honestly, I love the sound of that, but I don't think that's it. You haven't just randomly visited us since you went back to Memphis."

Mama released a hard sigh. "I'm sorry about that. I just… always felt the most comfort being around my siblings. I didn't think I'd survive losing your father without my sister and brothers. That's why I'm so happy you're back home and close to Leek."

"Ma… I love Malik but…" My head hung and chin trembled as I fought the urge to be completely honest with her. Fuck it. Maybe Neko was right. Maybe I needed to just tell her the truth. "I need you too. I get that you didn't have the closest relationship with your parents, but I was very close to you and Daddy before… Not having you around has been hard. Malik can only be and give me so much. Sometimes I really need you."

"I'm here, baby. Whenever you need me, I'm only just a three hour drive away."

My eyes rolled and head tilted as I scratched my scalp. That was true, but that wasn't what I wanted her to say. I needed more than just a drive to her when I needed her. I needed her daily. I needed her even when I didn't. I needed her here .

"Okay, Ma," I settled on. "But about your visit…"

"There is a reason outside of me wanting to see you and your brother, but I wanted to talk to you both about it at the same time."

"Can I at least have a hint on if it's good or bad? It's driving me crazy."

Ma chuckled. "It's good, for me at least. I don't know how the two of you are going to feel."

I didn't respond immediately as I thought about what that could mean.

"Are you moving again?"

"No."

I heard the smile in her voice, which made me smile. "Is it a man?" When she didn't respond, I sat up in my seat. "It's a man! You're seeing someone!"

Ma squealed. "I am. I fought it for as long as I could out of loyalty to your father, but Pete has been persistent. I really like him, baby. I've worked through my guilt about liking another man so soon, but I do."

"Ma, you have every right to move on just like you have every right to stay single. It's been over four years since Daddy—"

She sucked her teeth. "You still can't say it, can you?" Ma paused. "He's gone, baby. You need to accept that so you can mo—"

"Are you bringing him with you?"

Ma sighed. "No, I'm not. I wasn't sure how your brother was going to respond, so I wanted to talk to him about it first. Malik has been acting like my daddy lately and I think he's going to be upset about me dating. Maybe it's a good thing that I told you first so you can be on my side."

Standing, I chuckled and nodded my agreement though she couldn't see me. "He swears he's somebody's daddy yet wants no kids of his own. I guess that's a good thing though."

"Trust me, it is." She laughed. "For right now at least."

We continued to talk for another half hour or so before ending the call. I was happy she was allowing herself the grace to feel something other than grief and heartbreak. Even though I knew no man could take my father's place, I was glad her heart was willing to let another man inside.

With my new job, I would receive a sign on bonus. They were also willing to give me a letter stating what I'd be making and how often I'd get paid so I could go ahead and start applying to apartments. As much as I loved living rent free, I needed my own space—especially if Neko and I were going to carry on in secret.