Chapter Twelve

Josie

This is all going so wrong.

Why did I suggest coming out? Things were fine at the cottage. They were perfect, in fact. If we’d just stayed there, naked and happy in bed, none of this would have happened. Drew wouldn’t have seen Livia and Maisie, and put two and two together about the timing of her birth. We’d never have noticed my step-father’s arrival, either. I didn’t see that coming… not even in my worst nightmares. But if we’d just stayed at the cottage, it would all have gone on without us. Hunter would have dealt with him and we’d have been none the wiser.

Everyone could have carried on living in ignorant bliss.

Hunter would never have needed to know I’m Lexi’s step-sister, and Drew wouldn’t have had to find out about his daughter, and our past… such as it is. Judging by the look on his face, I’m not sure he was ready to hear all of that, and I doubt he’ll be able to forgive me for lying to him.

That magic spell that bound us so closely isn’t just breaking; it’s fracturing into so many pieces, I know I’ll never be able to put them back together again.

“So, you’re not just my nurse?” He frowns, shaking his head slowly from side to side.

I can’t begin to tell him how much that hurts. Since when was I just his nurse? Since now, I guess. If I needed a hint that we’re over, I just got it, and for a second or two, I can’t answer. I refuse to cry in front of him, but it’s a struggle to swallow down my tears and croak out the word, “No.”

“And we met at a party?”

“Yes. It was at an apartment in Boston.”

“I don’t remember it.”

I nod my head. “You walked in the door and I took one look at you and fell in love.” Because, whatever you might think, I’ve never been just your nurse. “I didn’t realize straight away that you were with Lexi – not romantically – and we spent the evening together, just talking. Then she came over and made it clear the two of you were together, and I—I thought that was the end of it… that nothing could ever happen between us.”

He holds up his right hand. “Hold on…” A frown settles on his face. “Is that what you meant when you said you’d always loved me, the first time we had sex?” I flinch at his words. It’s interesting that he’s saying we had sex now. We didn’t make love. And although he spots my reaction, his frown deepening, he doesn’t say anything else and just stares at me, waiting for an answer.

“Y—Yes.”

“So, rather than proving that love by telling me the truth, you perpetuated the lie?”

“It’s not a lie.”

“This whole thing is a fucking lie, Josie,” he yells, and I swallow down my tears.

“No, it’s not. I—I love you.”

“You love her, too,” Hunter says, stepping forward. “And in case you’re having any doubts about it, you always did.”

Drew turns to him. “How would you know?”

“Because you told me.” Hunter takes a deep breath, stepping closer to Drew, trying to calm both him and the situation, I think. “When you asked me about your past the other day, I told you that love wasn’t something you did very often. I wasn’t exaggerating. As far as I’m aware, it was something you’d only done once before, with the woman I knew as Lexi’s sister.” He turns his head, looking at me, and smiles, just slightly. “I didn’t know her name. You never told me,” he says, clearly still talking to Drew. “But I remember when I was asking Josie if Lexi’s sister had been notified about the accident. She told me she had, and I said I hoped you’d remember her when you got your memory back.” He looks back at Drew again. “I had a reason for saying that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. I knew how much you loved her… Lexi’s sister, that is. You’d told us…”

“Us?” Drew interrupts. “Who’s us?”

Hunter sighs and glances at me, shrugging his shoulders. “We’ve come this far. We might as well tell him everything.” Drew frowns and tilts his head.

“What now?” he says.

“Us is me and Ella.”

“And who is Ella?” Drew asks.

“She’s our sister… yours and mine. She lives here, in an apartment in the main property.”

Drew turns away, looking up at the house, like he’s hoping it’ll spark a memory. I’m not sure if it does, but after a few seconds, he looks back at us. “Is she the woman with the short, dark hair and the baby?”

“Yes.” Hunter nods his head. “That’s Henry.”

“Jesus Christ… how many more secrets?” Drew pushes his fingers back through his hair, glaring at me.

“They’re not secrets.” Hunter says. “We were told not to tell you anything for your own good.”

Drew turns to his brother. “Really? It doesn’t feel like this is doing me much good right now. I’ve got a daughter, and a sister, and a nephew I didn’t know about. I can’t even remember my daughter’s mom, and it seems like this isn’t love at first sight for me and Josie, but love at second sight… if there is such a thing.”

Hunter moves a little closer to Drew. “I get that you’re confused and angry, but don’t blame Josie.”

Drew narrows his eyes and my skin prickles against the distant icy memories of a life without him.

Please don’t let it come to that.

“What did I tell you? You and Ella?” Drew asks.

“That Lexi had dragged you to a party, against your will. That you’d gone to be polite, met Lexi’s sister and fallen for her. Ella made fun of you, because that’s what she does… and because you’d never been in love before. It was a golden opportunity for her, and she wasn’t about to pass it up.”

“I don’t get why I told you. Was that the kind of thing I did? Was I renowned for discussing my love life?”

Hunter smiles. “You didn’t really have a love life. You had a sex life.” He glances at me, looking a little sheepish, but then turns back to Drew. “And you told us because you needed advice.”

“What about?”

“How to ask Josie out. You’d already broken things off with Lexi by then, and you’d worked out that Josie was the one for you. Only you didn’t know what to do about it.”

“What did you suggest?”

“We both told you that you needed to wait. And I said you could try making friends with Josie, rather than dating her… at least to start with.”

“And is that what I did?” Drew says, turning to me.

“You didn’t wait very long, but you called, and we met up for coffee. It was lovely.”

“Romantic?” he says, tilting his head, like he’s trying to work out if that’s what we had before… whether it was different to how we’ve been since the accident.

“No, not especially. I think you must have heeded your brother’s advice and decided to go down the friendship route. Not that I minded. As far as I was concerned, I was just so relieved to hear from you, and so happy to see you… to talk to you. I hoped it might lead to something more… eventually. All I wanted was to spend time with you, and if I had to wait for Lexi to be a little further in the past, I didn’t mind in the least.”

Drew sighs, his brow furrowing, like he’s thinking through what I’ve just said. “Did we meet again?”

“Yes. Twice more.”

“And?”

“Each time was better than the last.”

“Did we do more than meet up and talk? Did we kiss, or…?”

“No, but I wanted to. We seemed to be getting closer, but after that third meeting, you had to go to Hawaii. You weren’t sure when you’d be back, and I was working over the weekend, so you said you’d call. You seemed keen to see me again, and I wanted to see you. I was looking forward to hearing from you… at least until I got that call from Lexi.”

“She called you?”

“Yes.”

“Had someone told her about us? Did she have a problem with it?”

“No. There wasn’t an ‘us’ to speak about. Not really. She called me because she’d found out she was pregnant.”

“Oh.” He lets his head fall, and I can feel the anger and confusion pouring off of him.

“I didn’t understand why she was confiding in me. Like I said, we weren’t close, and it didn’t make sense that she’d come to me… until she explained that her father was livid. He wasn’t talking to her. She needed someone, and I guess she turned to me.”

“Not me?” He looks up, bewildered.

I shake my head. “You were still in Hawaii at the time… not that she knew that. She didn’t call you straight away because she didn’t want you to think she was trying to trap you.”

“Trap me?”

“Yes. You’re a multi-millionaire, Drew. She thought you might assume she’d done it on purpose.”

“How? Presumably I’d had some involvement? Or did I routinely go around having sex and not taking precautions?”

“No,” Hunter says, shaking his head. “As far as I know, that was a first for you. The way you told us the story was that you were drunk and forgot to use a condom. You said Lexi was on birth control, but she’d been sick, so it hadn’t worked.”

Drew looks up at his brother. “I told you that? You and Ella?”

“No. You told me, and Ella… and Livia.”

Drew’s eyes widen. “And Livia?”

“Yeah. You were in shock. Lexi had only just broken the news to you. I don’t think you knew what you were saying.”

“Lexi told me the same thing, Drew.” He looks back at me. “She was fearful that you’d think she’d either been lying about the birth control, or that she’d gotten sick on purpose, or something. I pointed out that you could’ve used a condom, and she said you were both a little drunk… that it hadn’t been top of your list of priorities.” I can feel myself blush, but I owe him details… and a lot more besides.

Drew sighs. “What made her change her mind… about telling me, I mean?”

“I did.”

He frowns. “You did?”

“Yes. I knew it would mean the end of any hope for us, but I couldn’t deny you the right to be a father to your child, knowing that, even if we got together, that was the one thing I could n—never give you.” My voice cracks, although there’s nothing I can do about that.

His eyes darken, and he steps closer, facing me. I might have hoped for kindness, given what I’ve just said, but there’s none in his face. Instead, I’m looking at nothing but unbridled rage. “How can you say that?” I cower against his thunderous voice and Hunter grabs his arm. Drew shakes him off, his anger getting the better of him. “How can you say you couldn’t deny me the right to be a father to my child when you’ve been doing precisely that ever since the accident?”

“It wasn’t just Josie who did that,” Hunter says, putting himself between us, protecting me from his brother’s fury. “That was my decision, too. So, if you wanna get mad at someone, get mad at me.”

“I am mad at you.”

“Fine. Carry on. Don’t let me stop you if it makes you feel better. But are you honestly suggesting we should have let you look after Maisie? You think you’ve been in a fit state to do that? Caring for a baby is a full-time job, and it’s damn hard work. You’ve been recovering from the accident while trying to figure out who you are. Do you really think you could have factored Maisie into that?”

“No, but that’s not the point.”

“Then what is?” Hunter raises his voice, exasperated.

“That you kept her existence from me. Can’t you see?”

“Of course we can,” I say, stepping out from behind Hunter, so I’m standing beside him, looking up at Drew. “We’re not inhuman, you know? This hasn’t been easy for either of us.”

He shakes his head at me. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this was all about you.”

“Oh, grow up, will you?” Hunter says, standing up to his full height.

“Drew, please.” I reach out and touch his arm, but he pulls back and tears fill my eyes. “How do you think I felt when I told you I can’t have children? Do you think I enjoyed telling you that, knowing you already have a child of your own, but that being parents is something we can never share? It’s been difficult for Hunter, too. And for Livia. These weren’t decisions we took lightly… believe me. Keeping things from you hurt us, too. But we were just doing what we were told, and what we believed was best for you. The doctor said we couldn’t tell you about your past. He said it might harm your recovery if we revealed things you weren’t ready for.”

“Do I look like I’m ready now?”

“No. If you want me to be honest, the way you’re reacting is evidence that the doctor was probably right. Finding out hasn’t done you any favors… especially not in this way, with all the information coming at you in an avalanche. I was supposed to manage your recovery, and I’ve failed dismally.”

I step back, but Hunter reaches out and grabs my arm just above the wrist. “You haven’t failed, Josie. This is no-one’s fault. You couldn’t foresee that scene with your step-father. No-one could have seen that coming.”

“No, but it was going to unravel anyway, even before he arrived.”

Hunter frowns. “It was?”

“Yes. Drew had worked out that Maisie isn’t yours.” I turn to him. “Hadn’t you?”

“Yes,” Drew says.

Hunter looks at his brother. “How?”

“Because you told me you and Livia discussed having a baby for the first time just a few weeks before your wedding. Then Josie told me you and Livia have only been married since February. It was a simple matter of doing the math. Maisie can’t be yours. Obviously, I didn’t realize she was mine, but…”

“He’d put two and two together,” I say.

“Yeah. I just hadn’t quite made four yet.”

“So, I’m as much to blame as anyone,” Hunter says, still focused on his brother. “I slipped up. But do you know what? I’m human. So is Josie. In an ideal world, we’d never have let this happen. We’d have found a way of releasing the information to you in a more controlled way, when you were ready for it.”

Drew stares at him for a moment or two and then turns to me. “Now we’ve come this far, can you tell me what happened?”

“When?”

“You were saying you persuaded Lexi to tell me about the pregnancy.”

“Yes.”

“And after she did? What did I do then?”

“I don’t really know. I didn’t hear from Lexi for a while.”

“You drove down to New York to see her,” Hunter says, filling in the gaps for him. “You offered to support her.”

“Financially?” Drew raises his eyebrows.

“In any way she wanted.”

He turns to me. “Did I contact you?”

I shake my head. “I didn’t hear from you again.”

He frowns. “Y—You mean I didn’t even call you? Not at all?”

“No. What were you going to say? It was a horrible situation… for all of us, I think. And like I said, when I persuaded Lexi to tell you she was pregnant, I knew it would mean the end for us, so I wasn’t surprised.”

“So, we didn’t see each other between then and the accident?”

“We saw each other once… on the day Maisie was born.”

Hunter closes his eyes for a second, shaking his head just slightly and I guess he must already know this story; that Drew must have told him before.

“Really?” Drew says, frowning. “How did that happen?”

“Lexi came to stay with me just before Maisie’s due date. My step-father was still refusing to have anything to do with her and she found that kinda tough. She used to come to Boston every so often to see you…”

Drew holds up a hand and I stop talking. “We… we weren’t involved, were we? Lexi and I, I mean?”

“No. But you saw as much of her as you could. Sometimes you’d go to New York, and sometimes she’d stay with me in Boston, and you’d meet up there.”

“And that’s where she was when Maisie was born?”

“Yes. She was at my apartment. I had to call you, and we both wound up being present for Maisie’s birth.” I swallow down the lump in my throat, reliving the memory, and regretting that he can’t. “It wasn’t easy and I’m not gonna say it was. I was happy for Lexi, but seeing you hold your newborn daughter for the first time… it broke my heart.” My voice cracks and he frowns, like he’s struggling.

“Did Lexi ever find out about us?”

“Not from me.”

He turns to Hunter. “Do you know if I told her?” he asks.

“I don’t know. I think you intended to.”

“What does that mean?”

“A couple of days before the accident, we spoke on the phone. You said you’d had a conversation with Lexi and you thought she might be seeing someone else.”

“Did that worry me? Was I jealous?” I hate that he’s so unsure of himself… so lost.

“No. Not in the slightest. You were pleased about it. You thought it might open the way for you to get together with Josie.”

“Even though she and Lexi were sisters?” Drew says, his brow furrowing.

“Yes. You said you didn’t think Lexi and her sister were very close, because they hadn’t met up since Maisie was born.”

Drew turns to me. “Is that true?”

“Yes. I found it hard, seeing her and Maisie and knowing I couldn’t have that life with you.”

“You told me you were gonna talk to Lexi,” Hunter says. “You said you were gonna find out if she really had another guy in her life, and if she did, you were gonna take it from there. Whether you got the chance to do any of that before the accident, I don’t know.”

Drew keeps his eyes trained on me. “Was she seeing someone?”

“Yes, she was. His name is Manuel Ortega, and he’s a model, like she was. The way Lexi explained it to me, they hadn’t been together for very long, but they’d known each other for a while… and it was serious. That’s probably how you picked up on it.”

“It was serious?” he says.

“Yes. They were thinking of moving to Boston.”

“Together?”

“Yes. Lexi thought it would make things easier for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you used to drive to New York and stay in a hotel so you could see Maisie. It was difficult for everyone, I think, and…”

“And what?”

“And Manuel didn’t like her coming to Newport to stay with you.”

Drew raises his eyebrows. “She used to come here?”

“Yes.”

“With Maisie?”

“Yes,” Hunter says, taking over. “It wasn’t something you did all the time, but they had their own rooms in the cottage, and you brought them here whenever it suited your schedule.”

Drew tips his head to one side, looking over Hunter’s shoulder toward the cottage. “I don’t get it. If Maisie has a room at the cottage, where are all her things?”

“We moved everything over here,” Hunter says, nodding toward the main house. “After the accident, it was obvious someone other than you was gonna have to take care of her for a while, so we moved the contents of Maisie’s nursery from the cottage over to one of the guest rooms.”

Drew pushes his fingers back through his hair, one hand on either side of his head. “And Lexi had her own room, too?”

“Yes.”

“Did I look after her? Lexi, I mean?”

Hunter nods his head, moving a little closer to Drew. “You did everything for her. Anything she asked of you, you did it.”

“Was I happy?”

“No.”

Drew shakes his head, like he doesn’t understand. “So, I didn’t want to have a child?”

“That’s not what I said. You asked if you were happy, and I said ‘no’. But the reason you were unhappy had nothing to do with Maisie… not really. It was because you wanted to be with Josie, and you couldn’t. It broke you when you had to stop seeing her, but you put Lexi and Maisie first, last and everywhere in between.”

“I see. And Maisie? What was I like with her?”

Hunter smiles and, despite everything, I can’t help my lips from twisting up a little, too. “When she was born, you became a man,” Hunter says. “You switched your entire career around… your entire life around, to accommodate her. I honestly don’t think you could have done any more.”

Drew averts his gaze to me. “It’s true,” I tell him. “Lexi may have met someone else, but she was grateful for how you were with her and Maisie, and for everything you did. That’s one of the reasons she wanted to move to Boston. She was trying to keep Manuel happy, but she wanted to make things easier for you, too. I think she knew you didn’t enjoy staying in a hotel when you went to New York, and she said that at least if she moved to Boston, then Maisie could stay at your apartment there… just the two of you.”

“She was gonna let me have Maisie by myself?”

“Yes. That’s what she said. You’d done so much for her…” I let my voice fade, wondering if I should have started that sentence.

“What’s wrong?” he says, moving closer. “You were gonna say something.”

I guess there’s no point in trying to hide it. “It’s just that Lexi hadn’t explained to you about Manuel. From what she said, he was practically living with her, and I told her she should have kept you informed. We nearly had an argument about it.”

“Why? Didn’t she want to tell me? What did she think I’d do?”

“I don’t think she was worried about that. Her reasoning was that she didn’t pry into your sex life, so you had no right to know about hers. I told that if she was bringing another man into Maisie’s life, as Maisie’s father, you had a right to know.”

“And she agreed?”

“Eventually, yes. She took some persuading, but she said she was gonna tell you. Obviously, I don’t know if she was able to before…”

He nods his head, understanding my meaning without me needing to say the words.

“This Manuel guy… does he know about the accident?”

“Yes, he does. He was Lexi’s emergency contact on her phone, so they called him when it happened. I spoke to him at the hospital.”

“You did?” Hunter’s surprised.

“Yes. I—I told him my true identity.”

“Why did you tell him and not us?” he asks, and I wonder if he’s offended.

“Because it made him more comfortable. It meant he had someone who he could talk to about Lexi… someone who understood. And I wanted him to know I was looking out for Maisie.”

Hunter nods his head, while Drew tilts his. “You liked him?”

“Yes. He was a nice guy. He was devastated about Lexi, but he wanted to know Maisie was okay… and you, too.”

“Why? Had I met him?”

“No, but I think he felt bad for doubting Lexi’s motives in seeing so much of you. He was jealous of the time you spent together, even though I think he knew, deep down, he had no cause. She loved him, and he knew it. He told me you’d paid off the mortgage on Lexi’s apartment, and that you gave her an allowance, too. He said that was part of what made him so resentful… even though there was no need.”

Hunter stares at Drew, shaking his head slightly. “I didn’t know you’d paid off her mortgage.”

“Neither did I,” Drew says. “Obviously.”

“There’s probably a lot more that you don’t know, and that even we can’t tell you,” I say and Drew looks at me, frowning. “Hunter knows a lot about your past, but I’m sure he doesn’t know everything… and I only know some of Lexi’s side of the story. I’m only aware of the things she told me in that last meeting we had before the accident. You’re gonna have to fill in the blanks for yourself, when it all comes back to you.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not sure I can handle anything else.”

“Then don’t think about it.”

He looks at me, incredulously. “How can I not think about it, after everything you’ve just said?”

“No. You don’t understand. What I mean is, don’t think about the blanks. Just come to terms with what you know for now… if you can.”

He takes a deep breath. “That’s gonna take some doing.”

“There’s no rush.”

“Really? You think I enjoy having all these holes in my memory still? I’m not sure it wasn’t easier to live in total ignorance than to have a half-baked idea of my past.”

“Which is why I should have managed this better. I’m sorry, Drew. I wish it hadn’t all come out like this.”

He sighs and rubs his hand down his face. “I need some time by myself.” Hunter steps forward, but Drew holds up a hand, halting him. “I know what you’re gonna say. I get that I’m a father and I have responsibilities, but I can’t deal with them yet. Okay? I’m not ready. First, I need to take in at least some of what you’ve told me.” He turns, looking down at me, although I can’t read his face. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask, but he shakes his head. Why would he? I’m just his nurse.

He takes a step away, but I reach out, grabbing his arm. This time he doesn’t shake me off, but he looks at my hand, pale against his darker skin, and then raises his eyes to mine. “Do you hate me?” I ask.

“Of course not. I can’t hate you.”

“Do you still love me?”

He stares at me for a long moment and then pulls his arm away. Tears prick my eyes, and he cups my face in his hand, sighing deeply, like he wants to do more, but can’t. “I need some time… okay?”

He moves away again. “Drew… wait.”

He turns back. “What is it?” He sounds a little impatient, like he’s desperate to be somewhere else… anywhere else.

“I—I need to play you something, before you go.”

“Play me something?”

“Yes.” I pull out my phone. “It’s a recording of a message you sent me.” I find it quickly and turn up the volume, holding my phone between us, so he can hear…

“Hi, Josie. It’s me, Drew. It’s been a long time, and I know I should’ve been in touch before now, but… the… the thing is, I—I wanted to ask if we could meet up? I’m at the airport. I’m flying back from Rome today, and going down to Newport with Maisie and… and her mom, but I wondered… can I call you? We need to talk, or I think we do. Obviously, if I’ve mis-read everything, you’ll be wondering what on earth I’m talking about, in which case I apologize for disturbing you, and it’s probably best if you stop listening now…” While the recording pauses, I look up at Drew’s face. He seems bewildered, his mouth slightly open, like he’s trying to remember a time when he might have said these words. “If you’re still listening, I guess I didn’t mis-read things, so the next question is, do you want to see me again? If you’ve moved on, or you’re with someone else now, or you just don’t want to have anything more to do with me, after everything that’s happened, that’s fine… well, it isn’t, but I’ll understand. This is complicated, and it’s a lot harder for you than it is for me. I get that, and I’m sorry. Truly, I am. I should have said that a long time ago, but I’m really sorry, Josie.” I hold my phone a little tighter at the sound of Drew’s cough, and the emotion I know is behind it. “The timing was dreadful, and if it’s all too much for you, then just ignore me. I’ll get the message and I won’t hassle you. If you think you’d like to meet up, call me. I’ll fit in with whatever you need… whatever you want. I just wanna see you again, Josie.” There’s a pause, but I wait, knowing there’s more to come. “Call me… please.” The message ends and I lower my phone, looking up into his face.

“I picked that up right before I found out about the accident. I’d just finished my shift and your message was on my phone. It had been there all day, but I hadn’t had time to look. I listened to it and I let myself hope that maybe you wanted more than friendship… that somehow, we could be together.”

He nods his head. “That makes sense. Obviously I can’t be sure of my meaning, but I’d said I wanted to see you again, and from the tone of my voice, it sounded like I was looking for something more than we’d had before.”

I nod my head.

“That was what I thought. I wondered if I should call you. I wanted to, so badly… but I realized you’d be in the car with Lexi, driving to Newport, so I waited. Then I went down in the elevator, thinking I’d call you when I got home, and on my way through the ER, I saw Maisie, and they told me about the accident.” I look up into his bewildered eyes. “I know I could have come clean. It wouldn’t have been easy, but I could have admitted who I was to the doctors, and to your family. Except my sister had just died, and even if she and I weren’t that close, I wanted to be with Maisie, to hold on to her, and take care of her for Lexi, and for you… and I wanted to be with you, too. It all happened so fast, I didn’t have time to think clearly about the trouble I was storing up for both of us. I just wanted to cling to the love I’d come so close to tasting. And then, when I realized what was wrong with you, I wanted to help you. Because I knew I could.” I move a little closer. “I made a mistake, Drew. A big one. I took advantage of the situation… and of you. It wasn’t done to hurt you, though. It was done with the best of intentions. You have to believe me. You were there, and you needed me, and I—I couldn’t risk losing you again.”

He doesn’t say a word. Instead, he just stares at me, breathing steadily in and out, and I know it’s too late.

There’s no way back for us.

I turn, running for the cottage, tears streaming down my cheeks, because this time, I know he won’t follow.

I’m on my own.

Right where I deserve to be.

***