Chapter Twelve

Ella

Christmas seems like forever ago now.

So does the morning a few weeks beforehand, when I discovered I was pregnant. Having worked out I was late, I showered and drove into town, stopping at the drugstore for a pregnancy test. I was fairly sure it would be positive, but even so, reading the word ‘pregnant' on that little screen still made me reel with shock, and I dropped the test into the basin, unable to even keep a hold of it. I stared at it for a while, but the word just stared back at me, so I went and sat on the edge of the bed, wondering what to do. Should I tell Mac? Should I tell Hunter? Or should I just stay in my room for the rest of my life?

In the end, I did nothing. I tried to forget about it in the short term, knowing both of my brothers would be home for the holidays. We could talk about it then… and we did.

I was free of the studio by that time, having emailed Kennedy a few days after I found out I was pregnant. I told her I didn't want to be involved with the show any more ‘for personal reasons', and didn't go into any further detail. She replied with a very blank ‘okay', and we left it at that. To be honest, I wished I'd done it sooner. It was a lot less trouble than I'd expected.

I just hoped Hunter and Drew would take my other news as well…

I waited until they all got here on Christmas Eve. Hunter and Livia had been frequent visitors in between, but Drew had been away, either on assignment, or in New York, visiting Lexi, and I wanted to tell them all together. For a while, I wondered if he might spend the holidays there, but he said she had plans. To be honest, I think spending so much time together was starting to make him feel like they were in the relationship neither of them had wanted in the first place. The thought of spending the holidays together was probably too much.

"Is she visiting her family?" I asked when he called to tell me he'd be coming home on Christmas Eve.

"I don't know. She didn't tell me. I don't think so, though. Her father hasn't reacted very well to the news about the pregnancy, and she told me her sister's working over Christmas."

"Working?"

"She's a nurse."

I couldn't remember if he'd told me that before, but my brain seemed to be malfunctioning. Just that morning, I'd found one of my favorite sweaters in the deep freeze. I still can't fathom how it got there, but I think that was when I knew the pregnancy was starting to affect me.

"What about her mom?"

"She died, I think. Don't ask me for details, though. It's not something we talk about."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. We're not an item, and neither of us wants to be."

He had a point, and it was a reminder that his situation was difficult… maybe more difficult than my own was about to be.

"Has she met someone else?"

"She hasn't said so."

"Do you think she would? Say something, I mean… if she did?"

"I'd like to think so, considering she's carrying my child. But you never know."

"Does it worry you?"

"To be honest, everything worries me at the moment."

I felt sorry for him, but at least Lexi's plans meant we could all be together for the first time in ages, and I needed that. I knew it wouldn't be easy to break my news to them, but when I did, they were fabulous about it… especially Drew.

He's grown up a lot in the last few months, although I'm not always convinced that's a good thing. Sometimes I miss my carefree brother, and while I think it's great that he's taking responsibility for Lexi's pregnancy, I can see how broken-hearted he is that he'll never be with her sister now.

On the night I told them my news, even though it was Christmas Eve, he stayed with me for ages after Hunter and Livia had gone to bed, and we sat in the living room, just talking.

"I'm not telling Mac," I explained, because we hadn't really covered that.

"Excuse me?" He sat forward, staring at me. "You're not gonna tell him?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"You know how we broke up." Hunter had already explained everything to him, so I didn't have to, and he'd called me when he got back from West Virginia to make sure I was okay. I wasn't, of course. I'm still not. "You know he didn't trust me."

"This is different, Ella."

"Maybe, but I'm still not telling him."

"Give me a good reason."

"I can give you three."

"Go on then," he said, folding his arms across his chest.

"First… it's not his fault. It's mine."

"How do you work that out?"

"Because he didn't use a condom." I wondered if I was blushing. I felt like I was.

"And how is that your fault?" He tilted his head, frowning.

"Because I encouraged him." At least, I did after the first time, so I can hardly blame Mac for what happened.

He raised his eyebrows. "So, this is intentional?"

"I guess. Although breaking up with him wasn't. We were in Vermont when this happened…" I patted my flat stomach. "And when I made it clear I was happy with the consequences of not using condoms, I'd expected that we'd go back to Boston, and that I'd tell him I was in love with him and ask him to move in with me. I'd never expected it to end like this."

"Okay," he said, nodding his head, encouraging me to go on. "What's the second reason?"

"He called me."

"He did?"

"Yes. I didn't take the call, but it was his message that reminded me I could be pregnant."

"How? Did he ask about it?"

"Not in so many words. He just made me remember the dates."

"How?"

"He said it had been two weeks since we'd been in Vermont… and if I needed him, I should call."

"In which case, don't you think you should? He clearly hadn't forgotten his responsibilities. Regardless of what had gone on between you, he must have still cared, or he wouldn't have called."

"He didn't care about me, though."

"Why do you say that?" he asked

"Can't you see? He called about the baby, not me."

"I don't see how you can tell that from a message, but are you really not even gonna give him a chance?"

"No."

"I don't agree with you, but what's the third reason?"

"You."

He leaned back, his brow furrowed. "Me?"

"Yes. I can see what knowing about Lexi's baby is doing to you."

"Can you? What's it doing to me then?"

"It's ruining your life, Drew. It's changing you."

"Yeah… and so it should. I'm gonna be a father in a few months' time. I can't live my life the way I used to."

"But…"

"But nothing. Lexi and I may not be together, but she's carrying my child, and no matter what the personal consequences of that are to me, I'd still rather know about it. I decided to stand by her, so if anyone is ruining my life, it's me. I had a choice, because she told me, and you can't take that choice away from Mac. It's not fair, Ella."

I stared up at him, tears filling my eyes. "I—I love him so much, Drew, but it's over between us and I can't interfere in his life."

I could tell he wasn't convinced by my arguments, but he didn't pressure me, and he hasn't done since… not that I've had much time to think about it myself. In the intervening weeks, we've all been really busy organizing Hunter and Livia's wedding. We had precious little time as it was, but things were made even more complicated by a piece of news that stopped us all in our tracks. Hunter found out that Ken Bevan had been killed in a car accident just a few days after Christmas. His is a name that's haunted our family for decades, and although Livia barely knew the man, he was her natural father, and she felt she should spend some time with her mom. It was understandable, and I agreed to take over the wedding plans while she was away.

Neither she nor her mom wanted to attend the funeral, but Hunter went on their behalf. He said it was poorly attended, which didn't surprise any of us, and once that was over, they returned to Newport. I think they both felt they could draw a line under that part of the past, and we got on with the plans for their future… together.

The wedding took place yesterday, and it was absolutely beautiful.

I know being pregnant makes you more emotional, but I barely stopped crying throughout the entire day. I was worse than Livia's mom. She sniffled a little, although that was understandable. Not only had her first husband just died, raking up some unhappy memories, but her daughter was getting married, and it had been a stressful week for her and Connor. Their house had only just been completed in time, so their move down here had been a little rushed, to put it mildly. The wedding helped her forget her problems for a while, I have no doubt.

Hunter was so happy, and so proud, and Livia was just bursting with joy. She looked beautiful, in the palest pink lace dress, and my brother has never looked better in a tux. Champagne flowed all day, although I couldn't partake myself, and the entire house was decorated with early spring flowers. Drew was the best man and his speech was hilarious, but even as I was laughing at his jokes, I couldn't help the feelings of regret from creeping up on me…

I startle at the knocking on my door, and go to answer it, surprised to find Drew standing there, looking down at me.

"I thought I'd invite myself for coffee."

I step aside. "You can invite yourself for a cup of tea. I'm still not up to drinking coffee."

"Even though the morning sickness has stopped?"

"Yeah. The smell of coffee still makes my stomach churn, and I'm not pushing my luck."

"Okay. Tea it is."

I let him in, closing the door, and we make our way through to the kitchen, where he sits at the island unit and I put the kettle onto the stove to boil.

"I take it you got Hunter and Livia to the airport okay?"

"Yes. I'm kinda jealous… two weeks at a secluded villa in the Seychelles sounds pretty damn perfect, doesn't it?" I nod my head and he tilts his. "Are you okay, Sis?"

"I—I just can't help wondering…"

"Wondering what?"

"If I've blown my chances."

He shakes his head. "Chances of what?"

"Don't be dense, Drew. Even if I wanted to be with anyone other than Mac, I'm going to have a baby in a few months' time. Do you honestly think it's going to be easy to find a man who'll want to take on someone else's child?"

"I don't know. Oddly enough, I talked that through with Lexi after the New Year. You'd made me wonder when you raised the idea at Christmas, and I wanted to know if she'd been with anyone."

"And?"

"She said she hadn't. She'd spent the holidays with some friends. I apologized for interfering, because that's how it felt, but we got talking in a more general way, and she said it doesn't feel right to date someone else while she's pregnant with my child, but that after the baby's born, she doesn't see it being a problem."

"And how will you feel about that if it happens?"

"As long as the baby knows who its father is, I'm okay with it. Lexi's a free agent, Ella." He sighs. "Although I don't know why you're worrying."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm pretty sure you've got a man already."

"Oh? Who?"

"Mac, of course." I shake my head as the kettle boils and I turn off the heat. "I wish you'd change your mind about telling him."

"Why?" He falls silent and I turn to face him, noticing the blush on his cheeks. "What's wrong, Drew?"

"I—I've been meaning to tell you for ages, but I didn't know how, especially when you were so upset… and pregnant."

"I'm still pregnant, in case you haven't noticed." I pat my slightly swollen stomach.

"I know, but I can't keep pretending."

"What about?"

He sighs, pushing his fingers back through his hair. "I met him."

"Who?"

"Mac."

"You did?"

"Yeah. I was hired by the studio to take his photograph."

I remember now and I nod my head. "Oh… so you took the publicity shots?"

"Yeah."

"And is that how you know Kennedy Black?"

"Yes, but I wasn't aware you knew I did."

"She made a point of telling me… and treating me differently once she'd worked out the connection."

"And you haven't brought this up before?"

"No. I—I wondered if you might have slept with her, and I didn't like to ask."

His eyes widen. "Slept with Kennedy Black? You're kidding, right? Aside from the fact that she'd eat me for breakfast, I've never slept with anyone who's old enough to be my mother."

I laugh, unable to help myself. "She's not that old."

"You think? Have you ever looked at her hands?"

"Not closely, no."

He nods his head. "She's had work done on her face, but if you study her hands, they'll tell you everything you need to know. Hands don't lie."

"How old is she, then?"

"I don't know exactly, but I'd guess at late fifties."

"Wow… I'd have thought she was in her early forties at most."

"That's what a good plastic surgeon can do."

I'm amazed, and take my time pouring hot water over the tea bags, bringing the cups to the island unit, along with a lemon, which I slice, adding some to each of our cups.

"How did you end up working at the studio?" I ask, sitting down beside him. "Did you already know Kennedy?"

"No. I heard they were looking for someone. Photographing Mac was my first job for them, but I had no idea you were connected with the show."

"You must have worked it out since, though."

"Yes, but I hadn't seen you… not until Christmas, and I wasn't sure about bringing it up then. You'd just announced your pregnancy… and made it clear you didn't want Mac to know. It felt inappropriate to tell you I'd met the guy."

"So, why are you telling me now?"

"Because I think you should know… he told me he liked you."

"Don't be ridiculous. The publicity shots were taken on our first day, weren't they?"

"Yes."

"In which case, he hated me then."

"He didn't hate you, Ella. On the contrary. We got talking, and he told me he was in danger of falling for you."

"But we fought… all the time."

"I know. He told me that, too, and then we had a conversation about Kennedy and how she kept flirting with him, and how uncomfortable he felt about it. He wondered if his behavior around you was so very different… and I reassured him that admiring from afar wasn't the same thing as forcing your attentions on someone. Of course, I didn't realize he was talking about my little sister at the time." I nudge into him and he chuckles. "He knew, right back then, Ella… he knew you were the one for him."

I feel a lump rising in my throat, and struggle to swallow it down. Can it be? Did he love me like I loved him? Does it even matter now, though… now it's all gone so wrong?

I jump at the sound of knocking on my door.

"I'll get it." Drew stands up, wandering to the front door. I hear him speaking and then he returns a few moments later, carrying a few envelopes. "That was Pat. The mailman has just been. There were some things for you."

He dumps everything onto the countertop. Most of it looks worthy of the trash, except for one cream-colored envelope, which I rip open, pulling a letter from inside, and reading it through quickly. "Oh, God…"

"What's wrong?" Drew says, sounding concerned, and I turn to look at him.

"It's the show. It's been nominated for an award."

"That's great, isn't it?"

"Not really. I'm supposed to attend the ceremony, which is being held at a hotel in Boston. This is my invitation." I wave the letter, then drop it down on the countertop.

"Do you have to go?" he asks.

"According to that letter, as part of the contract I signed, I agreed that, if the show was ever nominated, I'd attend."

"Well… don't complain. You damn well earned it."

"Maybe. But Mac will be there, won't he?"

Drew shakes his head. "I doubt it. The studio fired him. I can't imagine they're gonna want him to be there." He has a point, although I still feel reluctant to attend.

"Surely I could just refuse, couldn't I?"

"You could. But there's a risk they'd sue you."

"They wouldn't, would they?"

"They might. Otherwise, why bother telling you it was part of your contract? Besides, Kennedy's like that, from what I've heard. And while I know you can afford a court case, do you need the hassle… and the stress?" He nods at my baby bump and I suck in a breath, wondering what to do. "Would it help if I said I'd come with you?" he says, surprising me.

"Could you?"

"Sure. When is it?"

I check the letter, spinning it around, so it's the right way up. "April eighteenth. It's a Thursday, evidently." I glance up at him. "How does that tie in with Lexi's due date?"

"She's due on the twenty-fifth, so I can't see it making a difference. I'd either be here or in Boston anyway… and you never know, if you go, you might even find out who really leaked Mac's secret to the press."

"Oh, I've already got my suspicions about that."

"You have?"

"Hmm… the more I've thought about it, the more I've come to realize it had to be Vivian."

"And who's Vivian?"

"She was the production assistant, and she absolutely hated me, right from the beginning. She wanted Mac to herself, and I guess she must have found out about us. I didn't realize she knew about his writing, and Mac didn't either, but she's the kind of person who'd have made it her business to find out about him."

"There's no-one else?"

I shake my head, then take a sip of tea. "Not that I can think of. No-one else had a motive. Mac was right about that. Kennedy had nothing to gain from telling the press about him, and I know I didn't do it, even if he didn't believe in me. The only thing that's never made sense to me is why Vivian hated me at first sight."

"Didn't you just say she wanted Mac? Isn't that a good enough reason for her to get her claws out?"

"It would be, but Mac and I didn't get together until halfway through the recordings. Vivian's dislike of me was instant, literally from the moment I first said my name."

Drew's face pales, and he clamps his hand across his mouth. "Oh… God."

His words are muffled, but I can make them out well enough. "What's wrong?"

He lets his hand fall and shakes his head. "I think this is my fault."

"What?"

"Vivian's dislike of you… and possibly her leaking of Mac's secret to the press, assuming she's responsible, of course."

"How can it be your fault?"

"Because I once dated someone called Vivian," he says. "And she was looking to get into either film or television production. Do you remember this woman's last name?"

I think for a moment. "Riley? No Reid. That was it… Reid."

"That's her. Vivian Reid."

"When did you date her?" I ask, pushing the invitation aside and leaning a little closer to him.

"I don't know… three, maybe four years ago."

"Why did you stop?"

"Why did I ever stop seeing women? She wanted more than I was willing to give, so I broke it off. She wasn't happy about it."

"Clearly." I narrow my eyes at him, and he holds up his hands, like he's surrendering.

"I'm sorry, Sis. I guess she must have heard your name and realized who you were."

"How, though? Ours isn't the most unusual last name in the world, so how would she have made the connection? Kennedy didn't. She had to ask me about it."

"I probably mentioned you," he says, biting on his bottom lip. He looks really contrite, but there's no point in him being sorry.

Not now.

Funnily enough, I think it was discovering Vivian's connection to Drew that made me determined to attend tonight's ceremony… if only to confront her. Drew's right, the studio won't want Mac to be there, and I'm damned if I'm going to let Vivian get away with ruining his career and our relationship, just because of something my brother did.

I don't think he was particularly keen to renew his acquaintance with her, but he'd said he'd come with me, and that's why he's sitting beside me in the car… although I'm driving, because he's staying on in Boston after the ceremony, while I'll be going straight back to Newport. In the end, our plans worked out even better than Drew expected, because when he told Lexi what was happening, she surprised him by announcing she was coming to Boston for a few days.

"She wants to spend some time with her sister before the baby's born," Drew said, when he called and told me. "Personally, I think she's insane, traveling here so soon before the baby's due, but she says she's bored, and I can't stop her."

"If she's spending time with her sister, does that mean you'll get to see her?"

"Lexi? Yeah. A friend of hers is bringing her here on the Thursday we're going to your award ceremony. She's got an interview, or something on the Friday morning – the friend, that is, not Lexi. And I've said I'll drive her home on the Sunday, to make things easier for her."

"And her sister? Will you see her, too?"

"Not if I can help it. I've avoided it so far… and I'll keep right on doing so, if I can."

"Forever?"

I heard him sigh. "I don't know. At the moment, I'm still in love with her. I can't face the thought of seeing her. It's too hard… especially as there's every chance she's got another man in her life by now. I think I'd rather live in ignorance of that."

I knew how he felt. I still do. It might have been months since I last saw Mac, but if I thought for one minute he was going to be at this ceremony tonight, I'd be speeding in the opposite direction.

There's only so much I can take…

And it seems the same thing applies to Drew.

"What's it like, knowing the sex of your baby?" he asks, out of the blue.

I glance over at him, smiling, and I shrug my shoulders, taking a hand from the steering wheel and gently rubbing my bump. "In one way, I suppose it spoils the surprise a bit, but in other ways, it's easier. I knew what color to decorate the nursery, and when I get around to buying clothes, I'll know what to get… I guess." I've bought a couple of things already. I got them on the day I first felt the baby move, when I was missing Mac even more than usual. Somehow, buying a few things for our baby made me feel like a normal mom in waiting, although my empty apartment reminds me every day that there's nothing ‘normal' about this at all.

He sighs. "Lexi didn't want to know what she's having…"

"But you did?"

"Yeah. I could hardly force her though, could I?"

"Not really."

"Have you thought of any names yet?" he asks.

"None whatsoever. What about you?"

"Lexi wants Xavier if it's a boy… and Maisie if it's a girl."

I frown at him. "Xavier?"

"Yeah."

"I take it you're hoping for a girl?"

He chuckles. "I always was, to be honest."

"You want a girl?"

"Yeah."

I smile, unable to help myself. "Would you be offended if I told you how proud I am of you?"

He twists in his seat slightly, but I don't turn to face him. We're coming into the city and I need to concentrate.

"No, but I can't see what I've done to make anyone proud. If I hadn't got Lexi pregnant…"

"It's easy to be wise after the event. The point is, you've done the right thing. You've changed your life. You've adjusted your work to fit in with Lexi."

I rest my hand on my bump for a moment, then indicate, taking a left-hand turn.

"Do you have any regrets?" he asks.

"About this? No. But I regret what happened between me and Mac."

"That it happened in the first place, or that it ended?"

"That it ended. I can't regret what we had. I still love him, Drew, and I think I always will."

He puts his hand on my knee, just for a second, and then withdraws it as we both stare out the windshield, sighing, and full of regret for things we can't change.

***

Mac

I really don't want to be here.

I'm standing by the sign announcing the Daytime TV Awards, in the foyer of one of the most prestigious hotels in Boston, surrounded by too many people. My collar feels too stiff and my bow tie feels too tight around my neck, like between them, they're determined to choke me.

Or is that just nerves?

It must be, because I've been feeling like this ever since I landed at Logan International two days ago.

I'm staying with Calvin, and he's done his best to take my mind off tonight, and how awful it has the potential to be. The problem is, he's only been looking at it from the perspective of me having to meet the people who fired me. He has no idea that what's really troubling me is the thought of facing Ella for the first time in months.

She's going to be here… I know that.

When the invitation pinged into my inbox back in February, my initial instinct was to send back an immediate ‘Hell, no'.

I didn't. Instead, I walked away from my computer and went upstairs to see Henry, in a state of shock.

"It's an honour," he said, once I'd explained my distress. "I know it wasn't your fault things ended the way they did with the studio, but at least they had the manners to invite you."

He had a point, although it wasn't one I wanted to consider.

"You don't think they might have an ulterior motive?" I asked.

He frowned. "Like what?"

"I don't know… showing me up in public, or something."

"No. Why would they want the negative publicity of doing something like that? It seems to me you're fishing for excuses not to go."

He was right about that, and no longer being the ‘Meal Master' seemed like a reasonable one to me. Moira agreed.

"I don't think you should go," she said, when I mentioned it to her that evening. We'd met in the pub, which is something we've been doing since Christmas. It's not a regular thing, but she'll call every so often and if I'm not bogged down in a plot twist, I'll usually go along for an hour or two.

"Why not?" I stared across the table at her, hoping she'd come up with a valid reason for me to decline the invitation.

"They fired you, Mac. You don't owe them anything. Why should you go to their silly awards ceremony?"

I doubted they thought the awards were ‘silly'. I knew how seriously they took these things, and that just to be nominated was a privilege.

Obviously, Moira didn't realise that Ella would be involved. I've never told her that Ella and I worked together. In fact, I've never discussed Ella with her at all, since that first night.

Even so, Moira's reasons made sense to me, and I mulled them over for a few days, trying to work out what to do.

In the end, the deciding factor and the reason I'm standing here, trying not to choke on my bow tie and my nerves, was Delilah.

She called a few days after I received the invitation to let me know that there's a production company interested in serialising my books, and I told her about the awards.

"You have to go." She put so much emphasis on the word ‘have', I was quite taken aback.

"Have you forgotten what they did to me?"

"Of course not, but you need to be there. I seem to remember there being a clause about it in your contract, but more important than that, it'll look like sour grapes if you don't go, and no-one's gonna want to be associated with you if you behave like a diva."

"Do I sound like I care? I'm happy writing."

"Blake…" She sounded tetchy, and I braced myself for the hurricane I knew was about to hit me from three thousand miles away. "I'm working my ass off here, trying to get you a good deal with the production company. The last thing I need is for you to start pissing people off."

"I'm not even sure I want to get back into television."

"Don't be pathetic. If I can get the deal we want, this contract is gonna be worth a small fortune, and your involvement would be minimal."

I didn't particularly like the sound of either of those things. It had never been about the money for me, and while I was enjoying the security of the advance the publishers had paid me, I wasn't worried about earning ‘a small fortune' at the expense of my sanity. As for having minimal involvement in my own stories…

"Delilah… I'm really not certain I want…"

"Just let me put the deal together, will you? Then you can come over and meet everyone involved, look at the ideas they've got in mind, and decide. Okay?"

I sucked in a breath, wondering what I was letting myself in for. "Okay."

"But in the meantime, book yourself a goddamn flight to Boston, and attend that award ceremony."

I did as I was told… not so much because I was worried about the contract, but because she was right; it would look like sour grapes if I didn't show up.

Ever since I booked the flight and spoke to Calvin about staying with him, I've been bracing myself for seeing Ella again.

I've done nothing but dream about her since I got back to London… not just when I'm asleep, but when I'm awake, too. I relive every moment; even the times before we got together, when we argued most of the time… when her attempted apologies led to insults. I wish more than anything that I could go back and do it all again. Except for her betrayal… obviously.

No, that's not true. The thing I wish for most is that we could just be together again. Regardless of her betrayal.

I know it won't happen, though.

She ignored my call and didn't respond to my message. She obviously has no need for me anymore, even if I need her, like I need to draw breath.

I can't put this off any longer and, with a heavy heart and a nervous tingle down my spine, I step forward, opening the doors into the main hall.

It's heaving with guests and I stop, looking around, hoping to see someone I'm familiar with. There are too many people here, though, and I shake my head, wondering what to do, just as I spot a seating plan, and wander over, taking a moment to find the table for ‘Meal Masters', which is just to the left of centre, and two rows back.

Now I know where I'm going, I wend my way through the crowds of sycophants, patting each other on the back and making all the right noises about each other's success, until I see Gavin, in a tux, standing at the side of a table. He's with Kennedy and Ruby… and unfortunately, Vivian is there, too. I'd forgotten about her, and even as I'm taking in how different they all look in long dresses, with their hair up, I steel myself for her reactions.

There's no sign of Ella, and for a moment, I wonder if maybe she's not here after all, until Kennedy moves aside and I see her sitting on the opposite side of the table…

My heart lurches to a stop in my chest, and I stand for a moment, just gazing at her perfect face. She looks divine, her hair still in that gorgeously messed-up style I love so much. She's talking to the man beside her. His face is obscured, tilted towards hers, engrossed in their conversation, both of them blissfully unaware of my presence.

I can't walk. My feet won't work, and as hard as I try to move, I'm stuck here… staring, watching as the man places his hand over hers, and my heart shatters. It was already broken, but now there's nothing left of it… just a hollow void in my chest, where it used to be.

This can't be happening.

She's here with another man?

How could she do that?

Even as I'm struggling to breathe, the man pulls his hand away and they both look up at the same time. I'm struck by how handsome he is, and that there's something vaguely familiar about him… but I don't dwell. My eyes are naturally drawn to Ella, and I struggle not to gasp as I notice how pale she is… and the look in her eyes.

It's shock, bordering on fear.

What's that about, Ella? What do you think I'm going to do?

"Blake… how lovely to see you." Kennedy's voice startles me and I drag my eyes from Ella, turning to greet my former boss. She holds out a hand, which I take, and she uses the opportunity to pull me closer. I'm feeling weak enough to let her, even if it means I'm standing right beside Vivian.

She looks up into my face, fluttering her eyelashes at me. "It's not the same since you left," she whispers.

"I'm sure it's a lot easier, working with someone who can actually cook." I glance across at Ella, but she's talking to the man beside her, and although I'm dying to ask how she's getting on in front of the cameras, I don't get the chance.

"Shall we all sit?" Kennedy says, taking charge, as usual.

She makes a point of seating me beside her, and fortunately Ruby is to my left, leaving Vivian on the other side of Kennedy, next to Gavin. I'm directly opposite Ella, but she's currently got her head bowed, staring at her lap.

"Where's Linus?" I ask to distract myself, and Kennedy blushes.

"He's up for two awards tonight, and he's chosen to sit with the other team."

"Oh." I can tell how much that hurts, and I almost want to smile.

"Still… I understand you're doing well for yourself," she says. "I've heard rumours about a possible TV show based on your books. Is that correct?"

"I leave all that to my agent."

She smiles. "Very diplomatic."

Ruby leans in to me and I turn to face her. "You're doing okay, though, aren't you?"

I smile. "Yes. For a second-rate actor and would-be author, I'm doing great, thanks." I know that was a cheap jibe, but I can't help it, and I glance over at Ella. She must have heard me, but she doesn't react. She doesn't even raise her head.

Kennedy coughs, and I turn around again. "I—I'm sorry about that," she says, confusing me.

"Sorry about what?"

"The press took some of my words out of context."

"Some of your words?" What's she talking about?

"Yes. I had to put some space between you and the show, but…"

I sit forward, clenching my hands together on the table in front of me. "What do you mean, Kennedy? It was Ella who spoke to the press."

She frowns, shaking her head. "Ella? Why would Ella have done that?"

Dear God… what have I done? My stomach feels like lead, and even though I know Ella's still there, I can't look at her now. I'm too ashamed of everything I said… everything I did. "W—Why would you?"

"Because when the network told me they were going to recommission the show, they also revealed that they wanted us to use real members of the public for the second season. There was no way I could keep you on… not when you couldn't cook and barely knew your way around the kitchen. They wanted us to let the guests ask questions during the show, too, instead of working to a script. It was going to be impossible with you at the helm, so rather than having someone else ‘out' you during production, I did it myself."

"And painted the studio as the victims of my supposed fraud while destroying my reputation?" She didn't just destroy my reputation, she destroyed my life, but I can't say that here… and anyway, I'm the one to blame for what happened. I'm the one who jumped to conclusions.

"I had no choice."

Is she kidding? "What about coming to see me? What about talking it through with me? Did that ever occur to you?"

She shrugs her shoulders, shaking her head. "No. Not really. We needed a quick change of personnel… one the public would buy. There wasn't time for negotiations. And besides, that wasn't the only reason I had to let you go."

"Oh? What else had I done wrong?"

She places her hand over mine, but I pull them both away. "You'd become too damned popular."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. By the end of the first season, over ninety percent of the correspondence we were getting was about you. It had nothing to do with the recipes, or with future questions. It was just about you."

"Perhaps because you'd made me pose semi-naked in all the publicity material. You made it about me, Kennedy. I didn't. You made it about how I look, and I was never comfortable with that. But I'm not responsible for the way you marketed the show, or me."

"Maybe, but you're what made the show popular. So, I had no choice other than to drop you. The studio wanted to franchise ‘Meal Masters' in other countries, and that meant the star couldn't be bigger than the show. The only way for a franchise to work is for the show to be the star. That's why we wanted Ella."

I always knew the woman was a bitch, but that takes the cake. I lean over slightly. "Didn't you get it?"

"Get what?"

"I was just a front… an actor playing a part. Ella was always the star, not me."

I hear a cry from the other side of the table and look up in time to see Ella leap from her seat, revealing the most beautiful dress. It's a dusky grey, with a sash around the waist, which draws my attention to the fact that where she once had a perfectly flat stomach, there's now a definite bump. I suck in a gasp, just as she places her hand over it, with all the protective instincts of a mother-to-be, and then she turns and runs.

My mouth drops open and I jump up, staring after her as she ducks between the tables.

I'm no expert, but that bump can only mean one thing. She's carrying my child. Except that can't be. She'd have told me. She'd never have kept something like that to herself…

"One of us needs to go after her." Ella's companion speaks and I turn at the sound of his voice. He's frowning up at me, and once again, I'm struck by a strange familiarity.

"Do I know you?" I ask.

"Yes. I took the photographs of you semi-naked, as you put it."

"Oh… of course." I guess that's how they met. Maybe he had to take Ella's photographs, too, when she started leading the show. "Are you and Ella…?" I can't bring myself to finish that question, but he smiles, shaking his head.

"I'm her brother."

My relief is overwhelming. "You're Hunter?"

"No, I'm Drew. Now, get after her, or I will. And I don't think that's what either of you really wants."