Chapter 5

Tajah: Chapter 5

I had to have heard him wrong. There's no way Mikhail freaking Ivanova not only lifted my ban but volunteered to be my BDSM mentor. I must've hit my head and didn't realize it. Or I was asleep and this was a dream. Yeah, that was it, and since it was a dream or a hallucination, I laughed.

His brow furrowed. "What's so funny?"

"The fact I imagined this whole conversation and in it you just told me you want to be my mentor for your club. I need to wake up and write this down before I forget it," I mused. I turned my back on him and reached for my laptop. I picked it up and woke it up. I opened one of the documents where I kept notes and started to type. I stopped when the couch shifted. I glanced up to find him still here.

"Tajah, you're not dreaming. I did tell you that I'll be your mentor at Lustz. It's the only way I can be sure you don't get into trouble and my club and patrons aren't hurt."

I stopped typing. "How would that even work? You're the owner. I know you have to be extremely busy. You don't have time to follow me around or to sit and answer all my questions. I have a ton. If you insist I need a mentor, why not Reuben or someone else you trust?"

He scowled at me. "Let me worry about how I do it. Either you agree with me or no deal."

I could see he was dead serious, so I hurried to answer him. "Agreed. So when do we get started?"

We spent a few more minutes setting up my schedule for the rest of the week. We exchanged phone numbers, and he instructed me on how often to use the arnica cream. I was still stunned when he left. I had so much to think about and plan.

I was nervous as I approached the door to the House of Lustz. I didn't know what to expect from Mikhail. Would he become impatient with all my questions? Would he change his mind and have another person mentor me? Or worse, would he decide his first decision was the right one after all and ban me again?

I'd dressed with care tonight. I wanted to look like what I wanted to project. A confident, successful, attractive woman. During my past visits, I'd dressed nicely, no ratty sweats and a t-shirt, but I'd kept things low-key. Tonight, I wasn't dressed in a leather catsuit nor were most of my goodies hanging out for the world to see, but I was wearing different clothes than I'd ever worn here. Cady had picked it out for me and insisted I wear it.

It was a black jumpsuit, but it hugged my boobs and was low cut so you could see my cleavage. The top was held up by thin straps. On the front where my lower ribs and upper stomach were, there were slits in it to expose small sections of skin. I paired it with three-inch heels and a short leather jacket. My hair, I left down long, and I'd gone to the trouble of applying a little more makeup than I typically wore. It was like what I would do if Cady and I were going out dancing or to a regular club.

Hoss was at the door, which was expected. It was Thursday night. He and I had talked a few times, and he'd told me which nights he worked. He was a huge guy who could crush me with one hand, but I found once you got to know him, he was sweet, as long as you didn't step out of line. I smiled at him as I got to the door. "Hi, Hoss, how's tricks?" I asked him with a wink. It was an inside joke.

He whistled. "Goddamn, woman, are you trying to cause a riot going in there dressed like that? Fuck, that's hot. Bossman is gonna lose his mind when he sees you."

"Why? What's wrong with it? Too dressy? Do I look wrong?" I asked, my anxiety rising. Why did I listen to Cady?

"Whoa, calm down. You don't look bad and it's sexy, but still dressy. I've never seen you in anything like this or with your hair down. Damn, woman, you have a ton of hair."

"You're sure? I mean, I know a lot of the women in there dress much more revealing than this. I was trying to boost my confidence. Why would Mikhail lose his mind if I don't look bad?"

"Why the hell would you need a confidence boost?" he asked, frowning.

"Come on, you see some of them. They're so sexy and gorgeous. It's kinda demoralizing to the rest of us. I didn't want to embarrass Mikhail when people see us together. Maybe I should go home and change."

I turned to walk back to my car, but I was halted when he gently latched onto my arm and tugged me back toward him. I stumbled, as I lost my balance in my heels. I thought I'd fall, but Hoss caught me. Damn, he was like a brick wall. I looked up at him. It was a long way up, too. He was taller than Mikhail.

"There's no need to go home and change. You could never embarrass anyone, especially Bossman. You're gorgeous and sexy," he told me with a smile.

I was about to thank him, when a deep gruff almost growling voice stopped the words in my throat. They came from behind Hoss. "Mind telling me what the fuck is going on out here? Why do you have Tajah in your arms, talking about how gorgeous and sexy she is?"

Hoss turned sideways, which let me see Mikhail. He looked pissed. Hoss let go of me and stepped away from me. "Hey, Mikhail, it's not what it looks like. Tajah was worried about how she's dressed. I was assuring her she looked good. She stumbled, so I caught her to keep her from falling. As for the sexy and gorgeous part, she was comparing herself to the other women here, and I was telling her she had nothing to worry about in that department. Look at her. Doesn't she look amazing?"

I flushed as Mikhail dragged his gaze from my face to my toes and back again. He took his time, too. It was all I could do not to squirm. When he made it back to my face, I swore I saw desire in his eyes, but it had to be a trick of the fading light.

"You have nothing to worry about. There's no comparison. You look beautiful. Come with me so Hoss can do his job. We can't have him distracted, can we?"

I hesitated only for a moment, then I took the hand Mikhail had extended to me. As I took it, I swear a zap or something went up my arm. I gasped and tried to pull away, but he held on tight. He tucked my hand over his arm and escorted me inside. He was greeted by the lady at the bead table as I called it. She gave me a curious look. It took a second to remember her name was Laura. I smiled at her. "Hello, Laura," I said.

She nodded and said it back before addressing Mikhail. "Have you gotten caught up on your work, Mikhail? It's so good to have you back. It's not the same without you."

There was an undertone to her voice, which made me think she was being more than innocently friendly. If I wasn't wrong, she liked him. Glancing at him, I don't think he'd picked up on it. He was smiling politely.

"I got a lot of it done. Reuben did an excellent job doing most of it while I was gone. Hopefully, tonight will be a busy one. If you have any problems, let Hoss or one of the others know. If you'll excuse us, we have some business to conduct." As he led me away, she stared hard at us. Or I should say me. Yep, she was into him.

"Business? What business?" I asked him.

"We need to talk in my office," he muttered. He took me to the elevator. However, when we got on, he put his hand on a shiny panel. I knew from last time it was taking us to the third floor even if he hadn't told me. No one could just get on the elevator and go to that floor. I didn't blame him for protecting his office.

When we stopped and the door opened, we only had to walk straight out and across the hall to his office. He used his palm again to get in. Inside, he led me to the leather couches. I sank down and he sat beside me. I tried to ignore how close he was, how handsome he looked, and the scent filling my lungs. He smelled so good. I subtly squeezed my thighs tight. He was making my body tingle and crave things I had no business craving, at least not from him. I was becoming slick and my nipples were hard. Thankfully, I had a strapless bra on and it kept them from showing through my jumpsuit.

I blamed it on my long dry spell. People assumed since I wrote romances and they were steamy, that I must have wild sex all the time. They'd laugh their ass off if they knew the truth. It had been so long since I'd been with a man, I forgot what it felt like. Well, okay, maybe not that, but it was hazy. It had been three years, almost four. My only fun was the battery-operated kind. At least it was always hard, available, and faithful.

I shoved those thoughts away. I wasn't here to lament over my boring life. I was here to learn and to come up with some wonderful ideas for my new series. I was nervous, but also excited about writing a whole new subgenre and different tropes. I broke the awkward silence.

"What business do you want to discuss? Are there some additional forms I have to sign?"

He shook his head. "No, no forms. I wanted to talk to you about this outfit and the rules for tonight, Hell, the rules for every night. Why did you wear this? It's nothing like what you had on the night I met you."

"Why are you and Hoss making a big deal out of it? If it looks that bad, just tell me. I'll go home and change. In fact, I'll be back. It shouldn't take me more than an hour. It's still early. Or if you can't wait, I'll come back tomorrow night."

"Tajah, don't you dare leave. There's nothing wrong with your outfit, other than I'll be fighting off guys and even some gals all night. I was already prepared for it, but not to the level this will cause. I'm not sure how much observing or talking we'll get done." He sounded put out.

"Mikhail, you don't have to do this. I can wander around and observe like I did before, and if I have a question, I'll ask Reuben or someone." I offered him an out. I ignored his assumption about people needing to be fought off. I had no worries about that. Dominus was gone, after all. Maybe he was regretting offering to be my mentor.

"No way. It's me and you. You look stunning. Now, here's what I want us to do. We'll go down to the floor for a bit and walk around. You can tell me what things interest you. Maybe we'll find some scenes that catch your attention. After we get our fill of those, we'll come up here. That way you can have privacy to ask me anything, which you might not want to ask where others might hear you. But first, I thought we could do private people watching." He stood and went to a far wall. He opened a hidden panel and pushed a button. The wall slid back, and it became a wall filled with screens. They showed the first and second floors.

I got up to get closer. The bulk of them showed the second floor, which made sense to me. It was the one that was most likely to have issues. Seeing the different views, I thought of something. "Is this how you knew what Dominus was doing to me that night?"

He shook his head. "No, I was down on the floor and I happened to glance your way and I saw him. I tried to get to you as fast as I could, but there were too many people in my way. I'm sorry I didn't."

"You don't need to apologize. As much as you try, there's no way you can eliminate all problems or bad apples here. This is so cool. What if you're not here to monitor these? I can't see you doing this every night, all night."

He laughed. "I don't. There's a security office on the second floor. Reuben has an office there too. They're tucked away. There are people in there who monitor camera feeds very much like this. It's their job to see stuff. They didn't catch you and Dominus because you were in a blind spot. We fixed that oversight, by the way."

You could see all the platforms where scenes happened on some of the screens. The private rooms weren't on them. As I ran my eyes over them, I had to ask. "Mikhail, is it permissible to ask you personal questions or is that too much?"

"What personal things do you want to know?" His voice deepened.

"Seeing all these, I wondered if they were for more than security. Are you a voyeur? If you don't want to answer, I understand."

"Before I answer, let me explain something. Let's sit again," he suggested. I quickly followed him back and we sat on the couch together.

"Most people in our community aren't just attracted to one kind of kink. We can have several of them, although we usually have a predominant one or two and then lesser ones. Over time, you can become interested in new ones. Some may become less important as time goes by. We're always growing and changing like everyone else." He paused as he studied me. I nodded so he knew I understood what he was saying. Then he answered my question.

"Yes, voyeurism is one of my kinks, although not my main one."

"May I ask what you get out of it?"

"First, let me say I'm not into the type of voyeurism they call criminal voyeurism. That type is when one has sexual desire or behaviors, which come from someone's distress, injury, or death. No way does someone unwilling or unable to give legal consent do a thing for me. Mine is purely the consensual kind. I get turned on by seeing provocative things such as undressing, nakedness, and sex. Everyone who decides to perform outside of the private rooms knows they'll be watched. They want that because they're an exhibitionist to some degree. Therefore, consent is given by the mere fact they do it out in the open."

He showed no embarrassment in sharing this with me. I'd gotten out my notebook and was jotting down a few points. As I did, he asked me a question. "Now, it's your turn. Are you into it? Do you like the things you've seen so far down there? Does it turn you on? Do you like porn? That's voyeurism at its simplest."

I nibbled on my lower lip. I didn't know if I should share mine, but as I thought about it, I knew it wasn't fair to ask him or anyone else to bare their souls to me, and then have me tell them nothing. "I never actually thought about it as voyeurism, but yes, I enjoyed watching the different demos and the encounters down there and I do like watching porn."

"And what about exhibitionism? Do you like that, too? Do you want people to watch you tied up, maybe being spanked, or having a man strip you naked and doing things to you as he makes you scream for more?" His tone turned guttural. My breathing picked up as what he said triggered so many images in my mind. He leaned close and whispered the next part.

"There's so much you don't know about this world, and I can help you explore it all. What I need is for you to be open to it, and to communicate with me. Communication is the first lesson you must learn. Without it, this whole thing falls apart. You can't be embarrassed to ask questions, or to tell me what you want to know. Shame, embarrassment, and preconceived notions belong in the outside world, not here, just like judgment doesn't. Can you do that for me, Tajah?"

God, I wanted to do that, and be free to explore to my heart's content. My issue was, I didn't know if I could. There were things that were holding me back. However, he said communication was key, so I had to tell the truth.

"I want to, Mikhail. You have no idea how badly I do, but there are things, history, which make me hesitate to do it. Being open with someone the way you want makes you vulnerable. My past experiences say being vulnerable ends up hurting you more. People rarely are what they seem."

"We can work on that. It's not about getting there all in one night. Sometimes, it can take a lifetime. How about I make you this promise? I won't push you beyond what I think you can handle, and I'll be just as honest and open with you as you are with me. We'll be vulnerable together. We'll protect each other, together."

My heart seemed to skip a beat at his offer. Staring at him, I noticed he was patiently waiting for my answer. It took me a minute or so to make my decision. When I did, I prayed I wouldn't regret it. Something told me, if he betrayed me, it would hurt a thousand times worse than anything from my past.

"I must be crazy, but my answer is yes. I will if you will. God, I hope you know what you're proposing, Mikhail. This could go very wrong."

"It could, but it won't. I promise. Now, let's go see what we can find downstairs. I want you to stick close to me. No wandering off on your own." He stood up and held out his hand to help me up, as he issued this demand. His tone told me it was a demand, not a suggestion. I chose to not push back unless it became a problem.

"Are you worried someone will do what Dominus did?" I asked worriedly. I thought it was supposed to be safe here.

"It's very unlikely. I'm more worried they'll follow you around like a pack of slobbering dogs. I don't want to have to kill anyone tonight. This is a new suit and bloodstains are a bitch to get out," he said with a grin. I couldn't help but laugh as I took his hand. My gut told me tonight would change my life. Was it for the better? Only time would tell.

An hour later, I had to concede that Mikhail might've been right. There seemed to be a lot more attention on me, but I wasn't so sure it had anything to do with the way I was dressed. I think it had more to do with who I was with. Having him standing beside me, holding my hand most of the time, and him never leaving my side, caught a lot of people's attention. They were curious in some instances, and outright jealous in others. I could tell by the hateful looks I got from a ton of women and even some men. They'd give or do anything to be in my place.

When someone would ask if we were together, rather than telling them he was mentoring me, Mikhail would smile and not answer them. Whenever I tried to clear it up, he'd run a finger across my mouth, which effectively shut me up because my brain went haywire. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was seriously into me. However, that couldn't be the case. It had to be because he didn't want them to know about our deal, so he wouldn't be inundated with requests to be others' tutor. He'd never have a moment's rest. Once I realized that, I stopped trying to tell them the truth. He was doing me a huge favor, and I wouldn't repay him by making things hard for him.

It was a whole different experience watching the various demos and scenes happening on the second floor with him. He was constantly pointing out things and filling me in on so much I had no idea about. I tried to scribble fast to take notes but it was impossible. After the first few times, he took my notebook away. I protested.

"Mikhail, I need that! There's no way in the world I can remember everything."

"There'll be plenty of time later for you to get all the notes you possibly can need. We'll go over this again where it's quiet and we can take our time. Right now, I just want you to watch, listen, and feel. If you have questions, ask. Let me guide you. You're in safe hands." That reassured me. I put it back in my bag.

Currently, we were watching a couple having an impact play scene. Her ass was really red, and she cried out every time the man with her landed a smack with the strap he had. I knew it had to hurt, but her cries were a mix of pain with pleasure. The expression on her face showed the same.

"How can that be pleasurable?" I asked without thinking.

Mikhail gave me a searching glance. "Haven't you ever been spanked?"

"Only as a child and it wasn't something I liked."

He laughed. "Most of us didn't like it either. This is different from that. Spanking in this context can do many beneficial things. It can release you from feeling responsibility or stress. Some do it to explore power roles and others use it to work through trauma or negative emotions. It can be soothing and relaxing for many. There are even psychological benefits to spanking, such as decreased mental activity, meaning it slows down racing thoughts, or the inability to shut down your brain, and can increase your concentration."

"So when I can't sleep due to my mind not shutting off or I need to concentrate on writing and can't seem to do it, all I need is a good spanking?"

"Maybe. You'd have to experiment and see if you like it and get the benefits you desire," he softly responded.

I didn't bother to reply, but I watched the woman even closer. I felt hot and my clothes were feeling tighter. I was having trouble not picturing myself as the woman up there. And the man with me was none other than Mikhail. God, I had to stop this. I couldn't be having fantasies about him! He was here to teach me, not let me practice with him.

The whole reason I decided to write about the kink world wasn't because it was the "in" thing to write. It was due to my own inner desire to know more about it. I'd read and heard just enough to intrigue me, and some of my secret thoughts and feelings had led me to this. They were secret because I'd never had the guts to tell anyone about them, for fear they'd think there was something wrong with me. As I did more research for the series, I discovered many people felt this way at first, but it wasn't about what a lot of people thought it was. His remarks about being deviants had resonated with me.

Not that I'd had anyone to do it with anyway. My luck with men hadn't been good. Case in point, take a look at my ex-husband and my two boyfriends after him. Sex and intimacy had never been satisfying with them. I knew sex wasn't the only thing important in a relationship. Intimacy and a host of other things played a part. When you didn't have any of those and the sex wasn't anything to rave about, how could it work? Sure, I guess you might stay together for the sake of children. Thank God, I'd never had any with those three. I wanted kids, but not with them. As each year took me closer and closer to forty, I knew my chances were slimmer and slimmer it would happen. Yes, women could have children now into their forties, but the risks were higher, too.

Now wasn't the time for a trip down memory lane. I needed to pay attention and not waste this opportunity. It was this thought which got me out of my past and back into the present. When we were done watching them, we ambled around to see if anything else caught our attention. Mikhail headed for the bar. As soon as the bartender saw him, he was over to us in a flash. I guess being the boss did have perks. There were people waiting, but the bartender left them without a qualm.

"Master M, what can I get you and the lady?"

"Jack, I'll have my scotch. Delilah, what would you like?" He'd been careful to use my club name tonight. I worked to remember to call him by his.

"Can I have a virgin mojito, please?"

"Of course, you can. A virgin mojito for the lady coming right up," Jack said with a smile before he walked off.

I heard Mikhail make a faint grunting sound. When I looked up at him, his face had a bland expression on it. I guess it was someone else. He smiled down at me when he saw I was looking. "Don't you drink alcohol? Not that it matters. I'm just curious."

"I do, but not often and never when I'm out alone. You can't be too careful. My dad would haunt me if I did something that risky."

"It's a smart habit to have, but I can assure you, if you want to drink when I'm with you, go ahead. I'll make sure nothing happens to you and you'll get home safely. I see you're watching Jack closely. Have you had an incident with someone trying to dose your drinks? Where?" There was a growling quality to his voice when he asked. He appeared to be upset.

Before I could answer, Jack was back with our drinks. I took it with a nod. I was pleasantly surprised to see Mikhail hand him a nice tip. It went without saying, as the owner, he wasn't paying for the drinks. He took my elbow and led me to a couple of chairs out of the main traffic area. When we sat down, I replied to his questions. He was still frowning.

"No, I haven't been dosed, thank goodness, but I know it happens. My dad was a cop. He was always harping on me to be aware of my surroundings, to never accept a drink from anyone, not even the bartender, unless I watched him or her pour it. Drink bottles should only be drunk if you are the one who opens them. Things like that."

The tension eased from him. "Good. You can't be too careful, but with me, you're safe just in case you change your mind. You said he'd haunt you, so he's gone?"

"He is. I lost him five years ago to cancer. I'm lucky. I still have my mom. What about you? Do you have family and do they live close?"

I saw a slight tightening of his jaw. Oops, maybe I should keep my questions to those only pertaining to the club and the life. "You don't need to answer me, Mikhail… I mean, Master M. Sorry. I know it's personal."

"I have no issue with you asking me. And as for calling me Mikhail, everyone knows me here. I don't hide my true name. I only insist on Master M being used during play or specific moments though a lot of patrons and staff use it. I asked you about your family. It's only to be expected that you ask me about mine. I was trying to decide how to answer you.

"The truth is, I have family but they're not always around and we don't spend much time together due to their work and mine. I know if I need them, they'll be here for me, but I've been careful not to need them much. I grew up differently from them, and I naturally went a different path than they did. My parents are gone. I lost them many years ago. I never had any brothers or sisters, but I do have several cousins. You said you still have your mom. Tell me about her and do you have siblings? A lot of cousins?"

"My mom is very much a free spirit. She's always been someone who loves to try new things. It used to drive my dad crazy sometimes. He never knew what he might come home to find her involved in. It made it fun though as a kid, not so much as a teenager. You know how it is when you hit those years. Everything your parents do seems to be embarrassing. Anyway, I grew out of that. After she lost my dad, she was depressed for a few years and rarely left the house. As different as they were, they fit. She's out living again, which is great. I have two brothers, both younger than me, but they don't approve of what I do for a living, plus other things, so we're not close. As for cousins, yes, I have several of those, although many of my aunts and uncles are gone like my dad."

"Sorry about those lost, but your brothers, it's their loss not yours. You're a fascinating and intriguing woman. How about a toast? Here's to a grand adventure." He held up his glass. I lightly tapped mine against his before we both took a drink. Grand adventure wasn't the half of it, I thought.